no it says lettuce

Soulmate! Taehyung Au

This is so bad omG I APOLOGIZE - admin nine


  • when you were little, your mother would tell you all the interesting stories behind the tattoos on your family’s arms.
  • For instance, you mom’s tattoo read, “That drawing is as almost as beautiful as you.”
  • You loved the romanic stories of how soulmates met.
  • You loved romantic stories in general.
  • In fact that’s all you wanted your mom to read you.
  • So you would start to believe that all first meetings between soulmates were romantic.
  • Until…. you could finally read.
  • Once you could actually read your tattoo, well…
  • Let’s just say “Could I have five sandwiches with just mayo and lettuce, a milkshake with a hash brown blended in, and a coffee?” wasn’t as romantic as you hoped.
  • In fact it wasn’t romantic AT ALL.
  • You were pretty embarrassed about your tattoo tbh.
  • So you always wore long sleeves and jackets to cover up your embarrassment.
  • Later on in high school, your mom no longer had spare money to buy you books or basic school supplies.
  • So you decided to get a job and started applying e v e r y w h e r e.
  • The only one you got accepted to was a fast food restaurant.
  • You had mixed feelings, wondering if you would meet your soulmate but at the same time anxious that your soulmate would be creepy or weird.
  • Nonetheless, you needed money and went to the job regardless.
  • Your first couple weeks were ordinary, with the occasional weird orders here and there.
  • But none of them were as bizarre as the one engraved on your forearm.
  • And it stayed like that for a couple months
  • You started to give up hope on finding your soulmate
  • That is until 6 months after you initially started your job.
  • You had been going about business like usual, serving a customer, until you heard a very familiar sentence from the next line over.
  • “Could I have five sandwiches with just mayo and lettuce-”
  • You never sprinted to whisper into someone’s ear so fast.
  • “PSST. MAYA COULD WE SWITCH CUSTOMERS FOR A SECOND?” -
  • “Uh but aren’t you in the middle of yo-”
  • “PLEAAAASEE, he’s my soulmate”
  • “… okay but you have a weird ass soulmate. At least he’s cute.”
  • She turned to your soulmate, stating “she’ll take your order,  sir” with the largest smile you’ve seen in 6 months.
  • “Okay so, um, could I get five sandwiches with just mayo and lettuce, a milkshake with a hash brown blended in, and a coffee, please?”
  • “Of course. But I hope you know half the people here are judging your life choices”
  • You looked up and gave him a small little smile, raising the sleeve on your arm and displaying your tattoo.
  • A large, toothy grin spread across his face.
  • He sorta looked like a puppy.
  • a v cute puppy
  • You went on break once he paid and started to get to know each other
  • His name was Taehyung and apparently those orders weren’t actually for him
  • “Oh thank god I thought you were on a weird diet”
  • It was actually for a bet to see which of his friends could each the most disgusting food.
  • Which honestly was pretty funny
  • Throughout your conversation Taehyung would complement you none stop
  • “Your eyes are really bold and pretty”
  • “Your smile makes me want to smile”
  • After a couple minutes his order is ready
  • It smelled awful.
  • “Hey, why is only the coffee normal?”
  • “The coffee? Oh this is mine. Oh one sec-Could I get a straw please?”
  • “Wait a minute, who tf drinks coffee with a straw.”
  • “I do okAy.”
  • Once he leaves you go back to work.
  • Only for him to rush back inside and give you his number.
  • “You should call me and stop by later to see my friends eat this crap.”
  • “Sure I would love to.”
  • “Great, now I can introduce my beautiful soulmate to them.”
  • And you’re left blushing like heck throughout the rest of your shift
  • Even though your tattoo wasn’t the most romantic, at least it was still memorable.

The Robesonian, Lumberton, North Carolina, March 1, 1904

Wikipedia says:

Lactucarium is the milky fluid secreted by several species of lettuce, especially Lactuca virosa, usually from the base of the stems. It is known as lettuce opium because of its putative sedative and analgesic properties. It has also been reported to promote a mild sensation of euphoria, and at least one fatality has occurred during an attempt to use it for intoxication. Because it is a latex, lactucarium physically resembles opium, in that it is excreted as a white fluid and can be reduced to a thick smokable solid.

Why have a burger, when you can have a burger that saves lives?🌿🐮 my first time making vegan burgers, believe it or not, and all I can say is EPIC👅
Spicy pumpkin + chickpea patty, lettuce, cucumber, tomato, beetroot, tomato sauce and guac, on a gf bun (thanks to the amazing @thevegancorner)💗 Quoting my Mum: ‘tastes even better than meat!’ #winning

Recipe for the patty will be in my Ebook! x

[Please do not repost]

Someone mentioned the fact that rabbits don’t eat carrots that often [or other root veggies for that matter], and, while this is true, carrots have a lot of sugar, so they can actually make your bun sick if you feed them too many. However, they are okay as the occasional treat. As for why Aku eats them, well, he’s clearly not a normal rabbit, and he would likely have a few words to say about having to only eat hay, pellets, or lettuce.

me: okay since I have a big enough platform lets have a reasonable discussion about ships and consider the real life implications of shipping the-

people: IF YOU SHIP CRESSWELL YOU NEED TO DIE >:(

me: *shows up in a cresswell tshirt, waving a cresswell flag and baseball cap, reading cresswell fanfic on my phone that has a cresswell fanart case as a cresswell playlist plays in the background, while eating lettuce in the desert* you were saying?

My shirt says “lettuce be friends” and it’s a really good pun and clearly NO ONE appreciates it as you can by the look on my face cause I’m still bored and miserable ™™

He leaned over the passenger’s seat to put your seatbelt on when you refused.
He grabbed your wrist when you walked into the street without looking.
He tells you you’re pathetic when you can’t open your juice.
He says, I’m forcing you to eat. Says, please eat the lettuce.

You whine. You say, I’m not afraid. He laughs at you.
He pushes your hair out of your face and lets his fingers linger.
This is what you wanted. This is what you always wanted, you know this.
You wanted someone to make you come just by walking into the room.
You wanted someone to degrade and consume and peel and pull you apart.
You wanted someone who would only place you on a tall surface,
a pedestal, to get a better grip on your thighs.
You wanted to be bit into. You are rotting fruit, you say. Easily bruised, soft.
There aren’t enough things for him to take off of you before you start offering nails, hair, you offer fingers and toes. You start offering limbs. Remove these, get in here.
You pull your rib cage apart, you make room for the tallest man in the world.

He threatens to leash you. Tells you you’re his. You stick your tongue out at him and he grabs it.
You give him more. Offering stomach fluid, teeth, blood. You walk through battlefields, you put your head in the sand. Take it, take it. Demand it. Do not let me leave with something.
He stops putting out his hands. He doesn’t pick up what you left for him. He says you’re terrible, you’re beautiful. He’s fortunate to have found you. You hand him the whip, the bat, the duct tape. Make me yours. He tells you he can’t hurt you like that. You got in there. Too deep, too soft. He can’t do much beside let his fingers linger in your hair. He can’t grab your jaw and tell you stop barking, stop being so loud. He can’t give you a face, a name, a place to stand, to kneel to sleep. He can’t identify you. You have gotten too big. He can’t push your head under water because he’s not tall enough to grab the back of your neck. And you want so badly to shrink, to kneel. You would do anything to mean nothing. To give it all back. Just one time, you say. You beg, please, just take something. He will not.

You are the only one who sees that you deserve this. They do not know you, he does not know you. They cannot love you because they don’t know how dirty you are, how much you deserve to be punished. They don’t see you like you see you. You accept the love and live with the disappointment, the dissatisfaction of being cherished when you want to be fucked, of being adorned in roses when you’d much rather the thorns. You are an ugly girl who wants to be dragged through the mud. You want to be stained because at least you have proof you came close to being touched.

—  We Weave Baskets to Carry Things We Did Not Collect, - Strawberry Trellis