obvs there is something great about when a Big Scary turns into a Big Softie where Tiny Useless is concerned, but what i like better is:
Tiny Useless decides, with no prompting and for no apparent reason whatsoever, that Big Scary needs protecting. and if no one else will do it then this accidentally-gets-stepped-on, blows-away-in-a-stiff-breeze motherfucker is going to have to be the one to protect this living mountain of pain. you wanna get to this troll, you’re gonna have to go through this pixie. you try to come for this tibetan mastiff, this chihuahua’s gonna try to kick your ass first.
and the Big Scary is mostly just?? really confused???? there are at least twenty different reasons why this is fucking dumb. but also this feeble lil shit is the first person in the entire world to try and stand up for this person that absolutely does not need it. Big Scary continues to be huge and terrifying but now Tiny Useless has their undying loyalty and it will probably not end well for anyone.
Yoongi deadass could get away with anything he wants in his group like. We like to talk about Jungkook being beloved and getting away with things but let’s talk about yoongi who cheats, lies, steals, has extreme favoritism, and on top of that, is shameless about it. Forreal he doesn’t even prepare a counter argument. It always goes, *yoongi gets caught doing some shady stuff during a game* “I didn’t do it.” *all of bts, scratching their heads* “I guess he didn’t do it then, Idk.” Tale as old as time, either yoongi is going to cheat/deny/lie/steal, or he’s gonna casually try to lose on purpose so he doesn’t have to put in the effort. Or ya know, he’s the MC and he’s gonna pick one members side over the others when they’re clearly wrong but he’s loyal and he’s gonna help a brother out. Its such a beautiful tradition at this point. Why don’t we talk about this as a fandom?
-Lance dies to save everyone else but they don’t know he’s dead and they’re all complaining over the comms like, “ugh, Lance why can’t you ever listen, we’ve been calling you back for the past 10 min” and “you were supposed to be over here?? Can’t you do anything right” and so that’s the last things he hears
-Lance is in the healing pod again, and once again everyone is distracted when he gets out and so he wakes up to, “Lance just can’t stay out of the pods, can he?” And everyone’s laughing and so he feels like he’s failing the team bc he gets injured the most
-Lance notices that Keith is Shiro’s favorite so he thinks maybe if he learns to act more Keith-ish Shiro will like him too (and then the team figures out and tells him they like him to just be Lance and he takes it as the team believing he can be nothing more than “just Lance”)
-slowly, Lance stops flirting with Allura, but she doesn’t notice and continues to treat Lance like he’s always flirting (constant sighs as he opens his mouth and her telling him to leave him alone and such)
-someone says they’re sad, so the team comforts them. Lance opens his mouth (to say he can relate) but the team assumes it’s gonna be a joke so they tell him to shut up
-Haggar uses magic so everyone temporarily forgets Lance and also makes him invisible so he has to watch everyone ignore him
-as a prank, someone locks Lance in the airlock and he just can’t stop freaking out
-Lance getting thanked by a random alien and he just breaks into happy tears and the team is like, “????”
Aries: WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WILL IT STOP IF I SHAKE IT MAKE IT STOP WHERE IS THE MOTHER
Taurus: Keep your tears inside your eyes where they belong, you pathetic excuse for life
Gemini: Continues the one sided conversation, “so I said to Tom, I said Tomas, that’s MY fucking sandwich- wait, is it okay to cuss in front of a -what am I saying, you don’t understand words yet- anyway I said to him…”
Cancer: *is the Crying Baby*
Leo: Worry not, I will calm you with my talent for, uh, singing, “rock-a-bye baby in the -” baby: *screams louder* leo: okay well, fuck you too
Virgo: Gross pls tell me this thing didn’t poop OH MY GOD IT POOPED GET IT OFF GET IT OFF
Libra: Smiles and patiently calms the child, artfully hiding their discomfort and disgust, thinking “why the fuck do people keep making these things I hate them I hate them I fucking hate them ughh”
Scorpio: *glares* shut the fuck
Sagittarius: Tbh if you were my kid, I’d probably “forget” you in a shopping cart at the grocery store… shit, where is your mother? Don’t tell me she- HEY LADY, YEAH YOU, COME GET YOUR KID
Capricorn: Calmly sets the child down and walks away forever
Aquarius: According to some scientific studies, crying indicates that in later life, the infant will adapt qualities of…
Pisces: Me too, kid. Me too. By the way, it only gets worse from here…