no i'm not puns are great everyone should love them even the bad ones

Like pornstars (Josh x OC)

rated: this is R af I’m not even going to lie to you guys, read at your own risk tbh

warning: just mainly he smut, some swearing the usuallll for mee

word count: 2,509 (Long as fuuuuukkkkk)

A/N: Ok, so I received an ask for a link to my smut like days ago and I was supposed to post it here as well but I'm hella trash and basically I never get around to doing anything I plan, but I was writing the Chris one and decided why the fuck not. 

Even though joshtrash already read this she fav af and you should go follow her btw, but anyways I’m going to dedicate bc Josh smut I super important. It’ll add like 2000000+ more years to your life ya know.

KK a heads up, serious fucking like pornstars, though it is fluff at first and in this version it wasn’t a hot water system but a heater system.


Originally posted by aucilla

You don’t 

             love  her

                           Stop lying with these words

“Remind me again how I got dragged into this?” You smirk, Chris pushes you gently with a roll of his eyes.

“It isn’t that bad”

“Are you sure? Because it seems like this party sucks, no offence Josh”

Luckily for you he isn’t listening at the moment he’s too busy trying to hit on Sam, you grind your teeth slightly but leave it be and turn back to your brother- Chris.

“Come on, once  Hannah and Beth fetch the tunes everything will be fine” He reassures you.

“They getting some alcohol as well or?” you question, Chris gives you a glare and you can’t help but laugh. “I’m joking! Chill”

You see Jessica making her way over from across the room and you mentally groan, though the roll of your eyes is more than visible you’re sure.

“So, Chris dragged you along too?”

“It’s not terrible, but it’d be great if we had music!” you yell out.

“Working on it” Beth replies.

You laugh to yourself and your eyes can’t help but glance over to Sam and Josh once again, Jessica follows your line of sight and turns to catch a glimpse herself.

“Someone caught the jealousy bug”

“You wish” you scoff, “Just, isn’t this like a friends get together? I just don’t think it’s fair to throw one and disappear to get laid, it’s rude”

Jessica raises an eyebrow, silently judging you clearly before just shrugging her shoulders.

“I don’t know, I think it’s cool they’re getting along” Chris but’s in.

“Says the guy who spent basically a year "Getting along” with Ashley and still hasn’t made a move yet" you smirk.

A cold breeze drifts through an open window, you wrap your arms around yourself cursing that you didn’t even think to bring a coat.

“Hey- ”

Keep reading

Without You (ch.3)

I’m really hoping this story doesn’t go to shit so please let me know if you can see forecasts of that in advance also I love you
• Chris Evans x Reader •
//soulmate au. you wake up on your eighteenth birthday having switched bodies with your soulmate.//

|Again! If you hate cursing please read at your own risk! I care about your well being and would not!! Whatsoever!! Want you!! To get hurt!!|
Your family eventually did get over the fact that your soulmate was in fact, the Chris Evans, after around 15 minutes. It took quite a while. But that was completely understandable.
    After all, this was the man you’ve fawned over, and defended with all your might for quite some time *cough* for years *cough*, and yet here he was.
    In your home.
    In your very own body.
    Your fucking soulmate.

    Okay, so maybe no one’s gotten over that fact yet, but anyway.
After everyone’s shock and doubt subsided, your dad invited him to join everyone downstairs to have breakfast and talk a bit, get to know each other.
    “Oh wait- shit,” Chris said snapping his- your fingers, “I forgot- before that, could you please tell me where I am?”
    “W-Why do you need to know, honey?” your mom asked with a quiet shake in her voice.
    “I fucking swear if you-” Faith stepped closer to him with her fists balled.
    ‘Maybe they all witnessed a mishap with a soulmate?’ Chris thought curiously.
    “Oh no! No- God no!” Chris quickly defended, “I would never do anything like that! Never, God never. I’ve been waiting for this day ever since my 18th birthday, for years. You don’t have to worry about me making a run for it, never,” he softened the tension in the room.
    “I’m booking a plane ticket for myself, so tomorrow I can fly straight here to you know,” he explained sheepishly. “Meet my soulmate.”
    Despite how people would describe him, and the type characters he’s played, Chris was the sweet type. He was for sure, with no doubt whatsoever, a completely hopeless romantic.
    Everyone in the room aww’ed at that.
    Even your brothers. Which really wasn’t anything new, but he didn’t know that.
“Promise us you’ll book that ticket, kid,” your dad said warily, “Because you may not make a run for it, but (y/n) just might. She’s- well she’s uh- she-
    “She’s insecure. She doesn’t think good of herself,” Julia continued for him, knowing very well your dad would start to tear up. “She can’t take a compliment without fervent resistance, and even then she has to say something like ‘Oh, I’m not, but you sure are’.”
    “When she wakes up in your body,” Curtis said shaking his head, “She’s gonna feel sorry for you.”
    “Wh- Why?”
    “Because you’re doomed to have her as a soulmate, or so she would say,” the younger Chris answered. “And it’s up to you to prove her wrong Chris, it’s up to you to settle her heart.”
    “This day has been so special to us because we know how much good you’ll do and be for her,” Keara smiled sadly, hopefully.
    “I promise, I will,” Chris reassured your worried family, determined. “But before then, I need my location.”
    “Over breakfast of course,” your dad smiled at him- in your body which was still so fucking weird. “I’m sure we’re all quite hungry.”
    You’ve come close to crumpling the letter you wrote several times already. And for fuck’s sake it’s only been 2 hours since you woke up switched.
    You were scared. You were sad.
    ‘You’ll just have to accept it and live with that black hole in your heart forever, (y’n),’ enticed your anxious mind.
    For one last time you got up out of the covers you were anchored in to crumple that goddamned letter.
    But 3 loud knocks on Chris’ bedroom door saved you.
   “YO CHRISTOPHER GET YO LAZY ASS UP MOM MADE SOME BREAK FAST!” yelled a voice you knew as Chris’ younger brother, Scott.
    A small pause and a silent snicker followed by a really bad pun ensued, “And -snicker- if you don’t get the fuck up your stomach will break fast.”
Next thing you knew you were on the carpeted floor by Chris’ bed, clutching your stomach, laughing hysterically at Scott’s attempt at a break fast pun.
    “That was so bad,” you wheezed between stomach cramps as you wiped your tears.
    “Oh my fucking God,” Scott exhaled with utter shock in his eyes as he stared at you- well, technically he was staring at Chris but he just knew that he wasn’t there. “YOU GUYS NEED TO GET UP HERE RIGHT THIS SECOND PINK ALERT EVERYONE THIS IS NOT A FUCKING DRILL THIS IS NOT A FALSE ALARM PINK FUCKING ALERT GREAT THINGS ARE WORTH WAITING FOR ALERT GET YOUR LAZY ASSES UP HERE!” he yelled that so fucking loud you could swear your family could here it all the way from California. And you were in Boston.
    Not a second was wasted when you heard frantic footsteps, rushing movements, and something dropping as Chris’ family came flooding through Chris’ bedroom door and pouring onto the floor on top of one another.
    ‘They’re such a wonderful family,’ you smiled to yourself, chuckling at them. ‘They really love Chris.’
However, no one joined your laughter. They were in way too much shock.
    Scott was the first to approach you, hugging you, “First of all I just want to say I like you already thank you for laughing at my pun I hope we can exchange puns more often oh my God I finally have someone to bother Chris with oh my God I’m so excited to meet you as you holy fuck I’m so sorry if I’m rambling please tell me to stop because if you don’t I think I might not,” he finished with an sharp intake of breath as you chuckled at his reaction. “Oh my God this is so fucking weird I’m talking to Chris and hearing his laugh but not really. Can someone please take me away from her before I scare her away,” he rambled as he let go of your- Chris’ shoulders.
    You chuckled as you returned his previous hug briefly, “It’s fucking surreal, I know right?” you grinned at him. “I’m pretty sure I had it for breakfast yesterday.”
    “OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU ARE PRECIOUS!” he laughed as he gave you one last hug.
    Your laughter was abruptly interrupted when you saw Chris’ mom crying. You approached her right away, not caring if you didn’t know her, and hugged her tightly.
    You’re always at the ready when someone is in pain, it was an automated reaction. No one should be in pain alone without any comfort or refuge.
    “You worried us so much, honey. What took you so long?
she sobbed into your- Chris’ chest as she hugged you oh so tightly. She felt as though if she didn’t, you would somehow slip away.
    “Being born, I guess,” she chuckled at your lighthearted, but totally true, answer as you wiped her tear stained cheeks.
    “Thank you for finally being here,” she whispered to you as she embraced you one last time.
    You smiled sadly at her as you came to the realization that they must have gone through so much having to wait for this day to come. You felt so sorry that it’s all because of you. “I’m so sorry,” you said facing them all with an arm still around Chris’ mom for comfort as she composed herself. “For all the pain I must have caused.”
    “Oh, bullcrap,” Chris’ dad, Bob reassured you as he took his wife, Lisa from your side and held her in his own arms. “We don’t blame you, not at all. Don’t you dare feel that this is your fault,” he told you.
    “Yeah! We blame Fate. That monster, keeping you from us all this time,” Shanna half-joked as she approached you to take you up into a bone crushing hug. “It’s so wonderful that you’re here,” she grinned at you brightly.
    “Oooooooh, Gosh I can’t wait to meet you as you!” Carly squealed as she hugged you giddily. “I bet you’re fuckin’ hot.”
    The room erupted in laughter as you involuntarily blushed, “I dunno, I’m not so sure about that. I’m not even sure if you’ll get to meet me,” you muttered nervously.
    You could tell they all heard you, but thankfully they all put that aside due to their uncontrollable excitement, and began introducing themselves one by one, crushing you in their arms and peppering you with their kisses.
    They all warmly welcomed you into their quaint family, and you felt so very loved. It was incredible. I mean, they haven’t even met you yet, but here you all were.
    Bob interrupted Scott’s unfinished pun, much to his dismay, and pointed out how none of you have eaten breakfast yet.
    “Oh, right! The food must be cold by now!” Lisa urged you all out of Chris’ bedroom and into their beautiful kitchen.
    It was a silly sight. A bundle of adults still in their pajamas, sat at their kitchen island eating slightly cold, slightly warm breakfast while eagerly getting to know their family member’s soulmate. Who also happens to be in that very family member’s body. It was quite the sight.
    “Oh yeah! I’m (y/n) by the way,” you smiled sheepishly with a mouthful of food as everyone laughed at the sight.
{AYEYAY I IMPROVED IT <3 Now I’m satisfied.}

The Zodiacs in my experience (I'm a scorpio)

Aries: Kind and open minded. They may not always crack up the best jokes, but when they do it’s a moment of pure, raw laughter that lasts for several minutes. They are dedicated people that know their shit and are usually very talented at whatever their hobbies are. Very good friends and are usually responsible. Don’t get on their bad side, though. They are fierce and can tear you down to bits with their facts regarding how much of a piece of shit you are.

Taurus: Very nice and sweet, are always open to new ideas though it may be difficult for them to grasp them at first. Have a nice sense of humor. They are sTUBBORN AS SHIT but they almost always have the best of intentions. Can be annoying at times, but they are still very loyal friends that will be with you through thick and thin. Whatever you do, don’t piss them off. They will rant a very long time about how much of a shit you are and you’ll just have to sit through it.

Gemini: Ultra sweet, very quirky, but can also be shy at times. Always up for something new to learn and will usually judge with their brains instead of their hearts. They will always try to help you out or go on hangouts with you because they’re just amazing friends. Tbh I’ve never pissed a gemini off so I can’t say much about their bad side. This zodiac is the shit and everyone should have a gemini in their life.

Cancer: ily so much my babies ugh <3 Though they can be awkward at first, all cancers I’ve met have ended up being best friends with me. They are quirky, funny, kind, and are up for whatever challenge faces them if they know there won’t be terrible consequences later on. They are creative and talented, honest and loyal, thoughtful and caring. They are also very forgiving, so if you get in some deep shit with them they know how to handle it and let you vent, then they’ll proceed to guilt trip you/forgive you.

Leo: I honestly don’t know how you guys manage to be in your level of awesomeness ugh. They are rad, nice, open minded, and are always up for wild adventures. Talented and creative, they are usually very good people to ask advice for because they have a good balance between judging both emotionally and rationally. They are loyal friends that put a lot of work into whatever is their passion and all I can say is I think they’re stunning individuals. But please for the love of everything holy do nOT BE RUDE, I REPEAT DO NOT. bE. rUDE. They will screw you over big time and basically that’s just their warning of “don’t mess with me again imma fuck u up”

Virgo: Kind and compassionate, mature beyond their years. Their sense of humor is gold and usually clean. They are classy, quiet irl, loud on the internet, and clever. Though I’ve encountered many virgos across my life, our friendships didn’t last long because we would cut off communication, but they are still very good friends while the relationship lasts. Their bad side isn’t so bad because they are tolerant of your bullshit, which imo makes them very admirable and good role models.

Libra: Adorable and extremely sweet. They are passionate but are sometimes lazy, which pulls them back from what they want to dedicate themselves to. They know how to lighten up a mood and they know when to do so which is what makes them so likable and admirable. Don’t get on their bad side, please. They might forgive, but it’s hard for them to move on, and deep down they will most likely have a grudge against you even if they don’t know it (But they know. Oh boy, do they know.)

Scorpio: (ironically I can’t stand scorpios though I am one soooo) Fierce, loyal, masterminds. They are downright sarcastic and hilarious which makes them very popular among large crowds. Extremely talented, extremely intelligent, and to top it off, extremely sensual. Everybody loves them, but secretly most scorpios detest each other (and that’s not just me, that’s every other scorpio I’ve asked this). They may be hard to befriend, but once you do, you’ll have a friend for life. Call them at any hour, they will make sure to get back at you ASAP. bUT PLEASE WHATEVER YOU DO JUST DO NOT TRY TO HAVE AN ARGUMENT WITH THEM THEY WILL TURN IT INTO SOMETHING PERSONAL AND GO TO YOUR VERY CORE AND DEMOLISH IT. These fuckers are great with analyzing your every gesture, word, and they will turn it against you. They have the ultimate grudges so please watch what you say behind their backs or they wiLL FIND YOU. (I just want to note that scorpios are great we just don’t like each other but plz don’t be afraid of us we’re super sweet and fun to hang out with ^~^)

Sagittarius: Super sweet, super compassionate, all around adorable and they are complete cuties. Lovely jokes that are usually puns. They are super shy when you first meet them but they will be open with who they are once they take a liking to you. They are talented but they don’t like to show it off, it’s their secret that they’re better at whatever you do by 10x. I’ve never gotten on a their bad side, but I do know that they are super forgiving (the kind of people that will say sorry for even the smallest of their clumsy actions).

Capricorn: Chill and really nice. They are the most open minded of them all and are not afraid to try something new (as long as it doesn’t get them killed). They are creative and quirky, and are very good friends. They may not say much from time to time, but when they do you’re guaranteed to have a great conversation with them. Don’t underestimate their chill and easygoing nature, though. They know how to screw you up big time if you dare defy their awesomeness.

Aquarius: Very kind and attractive personalities. They know how to light up a room and their sense of humor is bound to get at least a chuckle out of you. They are deep, sentimental people and they know how to communicate their feelings with ease for their friends but not their love interests. They can sometimes be conflicted, but they usually know better than to hurt themselves or others in the process, and can resolve their issues by themselves. They are fierce and competitive and if they feel like you are attacking them in any way, they will be quick to react and will usually call you a piece of shit and that almost always guarantees their victories in arguments.

Pisces: Cuties, adorable, sweetie pies, just plain lovelies. They are very bubbly and love a good happy ending. They are talented and very open to criticism. Also, I find them to be the funniest of the zodiacs. Genuine human beings that are never afraid of the truth. They are very good at picking their fights, however I’ve never actually gotten in trouble with one so I can’t say if they are nightmares.