no fumes

I’m so tired.

No one is equipped to deal with a loss this sudden and inexplicable, and it’s so useless and stupid to say, “I hate this,” because who wouldn’t? But I hate not knowing what to say or do or feel, and being this extra person in the room, a practical stranger with no comfort to offer except in the most minimalistic, helpless ways, like hugging my husband and keeping him on task.

But more than anything, I’m tired in my bones. Anxious about saying or doing or feeling the wrong thing, about being burdensome in a time when there is already so much unbearable weight, and I feel like I’m supposed to be galvanized, somehow, like there’s something you’re supposed to magically be able to do as a spouse to take away the burden. And I can’t do that.

All I can do is be there. And people say, “just be there for him” as if that’s obvious, somehow, or simple. But standing there, with my hands twitching over his shoulders, or listening to his voice crack, or enduring a random fit of anger because there are too many phone calls, or watching his surviving family struggle to eat and sleep and speak, a person feels culpable in that pain. A paralyzed witness; a voyeur. It isn’t my grief. Not really. I can’t even do her the honor of being wrecked. All I can do is be there, and be tired.



In case you didn’t know, let me tell you what no tip on a $135 check means for a server.

It means they might not be able to buy lunch.

It means they might have to pick up another shift just to make up that difference so they can pay rent or buy groceries.

It means they worked for free to get you everything you needed for an hour.

Tip your servers. If you don’t have the money to tip, you don’t have the money to go out to a restaurant. This is some people’s livelihood.

me, softly, at 7am: i would kill a man for percahlia

I love Harry’s album. I love the music and I can enjoy the lyrics if I can manage to forget how they’re promoting them to the public (cough cough Carolina cough))

What I have a problem with is how they thought it would be a good idea to bring back Harry’s 2012/13 womanizer image and somehow make it 2000 times worse. STOP TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE HIM BY MAKING HIM LOOK LIKE SOMEONE HE’S NOT

I’m talking about the fact that this Harry Styles™ has no respect for his exes, writes songs about 17yo girls, all the other bullshit that came with this promo which, to be quite fucking honest, is completely unnecessary. You’re trying to sell him as someone who would make fun of his ex’ private life when all I can see when I think of Harry is this: 

Originally posted by bunskirk

People like him because THIS is the Harry Styles they got to know and THIS is the only Harry Styles that you should be promoting, not this 23yo fuckboy bullshit, you’re a decade too late for that, pal.

I know that the real Harry Styles can charm a room just by being himself. I’ve been in this fandom for 4 years and I’ve seen it, he can charm a whole fucking stadium just by doing his own thing. If you want creepy 30yo white men to like him (if that’s even your target audience, I don’t even know anymore) I’m sure there’s a way to achieve that without ostracizing his current fandom and insulting us over and over again. 

I’m angry and also disappointed. Call this a callout post to the very capable Jeffrey Azoff. We don’t deserve this. Harry doesn’t deserve this. Do better.