no i never felt this way before

anonymous asked:

hey, I'm the concert anon from earlier, maybe I'll just tell her, maybe I'll go without her, but either way, I wanna go to the mens bathroom. I've never done that before though.. any advice on that maybe?

If you felt comfortable telling her I’d encourage that, no point in spending a good night alone ☺️
And as for using a men’s bathroom, I don’t know much because I haven’t brought myself to do that yet, but avoiding eye contact was on a post around here I saw before.
Can followers help anymore?

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i try not to be personal on tumblr anymore because of a lot of reasons and i especially feel weird posting selfies (lmfao #justuglythings) but i just got back from ohio to see basically at this point the love of my fucking life @acrosc

like he has bad anxiety with crowds and i didnt think about it until the concert and i felt really bad but he went anyway and thats like a for sure way to get me to love u forever because concerts are a special thing to me and i like to go to them a lot. he took me to a cat cafe (which ive never been to one before) and bought me food and other things and overall i miss him a lot and i love them so much and it was just a comfy time we watched some of my fave stuff and doodled and had a good time (at least i did)

this trip like destroyed my wallet but i had so much fun it was very much worth it

please have a safe road trip auden i love u

It was just different with you…I cant explain it. Everything, the way i felt, the way i thought..” she said, her voice breaking “it was different, I’ve never felt it before.”
“Least now you know its possible.” He half smiled at her.
“No!” She yelled.
“No, you don’t get it. It was only because of you. And if it is possible with someone else…” She took a deep breath.
“I wouldn’t want it with someone else.
— 
well-thesedays-im-fine
excerpt from a book I’ll never write
fake dating! zimbits

It was only by a stroke of luck that Jack happened to look at his phone just as he exits the lecture hall. The group chat was blowing up – the group chat was always blowing up these days – but the lack of all-caps or exclamation marks caught his attention right away.

Eric Bittle: Guys, I wouldn’t ask this of y’all if I really didn’t need this, but I have to ask a HUGE favor of one of you.

Shitty Knight: brah are you dying

Justin Oluransi: You can have my kidney, Bits.

Adam Birkholtz: u aren’t gonna save that for me just in CASE, JUSTIN?

Larissa Duan: shit, bitty, r u ok

Eric Bittle: Um, yeah, mostly, I just…..need someone to pretend to be my boyfriend.

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anonymous asked:

Hey Viria, sorry to bother you but this is something I really need to talk about with someone and your blog has always been a safe space to me. I'm turning 20 this year and I've never been in love, nor have I had a boyfriend/girlfriend before. I don't know, if I'm too picky or if my standards are to high, but I never felt something like a crush before. I don't know if it's normal but I really just want to feel having butterflies in my tummy. I don't know what to do or what is wrong with me.

there’s nothing wrong with you, please don’t think this way! 

There are few things I can offer about this:

- don’t feel alone if the insecurity you feel is connected to the age, you aren’t alone, there are so many young people in their twenties who hasn’t been in relationship before. Even for me, even though I had minor school crushes, I only had one relationship and it wasn’t serious and I now know it wasn’t love. So for me it happened when I turned 22.

- it might be that you feel the red flags about people and haven’t met someone you connect to yet. I know a few people who are close to their 20s but haven’t had crushes before, it’s normal too, we all are different.

- movies always make us feel like we have to be in love to be complete, because EVERY teenager is in love in the movies. They show the morally high educated girls and say they always have to be in love to be good. Don’t be too pressured by the movies; they aren’t real life.

- as for butterflies: they aren’t always good. I mentioned minor crushes I had: I used to have all the knees buckling, heartbeating too fast, and I have to say that it wasn’t the healthiest. With as much as I had of physical stuff happening, I could never even talk to that person. So..not feeling the butterflies, but feeling warm and cosy and content and just, very secure, is what I think matters more. Deep connection matters more. Attraction is important too, of course, but the physical stuff fades over time, bonding stays.

- THE LAST BUT NOT LEAST. Try looking up aromantiсism, asexuality, demisexuality. I am not the most educated person with this; but there are people who don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction towards others. There are people who need to really spiritually and mentally bond with someone to start being attracted to them. You might be aromantic or asexual or demisexual!

Hope it helps at least a bit, remember you aren’t alone and there are always people who feel the way you do! You will have it all figured out soon, don’t worry<3

like real people do | jungkook

summary: the feelings for your friends with benefits are changing. months pass, and you feel your gut telling you that you want more. you’re just not sure if he feels the same. 

piece 1, piece 2, piece 3

college student!reader, friends with benefits!jungkook

based off hozier’s song ‘like real people do’

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“I’m sorry, Dean,” Cas extended out his hand. It wasn’t the first time Cas tried to return a gift when they fought. It’s not like they fought often, but sometimes the life got in the way like it had today, sending Dean packing to his room and Cas with nothing to do but go to apologize. It’s his fault, really. Dumbass should’ve answered his phone.

“It’s a gift. You keep those.” They’d done this before, but Dean wasn’t that pissed to ignore the fact that Cas was still in his room trying. He usually just waited around outside like a lost puppy.

Castiel shifted his feet, unsure of what to do. “I should’ve ––”

“Damn right you should’ve.” Dean looked at the angel in the eye, not daring to hide the anger and pain he felt. “You go dark like that right now? I thought the worst, man. The worst.” Dammit voice for breaking at the last word. He was not gonna get emotional.

For what it was worth, it seemed to stop Cas. “There is no excuse,” he moved to sit down on Dean’s bed. Dean tracked Castiel the entire time, his jaw clenched as he waited for Cas to continue. “I-I’m sorry, Dean. There is nothing I can say…”

If he didn’t look like a lost puppy then, man did he look that way now. Dean felt himself soften even though the anger was still there. He thought back to the entire year Cas has had, between Lucifer and losing Kelly and Dagon…

“It’s been a rough year for you. I mean I’m pissed, but I get it.” Dean shifted so that they were facing each other, knees knocking together. Castiel wouldn’t meet his eyes in the slightest, but if Dean was going to say what he was about to say it was probably better that way.

“Look,” he sighed before he moved to prod Castiel’s hand so that it opened up for him. “I called you god knows how many times. I thought Dagon had gotten to you or something or worse. Then when we found her and Kelly and there was no sign of you I thought something else must’ve gotten you. I never once thought you were ignoring us…” he felt that anger again, but he steeled himself. “But you can’t do that, okay? Just, not to me.”

Castiel squeezed Dean’s hand, grounding them both. “I need a win, Dean. I need to win one for you. For myself.”

“I get it man, but you’re not the only one throwing snake eyes here.” Dean moved to grab Castiel’s other hand, the movement causing for both their heads to  inadvertently move forward so that they were nearly touching foreheads. “You and me…” He almost added and Sam, but that was not the point right now. “Face it, we’re just better together. And we’ll get that win. Together.”

Castiel moved forward so that they foreheads touched fully, nothing more to be said. Dean knew if he said anything more he might ruin it, ruin what they have right now. 

“Together,” Castiel whispered. It was enough to calm Dean down fully.

They remained that way for a while before Sam called Dean back to the bunker. The hunter squeezed the angel’s hands once more before resting his lips on the angel’s forehead for one moment. When Sam called again twice is when Dean reluctantly moved and left Castiel in his room.

For his part, Castiel then spent the next ten minutes fighting with himself over what he was about to do. Dean would kill him, or worse, if he did what he was about to do, but if it was to keep those hands from hurting an innocent soul than Castiel would move Heaven and Hell for Dean. Dean was Castiel’s reason for living, even after the hell of a year he has had. He wasn’t going to let that soul be tarnished further with this burden. The choice had been made, even if Castiel’s being didn’t know if it was right.

With tears in his eyes, Castiel grabbed the colt and left his heart in Dean’s room.

Ties That Bind Us

Part 1:
“Lance… may I please speak with you?” Allura asked sounding nervous.
This worried Lance because he had never seen the princess lose her cool before, but right now she looked truly shaken.
“Yeah sure” Lance followed Allura towards the infirmary.

They had just finished a training session where the team had to focus on a reason to keep fighting.
Everyone had pictured their family along with Lance. However Allura had been staring at the image projected by the blue paladin with a scary kind of intensity before suddenly going pale and calling for everyone to leave.
Well everyone but Lance.

Now as they sat in the infirmary Lance was buzzing with nervous energy trying to figure out what he could of done wrong to warrant such a reaction from the princess.
“So wanna tell me what’s going on?” Lance asked right before Allura plunged a needle into his arm and drew some blood. “Ouch! Allura a little warning please!” He huffed rubbing his arm while she put the blood into a computer muttering to herself seeming like she hadn’t heard him.
“Allura?” Lance asked in a concerned tone as he put a hand on her shoulder.
Suddenly the screen flashed green and Allura gasped turning to look at him.
“L-Lance…”
“Please tell me what’s going on, I’m getting freaked out here.”
Allura swallowed looking from the screen then back to him.
“Lance where is your father from?”
Lance put his hand to his chin thinking for a moment “now that you mention it. I don’t really know. I mean mama never liked talking about him and she would only really say he traveled a long way before I came along.” He shrugged “why do you ask?”
Allura was silent “I… your farther was Altean.”
Lance blinked once. Twice. Three times. “W-what?”
Allura pulled up a photo on the screen of the original Paladins. All but Zarkon were Altean. The blue paladin was younger then the others, maybe a few years older then Lance and with dark orange hair and blue markings on his face. But other then that the resemblance was uncanny. It was like Lance was looking at a pale version of himself.
“B-but that’s…”
“The original blue paladin. His name was Crace. He was the youngest paladin and one of the bravest. He volunteered to hide the blue lion despite knowing he would never see Altea or his family ever again.”
Lance felt like he was going to be sick. “That makes me…”
“That is correct, your half Altean Lance.”
“B-but how is that possible, I mean 10,000 years is a long time!” Lance gasped feeling panic rising. He wasn’t human! He wasn’t all earthling!
“I’m afraid I do not know… but Lance there is more you need to know… Crace was Coran’s son.”
That was the last thing Lance heard before his vision tunnelled and he fell to the floor hitting his head on the side of the table on the way down.
“Lance!”

Food symbolism in Skam

I can’t believe how good this show is, everytime I re-watch it I find something new to focus on, especially when I read fan theories! They make me pay attention to things I never even considered before. So I’m going to talk about food significance between couples throughout the seasons.

Season 1: Spaghetti
Eva made spaghetti during the cabin retreat which was supposed to be her romantic holiday with Jonas, but he invited friends. When she was plating her own food Jonas was waiting for her to plate his but she was angry and asked him if he doesn’t have hands and can’t do it himself and shortly after she storms off. I felt like that was foreshadowing their relationship because she was angry he brought his friends and in a way the friends threw a wedge in their relationship, Isak and Ingrid where the obvious ones who cause the relationship to end but s1 Elias was also driving a wedge by hoarding time with Jonas and influencing him to smoke up and that led to Ingrid being back in Jonas’s life.

Season 2: Cocoa
William made Noora Cocoa on their first date but Noora wasn’t very receptive to it in the beginning, but by the end of the date she accepted it and drank it cold, she said she liked how it was now chocolate milk. This could mean that the relationship was viewed in one way in the beginning but then changed as time went by and that was what Noora wanted. Also William was making her the Cocoa both times, he was the one always reaching out and wanting the relationship and Noora accepted it the first time reluctantly, but the second time she asked him to make her the Cocoa, which meant that she then wanted to pursue the relationship. Also the second time he made the Cocoa it bubbled over because he was distracted by Noora, which could foreshadow that their feelings are too intense for one another or that they wouldn’t last. I’m still not too sure about the meaning of the Cocoa bubbling over.

Season 3: Cheese sandwiches
We saw Isak and Even bonding over cheese sandwiches and how they added all those flavors while they were making them, especially cardamom. They both still ate the cheese sandwiches even when they where horrible. Even said that the sandwiches were so bad that now they were good but Isak disagreed, still they both ate the sandwiches but then got interrupted by Evens gf. This could signify that even though their relationship would be tough at times they are still willing to go through with it no matter the obstacles. Also when Isak buys a cheese sandwich at the cafeteria it signifys how he’s still willing to be in the relationship and fight for it even after he’s been hurt. And Even sees that and then sends the drawing of him and Isak in an alternate universe wishing they were together eating the sandwiches, signifying Even wanting to try again and wanting the relationship, which happens after the boy squad wingman Isak into getting Even back. Also can I mention how much I loved that scene, all the boys helping Isak out and I love how they use so many tumblr originated terms on the show like fuckboy and alternative universe (kinda felt like it was a nod to fanfiction).

Season 4: Carrots
Now season 4 is still halfway through but I feel that since we get 2 scenes with the food objects I can try to analyze the significance. We see Sanas mom first peeling the carrots then she hands the peeler to Sana and leaves. This can signify that Sana does not have experience with relationships and Sanas mom does. Sana tries to peel the carrots but in the wrong way and Yousef comes in and shows her how to do it right while they bond over it but Sana still does it the “wrong” way. This can signify how even though Sana is willing to try a relationship it’s still going to go wrong in a way. Then the second scene we see her not looking at Yousef and when offered a carrot she turns it down, not wanting to pursue a relationship with Yousef anymore, but Yousef takes a carrot signifying he still wants a relationship with Sana.

And that’s my analysis on the significance of food on skam, because Julie Andem is a genius.

Theories (Peter Quill)

Pairing: Peter Quill x OC

Warnings: None…tiny, tiny spoiler for Vol. 2

A/N: This might be complete crap, but I desperately needed to write some Quill. I hammered this out earlier this morning and just did a quick edit, no rewriting. But hopefully it’s post worthy! I think a second part is in order? xD


Originally posted by despairingfever

The sound of bickering voices drifted back from the cockpit, making me roll my eyes. I lowered the manuscript I was flipping through.

“Will you two morons cut it out already?” I hollered. I waited a beat, but the arguing went on. Probably hadn’t even heard me. Anyways, it wasn’t my job to break up the idiotic pissing contest that went on between Rocket and anyone he met. Or at the moment, Drax.

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Okay but, I just LOVE the part where Yuri gives Otabek his hand before roughly taking it away because, it’s so THEM? Like this back and forth thing they have, and the fact that Yuri is certainly fighting his feelings for Otabek, because he never felt that way before. And he wants to give in but also he’s not sure if he’s ready. And on the other side, you have ride or die Otabek who’s ready to give whatever Yuri wants and needs. This whole choreography screams Yuri fighting against new feelings and Otabek fighting back and begging him to give in.

why do I smile?

well you see, there are many reasons why I smile. the good things in life. like cute dogs, having a good time with friends. those are nice, but you see, dear, nothing can compare with how much you make me smile and how happy you make me. the way you make me feel can’t compare with the most beautiful jewel in the world.

happiness. something I hadn’t felt in a long time, but then, I met you. in that moment, my sorrows melted away for a brief second. never had I ever been given the kind of love you’d offered. for once in my life I was content with the way my life was going.

love. we’ve got love given to us from friends. the constant banter, the emotional support. the friends that are there until the very end, right? none of that can compare with how special you make me feel and i’ll never be able to thank you enough for making me feel loved.

distance. distance is a pain in the ass, but you know what, darling? we’ve made it through together. no pain in the ass is going to keep us apart, my love, because..

I think I’m in love with you

Harry Styles - “Confessions”

I completely left this open(and have already planned) for a part two. So… if you would like a part two let me know! Enjoy! And be ready to have your heart broken.

Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five


Harry sat on the edge of his bed in Los Angeles, his head in his hands, as he tried to hold back the tears and will his breathing to stay even and calm. His phone lay beside him, the screen still lit up to show him his recent calls - the last of which had just turned his world upside down. 

He eventually sits up, letting out a large sigh as his large ringed hands push through his short floppy hair, pushing it back from his forehead. His green eyes look across the room where on top of the chest of drawers sat a picture of the person he cared about most in the world. He stared at your smiling face, his own smiling face next to you and that’s when the tears came. He was going to lose you, he knew that he was. 

Just then his phone began to ring beside him. He dreaded it was her, the person who had called a few minutes before him and broke the news but instead he saw your face appear on the screen and that, in that moment, may have been worse. He picks up the phone, staring down at your picture as the phone continues to ring. 

He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t hear your voice, happy and still in love with him, when he now knew what he did. He couldn’t tell you over the phone. He had messed up, he knew that, and he had to say it to your face. After the phone finally stopped ringing he gave a sigh and pulled himself up and off the bed. 

He had things he needed to do in LA, meetings to attend, interviews to be done but he couldn’t. He needed to get to you and tell you as soon as he could so he called Jeff. He couldn’t say it though, he couldn’t tell him exactly the situation, just that he had to go home - and now. 

Once he landed in London the next day, his hands were shaking, his palms were sweaty and his breathing was shallow as he sat in the back of the car headed towards your house. He kept trying to play out and plan his words for this conversation. How would he go about it? Where could he possibly start? He had so many confessions to make and what he was most afraid of was the inevitable - losing you. He also knew he wouldn’t be able to handle that hurt, devastated, and heart-broken face that he was soon going to see before him. 

The idea brought tears to his eyes. He rubbed the back of his hand against his eyes, grinding away the tears harshly. He hated himself, his entire body was full of regret, remorse, and dread knowing that he could never take this back. 

“Hello?” Harry calls a few moments later as he enters your shared home. He knew you were home, it being your day off work and your car was parked out front but he heard nothing. “Love?” He calls out again. 

“Harry?” He finally hears from the kitchen. He couldn’t will himself to move towards your voice. He wanted to run back out the door to never have to face this situation, he wanted to pretend everything was okay. But it just wasn’t. And never would be again. “Harry!” You gasp once you see your tall, tattooed and handsome boyfriend standing in the entryway of the living room. 

“Hey.” He mutters, barely able to get his voice above a low gravel. He clears his throat and puts his bag down at his feet, sliding off his jacket. He was trying to delay this, anything to keep the truth from coming out. 

“What are you doing home? Why haven’t you answered my calls in two days?” You were full of questions but then in that moment you didn’t care. You had missed Harry so much and if he was home - that was all that mattered. So, you cross the room and burrow yourself into his chest. You wrap your arms tight around his torso, taking in that familiar scent of his cologne while his arms wrap around your shoulders. He buries his face in your hair, his eyes closing as the tears began to slide down his cheeks. This was surely the last moment he would hold you in his arms and he wanted it to last as long as possible. “What’s going on?” You question, looking up at him. You gasp when you take in his tears. “Harry, what is it?” Your mind was racing. What possibly could have happened to cause him to act like this? You reach up, brushing your thumbs under his eyes along the tracks his tears were making. 

“I messed up, love.” He finally says, his voice a quiet whisper as he stares down into your eyes. You frown, shaking your head a bit in confusion. 

“What do yo-” 

“I slept with someone.” The words were out before he could over think it. He watched the gears turn in your head as you processed this. As soon as he saw it click, you backed out of his arms, distancing yourself from him just as he knew that you would. “Please, love, i’ was while we were going through tha’ rough patch a few weeks ago. I was angry, you were angry, I didn’ know where we stood-” 

“So you fucked someone else and never told me?!” You interrupt as your blood began to boil. “You came back here acting like it was all okay?! As if nothing ever happened!” You also felt your heart break, a dull ache began in the center of your chest. Harry was the love of your life, the man you were going to spend forever with and yet .. he had hurt you in the way he always vowed he never would. 

“I jus’…” He scratches at the back of his neck, shaking his head a little as he gave a sigh. He looks at the floor, anywhere but at the hurt and angry face before him. He also noted the fact that your eyes, those gorgeous eyes of yours that he loved so much, had begun to well up with tears. “I don’ know how to make up for this bu’ tha’ isn’t all.” He knew he had to say it, he had to get everything out so just maybe, maybe, the two of you could start trying to work it out. 

“What else is there?” You cross your arms over your chest as the tears slide down your cheeks. What else could there be? Had he slept with her again? Was he leaving you for her? Your mind was racing and you weren’t sure you would be able to handle anymore of this. Harry was your life and even with him standing in front of you still you felt it might not be for too much longer and you already felt lost. 

“She called me yesterday mornin’,” He began, his eyes peaking at you through his lashes as he kept his head slightly down. 

“Okay?” You urged but felt that sense of dread begin to creep up in your head as you surely knew what was coming next. Why would you contact the man you slept with weeks before? There was really only two reasons - wanting to get together again or being pregnant. Your blood ran cold at the latter possibility. It couldn’t be that, it just couldn’t. 

“She’s… she’s pregnan’.” The words pained him to say out loud. He hadn’t spoken it since he heard her mumble it through her sobs on the other end of the phone the morning before. He saw your face crumble then. Your eyebrows furrowed together, your eyes swimming with tears, and he saw your breath hitch in your throat. 

“You got another girl pregnant.” It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t accusatory, it was just a statement as you took to trying to process this. Harry was going to be a father, and it wasn’t with you. This just couldn’t possibly be happening. 

“I don’ know what I’m goin’ to do, bu’ what I wan’ first is to try and make things work with you. Please, love…” He trailed off when you shook your head vigorously, the tears now falling freely down your cheeks. 

“You expect me to just forgive you for this?” You give another shake of your head. “Would you forgive me if I got pregnant by another man? If I cheated on you and got knocked up? Would you be willing to move past that?” Harry bit at his lower lip and stared at the carpet under your feet. He knew you were right, he would probably never be able to move past it if you had someone else’s child. 

“You won’ even try? For us? We’ve been together for-”

“I don’t need you to remind me how long we’ve been together, Harry! I don’t need you telling me about the life we’ve started here together because I remember, I know!” You felt your anger begin to flare up. “It was you that seems to have forgotten the life we have together while you were busy fucking someone else!” He cringes at your choice of wording as well as your now raised voice but he knew he deserved it all. You were of course right, after all. 

“Please,” He takes a step towards you, holding his large hands out towards you, his cheeks wet with his still falling tears. He felt a sob building in his chest as he felt this was it, knowing you would most likely never forgive him. “I made a mistake, I will pay for tha’ for the rest of my life but I need you.” His voice dropped off to a whisper. “Don’ give up on me.” It was then that the sob finally fell from his lips and he felt his knees give out. 

“Harry,” You whisper as you watch the man you loved fall to his knees right there in front of you, his face pressing into his hands as large gasping sobs fell from his mouth. You feel a sob of your own and you take a step closer to Harry. You fall to your knees in front of him and bring a hand up to brush through his brown hair. He lifts his head up, his breath catching in his throat as his eyes meet yours. “I don’t think I can ever forgive you.” You watch his face crumble even more as he takes in your words. 

“I’m so sorry.” He whispers and the sobs resume. He then falls into your chest, his cheek burrowing into your t-shirt and his arms wrap tightly around your waist. You support his weight, your arms going around his shoulders, your fingers brushing at the hair on the back of his neck. “I’ll never forgive myself either.” He whispers through his sobs. 

You sat and held Harry, both of you crying and clinging to one another, knowing that this was it, for a good while until finally you pried him off of you and both of you stood up. 

“I think it’s best if you left.” You whisper as the two of you stood awkwardly facing each other. Harry gives a small nod, closing his eyes for a second. His eyes burned, the tears drying his eyes out but he knew he would probably spend the entire night crying. 

“Can I do somethin’, one las’ time?” You frown at him but he then takes a step closer to you and as his hand comes up to rest on your cheek you understood what he wanted. You don’t move as his face dips towards yours. You try not to return the pressure his lips press into yours but you couldn’t help it. As if by reflex you were kissing him back and bowing your body against his as your arms wrap around each other. It was as the kiss intensified and his tongue slid against yours that the reason this was to be your last kiss together reared back into your mind and you pulled away from him, breaking all contact together. 

“I can’t. I can’t do this, Harry.” You mutter, seeing that hurt and aching look in his green eyes as his chest heaved. He had hoped there for a second as he held you close again, your lips melded together perfectly like they always had, that just maybe you could forgive him. “I can’t be with you, I’m just going to picture you with her every time and I just can’t.” 

“I understand.” He gives a nod, hanging his head a bit. He pushes his fingers through his hair and looks back up at you. “I’m so sorry that I hur’ you.” He stares at you for a few seconds before backing towards the door. “I’ll always be jus’ a phone call away. I love you, with every piece of my soul.” You ignore the fresh tears sliding down your cheeks and simply give a nod. You look away from his heartbroken face and look anywhere but at him as he reaches for his bags and then a minute later was gone from the house. 

You fall to your knees right there where you stood and begin to cry into your hands, feeling like a piece of your heart had just walked out that door with Harry. 

Harry meanwhile had gone into the garage and got into his Range Rover but as soon as he was behind the wheel he rested his forehead against the steering while and let the sobs return. They were loud, chest heaving, sobs. Not only had he just lost the love of his life but he also now had to decide what he was going to do about his child on the way. 

“You’re staring at Mister Vimes, Reg.”

“Am I?” Reg asks, eyes fixed on Vimes’ back as he speaks to some new recruits.

“Yes Reg,” Nobby says. “You’re staring, Reg. Why’re you staring?”

“He… just reminds me of someone, sometimes. The Commander.”

***

He’s twenty-five and he’s standing on top of the barricades, flag in his hands and pure defiance in his voice.

He’s twenty-five and he should be dead, is dying, blood gushing from more wounds than he can count but he’s still crawling forwards, still fighting, propelled by nothing but willpower and conviction because he will. Not. Give. Up.

He’s twenty-five – but is he, still? – and fresh air washes over his face, not quite ridding him of the taste of mud and dirt still filling his mouth.

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anxioustrees  asked:

I always felt like you, baptismonfire, and nick nocturne were like the heathers of horror. Like before anything could be declared worthy it had to pass through you guys.

I’d agree except you should like anything you want to. It’s ALL worthy in it’s own way, even if I don’t particularly like it. Everyone we love now had to start somewhere and often that’s not really a place where they’re connecting with a lot of people.

Besides that, it all matters to someone. Critics hate Wes Craven’s My Soul To Take, but my good friend Megan would never have made a movie herself if it wasn’t for the profound effect that film had on her. This is why we do it in a sense, to connect with people to such a level that they feel compelled to live the life they want to live. 

It’s all valuable and you should never feel ashamed for liking something.

So @packratofdenialism gave me this idea for a fanfic where Meredith lives and she and Yondu coparent Peter. This happens in my head because Yondu got suspicious when Ego told him to pick another kid up “in about a year” and investigated and decided to help Meredith out as a way of dealing with the guilt he feels since he’s come to the conclusion Ego’s done something awful to the other kids he’s brought him. Here’s a scene from before Yondu and Meredith go to the Collector for a potential fix as their last idea. They’re waiting in a bar for the Collector to send for them, and Meredith ends up making Yondu come clean as to what he thinks is really going on (he initially lied to get her and Peter to come with him by pretending Ego sent him).

—-

“If this doesn’t work though…you’ll still take Peter to his father, right?” Meredith asked.

Yondu went still.

“Yondu?” she asked. “You’ll promise me, won’t you? That you’ll take him home?”

“…Can’t promise you that, Meredith,” he said quietly.

“What?” she asked.

“I can’t,” he said stiffly. “Can’t promise you…because I won’t do it.”

“Why the hell not?” she demanded, leaping to her feet. Her world spun instantly and Yondu grabbed her before she hit the floor. “I thought you wanted to help us!”

“I am helping you!” Yondu said. “And I won’t be helping him if I take him there!”

“Why?” she yelled.

“Cause none of the others ever came back!” he snapped.

“…Others?” she asked as Yondu slowly sat her back down on the stool. “What others?”

“His other kids,” Yondu said. “I…I took Ego his other kids. No one ever saw them again.”

“He….had other kids…” Meredith said. She felt very cold all of the sudden as things started make some sort of terrible sense. Why Yondu was so cagey about why “Ego sent him” to pick her up and try to find her help. Why the Ravagers crew clearly hadn’t had a clue of where to start looking for how to deal with a tumor. The oddness of the tumor being so hard to operate on even for more advanced species…

“Yeah. I didn’t tell you cause you wouldn’t have let me help,” Yondu said. “But…you’re not special, Meredith. He’s done this before. It’s not that he couldn’t bear to watch you die. It’s that he told me to wait until you did die to get your boy and bring him to Ego.”

Meredith took a deep breath as she tried to understand what the hell she was being told. She’d known something was up with Yondu’s original story for a while now, but for it to be that…

“That’s what all the whispering was, then?” she asked. “All those times you stopped talking when Peter or I came over?”

“Some of the crew figured you weren’t really cargo. ‘S why I made you quartermaster. Shut up the whiners if you were puling your weight,” he said.

“And what happened if I was cured and demanded to go see Ego?” she asked.

“…Honestly I was going to let Horuz handle it. He likes being an ass so he could have broke it hard and not minded the fallout,” Yondu said. “I’ll admit, was not looking forward to Peter crying. Makes a chest twist up when he starts whimpering like that…”

“You think the tumor’s weird.”

She wasn’t entirely sure why she said it, why she remembered him saying that.

Yondu nodded slowly, “Yeah. We’ve been told that. Remember, you thought it was just, uh, intimate exposure to…”

“No. No you think…you think more,” she said. “You don’t think it was an accident, do you?”

Yondu cringed a bit under her gaze. She was right. He’d put a lot more thought into this than just a favor to a dying woman. He’d thought of the why as more than some accident. He just hadn’t said anything.

“…You think he did it on purpose,” Meredith said slowly.

“I don’t know what-”

“I didn’t say you knew, I said it’s what you think,” Meredith corrected, cutting Yondu off. “That’s what you think happened.”

Yondu sighed, “I know he knew about it. And I know he told me to get ready to pick Peter up when you died, which he had a pretty good timescale for, despite never seeing the boy alive meaning he’d bene gone for over six years. And I know every kid I ever brought him was never seen again and he didn’t seem to give a damn about any of their other parents.”

Meredith let that digest. It made terrible sense. Ma had been right all along. Just a fling for a guy using her who left her with a kid.

Oh god what was that thing he’d planted on earth? She’d have to send a call home over it, tell them to get…oh who did you even call to deal with that shit?

“How many did you bring him?” Meredith asked, trying to focus on the issue at hand, on verifying what Yond was saying now when he’d lied at the start.  

“’Bout a dozen,” Yondu said, staring at the bar top. “Wasn’t counting really; I was greedy and I admit it. They were his kids, he said pickup for pay so I picked up. Don’t know if he had anyone else doing it. Probably did. If I got suspicious enough to stop others probably did too and I was just the next he asked. Guy’s been around a long time.”

“And you never heard from them again?”

“Not even the ones I suggested should call if they needed anything,” Yondu said. “Last one…last one I was going to turn down. She was young. Younger than Quill.”

Meredith bristled at that. “Chronologically or developmentally?”

“Both,” Yondu said. “But the crew needed money and Ego could make gems so I caved. Not proud of it. Gave the kid a com, told her to call me if she got scared, or in a year if it went well. An anniversary call. Said I’d give a present if she did.”

“She never called.”

“Nope. Would have been three days before he called me about you,” Yondu said. “I don’t know what he’s doing to his kids, Meredith, but it ain’t good. I have my way? I never take that boy of yours near Ego.”

“So you know he’s collecting his children who are never heard from again…and you think he was going to kill me…why?” Meredith asked. “Why not just have you take Peter?”

“Maybe he figured, boy has your genes, he’ll make his way back to you before I get him to Ego,” Yondu said. “But he won’t do that if you’re not there.”

“Jackass,” Meredith muttered. “…Him, not you.”

“Nah, I’m a jackass. Took all those others to him, didn’t I?” Yondu asked.

“Wish you hadn’t?” Meredith asked.

Yondu “mm’d” in a manner she took to mean agreement.

“That’s why you helped, isn’t it?” she asked. “You felt guilty.”

“S’ not really guilt in your case,” Yondu said. “Didn’t have a thing to do with you or your boy.”

“But you had ‘a thing to do with’ around a dozen of Peter’s…siblings,” Meredith said. “With Ego’s other children. You wanted to keep Peter safe, didn’t you?”

Yondu huffed, “Maybe I just wanted to piss the jackass off by keeping Peter from him.”

“You didn’t need me alive for that,” Meredith said.

“…Was lousy. What he was trying to pull with you,” Yondu said. “Was crap.”

“Think he did that to any of the other…parents?” Meredith asked.

“Don’t know. He didn’t give me timescales for them,” Yondu said. “Just said to pick up one of his kids. Just did it. Never asked. I was a fool who never asked.”

“Yeah, well,” Meredith sighed. “I was a fool who fell for a spaceman. So we’re both fools.”

—-

That’s part of what’s written so far! Hope everyone likes it!

Birthday Blues // Jeff Atkins

A/N: Honestly, I wrote this at 1am. 

Named after: The fact that I mentioned readers birthday so much. That and I was listening to the blues.


It was a Saturday. It was the day of the championship game for baseball. But most importantly, it was your birthday.


You had let this small fact take a back seat in weeks leading up to the game, you didn’t want to stress Jeff out. Your boyfriend was already spending more time with Clay to get tutoring for two more classes just to make sure he’d play. He’d exercise in the early morning before school, go to baseball practice after, study and do homework with the smaller boy, and then watch his previous games until it was time to repeat.

It had become a routine, and Jeff normally got like this a few days before his games. You’d grown accustomed to it, you would plan to walk to school or ride with your next door neighbor Alex Standall, pack a few extra protein bars and Gatorade to leave in his locker, as well as massage him during his film.

He was…distant but it was okay because he always felt so guilty after, he’d pamper you for the next week.

However, what your boyfriend failed to let you know, was that for the championship, this routine of his was starting two weeks before you expected it. So when you found yourself arriving at school by 3rd period, after waiting 20 minutes for your boyfriend to show up you were more than angry.

But you pushed it aside, silently forgiving your baseball player. You knew Jeff loved the sport he played. For the most part, it was the only thing he felt he was incredible at. So you slowly adjusted to this behavior for the week, eating lunch by yourself because Jeff didn’t initially tell you he was going to the athletic trainer during your lunch period. Nodding as he asked you if you could find another ride home because practice was running late. Walking when you realized all your friends had already left.

It was fine, you knew it wasn’t intentional or malicious, he just really wanted the game to go well. Scouts would be looking at him. More importantly, you knew that once these weeks finished you’d have him all to yourself, starting on your birthday.

You walked through the bleachers wearing Jeff’s home jersey, 30 minutes before the game started. You saved seats for his parents who had already wished you a happy birthday, your parents who were there to support your boyfriend, and your friends who had helped you survive these past two weeks.

You made three posters all with different puns and cheesy jokes that you were sure Jeff would love,
 ’#1 on the field AND in my heart’
 'No that is not Derek Jeter, it’s Jeff Atkins’

And your personal favorite,
  ‘Atkins, Homerun counter:__’

You brought a sharpie with you to the game and by the end of it, you had edited that poster at least four times. You screamed so loud during the game you barely had any voice left when the team won.

The student section, along with yourself rushed the field and you watched as your boyfriend and his teammates poured water all over their coach. You smiled, more proud of Jeff than ever. Your two weeks of relationship hell were over and you were going to spend the rest of this Saturday night celebrating him and your birthday.

When you finally got the opportunity to get to Jeff, waiting for his parents and your parents to go first so they could leave, you hugged him as tightly as you could you pecked his lips before asking, “Now what champ?”

He smiled at the abbreviation. He let go holding out a finger signaling he’d get back to you. He left, jogging over to his teammates and a few reporters. You waited. Waited as the captains talked to the reporters who covered the game, waited as he greeted the college scout with a firm handshake, waited as the team filed out.

Jeff was the first one on that field and the last one to leave the dugout. He had all of his stuff in his baseball bag, slung on one shoulder while he wrapped the other arm around your waist.

“We’re going to Bryce’s!” He said smiling as you reached his car.

“W-what?” You asked trying to keep it together.

“Bryce, you know Bryce, he’s throwing a party for the win! You asked, ‘now what’ so that’s what!” He replied placing his stuff in his trunk.

You couldn’t lie, it fucking hurt. He forgot. He forgot your birthday of all days. You understand, it was the championship but the last thing you wanted to do was get drunk with a bunch of rowdy jocks. You and Jeff did that almost every weekend. Before you could say anything, Jeff opened the door for you, kissing your cheek.

“Jeff…” you started your voice nearly breaking. But when he turned to you, with the world in his eyes, ecstatic he had just won, you couldn’t bring yourself to ruin it. So you swallowed the lump in your throat and blinked back your tears as you forced a smile on your face.

“Could you please take me home? I’m not feeling too well.” You said, barely managing to make it through your request.

He nods, rushing back over to the driver’s seat. He grabs your hand, rubbing circles on your skin all the way to your house. His grip tightens as he pulls into your driveway and finally looks over at you.

You avoid his gaze and move to get out.

“So no party?” He asks you.

“No thanks, but go and have fun okay? I’ll see you tomorrow!”

He furrows his eyebrows placing another kiss on your hand before letting you go.

“Thanks, baby girl, I’ll see you tomorrow!”

And with that, he drives off. Once he’s out of sight you finally let the tears stream down your face like they had wanted to for the past two weeks.

You decided not to call anyone to make other plans, you would much rather sulk in your own pity. You had a mix of texts come in through the night that you ignored. Most of them from friends wishing you a happy birthday, and a few from a very drunk Jeff who, for the life of him, couldn’t manage to spell out ‘I love you’. That night you cried yourself to sleep, upset and alone trying to rationalize your boyfriend’s actions.


You woke up early the next morning, making yourself breakfast and planning out your day to make up for the previous. You could have fun by yourself. You ignored whatever Jeff texted you when you got ready, putting on some of your favorite clothes instead. Sorting through looking for your sweatshirt, you heard a knock on your door.

You threw on a t-shirt instead, yelling out 'come in’, as you started to put your hair into a bun.

“Hey, you feeling better? I have the nastiest hangover, so it’s fine if you’re not, we’ll be miserable together” Jeff started.

And you shook your head slightly at first, then you gradually became angrier. You couldn’t care less if Jeff had a hangover. Throughout his whole drunk escapade, it didn’t even occur to him that you were sitting at home, by yourself, on your birthday. He had treated you like shit for two weeks, he didn’t just get to waltz back into your life as though it never happened.

“Your parents let me in on their way out. You weren’t answering my texts so I just thought-” he stopped himself as he watched your expression change.

“What’s wrong?” He asked gently.

“What’s wrong Jeff? What’s wrong? Are you fucking kidding me?” You questioned, raising your voice slightly.

You didn’t plan on getting angry so fast, he just was so oblivious to everything it pissed you off, royally.

Jeff was taken aback. His mouth dropped slightly as he tried to figure out where he went wrong.

“FIRST. You didn’t give me a ride to school with no notice! I had to fucking walk! I was late to class and now I have detention next weekend so thanks!” You stood, now pacing around your room as Jeff took a seat on your bed.

“Baby-” he tried to interrupt.

“I’m not done” You interjected.

You were so upset you missed the completely shocked expression on Jeff’s face. Everything he did wrong in the past two weeks was flooding in all at once.

“Then! You made me eat by myself at lunch when you didn’t tell me you weren’t going to be there!”

“Baby girl-”

“Don’t you dare 'baby girl’ me! Then! You made me walk home! …IT’S AN HOUR WALK JEFF!”

He stood to meet you in all your anger, approaching you slowly.

“You basically ignored me, FOR TWO WEEKS! For fuck sake, Clay saw you more than I did!”

You couldn’t help it. Everything was spiraling in your head and pouring out of your mouth. When Jeff reached you, his hands that normally felt so comforting betrayed him. You wanted nothing more than to scream and yell until he left until he felt the way that you did.

“Y/N, I’m sorry, okay? Please calm down-” he said in the most soothing voice he could figure.

Jeff was scared, to say the least. He had never seen you this angry before.

“CALM. DOWN? YOU’RE NOT SERIOUS!” You screamed back at him pushing against his chest to create some distance between the two of you.

As your voice grew louder, the tears came rolling in again. When they fell down your cheeks Jeff had to fight the urge to wipe them. He felt guilty, he was the sole reason you were so worked up.

“THEN TO TOP IT ALL OFF JEFFREY? YOU FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY!”

Jeff could have sworn he felt his heart stop. He knew he had been forgetting something, he just didn’t know it was you. He couldn’t even stutter out a response, he just stood there taking you in.

“I made three fucking posters for you! And I was there for you! Through all this BULLSHIT! I waited after the game! When you did all your interviews, and you met with all the scouts, and you were fucking around with the boys! I let you do whatever the fuck you needed to! And you left me. On my birthday. FOR A FUCKING PARTY!”

You were sobbing at this point and your voice cracked as you screamed at him.

Jeff had tears at the brims of his eyes as well, he had no idea how much he hurt you in the past two weeks.

“A fucking party Jeff…god, you’re such an asshole.” You mumbled, wiping your tears frantically, hoping that they would stop flowing.

Jeff blinked back the tears his eyes before he approached you again. He stood this time, at least two feet away to give you your space. It was the distance that hurt him the most, normally he couldn’t take his hands off of you. Now, he had to watch his first love cry, because of him, and she was too upset to even let him wipe away her tears.

“I’m sorry” he began.

And before you could interrupt him he continued.

“I- I’m so sorry.” He tripped over his own apology as a few tears fell from his eyes. He wiped them quickly, he knew he wasn’t in the position to get emotional when he was the one who hurt you.

“I was such a dick…and I- I fucked up big time…I don’t even fucking deserve you…” he struggled to find the right words that would make this all go away, but unlike your usual insignificant fights, he knew there wasn’t any combination of words that would fix it.

“Lemme make it up to you” he pleaded.

You crossed your arms over each other. Furious and devastated all at once. You wanted him to stay with you for the rest of the day but you also wanted him to get the hell out of your room.

Jeff slowly closed the gap between you two, grabbing at your waist.

“Please. Y/N. Let me fix it.”

He stared at you, searching your eyes waiting for your answer.

“I’ll beg if I have to” he offered up with a sad smile.

You frowned avoiding his eyes, you and Jeff both knew his puppy dog eyes could get you to do anything.

And so Jeff got onto his knees, his hands still at your waist and you finally looked at him.

“Jeff, get up” you muttered.

“Just give me a chance to fix it.” He countered.

You nodded quickly if only to get him off the ground, and he smiled standing to his feet again. He embraced you in what felt like the tightest hug ever.

“I’m really sorry” he mumbled into your hair.

And when he pulled away he was leaving your room.

“Cancel all your plans today, I’ll be back in an hour, I promise this is going to be the best day of your life!” He rambled as he grabbed his keys from your bed.

“Jeff, I don’t want you to le-” you whined. This was the first time he was paying attention to you in a while.

“One hour. If I’m not back……dump me!” He called out as he left your room door.

You sat on your bed, hearing the rumble of his engine begin, and when the sound of his car left your ears you exhaled and leaned back onto your bed. Hopeful for what was in store.