no matter what i still love you

BTS reaction to their gf "keeping themselves"

May I request a bts reaction to where their S/o is “keeping” herself (not having sex with them) because of her self harm scars and weight and she thinks that if they see her naked that they’ll leave her. Thank you💓

i’ll alternate between weight and self harm scars for each member.

When you told him how you felt about your weight his eyes widened. He knew you were insecure but you didn’t think it was this bad. he pulled you into a hug and reassured you that he loved you no matter what happened before he met you.

Yoongi would be a bit sad. Sad that such a lovely girl would feel the need to harm herself. though he understood, he would still be upset about it. he would pull you onto his lap and hug you, whispering sweet things into your ear.

Hoseok would frown as you expressed your thoughts. he thought of you as the most beautiful person in the world and it upset him that you didn’t see yourself how he did. he would pepper kisses all over your “problem areas” (places you’re insecure abt) and make you smile.

Rap Monster/Namjoon:
He ran his fingers down your sides, almost tearing up at the sight. he never knew you had depression, let alone that it was this bad. he made sure that you hadn’t made any new marks before kissing your tear stained cheeks and telling you how much he loves you.

Having struggled with his weight himself, he understood what you were going through. he reassured you that your body weight didn’t matter to him, and that you are a perfect weight.

His smile immediately disappeared as you showed him your scars. He slowly ran his fingers over them with a saddened look on his face. he’d pull you onto his lap and play with your hair while telling you to never harm yourself again.

After you told him about your bad depression a while back and you showed him your scars he was confused. you always seemed happy and cheerful and he didn’t understand how someone could be sad enough to harm themselves. you explained that you didn’t do that anymore and he was relieved. he would then pull you into his arms and cuddle with you the rest of the night.

A/N: hey so i’m writing this on my phone and mobile tumblr won’t let me add gifs so i’ll add those once i can! sorry for not posting as much

- liv

I love stars

They are like constant in life. Even if everything else is changing, they will always be there.
Even if you cant always see them they will still be there.
And they are so beautiful when you can see them.
My Ouma used to tell me that when she died she would become my star so she could always watch over me and look after me.
And I think thats beautiful.
That the stars will always watch over you no matter what.

anonymous asked:

heY so my gf and i have almost been dating for a year and im so incredibly in love with her like everything just clicks and we get each other and it feels like no time has passed but also like we've known each other forever??? and i know i want to spend the rest of my life with her but we're so young still so its like am i going to end up with her for the rest of my life? i sure hope so! bc i think ive found my soulmate i feel so blessedt

djdjhdhdhd im so happy for you and ur gf babe!!!! honestly love and life work in funny ways and plus I’m just an 18 year old depressed lesbian on the internet so of course I can’t tell you what is and isn’t guaranteed but what I can tell you is make the most of your time together no matter how long that may be whether it’s 10 more days or 10 more years and love and appreciate her every single day

Neighbors by Smowkie (3139 words)

No matter what scenarios he could have come up with, seeing Derek Hale, his super handsome and single dad neighbor, looking slightly panicked with his hand still raised to knock was not what he expected.


Deputy Stiles and Single Dad Derek.

For the lovely @vanillawg, because it’s her birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day and that you enjoy this little thing. ♥

anonymous asked:

You think Jon will feel belonging to House Targaryen? As Jon has said "horseshit". They might try to push him to their House, truth he's not one of them no matter what they cook up there. Jon is Jon, Snow. I would hate if suddenly is made full Targ and all that stuff, it didn't happened with Starks, why should with them.

What would compel you to send something like this? Why would you read what was a long and positive piece of writing about why I love my ship and think you should come and send this in response?

In the new leaked dialogue for next week, Jon says, “I am not a Stark.” That’s twice in two weeks that he has emphasized that he still isn’t a Stark. 

So I ask you, why are they going to all this trouble if not to set it up where Jon could feel at home as a Targaryen in relation to Dany. I’m not trying to say that he is going to feel some kinship to the Targaryen history or anything. 

What I am saying is that we know from leaks that Drogon will trust him automatically. We can assume he will bond with and ride Rhaegal next year. 

We are getting proof that he is a legitimate Targ, not a bastard

So with all of this together, it seems natural to me that he would embrace his new identity and finally feel like he’s found his niche. Why are you so opposed to that? I’m not suggesting that his personality will change. I’m not suggesting he will stop loving the Starks or even live permanently outside the North. I’m saying that he will finally stop feeling like an outcast.

And if you are a fan of Jon’s character, that’s what you should want. Why would you want Jon always be a “Snow?” He can still go by the name Jon Snow, but why would you want Jon to always identify as a bastard? We know it causes him pain. I just can’t understand this mindset. 

anonymous asked:

my original ask went something along the lines of: I watched Vincent Zhou's free skate from Skate Detroit, and well, the similarity of the music cuts from his to Yuzuru Hanyu's R&J1 really caught my attention. The choreo felt very undeveloped and I can't help but think that people won't hesitate to compare the two programs. Yuzuru's version is a well known program, but with Vincent skating to something that sounds like a literal almost exact copy of Hanyu's R&J1....what do you think?


i’m sure many yuzuru fans can’t help but make that comparison, that’s understandable. it’s like how i can’t help but compare mirai’s miss saigon to satoko’s, because the music cuts are so similar and i loved the latter’s program so much. but there’s still room for me to evaluate and appreciate the new programs on their own terms. i highly doubt the similarities in music cuts will matter at all to the judges; it will mainly be fans who notice. vincent’s fs definitely needs more work, but there are parts of it that i like, and it’s still very early in the season. also, he attempted 5 quads. i think it’s inevitable that parts of the program will be emptier than if he had fewer quads. it’s unfortunate, but this is the reality of men’s skating at the moment. i think it’s likely that yuzuru’s r&j 1 would’ve also been emptier if he had attempted 5 quads at the age of 17. in any case, i hope vincent can grow into the program more as the season goes on, and improve his stamina. i think his SP will be the superior program for him next season, but i don’t hate his FS.

Different ways to draw trolls: A Chart

Tag where you’d be

Hey, you. Yeah, you. Reading this right now. Stop what you’re doing for a few minutes and read this, okay? It’s important. It’ll only take a few minutes, I promise.

Let me start off by telling you how incredibly brave you are. I’m serious. You’re living in an uncertain world, and you still woke up today. It doesn’t matter if you got out of bed. If you got dressed. You’re awake. You’re here, with us. With the community online that loves you. You’re here. You could have hidden yourself away today. But you didn’t. You were brave and came to be with your friends today.

You know what else, though? You’re a wonderful person. No, don’t argue. Just listen for now. It’s okay. You don’t have to believe it for it to be true. You have been through so much. It has made you stronger. You are so strong. That doesn’t mean you have to be strong all the time, though. You’re allowed to be weak. You’re allowed to need to lean on someone. It’s okay. Nobody is going to judge you for that. If they do, they must have forgotten that they’ve had to lean before, too.

You are not a mistake. You’re not worthless. You bring joy to peoples’ lives. You might not even know the people that you bring joy to, but they’re there. They exist. Just like others bring joy to your life. That’s an important thing to be a part of. We need more joy in the world. I’m so glad that you’re here to help with that. I’m so proud of you for being here.

You are wanted. You are needed. If something were to happen to you, there are people that would miss you. People who would ask what happened to you. There are people that care about your wellbeing. We love you. It’s okay to come to us when everything feels hopeless. You’re not worthless. I promise.

I’m so, so proud of you and so happy that you’re here, reading this right now. I’m so happy that you’re still with us. Please don’t go where your friends can’t follow. Nobody in the world can replace you.

You can keep scrolling now. Just remember that there’s someone out there that cares about you, okay? Have a good rest of your day.

Should you know that I will still be entirely yours, no matter where you are, no matter whose heart you carry in your arms. Should you know that I will always love you no matter the weather, no matter the time.
—  Lukas W. // Only yours no matter what
A Wrinkle In Time is The Most Amazing™

So you may have heard that the best Chris™ will be in a new Disney film coming up. Or perhaps you know that the director of 13th, Ava DuVernay is the first black woman to be given a $100m budget to make this movie. Or maybe you just saw the boss ass picture of Oprah in her full makeup.

Whatever it is, you’ve probably heard that this movie is happening. Now, I assume that many of you read the book growing up like I did, but in case you didn’t, I here to tell you why it is The Most Amazing™

1. It is a SMART sci-fi novel for children. It doesn’t pander. It is complex and goes into a lot of cutting edge science (from the 60’s when it was published) and was almost rejected because it was considered too “adult.”

2. It has a 12 year old female protagonist. Back in the 60’s you didn’t have a lot of women and girls as the leads of anything, and certainly not leads in a sci-fi world. But meet Meg Murray, the fucking best. She is totally subversive of so many tropes that males usually inhabit (angry and acts out because of an absent father, oldest sibling responsibility, etc.) , plus her own set of personality traits and struggles that just make her a really wonderful well rounded character. This is another reason why 20 something publishers rejected it back in the day. Also in case you didn’t hear STORM REID (12 Years A Slave) IS PLAYING HER AND I AM HYPE FOR THIS.

3.It’s a really beautiful marriage of science, magic, and religion. Meg is assisted by three Witches who guide her along a journey across time and space and they respect all three of these things, which I think is pretty remarkable. Plus, this means that the majority of the main characters are women.

4.It introduces children to the idea that their relationships with their parents will be complicated. While Meg loves her father (portrayed by Chris Pine) she comes to see that he, as all other authority figures are imperfect and that she must solve some things herself. Once again, the theme of a young woman claiming her own agency is a powerful one, and its accomplished in a really nuanced way.

5.Meg isn’t good at everything and that’s ok. The narrative reenforces that no one is perfect or good at everything but everyone has their own value and strength that uplift others. Meg begins the story feeling frustrated she isn’t as athletic as her 11 year old twin brothers, or a genius like her parents or 5 year old brother. She has another scene where it shows she struggles with the fact she isn’t nearly as remarkably beautiful as her mother (played by Gugu Mbatha-Raw) but in the end she learns her own talents still matter.

6.Lastly, it teaches that empathy, compassion, and love, are all strengths. I know were all reveling in Wonder Woman and how it had the theme that you can be both powerful and kind, strong and loving, so guess what YOURE GUNNA LOVE THIS STORY.

I’d really recommend checking out the book, and of course SUPPORTING THE HELL OUTTA THE MOVIE. I promise, it’s going to be something truly special.

  • Meet Park Jimin. born on October 13, 1995, in Busan. He is the main vocalist and dancer of BTS. 

Originally posted by kpopidolaegyooo

  • Before becoming this celestial creature who inspires youth to pursue their dreams, he was a child with none but a will to become either a chef or a police officer. 

Originally posted by taehnwnho

  • His dream will come to shape when he sees a south Korean artist named Rain. At the time he would laugh if he heard that years later he will have to dance to one of his songs in front of the world.

Originally posted by haru-haru10

  • He falls in love at 8th grade with dancing. A love he will keep dear … a love that will change his path forever.

Originally posted by haninnoona

  • He will work hard for his dream and get into Busan High School of Arts as the top student in modern dance, but will later transfer to Korea Arts High School where he will meet one of the 6 guys that will share his destiny: Kim Taehyung (V). 

Originally posted by bvng-moves

  • None of them knew at the time how valuable one will become to the other, that they will share smiles and pains and call each other soulmates.

Originally posted by vmonism

  • Seasons pass and Jimin will audition to BigHit, Sweaty palms and shaky voice, this shy guy will sing … was someone that scared and timid made for the stage? People who didn’t know of his duality will mock even the idea of it.  After a poor start caused by stress, fear will fade when it’s time to dance along with the judges' hesitation: he was a raw diamond. 

Originally posted by jiminimised

  • Jimin will get accepted into this small company, full of trainees with more experience and chances to debut than him. He said only later “as a trainee, I really didn’t know if I’d ever get to debut”. He used to be perceived as talented and showered with compliments by both his professors and parents in his hometown, arriving at Seoul. Negative thoughts will start to build up: “Why is everyone better than me? Do I have no talent? … Am I no good? Should I give up? Is this worth it”. Being a guy who hates losing he will ignore the hardship and just work harder.

Originally posted by bts-we-are-bulletproof

  • And indeed, hard work paid off. Jimin with only one year of training will join Big Hit’s first group: Bangtan Seonyondan. During BTS first year, he will have the chance to write a letter and read it to ARMYs. His face will carry his signature smile at first but word after word, memories of that harsh year will start to hit him … and tears will fall. He will say that he thought of giving up endless times and that he is thankful he did not.

Originally posted by btsleepy

  • During BTS first years, they were hated and belittled by many. Jimin who though debuting was the hardest thing will come to laugh at his naive past self. He will recall what made him come through that harsh year: “hard work”. Even if he is known to be the boy who helps and supports every member, he is the kind who tries to solve his own problems … He blames no one but himself. 

Originally posted by parkjiminz

  • He didn’t know at the time that he was feeding a complex he kept from the past that will lead to a dangerous situation: He will start viewing himself as “fat” and be more self-conscious about his appearance than ever. And so … *sigh* … 

Originally posted by jiminimised

  • he will start starving himself in a middle of a busy schedule where even sleep is a luxury, to shortly after fall into a big depression. Smiling during the day to cameras and …

Originally posted by wonhoslilmonster

  •  wiping sweat and tears training with all his might for hours. 

Originally posted by taehnwnho

  • Jimin called having abs a “homework”. ARMYs loved his abs … but no one knew the price the poor boy paid for the screams of the crowd.

Originally posted by btsdaddy

  • Receiving hate from others is hard, yet imagine hating your own self? we can hide from people yet we can’t run away from our thoughts.
  • Jimin is also the kind to help everyone but solves his own problems. A workaholic who hates losing and get veeery stubborn. The members even said, he is the scariest when he gets angry. 

Originally posted by destiellive

  • But Jin couldn’t stand seeing Jimin in constant pain so he got him out of it. It took Seokjin time and effort but it was worth it as his junior started to eat regularly and accept that he too can have flaws. 

Originally posted by kim-aris

  • All of this situation made Jimin grow not only as an artist but also as a person, to become idolized by many. People tend to think Jimin was naturally good at all he does. Jungkook’s words when he described JM will quickly tell you otherwise “He tries the hardest! He watches music videos all day long … When I watch him, he looks cool”

Originally posted by eatupbangtan

  • He is the protégé of both BTS, the managers and the whole fandom so no one can refuse him a favor. 

Originally posted by jeimin

  • Have you ever thought why did Jimin not release any cover song alone? Most people learn from their mistakes but there are some that prefer to not allow any. As Jimin stated in both Bon Voyage S2 and BTS Wings concept book, he is still not pleased by his singing. 

Originally posted by blackandwhitebangtan

  • People mostly say “I like Jimin’s voice” when he worked so hard he wants to hear “Jimin sang well” because a good voice is something you are born with, singing well is something you learn and work hard to achieve. 

Originally posted by notkimtaehyung

  • There is no way we can change Jimin’s way of thinking, but maybe we can choose better words and simply stand by him the way Jin and the members did in the past.

Originally posted by haninnoona

  • Jimin is like a moon reflecting all the light he gathers on us with a smile. Yet where we stand no matter what, we will never see his dark side. Neitherless, we still know it’s there. 

Originally posted by lavender-kills

  • You may probably already adore Jimin the singer, dancer, and performer but please don’t forget the one who needs more love: Jimin the human. 

Originally posted by blackandwhitebangtan

Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations, I am happy destiny led him our way so we can open even better paths for not only Jimin but all BTS.
If you enjoyed this post you may also like Jhope’s story HERE
By @mimibtsghost 


Ariana Alphabet: Activism

[Tyler Ford on Ariana] I wrote about this for Rookie. When I first went off hormones and didn’t know where I stood gender-wise and was trying to figure myself out, I was living with Ari and was spending everyday with her, 24/7. She was always the first person to just be like, “All right, you do you. I love you, and I still think you’re the most amazing person, no matter who you are, even if you don’t know what pronouns you’re going to settle on.” Every day, she would ask me, “How are you doing, now that you’re off hormones? Do you feel OK? What pronouns are you feeling today? What pronouns do you want me to use?” Even though I was struggling with who I was, I always felt comfortable with her, even if I didn’t feel comfortable with myself or anyone else.

“Two sugar cubes as usual?” I ask over my shoulder as the coffee began to brew.

“Yeah,” she answers, “as usual.”

“After all this time?” I look at her, reaching out for the mugs sitting on the counter.

She nods, “Some old habits die hard, you know.”

As the coffee have just finished brewing, I grab the pot and tip it to pour into the mugs.

“What about you?” She suddenly asks as she makes her way over to the counter, as if the words have just found their way into her head,

“Do you still think of her?”

“Done.” I say, pushing the mug towards her after stirring in the sugar, ignoring her question.

“Even after all this time?” She repeats her question.

“Well,” I turn to her after taking a sip, “like what you have said just now,”

“Some old habits die hard, no matter how long it takes.”

—  Lukas W. // Forgotten Words #152 // Old habits

I could see all the stuff that was special to me. All the stuff that matters. I love you, Shelly. And I wanna spend my time with that. I mean, you know, if that’s okay with you.

the Gorillaz fandom ❤️

So, the Gorillaz fandom is kind of a mess.

There’s a lot of fighting.

Fighting over… Well, anything really.

The characters, the music, the writing, the art, shipping, fanart, thoughts, feelings, etc… It can be really negative sometimes.

And I’m sure it can be pretty scary, especially for newer, younger fans, considering there’s even been death threats involved.

It can be super upsetting, and some people have dropped out of the fandom or deleted their blogs, or even straight up avoided the band, which is an awful shame.

But…. I still really like the fandom.

It’s actually a lot better than other fandoms, which can be even worse, (not going to mention any, but boy are there a lot) and oftentimes it’s a really lovely, funny community.

Not all the time.

But I still see others making such amazing, lovely posts, and so many fans getting so, so excited for what Gorillaz are doing, myself included.

The fact that we can all come together to love and appreciate a band that was formed in 1998, is really brilliant.

Fans that have been with Gorillaz since the very beginning, or fans that have only known them for a week… We’re all coming together to express our happiness and excitement for a group that has really helped people out.

There are fans that keep staying ALIVE, because Gorillaz get them through shit, and help them keep going throughout the really rubbish days.

Gorillaz help.

And in a way, we’re helping each other, by being supportive and coming together and getting hyped and making gorgeous artwork and coming up with fantastic headcanons and creating a sometimes hilarious, kind, fun, crazy and lovely fandom.

Again, it’s usually a mess.

There are constant fights and disgusting displays of negativity scattered about.

But, I think we should focus more on the side of the fandom that makes us smile, and laugh, and discuss, and create, and love, and inspire.

Because whether you like the music, or the story, or the art, or a bit of everything- you’re a part of such a strange and unique fandom, and you’re equally a part of a strange and unique band.

I don’t know.

I just think us all coming together to love and support Gorillaz, and each other, is fucking delightful, and despite everything, I’m glad I’m a part of it.

I love so many of you guys, and I’ve met so many wonderful people because of this fandom.

It’s far from perfect, and it can be really awful, but it still somehow continues to make me smile and make the bad days not seem so bad, and I’m really grateful for that.

I know it sounds super cheesy, but it’s true.

Gorillaz, and all the fans contributing to it, make me so happy sometimes.

Originally posted by skunkandburningtires

Sorry this is so long lolol, I just wanted to get it out there. 😂

I appreciate so many of you, and I’m positive Gorillaz do too. ❤️

And to be even more cheesy, I’m gonna quote We Got The Power from Humanz. 😂

Originally posted by calimarikid

“We got the power to be loving each other, no matter what happens. We’ve got the power to do that!” ❤️❤️❤️❤️


“I Can’t stand morons like you who can’t get to the damned point! Basically you’re saying, ‘we wanna cause trouble, be our pal!’ What a joke! I’ve always admired All Might’s triumphs. No matter what any of you jerks say… Nothing’s ever gonna change that!” 

You asked me today why I am so insecure. How couldn’t I be? How could I feel sure about myself when everything that matters today is physical appearance? How could I be confident when I’m afraid that you’re not gonna like what you will see under my clothes? How could I know that you will not leave after you see all my flaws? How could I be sure enough that in spite of my imperfections you will still see the good in me? So before asking me that question, think about it twice.
—  lydiaasl 
BTS reaction to: You having stretch marks

i hope you like it Mette! sorry it took so long to do


Jin loved your stretch marks. He thought they were beautiful. But despite that you were still very insecure about them. He didn’t realize this until you were going to the pool with the boys and wore shorts instead of bikini bottoms.

He pulled you aside before they left and questioned you. “Y/N love, why are you wearing shorts?” that’s when you explained to him your insecurities. He would sigh and pull you into a hug. Whispering that he loved you and everything about you. “Y/N i think you’re beautiful, but if you feel more comfortable in the shorts then wear them. But know that i love you no matter what.”

Originally posted by blackandwhitebangtan


Yoongi  knew you had stretch marks. You had them on your thighs, breasts, and a little bit on your stomach. And and of course after almost a year of dating he would have seen them. 

But one day, when Seoul was in the middle of a heat way, Yoongi decided it would be a good idea to go on a date. So instead of shorts or a dress you dressed into jeans. You often dressed like that for work so Yoongi wouldn’t question it then. But this raised some suspicions. 

“Baby why are you wearing jeans? Go put some shorts or a sundress on,  your going to get hot.”when you told him you were insecure about your   stretch marks he would give you a really? Look, personally he loved your stretch marks. And boy was he going to show you ok forget the date, get in the bedroom

.  Yoongi what? he sighed I’m going to show you how much I love your stretch marks. You blushed at that.

(good luck) 

Originally posted by notjustaphase


You and Hoseok were sitting on the couch watching a movie. You were wearing a tee shirt and some shorts. But while watching the movie you continuously kept pulling down your shorts. After a while Hobi couldn’t resist and just simply asked “Y/n, why do you keep pulling down your shorts?”

Your eyes widen as you glanced up at Hobi “What?” he sighed “Y/n , you’ve spent the entire movie playing with the hem of your shorts, is there something you don’t want me to see?” you wanted to be open with Hobi so you sighed and told him “ I… I have stretch marks there and i’m just really insecure about them.”

You watched his face soften, “Y/n, baby i don’t care if your have stretch marks, i think you are beautiful just the way you are.” and with that he leaned forward, lifted up your shorts and placed a kiss on your thigh.

Originally posted by ttaegiis


Namjoon knew you had stretch marks. And he loved them, he thought they gave your character and showed a story about your past. But he knew your insecurities behind that came with them. “Y/n, baby girl stop worrying about them, you’re so beautiful just the way you are.”

You smiled and stopped fiddling with the hem of your dress. “Thank you Joonie. I guess old habits die hard don’t they.” he nodded before pulling you into a tight hug and placed a kiss on your forehead. “You’re perfect Y/N”

Originally posted by namjoonsgurl


You two had been dating for 4 months and were already extremely close. So like in most relationships you two felt ready to well ya know. You were extremely nervous. Not because of being intimate but because he would see your stretch marks. 

(So I’ll leave how you two got here to your imagination) Jimin was slowly pulling your shorts down and you grabbed his hand. “Y/n, baby what wrong did i hurt you?” you sighed, “No, Chim it’s just that, i… i have stretch marks and i’m really insecure about them and…..” he stopped your rambling with a kiss 

“Y/n i know you have stretch marks, we’ve slept in the same bed for 2 months.” you went scarlet and chuckled, I love you Jimin”

“I love you too Baby”

Originally posted by chimcheroo


Taehyung loved your body and everything on it. He loved your stretch marks and always made sure you felt confident. He would watch you do certain things to hide them and it made him sad.

“Baby, how many times do i have to tell you, you’re perfect just the way you are stop trying to hide that stuff.” you froze while pulling your shorts down slightly. “Ahh Tae im sorry, i just forget sometimes”  

He’d chuckle and give you a kiss on the cheek, “Just remember your beautiful Love”

Originally posted by jjilljj


You hadn’t showed Jungkook your stretch marks in fear of how he would react. But you weren’t as careful as usual and didn’t hear the bedroom door open.  You froze with your shorts half way up you legs and turned around.

“Oh! Hey baby sorry i didn’t realize you were getting dressed.” you were still shocked by his sudden appearances and watched as he walked over in your direction before grabbing something off the floor. But before he straightened himself he placed a gentle warm kiss on your thigh.

He stood up again before saying Baby please don’t feel the need to hide your body around me. I love every part of you.”

Originally posted by bangtan

Older brother Namjoon+ rest of BTS scolds you PT.10

BTS x Reader

Genre: Angst

Namjoon’s Sister AU

[PT.1] [PT.2] [PT.3][PT.4] [PT.5] [PT.6] [PT.7] [PT.8] [PT.9] [PT.10] [PT.11] [PT.12] [PT.13]

Originally posted by pjkook

Y/N’s p.o.v

“Joonie?” I say completely confused, what was he even doing here?

“Oh uh hi baby sis, you’re up?” 

“Well yeah you were crashing and banging, I’m pretty sure it could have woken up the entire building.” I say quite frankly. “What are you doing here?” I wasn’t completely mad that he was standing in my kitchen, hammering at my counter top. But at the same time I feel sort of resentful. 

“I was waiting for you outside of your door -”

“Yeah I saw you, but what are you doing in here?” 

“You fainted, I had to bring you inside.” He explained. 

“But why do you care?” I was bitter and I knew that but I couldn’t help myself, because what they said, tore me up inside. 

“Come on small, don’t be like that.” Small, he used to call me that all the time. 

“Don’t be like what? How else do you want me to act? What more do you want to control?” I started to raise my voice. It was always ‘don’t do this’ ‘don’t do that’. 

“I know it was wrong of me and I’m sorry, can’t you just accept my apology and move on?” He was raising his voice at me now too. A few years ago, he would cherish me, made sure nobody hurt me and would never raise his voice at me. But now all he has done is hurt me. 

“How am I supposed to just accept your apology and move on oppa? When you’ve always been someone that I looked up to, you were always the one who taught me well, but you neglected me. You used to protect me, but now? You’re the one who hurt me the most.” I was on the verge of tears, it’s been so long that it’s just the two of us talking, just brother and sister time. When I used to have nightmares as a kid, Namjoon would be the one to read me a story whilst crouching by the side of my bed and made sure I fell asleep okay. But right now, he was my biggest nightmare. “You used to care about me so much, what happened?” My voice lowered and tears fell, quickly wiping them away I looked up at him.”You used to be my saviour oppa, but now it’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“I still love and care about you Y/N, why are you being so difficult? I’m trying to make amends but you’re acting so childish!” He raised his voice and I couldn’t help but flinch. I can’t lie and say that it didn’t scare me when he was like this, because he was rarely ever like this. My head was spinning and I felt like complete shit, but what does that matter right?

“I’m being childish? My older brother and his best friends, including my very own best friend, spoke badly of me behind my back. The same older brother who just 4 years ago would not let anyone say a single bad thing about me, not even mum and dad. You’d always hide me behind your back when I was in trouble. You’d tell the kids who were mean to me off. You did so much for me back then. Maybe I’m just expecting too much, maybe I grew up relying on you too much. Or maybe you just don’t love your lil small anymore, because I’m useless and only ever cause you trouble.” I was trying so hard to remain calm, so hard to not allow my tears to fall but it was working. They just kept falling. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m a pain in the ass to you. I’m sorry I’m not good enough. I’m sorry I’m not the same small you used to love and care about.” I swallowed back my flowing tears and smiled slightly up towards him. “I won’t cause you anymore trouble, you don’t have to worry about me. I’ll stay away so you don’t have to see me anymore. I’m sorry for being dramatic. I really am. So, oppa. Could you please leave?” 

“This is a little too much don’t you think? Over something so little?” I chuckled, is that really what he thought?

“It may have been little to you because you don’t look up and respect me like I do, you. Ever since I could walk and talk, I’ve learned so much from you, you were that older brother to me that became my shield. The older brother that I had endless respect for. So to me it’s like my whole world was crashing down on me. You had know idea that the last four years have been hell, you wouldn’t know because you never really asked how I was. But I get that, you’re busy. I understood. But when I needed you the most and told you some things, you don’t even remember and you always pushed me aside telling me that you’d ‘message me later’ because you’re occupied doing something. But no matter how long I waited for my older brother to get back to me, he never did. I was always the one starting up a conversation. Because I missed my big bro, but he didn’t miss me. I felt as though I was just a complete burden so I stopped. Life got harder, but it’s okay now. I’m a big girl and I can handle it.” I smiled one last time at him. “Because I don’t need you anymore.”