no i won't make that joke

Reblog to save a ‘Be More Chill’ fans life

DEH characters as things I have said to my friends
  • Evan: Do you secretly hate me and only hang out with me out of pity
  • Connor: Who here wants to fake date me at our high school reunion because I will inevitably be alone
  • Jared: I make so many gay jokes because I am a gay joke
  • Alana: No I can't hang out because I have homework for both of my schools to work on and extra-curriculars and extra credit work oh and I'm also busy because I want to finish this 500 page book by tomorrow
  • Zoe: When I'm accepting my Tony I won't mention you if you don't do these harmonies with me right now
  • Larry: Repressing emotions is so fun, amirite guys? Guys?
  • Cynthia: No I don't eat candy sorry
  • Heidi: I love you all so much have you had enough water today?
Reasons why I won't ever get married

- hate most people
- annoying
- my surname is Butler and I need to keep it that way because I fully intend to continue making ‘simply one hell of a Butler’ jokes well into my old age and I can’t bear to throw away this golden opportunity that life and good fortune have provided me with
- ugly

The Adventure Zone Arcs and Lunar Interludes in a nutshell
  • Here There Be Gerblins: very slow, and a bit like a basic D&D game, but actually contains some important plot stuff
  • Moonlighting: bitch, you thought we was playing basic D&D, nah, welcome to the MOON
  • Murder on the Rockport Limited: take a break, solve a murder mystery and a train going at very fast.mph with your very good friend Angus Mcdonald
  • LI 1; Chaos Carnival: things get freaky but do not fear, Steven the goldfish is here
  • Petals to the Metal: nature and racing is gay now. sorry I don't make the rules
  • LI 2; Internal Affairs: our good boy Angus Mcdonald has returned. oh, also Red Robes are a thing, I guess
  • Crystal Kingdom: an upsetting amount of foreshadowing and vore jokes. Griffin why
  • LI 3; Rest and Relaxation: ~bonding time~
  • 11th Hour: now it's time for groundhogs day-esque time loops and also tragic backstory reveals and also more foreshadowing
  • LI 4; Calm Before the Storm: why won't our boys talk to each other? Also, wtf Taako, chill on the shopping sprees
  • Suffering Game: as the name will imply, it is time to s u f f e r
  • LI 5; Reunion Tour: so I heard you like plot twists and reveals
  • Stolen Century: IPRE stands for "I loPve my childRen, why must they suffEr like this?"
  • Story and Song: HOLY SHIT! THIS IS IT! THIS IS IT!
Rick’s other half

The most beautiful thing about their relationship is that Michonne literally completes Rick. When he’s weak mentally or physically she’s strong. When he’s hard and closed off she’s compassionate and understanding. When he’s unmotivated or distracted she’s determined and focused, but most importantly

she has an spectacular ass because he doesn’t have one at all

now tell me that isn’t true love?

gif credit: @heartfulloffandoms

I’m pretty sure only two people at most will get this joke. But at least I’m certain this is going to be the worst thing I ever post.

Stuff I've Actually Heard People Say
  • "Yeah, I just stuck him in the microwave."
  • "My friends and I have planned a murder for after school. Any tips?"
  • "You have another arm?" "Dude, everyone has two arms."
  • "It's simple, you just gag them and throw them in the trunk!"
  • "To heck with paleontology."
  • "Can you imagine if Velociraptors had wings?" "Well, actually-"
  • "Suh dude." "Same."
  • "Guard it with your life." "My knife?"
  • "First, you need have no life, Second, sell your soul to Adele."
  • "Feet; they're hands for your legs."
  • "Wow, those sure are some nice fish scales on your facial protrusions." "You really know how to sweep a girl off her feet."
  • "It's not even good garbage."
  • Teacher to the class: "Guys, I'm sorry but uh... my dog ate your homework." *Passes back chewed-up papers*
  • "Bros before toes."
  • "Woah, Dude, is that Harambe on your lock screen?" "Dude, that's my dog."
  • "Can you imagine just walking up to someone and slapping them in the face with a piece of meat?"
  • "Hey man, got any gum." "Nah dude, I'm about to kill myself." "I'm not sure how those are related, but okay."
  • "You're made of good dirt."
  • "Stop breathing so much."
  • "All my drawings look dead inside because I am dead inside."
  • "I didn't have lunch this morning."
  • "I have a strong desire to make dictators dance."
  • "Is this revenge for the octopus at the fair?"
  • "Embrace your inner childhood." "Embrace? You've got yours in a headlock!"
  • "Make sure you have Target popcorn at my funeral."
  • "And fill my coffin with glitter."
  • "I put the 'fun' in funeral."
  • "Oh my gosh, someone is going to get punched in the throat."
  • "I could do math in the time it's taking this light to change."
  • "We were both crying; it was fun."
  • "It's Halloween! Merry Christmas!...Wait."
  • "So like, if a centaur got arrested, would you handcuff its' legs?"
  • "Yeah, and I like the smell of farts."
  • "I stuffed your heart in my pencil bag, so I won't forget."
  • "Life sucks, but at least I have my Poptart."
  • "I want to build a mirror out of spoons."
  • "Joke's on you, I don't have a soul."
  • "Boy howdy do I like eating leaves off the ground."
  • "I'd rather be burnt toast than frozen bread."
  • "When I die, bury me in a Hefty bag... but make it a pretty color."
  • "I just got a great idea." "Dress up as Batman and beat up ____?"
  • "Plan B: Cry"
  • "Oh yeah, the guy with the head on his neck."
  • "I just choked on an oat."
  • "You're a substitute for a good friend."
  • "Dude, I once dropped a breakfast burrito on the garage floor, and I still ate it."
  • "We never go stale. Unlike our jokes."
  • "They speak American."

anonymous asked:

hey, I was just wondering, no ages have actually been revealed right? there's no canon ages? besides the fact that all the official VLD media refers to the paladins as teens? I didn't miss that memo? so all this shit about Shiro being a pedophile, and apparently you and your coworkers for making harmless jokes, is all bullshit? I'm so sorry you gotta deal with this shit dude. from experience I can definitely tell you that engaging with them won't accomplish anything. just ignore and block them.

Canonically it’s a little hazy but Shiro is about 25 while Pidge is around 15 and the rest of the Paladins are something like ~17+ (“late teens” which means 17 18 or 19) … and they age in space by the way. They don’t stay their starting age the whole time.

the signs as andrew jackson jihad lyrics
  • aries: i hate everything you do but i'm trying really hard to not hate you because hating you won't make you suck any less
  • tarus: rejoice despite the fact this world will kill you, rejoice despite this world will tear you to shreds, rejoice because you're trying your best
  • gemini: the big red bird that lives under the city doesn't give a damn about me and it dies every night
  • cancer: i am a blank page in a notebook waiting to be filled with countless drawings of cocks
  • leo: i like telling dirty jokes, and i like smoking crystal meth, but darling i love you
  • virgo: you don't know your own power, you don't know what you're worth, you don't recognize your valor, and until you do, nothing you do will matter
  • libra: i would finally meet my maker, i could meet the great creator, and i'd punch him for teaching me how to sing
  • scorpio: in this life we lead, we could conquer everything, if we could just get the brave to get out of bed in the morning
  • sagittarius: hope is for presidents and dreams are for people who are sleeping
  • capricorn: in fucking fact, mrs. robinson, the world won't care whether you live or die
  • aquarius: i wish i had a bullet big enough to kill the fucking sun, i'm sick of songs about the summer, and i hate everyone
  • pisces: i'll never fix your car, or find you another dead end job, so let's lay on this carpeted floor and draw with crayons

brandon we’re gonna have to start taking pickup trucks to the bookstore if you keep making these books longer!! please!! i can only lift so much!!

How to tell if The Signs like you
  • Aries: Will be more bubbly, and have less of a mean streak. Will be really fun around you.
  • Taurus: They'll probably try to be with you as much as possible. Won't say much, and will probably try to grab your arm or something.
  • Gemini: Something they do the most: Talk to you, A LOT. They might ask more about you and act interested in what you talk about.
  • Cancer: Will be very low-key around you. Will look at you with starry eyes. They might even open up more to you (more for male than female).
  • Leo: Most likely will try to be really funny around you. They'll just have that look in their eyes that says that they're enthralled.
  • Virgo: They'll probably be super nice to you, and help you with anything that you need. They may even try to do something cute to get your attention. Prepare for a lot of jokes (they might be funny).
  • Libra: Will show a more softer side of them that they don't show to everyone else. But they'll be kinda mean in a joking way.
  • Scorpio: They will share their interests and hobbies with you. Won't be as salty. They may even stare at you a little. When I say little I mean A LOT.
  • Sagittarius: They'll never even make fun of you, even in a joking way. Sagittarius' will be really sweet and will do anything for you. Very loyal.
  • Capricorn: Will start to open up to you. This takes a lot of time. Like Virgo, a lot of jokes, so prepare yourself. Won't say anything somewhat romantic, but will serve you.
  • Aquarius: Has a more independent, and detached kind of love. But will care for you deeply. They'll stand up for you of someone even does something the don't approve of to you.
  • Pisces: At first, will deny they have feelings for you. But in time they start to soften at the idea of love and will try to be as casual as possible. But when they love you. they mean it.

I hate people that ship characters that are obviously straight, but people make them gay/bi etc.

anonymous asked:

Halo 2's cover art was made canon by Hunt The Truth though, as there was a whole section dedicated to how Ben took that photo and then ONI cropped it and edited out all of the bad stuff to make it propaganda.

I hear Ben actually took the pictures of chief in every single halo cover art somehow, he’s known as “the silent photographer”

Ho Ho Hold On A Damn Minute
  • Harry was alone on Christmas Eve, with Eggsy off to Mass with his mother. Trying to be on the protective mother's good-side, especially when he was a sugar-daddy caricature, Harry hadn't complained. He woke up late today and was making brunch when Eggsy bursts in through the front door.
  • Eggsy: I'm leaving the Church. Converting to Tolkienism or something.
  • Harry: *flips a pancake*....did Mass not go well?
  • Eggsy: *hugs Harry from behind, buries his face in Harry's back*
  • Eggsy: Harry, let's elope.
  • Harry: Absolutely not. *sets aside a perfect pancake and pours more batter into the pan*
  • Eggsy: *pulls away from Harry, genuinely horrified* Why not?!
  • Harry: Because, Eggsy, weddings aren't optional. Marriage is for the couple, but weddings are for the family. It binds them together with each other, with us, so we become one family. It's always been that way. I won't take you from your mother like a thief in the night, it's disrespectful. Can't have her thinking she's not integral in our family.
  • Harry: *Flips another pancake*
  • Harry: We'll make a day of it with everyone there and it will be a proper wedding. With dancing and embarrassing stories of us and celebration. Two families becoming one.
  • Harry: *sets aside another perfect pancake while Eggsy stares agape*
  • Eggsy: Hold on a minute, did you just propose to me?
  • Harry: *Pauses and turns to Eggsy* Well, you did, actually. You suggested elopement.
  • Eggsy: I was joking, because I was mad at this woman at church.
  • Harry: *hesitant* Do you....not want to get-
  • Eggsy: Shut up, I'll marry you tomorrow. It'll be a Christmas wedding! We'll do it at the church. It'll piss off that bitch sooooo much!
  • Harry: Eggsy, no.
  • Eggsy: Eggsy, yes. It'll be great! Daisy can be the flower girl, we can-
  • Harry: The rings aren't even ready yet!
  • Eggsy: - get Merlin to-....Ready? Yet?
  • They stare each other down for a moment, before Harry sighs and grabs his plate of pancakes.
  • Harry: I want a May wedding. No compromise. *walks off towards the dining room*
  • Eggsy stares into space for a moment, before snapping out of it and shouting after Harry as he moves towards the dining room.
  • Eggsy: Hold on a damn minute, Harry Hart. You have this planned. You have this planned?
  • Eggsy: Harry.
  • Eggsy: Harry!
  • For some reason he can't explain, Eggsy can't stop smiling.