no i never felt this way before

andrew getting overwhelmed by how much he loves neil…like…before he Never saw this feeling coming he thought it was just his mind making up things while he was on his meds. he’s long since accepted that this is real neil is real but sometimes it hits him so hard, that he can have this. he wasn’t able to have cass the way he wanted because of drake ruining it, ruining him…but now he has neil, and he is able to keep having him. 

neil, who loves andrew unconditionally for who he is. neil, who accepts all of his sharp edges and dark thoughts. neil, who knows when to back away and when to stay close. neil, who wants to be with him and feels just the same as he does. neil, who can see the good in him when everyone else couldn’t. this all hits andrew like a wave crashing onto the shore and he feels like he’s drowning, but it’s a welcomed feeling. because it’s safety, and it feels like home. neil is home and before, he had this twisted, broken view of what “love” is from all those traumatic experiences that still eat away at him, both of them did, but this is new and different from anything else and too much and sometimes andrew wonders if he is really worthy of this, of what neil gives him and makes him feel. 

and there are still passing fearful thoughts that what if he loses him, but waking up to fluttering eyelashes against cheeks and the way the morning sunlight rests against his skin while he’s in a peaceful sleep, seeing those looks neil sends his way, full of adoration and warmth, late night trips to the grocery store together wearing eachother’s hoodies and sweats and picking up andrew’s fave sweets to dull the nightmares he just had and is still feeling in trembling fingers and a rapid heartbeat— 

it all makes their forever click into place and andrew knows that this is it. neil is it for him and it will always be that way

anonymous asked:

Hey Sax. I'm currently exhausted. From working, from going to school and from working out. I've never felt this way before. I haven't reached my goals, in fact I've just started out. I fucked up today (ate veery bad, about 1500 calories too much) but I'm picking myself up. Even when I'm tired. Even when I'm physically and emotionally drained. I'll keep going. Thank you so much for being here and providing help.

Hey anon, don’t beat yourself up. 

You’re trying to build a lifestyle, it’s okay to fail on a micro level. You know there is room for improvement, next time you will be more careful.

I highly recommend you to reduce your time working out and focus on getting enough sleep and food. If you mind is healthy, the rest will fall into place.

More motivation:

https://www.gymaholic.co/

anonymous asked:

Authorial Intent Anon again! Thank you for your answer! I knew who Ford was long before I started watching the show, so I never had any expectations to dash, but I'm not surprised a fandom was a bunch of jerks about something like that. I felt Journal 3 went a long way to providing and explaining Ford's POV and made him a very sympathetic character-- but I didn't think he was unsympathetic to begin with.

There should have been more like you in this hell fandom, stranger.

There should have been more like you

do you ever think about how alex danvers didnt! like! being! intimate! and intimacy isn’t just sex it’s also the little things like pda, sharing things with someone, etc, etc bUT then maggie sawyer grabs her hand while wearing a pretty dress and bright red lipstick and alex, despite being all flustered, gets slapped in the goddamn face with the thought of ‘ohmygod i want her to continue doing this, i dont want her to let go’ and she had never felt that before. and now her gay ass brain short-circuits because she had never experienced actually wanting someone in such a way since for so long she thought she wasn’t ‘built for it’ and how she was probably emotionally stunted and there was something wrong with her, then maggie lets go of her hand and alex feels the loss and i just- alex danvers never liked holding hands until maggie sawyer

You know,
I get drunk when it hurts
and sometimes it’s a blade to the skin.
When I’m angry I kick and scream,
I break things just for the hell of it,
just to see something as broken as I am.
Someone touched me too soon,
apparently blood isn’t thicker than water.
I was left before I breathed my first breath of life,
I never felt as though I was somebody’s daughter.
I only feel useful when I’m being used
and I crave to be hurt again,
sick right?
I stay up late at night
contemplating taking my life,
I count backwards,
then I find myself at zero again with the same dreadful feeling lingering over my head.
I don’t eat enough
or I eat too much,
either way I turn away from the mirror.
I push those closest to me away,
intimacy issues crawling out of my chest.
I will turn you into me,
I will make you ugly,
run while you can still leave.
—  I promise you don’t want to ‘get to know’ me.

in which saeran finally has someone he can spend Christmas with ♥. i have this image of him in my head where he really is just a broken boy who never received any love…


//merry christmas everyone! i was playing the christmas dlc blind and happened to get unknown’s route. i’ve never felt this way before h e lp

Ten years from now I don’t want to tell the story of how I lost the boy of my dreams because I was too afraid to try. No, that’s not my story. This is my story.

I love you. Or at least I like you a lot. I don’t know how it works because I’ve never felt anything this strong before. That might sound crazy but it’s true. You are constantly in my head, like this annoying song stuck on repeat and you try to get it out of there but you can’t. And when we’re together I am insanely happy. And I say insanely because it’s just so much happiness that it almost drives me insane thinking about it. You are goofy and handsome and smart and incredible and so beautiful. Just all of you, in every way, is beautiful.

So maybe my story won’t end with you and me being together. Maybe we won’t ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. But now I know I’ve tried. My story may not be perfect but at least I know that I wrote it, I didn’t let it write me.
—  Story time.
You changed me. I’m not sure if for the better or for worse. My intention was not to love you. I was so carefree before I met you. I was happy with things the way they were. I was loveless but content. I was a wild child. The girl who never settled. Then you came. And for the first time I realized what actual love was. Never in my life have I felt heartbreak while being with someone. Never in my life has it hurt so bad. Loving you hurts…love shouldn’t hurt…but oh there are those days where I swear I can fly by your side..I was afraid of heights but you gave me wings…I don’t want to come back down.

american history books and american news outlets really do pretend the AIDS crisis never happened… i didn’t know a god damn thing about the AIDS crisis before i started reading articles online. the mainstream public tries very hard to pretend it did not happen

i just read a NYT article reassuring the american people that we “felt the way we feel about trump towards reagan too” and how “he ended up greatly improving the country”

and i’m like…. are you fucking serious? is 80,000+ deaths from AIDS by the end of his presidency alone not enough of a fucking failure to count?

this country has always turned a blind eye to our worst mistakes and refused to hold our leaders accountable and now that i’m older and i’m gay myself it burns me to think that society at large really just doesn’t care that reagan’s homophobia wiped out an entire generation of gay men & trans women and set the LGBT rights movement very, very far back

like that’s apparently just not relevant enough for them to criticize him for

Energy Work: Introduction to Fields Exercise


I want to start sharing more of my energy practice, here, and felt the best way to start doing that was to post an “introductory primer”. This meditation is designed to familiarize you with energy and its tactile properties. You can get some use out of this exercise regardless of your experience level (I still practice it, today), and it’s a great entry point for someone who’s never even dabbled before. All you’ll need to enjoy it is a comfortable, quiet place where you’re unlikely to be disturbed for roughly 30 minutes.

Tip: Don’t try to follow along with this text as you perform the exercise. Instead, read it in its entirety before you begin. This way, you can avoid the distraction of scrolling or flipping pages during your meditation. That will kill your focus dead.

Step 1:

To begin, sit or stand in a comfortable position. Shake yourself out, paying particular attention to your shoulders and wrists. Do this until you feel loose and relaxed.
Now, take a deep breath in, filling your lungs to the largest capacity possible. Hold the breath for a count to three, then exhale slowly, through your mouth. Concentrate on your breathing for as long as necessary to make it deep, slow and even. As you inhale, focus on the weight in the middle of your chest. Feel all the tension leave your body as you exhale. Draw your focus inwards, and feel your pulse as it travels through your body. Be still, quiet, and whole. Remain here until you are grounded and focused.

Step 2:

When you feel relaxed and grounded, raise your arms so that your elbows are up and away from your body. With your hands open, turn them so that your palms are facing each other in front of you. The palms of your hands should be roughly one foot apart, and one foot away from the core of your body.Feel your focus slowly travel from your chest, to your shoulders, and down through your arms. Sweep it down past your elbows and wrists until you are focusing on the palms of your hands. You may notice a tingling sensation, or a hyper awareness, in your fingers. Push this feeling out until you are focused on the space between your palms. 

The keyword is ‘push’. Feel a pressure building up between your hands; focus until that pressure is a dense weight.

Step 3:

With your attention still on the space between your palms, physically push them together. You should feel a slight resistance, or “bounce”. Bring your hands together and back apart rhythmically, getting a feel for that resistance. Play with the energy you have gathered there, growing it, condensing it, passing it back and forth between your hands. Get a feel for its properties. This is “you” energy. Get to know it. Take as long as you need.

Step 4:

When you are finished, draw your hands back towards the trunk of your body. Press the tension you have built up against your chest and “breathe” it back in until nothing is left externally.

Repeat the earlier breathing exercise — inhale deeply, hold for three seconds, and slowly exhale through your mouth. Focus on your breathing until it is deep and regular. Bring your focus from your hands, back to your chest. Feel the weight there.

Slowly, begin rolling your shoulders. Roll your head on your neck, and shake out your arms, dispersing any tension. Shake your wrists and hands until they are loose and free. Feel yourself slowly wake from the deep relaxation you enjoyed earlier.

When you’re finished, engage in some mundane grounding activity, such as washing up, eating, or drinking. You might enjoy journaling your experiences so that you can reference them later on.

8

“look kelso, i’ve never felt this way about a girl before, and that pretty much beats our third grade pact. i’m sorry i want to be with her”

↳ anon asked: jackie/hyde or jackie/kelso 

One thing I think people overlook about Yuri on Ice is Victor’s development as a person.

Before he became Yuri’s coach, he was used to things being straight forward and always having a definitive answer. He thinks the easiest way out of things is just to seduce Yuri, as he doesn’t know any better.

Originally posted by fabelyn

Now that he’s been exposed to a whole different emotional side of the world, he’s learning a type of innocence he’s never felt before. He’s coming to realise Yuri’s lack of understanding of all things “Eros” and is learning from Yuri how to guide him through that. 

He is learning just how much of a burden Yuri feels he’s carrying and he changes as a person in that very moment. 

Just by being by Yuri’s side, he can help him win. That’s something Victor had never understood before. Sure, Victor is helping Yuri to grow into a more mature man, but Yuri is helping Victor to develop too. 

But with him, it felt like everything will be okay even if it’s not. With his words, it felt like I’m always secure. Whenever I will hear his voice, and everytime I’ll browse through the pictures of him I have on my phone, I see everything I’ve ever hoped for. And it hurts, that he will never feel that way towards me.

I will never be the person he constantly misses.
I will never be the person he can’t go on a day without talking to.
I will never be the one he has to say goodnight before going to sleep.
I will never be the one he’ll be comfortable sharing anything with.
I will never be the risk that he’s willing to take.
I will never be the one he likes or the one he could possibly love.
I will never have his heart.

And I guess it’s really a hopeless case. It’s like I am the sun and he’s the sea. I will always drown with him every sunset. I will always rise with him every sunrise. But that’s all it is. We look good together but the sun can’t really touch the sea. They can never be. And I guess that’s a reminder for me, that that’s how we will always be.

We can’t.
We aren’t.
And we can never be.

Things Everyone Should Know About Min Yoongi

Or just reasons to love him. (From the POV of a Yoongi stan)

  • loves music
  • LYRICAL GENIUS
  • raps faster than the speed of light. hella control over his voice
  • plays the piano
  • amazing on stage; in his element
  • his mixtape saved hiphop. saved lives. saved the world goddamn Yoongi
  • AGUSTD - Intro: Dt sugA (ft. DJ Friz)                                                                        - AgustD                                                                                                      - give it to me                                                                                              -skit                                                                                                            -724148                                                                                                      -140503 at dawn                                                                                        -The Last                                                                                                    -Tony Montana (ft. Yankie)                                                                          -Interlude ; Dream, Reality                                                                          -so far away (ft. Suran) 
  • he produced the entire thing. it didn’t feel like individual tracks on an album. it felt very complete, in a way i’ve never seen before.
  • released this masterpiece to the world for free; on soundcloud, on a google drive, on mediafire, on spotify…
  • He had no problematic lyrics on his mixtape. He doesn’t imitate or glorify modern American hiphop. There are no meaningless lyrics, no misogyny, no materialism or racial slurs. Instead, he talks about himself and builds on that.
  • worked on his mixtape in between his schedule. sometimes while on the plane, sometimes while working on other music for BTS.
  • Has a polar bear protection bracelet. Really likes polar bears.
  • was the happiest person in the world when he met Kumamon it was all too adorable
  • Very socially aware. Wants to use his fame to shift people’s attention to global problems.
  • When he and Taehyung got sick and were rushed to the hospital, they ended up having to cancel the concert in Kobe. During his vacation time, he went to the stadium they were supposed to perform in by himself and wrote a post about it in the fancafe. He sat in the seats of the stadium and forced himself to imagine the fans’ emotions on the day that was supposed to be the concert. He wrote  a long apology. He felt so guilty it kept him awake every night since the incident. He didn’t know what else to do. He promised never to let the fans down again and to work harder. 
  • works from from 12 am - 6 am on music. even after a full day of training or concert preparation or filming. only to sleep for 2 or 3 hours or not at all to start the next day. sleeps whenever he gets the chance. gives the day’s events his full energy regardless. 
  • when BTS had to pack for their backpacking trip through Europe, he was the one that remembered to pack medicine and first aid supplies. he cleaned up before leaving the hotel room. helped cook. was in charge of their budget. 
  • wrote/composed/produced some of BTS’s best songs:                              -Tomorrow                                                                                                  -Nevermind                                                                                                -Intro (HYYH pt. 1)                                                                                      -Dead Leaves                                                                                            -Fun Boyz                                                                                                  -Just One Day                                                                                            -Let Me Know                                                                                              -Paldogangsan (with Hoseok & Namjoon)                                                  -Cypher pt 1, 2, & 3 (with Hoseok & Namjoon)
  • participates in the making of almost every BTS song
  • he looks gorgeous in every hair colour he’s literally so beautiful
  • once said he would sue Bighit if his hair started falling out lmao
  • his smile that shows his gums
  • laughs in 10 different ways
  • his voice sounds beautiful in Whalien52 aka one of my favourite songs
  • in the song “Move” he dedicated his section to his mom, who was sick after she gave birth to him
  • in “If I ruled the world” he dreams, if he could have anything, it would be to buy a house for his family
  • danced around his studio in the early hours of the morning when “Nevermind” was approved to be the intro of HYYH pt.2
  • really likes lamb skewers. Wants to open a lamb skewer restaurant with Jungkook
  • his only goal is to make music that gives people emotions (comfort). the root of his passion, goes back to when he started making music at the age of 13.
  • his dream was to perform at Olympic Gymnastics Arena. At the end of the concert, he looked for his parents and brother in the crowd. When he saw them, he smiled and got on the floor to do a deep bow, the kind where your forehead touches the ground. This is when he sobbed for the first time at a concert.
  • at fansigns, fans get to write them a question. “What’s more important? Face or body?” is asked a lot, not just to BTS but all Kpop groups. Yoongi is the only one that writes a third option, “Personality” and circles it and writes that it is the most important. He does this every time the question comes up.
  • When given the question, “What type of girl?” or “What type of style do you like in a girl?” He circles all of them.
  • his ideal type is someone who likes music and someone he can communicate with. there are never any other specifications.
  • when asked for the ideal weight in a girl, he writes a ridiculous number
  • when asked what age difference he would date, he wrote “81 years” lol
  • tells everyone to eat well and take care of themselves. loves his fans more than anything.
  • extremely open-minded person
  • when he and Namjoon were being disrespected by Bfree during an interview, he stayed calm and handled the situation well. Then proceeded to drAG THE HELL OUT OF HIM IN CYPHER PT. 2
  • the “S” in Suga stands for “Savage”
  • literally sarcastic all the time
  • “If we’re talking about regrets you should think of some of your past selcas” - to Jimin
  • relatable
  • king of “I meant to do that”
  • the time he and Hoseok reacted to a “Try not to laugh challenge” of their own members and Yoongi laughed so hard he choked
  • his existence is pretty much art in itself
  • the thing he does when his members are doing something embarrassing and he just curls up and covers his face
  • “Min Suga. Genius. Those two words should be enough. *shrugs*”
  • “I want to reincarnate and be a rock in my next lifetime”
  • “I’m Father Louis Williams Suga Adams the Third”
  • “I’m good at doing ugly stuff”
  • “I was destined to be taller, but there were some errors in my development.”
  • “I’d like to introduce you to my lover…this neckpillow"
  • “I’ve always wanted to nap in a different country”
  • on his first birthday after he debuted, he spent his own money to make small gifts for his fans and hand-wrote over 300 notes for the fans that were going to come to see him on his birthday. he spent a long time because he wanted to make each note different. at the event, he got embarrassed because “it’s not much but I hope you all like it”. he learned that instead of 300, 350 came and he made 50 more to send to them. 
  • the next year, he made packages again but this time with transportation cards so the fans could use them when they came to see them. hand-written letters again, signed polaroids and ordered special envelopes. 
  • gave Jimin his credit card to charge the passes with, and when Jimin jokingly said he’s going to spend his money on snacks, Yoongi unhesitatingly said “Okay”
  • he did something again this year, but just didn’t vlog about it.
  • took pictures of Jungkook at his graduation like he was a proud parent 
  • the time when he and Hoseok lost a game and didn’t get dinner. Jimin brought them a crab from their table, and Yoongi let Hoseok have it. “Seeing my dongsaeng eat makes me feel full." 
  • Bangtan love him. They say Yoongi takes care of them well, especially his dongsaengs. He’s the one that silently takes care of them all.
  • The time Yoongi took Jimin out to eat sushi, and while Jimin was tying his shoes, Yoongi paid and told him they could go. "Of course, I’m the hyung." 
  • says his members are his closest friends. says Bighit is like a family
  • when Hoseok was celebrating New Years alone in the dorms, Yoongi left his family and showed up with chicken just so Hoseok wouldn’t have to spend new years by himself
  • Maschine mk2 review what a nerd
  • that time he tried to install a music editing software and ranted for 10 years on the fancafe because technology is problematic 
  • that one time Yoongi got really passionate about coffee and said he needed 309 people to help him "catch” coffee
  • does reviews and gives insight on all of BTS’s albums
  • the time he sang his heart out with Hoseok for “I was able to eat well” and sounded terrible 
  • the time they had a high note challenge and Yoongi sang so “high” that no noise came out
  • so extra. all the time.
  • “the director said it would only take 5 minutes. It’s been exactly 4 minutes and 58 seconds" 
  • that time he had to introduce himself and pulled confetti out of his pocket and threw it over himself 
  • but also unamused
  • he is a paradox
  • “I want to go baaaaaaaack”
  • easily put in his place by Jin, his hyung. But also ignores all of his jokes.
  • cannot dance for his life (literally flailing in DOPE) but is a really good dancer (FIRE ????)
  • he just works hard
  • unhesitatingly kicked Jimin in the balls when he started dancing over his legs while he was trying to sleep. didn’t even wake up.
  • that time Taehyung was really nervous on stage and kept stuttering and messing up his words. the members laughed and poked fun at him, but Yoongi shushed them and the audience and told Taehyung to breathe and relax and start again. This time Taehyung didn’t stutter
  • literally a deadass person at the awards show until Namjoon was up next to perform and Yoongi couldn’t stop being hyped and looking for him
  • makes fun of his members all the time but always makes sure they’re comfortable
  • witty but never crude
  • says he’s not always the best at expressing himself verbally, but wants everyone to know he is always thankful
  • kindest, bravest, strongest person to ever grace this earth. blesses the lives of everyone he touches

There are certain things I didn’t include in there, because they are a part of his mixtape and I think that speaks for itself. 

To Min Yoongi, thank you. 

6

So first of all I’m so honor that we were getting a Snowing parallel to CS, in opposed to the other way around, but I really need to talk about this moment in general because it is much more than the “As you wish” part.

If we analyze this moment for the two couples it was very similar. Both of them had a chemistry and a connection that they never felt before with anyone  (Emma had Neal, Snow had Hercules, but it wasn’t really true love back then) and then the woman stopped the interaction from going forward. Charming wanted to see Snow, in the same way Hook wanted to kiss Emma again. But they stopped and respect the girl wishes.

It was painful for them, you can see their face at the last two gifs. They really don’t want to stay behind, walk away to a farm, or find some firewood. But they did it all the same.

This is the essence of the phrase “As you wish” as a parallel to an “I love you” (as presented first in the amazing movie “the princess’ bride”), respecting the other’s half wishes, even when it contradicts your own wishes and instincts.

Snow and David met again, and Emma and Hook’s kiss was definitely not a one time thing, but their love story wouldn’t have evolve in the way it should have if these two men wouldn’t have respected their soon to be “true love” wish.