Hi I'm a sophomore in high school and I like this Freshman in college. We've talked since he beginning of my Freshman year and his Senior year. We both flirt and have this connection. He does not want me for sex because he's not like that (also his friends and people who know him have told me this) We text 24/7 and he comes to almost everything I have and me vice versa. The only thing is that my parents believe that he is "too old" for me. Should we remain just friends or should we go for it?
I really encourage you to stick with friendship. You guys may have a great friendship but you are in really different parts of your life.
Honestly, even if he’s not trying to be “like that”, if he was interested in dating a high school sophomore, that’s kind of a red flag that he doesn’t want an equal relationship.
Maybe it’s not intentional on his part - unequal relationships are normalized - but that won’t stop it from getting weird and uncomfortable in ways you won’t be prepared to deal with, or probably won’t even fully understand until later on when you realized how much it messed you up. I’m speaking from my own experience on this & the experiences of many many people I know.
Like, would you be into an 8th grader? Even if they were fun to be around and you really appreciated them as a person? It would be weird, right? You have more freedom and experience than a kid that age, you’re WAY more grown up than you were when you were in 8th grade. You’d probably feel creepy if you tried to date a 13 year old - that feeling is a warning to stop you from taking advantage.
But it’s hard to see age gaps when you’re the younger one, because you’re more mature than you’ve ever been and it feels like you’re ready to do almost anything. But as the older person looking back - that difference is very noticeable.
Like even if you’re really mature and responsible and even if you’re ready to date in general, dating someone that much older starts off with a weird dynamic, it has to, because he’s seen and experienced things you haven’t, he knows things you don’t, he has freedom you don’t, and he has more practice interacting with people than you do.
And you know he knows things you don’t, so it becomes like this weird situation where he has the power to influence you more than you can influence him, and even if he doesn’t try to use it - it starts out unbalanced.
Honestly, your teen years through about 22 is this period of massive super fast growth. You’re becoming savvier and wiser and better at social stuff at a really fast pace during this period, so age gaps are extra big here. I really think an age gap of more than about a year and a half during this time period makes a giant difference - like just think about how much you’ve changed in that time.
You’re gonna keep that kind of really fast change up for a few more years, and during this time, older kids have big advantages over younger ones that make anything other than a sort of sibling-like friendship with people 3 years older or younger start to turn kind of weird.
So that’s my advice. It’s ultimately your choice, and if you do decide to date this adult man and you wind up hurt by it – it still won’t be your fault, any more than it would be an 8th grader’s fault if you convinced one to date you and it messed them up. But I hope you choose not to go ahead with dating him, because you deserve to explore relationships with someone your own age without a weird power imbalance.