no idea how to describe it

Touch & Hands

Hands. They are exquisite transmitters of humans’ emotions and thoughts, and even of their well being, it’s impossible to ignore them. Their eloquence goes beyond words and handwritten notes.

I have noticed how Taylor has used quite often the imagery of hands to describe habits, emotions, secret messages and deeper connections. She either mentions them or just uses the verb “touching”, which is one of the 5 love languages. It doesn’t have to be sexual, indeed nonsexual touch is the prime messenger of love, and its absence can feel like an abandonment. Yet, she’s able to transfigure her experiences and inner thoughts into a visual scene, all by using the idea of hands. All of that in her songs.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

It's very interestint to read your fics about Even + sex (with Isak) because I feel like a lot of fics for some reason describe Even as some sort of ultra confident, dominant sexgod? Despite him being a 19-20 year old boy who had dated 1 and the same girl before Isak? It was his first relationship with a boy too, and I think it's nice how you show that he also can feel insecure, and that you don't follow the common idea that Even must be the most dominant, always.

thank you for this, anon! it’s really lovely to hear that what you write is appreciated ♡ 

sex and sexual intimacy as a narrative tool is amazing, i think. how you can use it to show characters transforming in and out of bed; show a relationship progress through how the couple has sex; show the progression of emotional development in a character through a series of sexual encounters. because in a sex scene, the characters can’t hide physically. mentally and emotionally, perhaps, but physically they are very vulnerable – and vulnerable characters are interesting ones!

and that, coupled with also being insecure when you’re not in a sexual setting (as teenagers most often are) lends itself to be a wonderful thing to write about. that’s the reason i write them all messy and insecure as i do, because it’s so, so interesting!

but that’s just me. and fanfic is so great in that people are free to write exactly how they see the characters. so i’m just writing how i interpret their dynamics to be, and i’m glad you like that!

2

Gabriel glared over at his younger brother. “What were you thinking? or weren’t you thinking?”

“This is not my fault” Landon frowned.

“I didn’t need those costumes” Gabriel persisted “the girls were making them. Been sewing for weeks.”

“How was I supposed to know that” Landon argued “I wanted to do my part.”

“Yeah yeah I know” Gabriel sighed. He could see the sincerity in his brother’s eyes. “Next time ask. I mean…” he was uncomfortable with the idea of encouraging his brother to steal even if it would help. He decided to drop the subject for now asking “are you sure it was Zeke?”

Nodding Landon moved restlessly “he looked just the way you described him. They really don’t want you going back in time.”

“I know. They’ve been here” Gabriel sighed looking away.

[Revised 11/1/17] Book Recommendations for Witches, Spellcasters, and the Curious

I periodically (usually once a year) make an updated post of my annotated bibliographies for witchcraft, magick, and divination studies. I recently noticed that I hadn’t done this in a long time! 

Since I’ve read a lot of new books in that time, and since many are worth adding, I thought I’d go ahead and post an updated list. 

I’ve added just ten new ones this time! Unfortunately, still, it’s getting quite long, so I’m splitting it into two posts - one for divination, and one for magick/witchcraft.  I will be tagging both as #long and #long+post because I realize this is pretty extreme in terms of length.

For Absolute Beginners

Encyclopedia of Witchcraft, by Judika Illes. Even better than the Weiser Field Guide to Witches - this book is huge and chock-full of information. It’ll explain in easy-to-understand language how the concept has developed throughout time, why witches do what they do, and different types of witches.

The Weiser Field Guide to Witches, by Judika Illes. This gives an excellent look at the historical lore concerning witches, from the perspective of a witch herself. It’s kind of tongue-in-cheek, but it does have some information that won’t be found elsewhere.

The Modern Guide to Witchcraft, by Skye Alexander. Great book for those who’re really absolute beginners and are wondering what witchcraft is all about. Skye takes a very postmodern, utilitarian, and unfailingly honest approach, and it’s geared towards those of almost any belief system.

Grimoire for the Apprentice Wizard, by Oberon Zell-Ravenheart. Attractively packaged and readible for almost all ages, this is a great (mostly) non-denominational look at the foundations of magical practice. It’s extremely detailed. Some of it only applies to Zell’s own tradition, but it’s quite useful, anyways.

Of Witchcraft and Whimsy, by Rose Orriculum. Written by Tumblr’s own @orriculum, this is one of the best, most modern an no-nonsense Craft introductory books I’ve seen. It’s unabashedly up-to-date and self-aware in its portrayal of the contemporary Craft.

Basic Techniques

Protection and Reversal Magick, by Jason Miller. This gets a little woo-woo at times, but he gives good advice on how to avoid serious problems that can come up as you begin to practice. Take with a grain of salt, though - some of this has the potential to make you feel paranoid.

City Magick, by Christopher Penczak. If you’re at all interested in tech witchery, or just want to practice magick within an urban setting, do check this out. It is by far the best look at the subject I’ve seen, and his discussion of urban tutelary spirits is worth the price alone.

Power Spellcraft for Life, by Arin Murphy-Hiscock. Nicely done, quite secular book providing basic beginner information regarding writing original spells and workings. It does fall prey to the trap of just listing correspondences with little information at times, but also contains a great deal of detail about ritual timing, raising power, and other topics essential for the beginner.

Sorcerer’s Secrets, by Jason Miller. This is a decent volume that describes a lot of techniques you don’t usually see in books, such as gesture and gaze-based magick. Be warned that Miller writes extensively about manipulative techniques, but it’s useful theory regardless of how you put it into practice.

Witch’s Bag of Tricks, by Melanie Marquis. This is not recommended for beginners, because the whole point of this book is to help existing practitioners refine and improve their already-established techniques. It’s got some novel ideas in it, and I like the author’s approach to symbolism in spellcasting.

Spirit Conjuring for Witches, by Frater Barrabbas. Frater B. is a very learned and rather famous magician and witch. This book is mostly geared towards Wicca, but even if you’re not Wiccan, his techniques are innovative and interesting, many utterly unlike anything I’ve seen elsewhere.

Direct Magick (Energy Work)

The Un-Spell Book, by Mya Om. This non-denominational guide to working with magical forces is filled with useful exercises that go beyond the author’s previous work. I recommend reading this after readingEnergy Essentials.

Instant Magick, by Christopher Penczak. Excellent beginner’s guide for those who don’t have access to a lot of fancy tools or prefer to work without them. This book won’t instantly teach you magick, but it will help even a seasoned practitioner find quicker, less-complicated ways of achieving results.

Energy Essentials for Witches and Spellcasters, by Mya Om. Though I balk at the use of the term “energy” to describe magical forces, this book is worth a look. It’s a bit like a workbook, with various exercises. Expect a lot of pseudoscience, though, and there are many religious references, but the techniques are solid.

Hedgewitchery and Astral Travel

Ecstatic Witchcraft, by Gede Parma. This is actually probably my favorite book on this subject, even though hedgeriding is only a part of what the book discusses. The only bad thing I can really say about this book is that it’s really not recommended for beginners, and it’s helpful to have the basics of visualization already mastered (for example) before doing the exercises Parma recommends.

By Land, Sky and Sea, by Gede Parma. This book goes into even greater details regarding different ways of conceptualizing the cosmology of hedgeriding, and I find it a very refreshing book that appreciatively draws from a number of different perspectives while grounding itself, so to speak, with the overarching metaphor of land, sky, and sea as the three worlds.

The Temple of Shamanic Witchcraft, by Christopher Penczak. Penczak is usually a pretty mixed bag, and this book is no exception. It gives a lot of good practical information and a very in-depth exploration of the three worlds (a useful concept), but it’s primarily framed by Wicca, so it might not resonate with those of other faiths and particularly those who aren’t pagan at all.

Ascension Magick, by Christopher Penczak. There’s a chapter or two in this that address alternate ways of conceptualizing the architecture of reality, and it’s pretty helpful for a hedgerider. Beyond that, this book is mostly about ceremonial magick, but it’s a (mostly) good book. Certain parts (such as the bit about UFOs) are a little off, in my opinion.

The Shamanic Witch, by Gail Wood. This book is really best suited for someone who practices Wicca and, besides the background info and cosmological descriptions, is really only useful in the context of that tradition. If you’re Wiccan or willing to pick around a lot of Wiccan-talk, though, this is a good foundation.

Witches, Werewolves and Fairies, by Claude Lecouteux. It can be hard to find scholarly works on these phenomena that are affordable, but here’s one I personally enjoyed. It details many accounts of journeying experienced by both pagans and Christians in earlier times, and gives a good description of the concept of the astral double, the architecture of the soul, and other topics throughout history.

Betwixt and Between, by Storm Faerywolf. This book is mostly a guide to the Feri tradition of witchcraft, but while I myself don’t practice that, those who do seem to know a lot about hedgeriding! The book has several chapters on the subject and is highly recommended for this reason.

The Psychic Energy Codex, by Michelle Belanger. A lot of people have strong opinions about this author, but this is book actually provides a lot of good information about so-called “energy work” which can be a step in the right direction for those wanting to ride the hedge.

Psychic Dreamwalking, by Michelle Belanger. In this book, Belanger discusses, essentially, how to use your non-waking life as a vehicle to for journeying, and while I myself don’t usually dreamwalk, much of what she says applies to hedgeriding in other states, too.

Hedge Rider by Eric De Vries. Considered a classic on this subject, this book contains a lot of good information on making the jump across the Hedge, but with a lot of editorializing about “true witchcraft,” etc. A mixed bag, but still recommended.

To Fly by Night, edited by Veronica Cummer. This is an anthology about hedgecraft by many different authors. The essays vary in quality but there’s something for everyone, and the text doesn’t shy away from tough topics, either.

Magical Writing, Words, and Symbols

Dictionary of Ancient Magic Words and Spells, by Claude Lecouteux. Mostly a historical text, this book isn’t exactly practical or terribly useful. It is, nevertheless, incredibly interesting. It’s a bit difficult to navigate, but worth a glance.

Composing Magick, by Elizabeth Barrette. A very general, but well-done, look at writing in a magical context. Some of the ritual templates are slightly specific to religious witchcraft traditions, but most information is widely applicable.

Crafting Magick with Pen and Ink, by Susan Pesnecker. Focuses both on the physical act of writing as a magical act, and the mental state associated with it. Highly recommended

The Modern Witchcraft Grimoire, by Skye Alexander. This book is for those who want to create their own grimoire. It gives fairly good advice for doing so, as well as providing hints and tricks for spellcasting and useful correspondences.

General Concepts

Practical Astrology for Witches and Pagans, by Ivo Dominguez, Jr. This book, unlike most astrology texts, won’t tell you much about interpreting a chart - instead, it’s an entire book on timing your magick with the stars!

Planetary Magick, by Melita Denning and Osborne Phillips. If you want to work with the planets at all, particularly in a highly ritualized context, I recommend this book. It’s large, comprehensive and gives a good foundation beyond what you find in general astrology books.

Practical Planetary Magick, by Sorita d’Este and David Rankine. Shorter than I would have liked, but a useful reference to have on your shelf, with excellent tables and appendices in the back. The meditations are also quite useful.

Practical Elemental Magick, by Sorita d’Este and David Rankine. Should be read alongside the other book by this pair. Comprehensive guide to working with the elements in a ritualized fashion. Not as accessible to newbies as Lipp’s book, but good for seasoned practitioners.

The Way of Four, by Deborah Lipp. Though mostly geared towards Wiccans, I found this author’s in-depth treatment of the four elements highly fascinating. I will note that it’s probably best to get the print version of this book, as it contains exercises and quizzes.

A Handbook of Saxon Sorcery and Magic, by Alric Albertsson. I really enjoyed this little book, which focuses on older magical traditions common among the ancient Saxons. It is very much introductory, but worth a read for those new to those traditions.

Ingredients and Correspondences

The Herbal Alchemist’s Handbook, by Karen Harrison. I cannot praise this book enough for its concise and well-formulated approach to astrology, herbs, and magick as a whole.

The Weiser Concise Guide to Herbal Magick, by Judith Hawkins-Tillirson. This is excellent for anyone who’s interested in any kind of magick. Yes, the focus is generally herbs, but there’s a lot to be learned here about Kabbalah and other correspondence systems, as well.

Mixing Essential Oils for Magic, by Sandra Kynes. Fills a very difficult gap in published knowledge regarding the use of essential oils by discussing, in great detail, how scents interact with each other and how to create a formula that’s not only palatable, but evocative.

Dunwich’s Guide to Gemstone Sorcery, by Gerina Dunwich. Given the New Age fascination with all things shiny, it was quite a chore to sort through the myriad crystal books to find something with good information. While far from perfect and not exactly devoid of fluff, this book does give a level of detail about the lore surrounding gemstones not seen in many other texts.

Real Alchemy, by Robert Allen Bartlett. Excellent book, lots of history and detail. There’s a strong focus on tradition within the text, yet the author is quite accommodating of his audience and describes alternate methods that work better in a modern context.

Spagyrics, by Manfred M. Junius. With a highly-developed academic tone and attention to detail, this book is a meaty look at traditional alchemy. I recommend this more for intermediate practitioners due to the sheer density of information.

The Hearth Witch’s Compendium, by Anna Franklin. This book is essentially a recipe book for various home remedies and magical purposes. For the most part, it focuses on healing work, but there’s some great tips in there for making your own cleaning products and such, too. Highly recommended.

Magical Housekeeping, by Tess Whitehurst. This is worth reading if you keep your own house/apartment and are looking for practical magical techniques for cleanliness and inviting harmony into your spaces. It could be more detailed, but I enjoyed it.

A Kitchen Witch’s Cookbook, by Patricia Telesco. This is a recipe book. It is mainly geared towards Wiccans and those who celebrate the eight sabbats, but the dishes are tasty and sure to please anyone.

Spellbooks

The Goodly Spellbook, by Dixie Deerman and Steve Rasmussen. The title sounds horribly fluffy, but this is a hidden gem. It explains obscure concepts like alternative alphabets and potential uses of musical notes, as well as plant lore and other bits and pieces. Definitely worth checking out. It’s way more than just “a book of spells.”

Encyclopedia of 5,000 Spells, by Judika Illes. The title sounds trite to some, but it delivers. This book has spells from almost every culture and spiritual philosophy, as well as a very detailed formulary. I read it when I’m bored sometimes, too, just because I always learn some tidbit from it.

Book of Spells, by Nicola Pulford. In most editions, this book is absolutely gorgeous and describes spellcasting traditions from a variety of perspectives and traditions. Recommended for those who already understand the basics, as this book jumps straight into spellcasting and gives only a small amount of information about how things work.

Ceremonial Magick

Modern Magick, by Donald Michael Kraig. I received this as a gift several years ago. It is essentially a workbook meant to be completed slowly, step by step, and while the format will not appeal to everyone, it’s a good easy-to-read introduction to ceremonial magick.

Familiar Spirits, by Donald Tyson. Though geared towards ceremonialists, any practitioner can likely learn a thing or two from Tyson’s interesting stroll through the whys and wherefores of spirit work and thoughtform creation. This is by far the best book I’ve seen on the topic of familiar spirits.

Secrets of High Magick, by Francis Melville. The most recent edition of this (the one I own) is lavishly-illustrated and full of rudimentary, yet useful information. He stresses the basics of ceremonial practice, and his writing style is very accessible. Highly recommended for absolute beginners.

My Life With The Spirits, by Lon Milo DuQuette. This is a memoir of a ceremonial magician, but it gives a good look at the magickal mindset in a highly developed form from someone who’s experienced quite a lot. I havemajor issues with DuQuette’s approach to Qabalah, but his memoirs are worth a read.

Chaos Magick

Liber Null and Psychonaut, by Peter Carroll. Classic book of chaos magick. I consider it required reading for almost anyone interested in the occult. Even if you have no love for chaos magick, do give it a read, just to understand how influential Carroll is, and why.

Hands-On Chaos Magic, by Andrieh Vitimus. Knowing some of the people involved in the creation of this book, I’m a bit biased towards it. That said, even if I didn’t know them, I would still recommend it. It’s especially interesting to read alongside Liber Null and Psychonautin order to see how the chaos “current” has developed over the years.

Pop Culture Magic 2.0 by Taylor Ellwood. There aren’t a lot of books on using pop culture symbolism in magick, but this one is nearly perfect. The author writes in a highly erudite, literate fashion, while still being accessible to newbies. Many useful resources cited, as well, so prepare to branch off a bit while reading it.

History-Related

Triumph of the Moon, by Ronald Hutton. An inside no-holds-barred look at the history of Wicca and Modern paganism. Highly recommended. This is sort of the book that fluffbunnies don’t want you to read.

Book of Lies: The Disinformation Guide to Magick and the Occult, by Richard Metzger. Lots of facts and history of magick in the context of Postmodernity. This is different from the Crowley text of the same name, which I wouldn’t recommend unless you want to focus on his tradition.

The Place of Enchantment, by Alex Owen. This is a purely historical text that documents the occult revival within the context of Modernity. I remember it being very good, but please realize I haven’t really picked it up much since graduating, and it might just have served my mindset at the time.

I miss this place. I miss making funny things for all of you. I miss interacting with all of my wonderful followers. I miss meeting new people. I just miss it all so much. 

But I’m afraid things beyond my control have kept me away. I just don’t have the energy or concentration to keep up with my tumblr. I have a hard time coming up with funny ideas. I have an even harder time finding a way to turn those ideas into posts. I’ve had to give up photography all together. I tried just eating a meal with my parents for my birthday, and after ten minutes of sitting up straight, I ran out of energy and had to lay back down. My chronic fatigue, my narcolepsy, my depression… they all seem to fight one another in an unending battle that just keeps getting worse and worse. It’s hard to describe just how tired I am. How fatigued my body gets. How my limbs feel like they weigh hundreds of pounds. 

I’ve run out of doctors to see. Treatments to try. Pills to take. Injections to… inject. My only last real hope is to go to the Mayo Clinic. They have a knack for creating treatments for people with complicated medical needs. But there’s the rub. They are out of state. My insurance wouldn’t cover it. I’d have to stay for days or even weeks. I barely have enough to pay for food, much less a ticket to another state. At this moment, it just doesn’t seem like a possible option. 

If there is a bright side… I’m comfortable. I’m not in any pain. I am plenty occupied with the internet, TV, and movies. And in the category of “mixed blessings” I am emotionally numb. No, I cannot feel great joy. Which kinda sucks. But I also cannot feel great sadness. No despair. I still get lonely from time to time. And maybe a little.. frustrated. But I cope with those things pretty well most of the time. I think if I did have emotions at the moment, they would all suck pretty hard. So I feel like at this point, it isn’t so bad being a little numb. 

I have a couple of great friends that stick with me even when I’m a huge bummer. I have two amazing parents that take care of me when I can’t manage to care for myself. I have a quirky little dog that visits me from time to time. 

I know there are chronic conditions that cause much physical and mental pain. I know I don’t have much of a life at the moment, but I am grateful that I can stay reasonably comfortable. Though I could go without the kidney stones I seem to keep getting. Having those removed is just awful and my last recovery period did not go well at all. 

In any case, I just wanted to let you all know I am still around. I promise I am not giving up. But I am also coming to terms with the fact that I might not be able to do much about my situation. I will continue to seek out new treatments, medications, and even doctors that might help. I try to keep tabs on the latest research. Maybe some day they will find a key to this jail I’m stuck in. 

You all have brought me so much joy. It has been an honor entertaining you over the years. This is by no means a goodbye. Perhaps just a “see ya later.” Take care of yourselves. Take care of one another. Stay strong. And perhaps keep me in your thoughts every once in a while. I guess it’s just nice knowing I’m not forgotten. Helps keep me going day to day. 

sometimes when I’m listening to classic music I get this beautiful feeling of reality … I have no idea how to describe it but imagine everything is just in your head and suddenly you see how real everything is… between knowing and feeling it is such a big difference

some notes i’ve been taking on DMing, culled from various sources

Plot & Campaign:

  • Don’t think of yourself as being “against” the players. They aren’t playing “against” you. They are playing against the world and situations you pose to them, but you should be on their side.
  • Similarly, don’t think of the campaign as “your” story that you are telling to the players. It is a story that you are telling together. They affect the outcome of it as much (or more) than you do. If the players find a way to ruin your carefully crafted plot, let it go. You have to accept not getting your own way all the time the same way that the players do.
  • That said, have contingency plans in case the PCs kill or ignore your plot hook, find a way to bypass your carefully created puzzle, or successfully charm your final boss into not attacking them.
  • Use up your most fantastic ideas - don’t hoard them for later. You never know how long a campaign will last, and you might never get to those cool scenes and setpieces you were saving.
  • Utilize recurring NPCs. It’s less work for you and gives the players someone familiar to look forward to seeing (or resent intensely.)
  • Give the players a nemesis - someone or something working against their efforts, even if that is not a “villain” per se.
  • Have descriptions ready for locations and NPCs, but don’t over-describe. Give them enough details to build a sense of atmosphere without requiring them to draw the scene.
  • Have a set of possible random events ready to go, and periodically roll to see if any of them happen, to keep your players (and you!) on your toes.

Rules & Rolls:

  • Like in improv theatre, go for the “yes and” (or “yes but”) response to a player’s idea rather than a “no.” If the rules don’t specifically ban a player from doing something, let them do it. If it’s especially game-breaking and stupid, this is a great time to say “yes, but” and come up with a fun consequence.
  • Don’t stop everything to look up a rule. If you can’t find or figure out the answer within a minute, tell the players how you’ll do it this time based on your best guess and look it up for the future. Alternatively, if you aren’t sure what the rule would be for what a player proposes, just let them roll a d20 and add a relevant modifier to it versus your best estimate of difficulty level.
  • Don’t assume that a failed check means “nothing happens.” Failures can be as eventful, interesting, and story-driving as successes.
  • Calculating small currency amounts, weight encumbrances, and rations is incredibly boring for everyone. Decide ahead of time whether you want to just ditch those elements (within reason - if you are being kind to the players by not making them weigh out every item in their inventory, they should be kind to you by not claiming they are carrying a whole refrigerator.)

Rewards:

  • Pay attention to what motivates your players most (treasure, money, challenging fights, puzzles, stories) and use that to guide your campaign ideas. Let them tell you what carrot will lead them through the plot.
  • Make a note of what your players mention wanting out of the game experience (a certain kind of adventure or scene, an item) and find an opportunity to reward them with it.
  • Come up with a set of treasure/advanced weapons/other loot-ish rewards specific to each player. Whenever they are dungeoncrawling or getting rewards, roll to see which items they receive at that time.

Players:

  • Provide opportunities every session, if possible, for each character to use their skillset and playstyle, so that they don’t feel like the sidekick in someone else’s adventure.
  • Encourage the players to make themselves a “battle sheet” in addition to their standard character sheet that lists all their skills and spells (in their own words) and how it works, so that they understand their own potential and remember to use them! You are there to help them out if they aren’t sure of a mechanic, but encourage them to take ownership of their own character’s abilities.
  • Cliffhangers aren’t actually great ways to end a session (in case the campaign stalls out there, or a player drops out), but you can end with a new situation arising or a hard question to ponder, giving the players something to think about and look forward to returning to for the next session. 
  • Pay attention to the players’ welfare and condition as much (or more) than to their characters. If they are stressed, unhappy, or angry about something in the adventure (or something another player is doing), you should be ready to moderate that as much as you would moderate an in-game rule.
Writer things

- were street lamps invented in ww2????

- how much does an arm cost tho

- Everyone is nodded. All the heads are nodding in this conversation

- wait no it was raining wasn’t it *looks back ten pages* yeah okay why did i do that

- It’s still night right?

- It’s been night for like 30 years at this point

- what’s that guy’s name again? I should know this these are my babies

- I have no idea how you guys are going to get out of this alive so figure it out kids

- *googles* how to travel across Europe during the middle ages

- effects of the bubonic plague???

- shoot, comas don’t work like I want them to. I need a convenient coma

- Everyone has the ability to quirk one eyebrow why is this

- how smart are rats

- I think they’ve sighed like 30 times now

- how do i describe what its like to run a mile I’ve never done that in my life

- Im sure its just like super hard

- No one cares about the weather stop

- i just wrote twenty pages in two hours why cant i do this in school

- everyone smirks too much but what else do i say its not a smile its too sad for that

- and now everyone is just ‘smiling sadly’.

- chuckled sounds like santa clause but laugh is too much but snickered is evil but giggled is too bubbly…

- what is the purpose of a rubber duck

- no, don’t make references this is a serious piece of literature

- “now if I reverse the polarity of the neutron flow”

- okay i need tea and music and oh wow look at that someone liked my tumblr post…

list of a-spec identities & info!

this is meant to be a comprehensive list (to the best of my limited abilities) of aro-spectrum and ace-spectrum identities. all the posts I saw had like 3 choices or a hundred, and I wanted something that was accurate and had a lot of research behind it…so I made it myself. I wrote the definitions, based on preexisting ones, for additional clarity and context.

anyone a-spec, questioning, or simply wanting to know more about our community is free & encouraged to reblog!

*”romantic/sexual” is in the definitions because the labels apply to both spectrums unless -romantic or -sexual is in the name


Asexual : not feeling sexual attraction to any gender(s)

Things that are completely separate from being asexual (but can be related): libido, sex drive, being a virgin, having/had sex, being sex positive/neutral/repulsed, and platonic, romantic, & familial love

Apothisexual : asexual that is sex repulsed

Aromantic : not feeling romantic attraction to any gender(s)

Things that are completely separate from being aromantic (but can be related): shipping, fantasizing about relationships and love, wanting a close relationship, been/being in relationships, being romance positive/neutral/repulsed, and platonic, sexual, & familial love

Apothiromantic : aromantic that is romance repulsed

Apath- : romance/sex neutral, regardless of orientation or attraction felt

Cupio- : not feeling romantic/sexual attraction but still desiring a relationship of that nature

Gray- : feeling romantic/sexual attraction weakly, rarely, only under certain conditions, or all of those. also an umbrella term for between allo and asexual/aromantic. may or may not desire a relationship.

Demi- : feeling romantic/sexual attraction only after an emotional bond is formed. the bond strength and time before attraction can vary between the demi person and the person they’re attracted to.

-Flux : (aroflux or aceflux) their orientation fluctuates, but always stays on the aromantic/asexual spectrum

Lithro-/Akoi-/Akoine-/Apo- : feels romantic/sexual attraction and enjoys relationships in theory, but don’t need/want those feelings reciprocated or to be in a relationship. (there are several labels because the original, from litho, is argued to be appropriated from lesbian butch culture, so wouldn’t recommend using it.)

Recipro- : feeling romantic/sexual attraction only to people who feel it for them, they reciprocate the type of the attraction

Fray- : feeling romantic/sexual attraction when less familiar with a person, but it fades as they get to know them better (sometimes described as the opposite of demi)

Aego- : enjoys the idea of romance/sex, but doesn’t wish to participate in it or related activities (based off autochoris- : a disconnection between the person and a romantic/sexual target or fantasy)

Quoi/WTF- : feeling unsure if romantic/sexual attraction is being felt and/or if they experience it. feeling as if the concept of that type of attraction is inaccessible, inapplicable, and/or nonsensical. (Another commonly used definition that isn’t correct is for the term below, so use that instead.)

Platoniromantic : feels no distinction between platonic and romantic attraction

Idemromantic : feels romantic and platonic attraction similarly so they are not particularly distinguishable from each other. categorizes platonic and romantic relationships based on external factors such as age, compatibility, closeness, etc. they mean different things and can be categorized, but feel the same.

Requies- : little to no romantic/sexual attraction due to trauma, possibly caused by bad past experiences with the type of attraction, or mental/emotional exhaustion

Caed- : used to feel romantic/sexual attraction, but doesn’t anymore due to trauma

Apres- : feels romantic/sexual attraction after another form of attraction is felt, and the original may or may not fade/be replaced by the new attraction

-Vague : (arovague or acevague) their a-spec status is uncertain or affected by mood

Burst- : romantic/sexual attraction comes and goes, may or may not have a reason

Nebularomantic : difficult or impossible to tell romantic and platonic attraction apart because of their neurodivergency or they’re platoniromantic

Novi- : feels complicated romantic/sexual attraction so it can’t be described in a single label

Quasiromantic : “someone who identifies as quasiromantic may see their attraction as non-traditional or may feel it differs from crushes, perhaps a mix between platonic, romantic, aesthetic, or somewhere completely different and/or it involves other non-traditional aspects, such as rare attraction, or attraction but non-physical, non-platonic but romantic, etc.” -general def


Vocab

S.A.M : split attraction model. most used in the a-spec community, it means that romantic and sexual orientations are different and separate. for example, someone could be homoromantic asexual, or aromantic bisexual. in the case of someone who is, for example, panromantic and pansexual, they can just state their orientation as pansexual, as there is no need for the SAM. however, it’s totally optional! if you feel, for example, asexual is your orientation and doesn’t need other labels, that’s fine!

Q.P.R. : queerplatonic (or quasiplatonic if the participants are not LGBT+) relationship. this is a type of relationship created by aro people for aro people, but anyone of any sexuality can be in one if they wish! it is defined as “a relationship that is not romantic but involves a close emotional connection beyond what most people consider friendship. The commitment level in a queerplatonic relationship is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship. It may include any romantic or sexual elements the people in the relationship feel they want, or none at all.” -Aven Wiki

Peach Fuzz : qpr partners (known as zucchinis) pretending their relationship is romantic to avoid questions and explanations

Positive/Neutral/Repulsed : labels used to describe how someone feels about sex or romance in relation to them. positive: willing to be in that kind of relationship and/or do related things; neutral: indifferent, almost apathetic to the idea of sex/romance, doesn’t care too much if they give and/or receive it; negative/repulsed: actively disgusted by the idea of sex/romance. can also describe a person’s attitude about sex in general (not used in this post).

Amatonormativity : society treating romantic relationships as more valuable/better than non-romantic ones, and generally that a romantic and sexual relationship is the end goal and necessary (it’s really not)

Nonamory : doesn’t want to be in a romantic relationship, regardless of orientation

Aromate : a platonic soulmate, aka an aromantic partner

Lush : sensual attraction crush

Plush : queerplatonic crush

Smush : sexual attraction crush (can be considered lust if applicable)

Swish : aesthetic attraction crush

Squish : platonic attraction crush, usually more intense than “want to be friends”

Soft Romo : subdued romantic attraction

Post Rubor : gets quick crushes (of any type of attraction), but once the initial excitement fades, their feelings do too

Aplatonic : as platonic attraction is on a spectrum just like every other type of attraction, this is being on the lack-of end. not experiencing platonic attraction

Placio- : little/no desire to receive sexual/romantic acts, but wants to perform them on someone else. not specifically an a-spec term but is used more in the community

Alterous : attraction that isn’t completely platonic or romantic, somewhere in between, but still a desire for emotional closeness. used as -alterous, like -sexual or -romantic. can also experience romantic and/or platonic attraction, but feel some level of discomfort by categorizing it as fitting in those labels.


*remember, even for people who use the same label, it’s different for everyone, as are most things here! if you’re questioning and looking at this list to try and see where you fit, there’s no rush. take it slow and think about it.


feel free to add on! I’m sure I’ve missed some key terms or amazing identities because there’s so many out there and I’d love to see this post grow!!

So yesterday I got to see a chiropractor who is familiar with helping people recover from major auto-immune shit. She came highly recommended from a friend who also has a lot of chronic health issues and is much older but has sadly gone the “I don’t need modern medicine I’ll just eat a salt rock lamp” route of trying to recover.

So I had an idea that they might be a little, shall we say, on the hippyish side of things. So you can imagine my surprise when I didn’t see a single appropriated Buddha statue anywhere. Amazing I know.

The chiro herself was very bubbly and welcoming, and was able to make several adjustments to my spine as well as a cranial adjustment which I feel might have been the cause of last night’s headache. But at the time it felt…I dunno how to describe it. It was dizzying, but there was also a feeling of profound relief, and now I’m fully able to roll my neck on my shoulders again without significant pain for the first time in years. It’s amazing. It sounds awful cause everything is crackling and popping like popping candy and shards of glass shook up in a bottle of cola, but it feels great.

She also did something to my teeth??? I dunno how common it is for your chiropractor to put their (gloved) hands into your mouth and apply pressure to your upper jaw but it felt weird. There was a pop and a click where it felt like my upper teeth had actually shifted, and then I had to motion to her that I needed to sit up real quick because my sinuses were just draining down the back of my throat and I was starting to choke. As soon as I was able to sit up my nose started running too and I had to sit for a good 10-15 minutes just letting my sinuses drain while she commented on how it had been “quite a blockage”. And I’m still a little stuffy (allergies and head cold) but the puffiness under my eyes is gone??? What literal witchcraft????

She also did something to my hips and although I’m still stiff I can actually lift my left leg up while standing and not immediately lose my balance, and vice versa. I can only do it for a short while before the muscle spasm kicks in but it’s something?

She was really positive about how she didn’t think too much of the current damage (at least below my hips) would be permanent, so that was reassuring too. Idk. I’m happy I went to see her. I’m hoping this will be a good way of managing some of my worse pain. And if it somehow manages to help with my chronic respiratory stuff then that’s just the cherry on the top. 

If you think you can save Saeran, you’re wrong.

Wow

Ray and MC’s relationship exactly parallels V and Rika’s and it sucks because it means that there is absolutely no way to save Ray 

The Unknown persona is exactly what Rika describes, having a devil inside you. Unknown is Ray’s devil.

If you end up getting Ray’s route, you don’t see the devil in him, so you don’t fall in love with it, even though you would probably end up saying you would (Ray is so reliant on you, how the hell you gonna say you wouldn’t?) but that literally means that eventually, Ray is going to think the same way Rika did. He’ll feel abandoned and hurt, and his devil will come out. 

It also gives you an idea of how much pain Rika is in. If you consider Ray being her metaphor, then when he describes his headaches, that is how she feels when she has on her nice persona. She was actually in pain trying to be who she was before. It’s only when she lets her devil free that she is also free from pain, the same going for Ray 

And if you try to save Ray, just as V did, you’ll end up being hurt. Only, Unknown is violent, rather than malicious. Other than hurting V’s eyes, which was violent yes, but it was a metaphorical violence. She wasn’t hurting him because she gained satisfaction, it was his compliance that fueled her, Rika doesn’t show any violence. Unknown is violent though, and threatens bodily harm. If you and Ray got together, and you tried to ‘take away his devil’ Unknown would end up physically hurting you. Which would KILL Ray inside. Rika’s light has probably been withering in agony at what she’s been doing. 

Ray is the more literal idea of what Rika is, and it’s sad because it promises that Ray and MC cannot be together, at this point anyways. The game insists Rika is beyond repair, therefore so would Ray. And you can’t justify that it’s the medicine. What Ray is showing is literally Multiple Personality Disorder. I don’t know if that can be caused by drugs, but it sure as hell can be caused by trauma, and it can be treated, but it will never go away. Ray had probably had it his whole life. Chertiz doesn’t do a good job at accurately describing (Or using, for that matter) mental illness, but in Ray’s case, I can accept it because it was used as a literary device, rather that a plot point, which actually makes me kind of love it. I don’t like the Rika is mentally ill excuse because that isn’t how mental illness should be showcased, but with Ray, it’s used in a way to get a point across. 

And that point is, MC and Ray can never be happy together. 

Now, one might argue that, in the Deep Route secret ending, Saeran DOES start to get better. But that is a result of Seven, not MC. MC cannot save Saeran, only Saeyoung can, because that is what he needs. Also, in the deep route, Ray is already expelled from Saeran, or he never existed at all. Saeran shows a bit of MPD in deep route, but not as distinct and separated as in V’s route. Which means that Ray had probably been expelled from Saeran at some point, and Unknown had been in charge almost all of the time. Which is why it’s much easier for Saeyoung to get under his skin and eventually help him, because Unknown is stronger and cockier, but just as he made a mistake with his hacking and allowed Seven in, he probably made a ‘mistake’ in deep route and let seven in. 

The only thing going for the idea that MC could save Ray is how reliant he seems to be on her. Even when she chooses V, and even when Unknown comes out, he still relies on her to make him feel better, still wants her around. The only way I can see it working is if Saeran is forced into getting better, just as he was in deep route, but he and MC had already established some sort of bond, like in V’s route. He may still want her to ‘save him from the pain’, but even then, he may reject her care the same way he did to seven, thinking she betrayed him. 

Sorry this got long but I love Saeran a lot and it makes me sad that there is just no way to save him. 

wintry asks

snowflakes - what’s your least favourite genre of books or movies?

hot chocolate - what is your astrological sign? Is it accurate to your personality?

mittens - describe one of the most selfless things someone has done for you.

cinnamon - do you like your name? Would you change it if you could?

hoodie - how different was your life five years ago?

icicle - do you prefer living in small towns or big cities?

fruitcake - imagine you’re the only person left on Earth. What do you do?

cranberry - do you consider yourself to be a risk taker, or more cautious?

whiteout - do you believe in the idea of love at first sight?

fleece - what personality traits do you consider to be most important in a potential romantic partner?

evergreen - if you could only use one social media platform, which would you choose and why?

mistletoe - do you believe that history is doomed to repeat itself?

sugarplum - what is one of the most important life lessons you’ve learned thus far?

blizzard - what era of fashion would you bring back, if you had the choice?

fireside - do you have any irrational or strange fears?

eggnog - if you had the option to be cryogenically frozen right now, but live to see the distant future, would you do it?

frost - which historical figure fascinates you, and why?

shiver - what’s your typical go-to fast food restaurant? 

hail - if you could live in any video game universe, which would you choose?

peppermint - what colour do you think suits you best?

It Wasn’t Real (part four)

Summary: You’re part of the infamous Loser’s Club, and often asked, what are you afraid of? You reply, nothing, but what your friends don’t know is that your biggest fear is them.

prologue - one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten - eleven - finale

A/N: I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Send me a little comment in the ask section or leave it below on what you thought of this chapter. It doesn’t have to be long, I appreciate every single comment I receive and telling me just helps inspire me to write it more frequently.

Pairing: Loser’s Club x Reader, slight Henry x Reader (you’ll see) Stan x Reader and slight Richie x Reader

Warnings: force, bullying, depressing and sad tones, mentions of sex, and sexual abuse (mild)

Tag’s List: @chalatea - @darlingimafangirl - @chalatea - @myfriendmagislit -@frozenhealswrites - @fl0werb0nes18 - @emotionallyenterprised - @alec-lighwccd - @bellasett - @starshininginthedark - @tastefulcaring - @impulsivesuperrobin - @newtandthediamonds - @huge-waste-of-time​ - @jess-sxcks​ - @theoraekensnotsosecretlover​ - @moonageharry​ - @nieligator​ - @sufferingstilinski​ - @the-fantastic-fandom-dork - @horsiesandstuff​ - @arianamichelle04​ - @alloffmyships​ - @darlingimawriter​ - @gcnnyweasleys​ - @redvelvet-cupcake​ - @almusanzug​ - @d0nt-g0-imagines​ - @brighter-thanthe-sky​ - @murphamy-minefeild​ - @celestesfairy​ - @fly-like-a-grayson​ - @emrysaaryn - @holy-minseok - @antiherojason - @multifandom-states - @mysticsthinking - @ladyfairenvale - @crazyinlovewithbatman - @shaniacboogara - @welcometoourcomputershow - @17marvelousfreak - @funtik2011 - @anon-leaning-against-a-trashbin - @terrashrone - @im-fandom-trash - @mrgrytyrll - @ponyboys-sunsets - @captainslugcat - @eachandeveryfandom - @queenylime
I will no longer be adding anyone!
bolded is who I couldn’t tag.


Originally posted by eddiekaspbraks

It was only five in the evening, yet the sun was setting and the sky was black instead of a peaceful blue hue. Being the month of January, it made the days shorter and the nights longer, something of which you hated. Night was the worst, it reminded you of all the worst things. The dark was a treacherous thing and you despised it.

But yet, as you ran, one foot in front of the other in the quickest motion you could muster, no part of you seemed to care. For the past few days, hell for the past month, you’d been trying to deny what you knew you saw. Tried to tell yourself it was only your nightmares, bleeding into the day and your mind playing tricks on yourself. The images, the memories and the mis-haps, you’d tried to ignore it.

But tonight you were sure, sure that it was IT. It had to be…

When you’d run out of the room and out of the school, you weren’t exactly sure where your feet were leading you. Who could you tell? Who could you tell that wouldn’t think you were a complete mental idiot? Certainly not Henry or any of his friends, and your mother wasn’t an option. 

The option was quite clear, and you knew it deep down that it was the right one. But you didn’t know what they’d think, any of them. They’d left you the minute IT was no longer a threat, and from what you’d seen no one even seemed to remember that clown that taunted you all. Wouldn’t they think you were insane as well? The thought pained you, made you feel isolated in your fear… but you reminded yourself that they had been there. You remembered it clearly, they saw IT then, so why couldn’t they now?

You had to tell someone… but your options were limited. Bill? Beverly? You didn’t even know where they were nowadays. Ben? No… MIke? No. Stan? Hadn’t spoken one word to him in months. That only left Eddie and Richie… neither of which you wanted to confront, after the whole episode in the hall. Eddie seemed like the better option, seeing as Richie hated you from what you’d seen… but you knew his mother and knew he’d be home by now. You weren’t getting into that house no matter how hard you tried.

That only left Richie… and you knew exactly where he’d be.

Keep reading

Fifth house;

Having spent much time in deep and introspective 4th house contemplations, this is where we open the curtains to ourselves. We let long arrows of light illuminate the inner world, exposing the brilliance of our identity while also allowing us to see how stunning the outside world can be.

The fifth house symbolizes our creative light, ruling over all matters that materialize Love’s creative powers, from which all rich and lively things derive. Sunny and inspiring, it describes artistic ideas, romanticized dreams and how the creative expression of the self takes place, while also ruling over the most creative endeavour: the ability to wholeheartedly interact with children. Here is our playful, imaginative self.

Conditions of this house reflect how one fantasizes about being admired and recognized and how to obtain that recognition and sparkling applause. This is the reason behind this house’s association to sports, recreational activities, romantic affairs and sexuality. All of these things reinforce human identity and uniqueness, infusing the conscious mind with feelings of confidence, pride and dignity for one’s own unique way of being. This is the kind of stage where we’d like to stand and extend our personal light to all living things around us, much like what the Sun does when generously presenting us with his loving beams of gold.

This is where we look within to find a dazzling star, a recreation of the same fiery love that created us.


Sun in the 5th house: an athlete marches honourably, wearing golden laurel wreaths that gleam under the Sun’s many spotlights; admirers follow happily. This is a symbol for one’s own stunning experiences with one’s own self, as the Sun’s influence here draws lively attention to one’s own personal light. A proud and noble self-expression of the self is favoured here, for the individual may be in a tender love with their own identity. Such fiery love is radiating, also favouring the development of a generosity that wishes to see people shine brightly too. This Sun adores being admired, and so it tends to enjoy engaging in artistic, athletic and romantic activities that may provide him with the applause he so passionately desires. This must be what is like to be a god.

Moon in the 5th house: children play cheerfully, dancing in circles as they sing innocent songs of a pure and bountiful world. Spontaneous and passionate, feelings here are easily expressed through art in a unique, charming expression of the self. On the 5th house’s theatre stage, the Moon overflows with emotional waterfalls twinkling under crystal moonlight; the emotional expression is dramatic, theatrical and often tragic. There is an emotional need to indulge in feelings of admiration and comfort, and the individual may find dealing with mundane responsibilities rather tiring or tedious. Nurturing abilities here are specially tender and kind, as they are entwined with a sunny idea of how love should be: pure, passionate and fantastic. These inner traits fluctuate languidly to the outside and become remarkably hypnotizing.

Mercury in the 5th house: a composer listens as their masterpiece is performed in a most famous theatre, dreaming of their own greatness. Comical and mischievous, Mercury loves being recognized and admired for the brilliance of his mind. Artistic expression is highly favoured here, especially through writing. This is a symbol of an exceptionally creative mind, as people with this placement excel at drawing new realities through the use of their communicative abilities, with which they express their fantastic and rich inner mind to illuminate others.

Venus in the 5th house: a beautiful figure takes a sweet nap on a long couch; long, translucent curtains rise and fall serenely, filtrating pointy spears of sunlight through the windows cracking under the summer heat. Venus here adores being praised for her greatness and she also loves identifying her greatness outside of herself; that’s why she indulges lavishly in divine forms of comfort. A supreme symbol of a remarkable appreciation of the Arts, this placement paints a wonderful outside world. This Venus usually finds an immense and fulfilling happiness in being alive in this planet, and she’s intimately in contact with all rich and cheerful aspects of life. Relationships here are passionate, but feel very fresh and exciting.

Mars in the 5th house: young students play tag on a football field, laughing excitedly as they run; the Sun has descended to play in their hair too. People with this placement best express their drive and assertiveness during games, sports, artistic performances and romantic interactions with others. They usually express themselves as quite fierce, competitive and courageous, as their internal light is somehow connected to the way they express their aggressiveness and work actively towards their goals. Mars here is proud and dignified through the strength of his independent nature.

Jupiter in the 5th house: an individual considers an old photograph with a smile: they’re seen laughing in the centre of a large group of joyful friends; fireworks shower in the sky. Here, the great benefic amplifies a happiest part of life, symbolizing the cultivation of inspiring ideals about the joy of being alive. The world here is wonderful, and so is the creative expression of the self, which becomes embedded in a sparkling, inspiring kind of faith and optimism towards life in general. It is natural that the individual cultivates these concepts through indulging in their favourite hobbies and romantic relationships, which can be many and quite fulfilling if the individual is in touch with their own greatness.

Saturn in the 5th house: the windows of a magnificent manor remain shut, letting only a faint golden glow pass through heavy crimson curtains; whatever’s inside cannot be seen in its absolute greatness. The archetype of fear and abandonment here kidnaps the inner child, locking them up in an imaginary dungeon filled with the most terrifying creatures. This is often a symbol of an upbringing that somehow caused one’s internal light to dim, making it hard for them to express their true potential and to feel true happiness and pride in being their essential selves. Saturn here indicates that one will most likely achieve contentment as they rebuild the image of their own selves through a self-love that is reliable and consistent.

Uranus in the 5th house: a curious portrait hangs at the end of the hall of an old museum, haunting its cold corridor with its defying gaze. The fifth house is accustomed to the Sun’s golden rays, shining constantly in its warming light. However, here we have a light that is striking, sudden, hard-shaped and unconventional. People with this placement usually express themselves emphasizing how different they can be from everyone else through their tastes, romantic interests and creative expression overall. They have a different approach to life’s pleasures and this is a reflection of their unique inner nature. There’s a need to stay true to oneself and to be completely independent in one’s own self-worth. The artistic expression here is eccentric and tends to be rather revealing, as if it shattered old patterns of reality.

Neptune in the 5th house: a mysterious figure blows thick curtains of silver from the cigarette they’re smoking, making it impossible for their identity to be clearly determined. People with this placement seek to surrender themselves to life’s pleasures and artistic themes. One’s own personal light is mystified among twinkling clouds, painting the creative identity with fantastic and surreal pastel tones, which are in turn reflected on the outside. It may be difficult for others to pinpoint this individual’s role as an actual individual, and this is because one’s individuality is dissolved in the universe’s consciousness. For this, people with this placement tend to express a pure, unconditional kind of love, and they may also build immense imaginary castles in which they can live their romantic fantasies; it’s rather easy to get lost in there. Artistic expression occurs mainly through themes of mystery, fantasy, love, surrender, magic and destiny.

Pluto in the 5th house: far below, at the ocean’s end, an enchanted jewel waits for it to be found; it’s true power is dormant, sleeping in the form of an incredible potential. The artistic expression is extreme and transforming, since the expression of the self is constantly sending impulses from the Soul’s original desires. There’s an incredible opportunity for approaching themes that are rarely explored in society, provoking strong emotional and unconscious responses in people. Constantly sending messages from the Soul, Pluto here may produce an obsessive or dedicated behaviour towards 5th house themes and activities.


Detail: François Lemoyne, “La vierge en gloire”; 1731-32.

“You may not be the sun that shines above the people, but I alone know of your lunar beauty, which secretly illuminates this land” 

back when i went through my (nigh-inevitable) greek mythology phase in middle school, i can remember searching high and low for any reference of athena and artemis interacting because it just seemed like they would’ve understood each other

and i don’t remember a single instance, and i know that in surviving narratives athena’s generally characterized as a “not like other girls” type, and as i recall they were on opposite sides of the trojan war, and additionally it’s gotta be bordering on heresy to have headcanons for what was once a religion (and still can be when you factor in the modern pagan community) but whatever, let charon pry the bechdel test from my cold, dead hands

Where does the word ‘meme’ come from?

The word meme was originally coined in the 1970s by sociobiologist, Richard Dawkins, from the ancient Greek for imitation. 

He used it to describe how ideas and symbols propagate through a culture like genes through a population. 

With the advent of the Internet, the process became directly observable in how jokes and images were popularized at lightning speed and soon the word came to refer to a certain kind of image.

So ‘meme’ not only describes how words become part of language, the word is a meme itself. As it turns out, there’s a word for words that describe themselves: ‘autological’.

Spread the word! ;)

From the TED-Ed Lesson Where do new words come from? - Marcel Danesi

Animation by TOGETHER

  • Chapter One:
  • March 15th, 2024
  • 4: 57 PM
  • The air was heavy and stale. Neal was passed out on the floor. His gold like hair was brushing his still face. When Neal’s eyes opened all he could see was blurred colors. Neal could hardly speak. His lungs were collapsing. Neal rested his head against a wall made of Calcoon technology, which corrupted the sound waves and motion to protect the cell like enclosure from any external harm. The room was being controlled and monitored by an automated system that functions like a human being. Neal’s hand rested on the cold steel of the floor. He could feel his heartbeat in his throat. All he could hear was his own thoughts running through his head. Until they all stopped the moment he heard a beeping noise from his watch. The beep soon changed into a concerned voice.
  • “Neal, report.”
  • Neal responded with a quivering tone, “captured and harmed.”
  • The man whispered into the phone as if he was telling a secret, “Please tell me you’re okay.”
  • “You know I'm not.”
  • “Can you hold on for 30 minutes?”
  • “The poison takes effect in a couple of hours. I have no idea how long I’ve been passed out. It could kill me any minute now.”
  • “The last time you were recorded anywhere was two and a half hours ago. Think positive. We will get there in time.” Eli’s loud voice assured Neal, and the secret was told. “Can you describe your surroundings?”
  • “Alien lab… looks like an information hub. There are computers processing a list of numbers and symbols. Same language as the markings we have seen so far.”
  • “Any exits?”
  • Neal took a moment to look around, once his eyes adjusted. “I am sealed off. There is no way in or out. There are guards by the doors and heat and motion sensors to track my movements.” Neal paused, “I think we have to accept the fact that I might not make it. I know you want me to be optimistic about this.” Neal takes a deep inhale and as the words came out it sounded like sobbing, “I just can’t.”
  • “Yes, you can. Take your mind off of it. Think about what you're fighting for.” In attempt to lift Neal’s spirits.
  • “Oh, I know what I’ve been fighting for practically my whole life.”
  • “Then keep fighting. Fight for us.”
  • As the phone call ended, a tear streamed down Neal’s face. As he caught his breath he looked around the room. At that moment he could only see one possibility of how this would all end: He was going to die.