no i'm a sociopath

Day in the life of a scientist
  • Me, at an art store: I need a paint marker with low toxicity and a delicate tip.
  • Employee: What kind of project are you working on?
  • Me: It's for a research project. I just need bright colors.
  • Employee: What medium are you using? Canvas or paper?
  • Me: uh....spiders.
  • Employee: Plastic or felt?
  • Me: ....live spiders. Like, from the forest.
  • Employee: ....
  • Employee: I have to get back to the counter.
  • Random Guy: So, what do you like to do for fun?
  • My Awkward Self: Oh you know, research the differences between sociopaths and psychopaths while I also research different personality and mood disorders to the wee hours of the morning.
  • Random Guy: So you're not down to fuck?
  • My Awkward Self: Nah

“Baby, I’m a sociopath,
Sweet serial killer”

- Serial Killer, Lana Del Rey

Ok, so this may be weird since I made a big, emotional post this afternoon about how Tim Drake is so selfless and caring and too good for this world… but hear me out, Tim Drake Antisocial Personality Disorder AU.

Given his parents and background, the idea that Tim has Antisocial personality disorder, known colloquially as a sociopath (manipulative, impressive liar, charming when wants to be, generally doesn’t feel many emotions or care much for others) isn’t that extreme. I think he’d become interested in Batman and Robin because the thrill of unlocking Gotham’s biggest secret appeals to the arrogant part of him. He learns Batman’s identity and preens to himself and then sits on the information until the time is right. He’s seen the new Robin, he knows Jason Todd is going to mess up big time and Tim will have Bruce right where he wants him. Jay dies and Timmy puts on a cute lil sweater vest and his sweetest, fakest smile and proclaims that ‘Batman needs a Robin’ but oh no Mr. Wayne I’m not trying to replace your son (except he is) and he does and soon Gotham has her third Robin.

And Tim’s a good Robin, honestly. I mean you can have a personality disorder and still be a good guy, don’t stereotype. He just doesn’t feel much for pretty much any of the people he’s saving, can’t grow attached to any of his friends and allies, doesn’t feel angry at any villains causing harm. He’s just there being the hero because he likes the attention and adoration that heroes get and the supervillain lifestyle doesn’t fit his aesthetic. Time passes and little cracks in Tim’s perfect façade appear and people start to see what he really is. It’s fine though, you have to be a little weird to be a superhero anyway. So what if Tim has the emotions of a rock? Is it a requirement that heroes have to care or like people?? So Tim is able to be more of himself and yeah, he scares the crap out of people, but he’s a good hero. And while he may not have strong emotions for people, he does respect people he thinks are worthy and he does treat his “"friends”“ and ”“family”“ well because well, once they came into his life, they became his property and he keeps his things safe.

Tim’s never killed anyone, doesn’t mean he won’t, but he mostly respects Bruce’s wishes and, more importantly, knows his career is over if he breaks that rule. But that’s not to say Tim hasn’t purposely hurt people before. The truck carrying Captain Boomerang to prison got into an accident, Harkness was left paralyzed from the neck down. After Superboy died, Luthor suffered a frontal lobe hematoma that left him with the IQ of a third grader. When Bruce was struck down by Darkseid, he went in search of his mentor, and came back with a blood on his hands and a smile that said that Bruce was alive. Ra’s al Ghul has made no comments on what occurred in the desert, mostly because no one knows what happened to him. It’s nothing anyone can prove, and believe you, Bruce has tried to prove it even though he hopes against hope he’s just being paranoid. There’s never any evidence Tim Drake has done anything wrong and people are willing to, not turn a blind eye, but not quite see the whole picture.

Because Tim is still a hero, a brother, a son, a friend, even if he’s not quite got all his pieces together. He can be sweet, in his own cunning, Tim sort way. He puts only about 50% effort into maintaining his cover in private, just human enough so people will tolerate his presence. It’s okay, they know and they accept him as he is. In the small, shriveled part that Tim calls a heart, he appreciates that they don’t try to fix him and still care about him. He’s not perfect, but no one is and he does fight the good fight because it’s cool and, I don’t know, it’s the right thing to do he guesses. There are worse ways he could be spending his time.

So Tim will sit with his sharp, observant, but completely devoid eyes sipping a cup of coffee at breakfast. His face is expressionless. Jason says he looks like a dead fish and Tim mimes a smile and is already calculating revenge. Dick hugs his middle brother even though he know Tim derives no enjoyment from it, he does it mostly to make himself feel better, that he’s not totally abandoning his creepy lil brother the empty pit in his head. Tim puts up with it because Dick is so much worse when he fusses. Cass never really warms up to Tim, he’s something different, his body never says anything, his face doesn’t give any indication of what he’s thinking. He is wrong. Tim glances over his coffee cup at his sister, she is right. Damian and Tim have conversations about how foolish people are and how you can twist them to do what you want. These conversations are short as literally everyone will pull Damian away. It’s not that we don’t love you Tim, but you’re hurting Damian’s emotional health. You don’t want someone else like you, you’d hate the competition.

Tim just shrugs, there is no one else like him.

If you think I don’t text you enough or give enough news just know that I’ve moved away from my country a year ago and only spoke to my best friend 4 times and my brother 2 times since then and I love them both to death and it doesn’t change our relationships whatsoever. It’s not in my nature to reach out and frankly it’s okay and I hate people making me feel guilty for that. I still love my friends and my family either way, but if you force me or pressure me or guilt me into talking to you every day or even just in general well I’m sorry but maybe we aren’t meant to be friends. 

I’ve only seen Sherlock and Dad drunk once. They didn’t mean for me to witness it. I came home early to Baker Street from Molly’s house cause she got sick to see Dad passed out in his car and Sherlock trying to compose a violin piece while completely plastered. All in all it was a great night because a giggly, drunk, Sherlock and I ended up prank calling Anderson at like 1 o'clock in the morning.

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“People with antisocial personality disorder exhibit a lack of conscience, even towards friends and family members. Their destructive behavior surfaces in childhood adolescence, beginning in excessive lying, fighting, stealing, violence, or manipulation.

They basically don’t care about any negative consequences of their actions, and because they lack the capacity for empathy, they don’t give a dang about you, or anyone else.” (x)

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the titles