no forks or spoons

ULTIMATE "OH FUCK I JUST GOT MY FIRST APARTMENT AND ALL I HAVE IS ONE CHANGE OF CLOTHES AND A THIRD SOCK" CHECKLIST

CLEANING

  • Dish soap
  • Laundry detergent
  • All-purpose cleaner
  • Hand soap
  • Broom
  • Mop
  • Wash cloths / rags
  • Vacuum
  • Dustpan
  • Lint roller
  • Sponges

KITCHENWARE

  • Plates
  • Bowls
  • Spoons
  • Forks
  • Knives
  • Glasses
  • Mugs
  • Tongs
  • Spatula
  • Plastic wrap
  • Ziplock baggies
  • Garbage bags
  • Paper towel
  • Tupperware
  • Ice tray
  • Oven mitts
  • Potato peeler
  • Mixing bowls
  • Frying pan
  • Pot
  • Baking sheet
  • Whisk
  • Stirring spoons / ladels
  • Tea infuser ball
  • Measuring cups
  • Strainer
  • Cutting board
  • Coffee maker
  • Kettle
  • Toaster
  • Magnets
  • Dry erase markers
  • Sticky notes
  • Microwave
  • Wire sponge
  • Trash bin
  • Recycling bin
  • Rubber gloves
  • Silverware organizer
  • Measuring spoons
  • Aluminum foil
  • Wax paper
  • Can opener
  • Bottle opener
  • Containers for salt, sugar, flour, etc.

LIVINGROOM

  • Sofa
  • Rocking chair (you know you want one)
  • Loveseat
  • Coasters
  • Blankets
  • Throw pillows
  • Coffee table
  • Book shelves
  • TV
  • TV stand
  • Floor lamp
  • End table
  • Stereo system / radio

BEDROOM

  • Mattress
  • Box spring
  • Bedframe
  • Linens
  • Sheets
  • Comforter
  • Hangers
  • Laundry hamper
  • Trash bin
  • Curtains
  • Pillows
  • Pillow cases
  • Night table
  • Alarm clock
  • Lamp
  • Dresser
  • Coat rack
  • Desk / vanity
  • Comfy chairs

DININGROOM

  • Dining table
  • Minimum of 2 chairs
  • Coasters
  • Placemat
  • Tablecloth
  • Tea lights /candles and candle holders

BATHROOM

  • Face clothes
  • Towel
  • Soap bar
  • Body wash
  • Shampoo
  • Conditioner
  • Tissues
  • Toilet paper
  • Trash bin
  • Plunger
  • Toilet cleaner
  • Cold, flu, pain, and allergy meds
  • Hydrogen peroxide
  • Antibacterial ointment
  • First-Aid kit
  • Tweezers
  • Nail clippers
  • Band-aids
  • Shower rod
  • Shower curtain
  • Toothbrush
  • Toothpaste
  • Floss
  • Period products
  • Bathmat
  • Air freshener
  • Trash bin
  • Towel rod
  • Towels

MISCELLANEOUS

  • Elastic bands
  • Stapler
  • Stables
  • Paper clips
  • Needles and thread
  • AA / AAA batteries
  • Light bulbs
  • Extension cords
  • Scotch tape
  • Duct tape
  • Shovel
  • Rake (if you have a yard)
  • Stain remover
  • Jar of courters for laundry mat
  • Screw drivers
  • Hammer
  • Nails
  • Sticky tack
  • Screws
  • Box cutter / X-acto
  • Pliers
  • Wrench
  • Pens
  • Paper
  • Pencils
  • Pencil sharpener
  • Eraser
  • Welcome matt
  • Shoe rack
  • Coat rack
  • Flashlight
  • Flashlight batteries
  • Watch batteries
  • Rechargeable batteries and charger
  • Safe place to discard dead batteries
  • Candles
  • Matches
  • Lighter
  • Mini travel fans
  • Real fans
  • Emergency Survival kit
  • Fire extinguisher
  • Landline phone
  • Window air conditioner
  • Carbon monoxide alarm
  • Fire alarm

FOOD STUFF

  • Mustard
  • Ketchup
  • Mayo
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Baking soda
  • Flour
  • Eggs
  • Milk
  • Bread
  • Olive oil
  • Tea
  • Jam
  • Peanut-butter
  • Coffee grounds
  • Cereal
  • Rice
  • Pasta
  • Vegetable soup
  • Tomato sauce
  • Frozen vegetables
  • Crackers
  • Chickpeas / lentils
  • Apples
  • Oranges
  • Granola bars
  • Juice
  • Hot chocolate mix
  • Frozen meats

And since people are having a hard time figuring this out for themselves, let me just say: every single item on this list is OPTIONAL, just look for what you need personally and let others do the same.

Complete College Checklist!

Complete College Checklist!

I have compiled a list of all of the things you’ll need for college. Feel free to print this out and use it for your college shopping trip!

Reblog this to help others who are struggling with their college checklist!

Bed:

  • Bed sheets (2 sets)
  • Blankets
  • Body Pillow
  • Comforter
  • Mattress Foam Topper
  • Mattress Pad
  • Mattress Protector
  • Pillowcases
  • Pillows (2-3)
  • Shams

Bathroom:

  • Cup for toothbrush
  • Paper towels
  • Shower curtain
  • Shower curtain hooks
  • Shower curtain liner
  • Shower organizer
  • Trashcan
  • Toilet Paper
  • Towels
  • Towel rack (over the door)
  • Washcloths
  • Wet wipes

Room:

  • Command Hooks
  • Curtains
  • Desk lamp
  • Microwave (optional)
  • Mini-fridge (optional)
  • Rug
  • Surge protector
  • Toaster (optional)
  • Trash can

Medical:

  • Advil/Midol/Aleve/Tylenol
  • Allergy medication
  • Band aids
  • Cough drops/syrup
  • Cotton balls/rounds
  • Hydrogen Peroxide
  • Neosporin or other ointment
  • Pepto bismol
  • Rubbing alcohol

Laundry:

  • Delicates bag
  • Dryer Sheets
  • Hangers (thin hangers)
  • Laundry hamper
  • Tide Pods

Toiletries/Personal:

  • Brush/Comb
  • Conditioner
  • Deodorant
  • Eyeliner
  • Floss
  • Foundation
  • Lotion
  • Makeup organizer
  • Mouthwash
  • Pads/tampons (for the ladies)
  • Razors
  • Retainer (for those who’ve had braces)
  • Retainer case (don’t forget)
  • Shampoo
  • Shaving Cream
  • Sunscreen
  • Toothbrush
  • Toothpaste
  • Tweezers
  • Q-Tips

Clothing:

  • Bras
  • Cardigans
  • Dresses (I’m taking 3 or 4)
  • Jackets
  • Jeans
  • Leggings or yoga pants
  • Pajamas (are a MUST)
  • Panties (15-20 pairs)
  • Pants (dress pants)
  • Purse (I’m only taking one)
  • Robe (a MUST)
  • Shirts (20-25)
  • Shoes (1-5)
  • Shorts
  • Slippers
  • Socks (24 pairs)
  • Sweaters
  • Workout clothes (in case)

School Supplies:

  • Backpack
  • Binder
  • Crayons
  • Cup for pencils
  • Erasers
  • Folders
  • Folder/Letter Holder
  • Glue
  • Highlighters
  • Index cards
  • Index card holder
  • Markers
  • Mechanical pencils
  • Notebooks (8)
  • (college ruled) paper
  • Pens
  • Post-it Notes
  • Post-it Note Holder
  • Ruler
  • Scissors
  • Staples & Stapler
  • Tape & tape dispenser

Cleaning Supplies:

  • Air Freshener
  • Broom & dustpan
  • Clorox Wipes
  • Gloves
  • Mop & bucket
  • Swiffer Sweeper (optional)
  • Tiny Trash Bags (or grocery bags)
  • Toilet Bowl Brush
  • Toilet Bowl Cleaner

Other:

  • Alarm Clock
  • Car charger
  • Computer mouse
  • Flash Drive/USB/External hard drive
  • Headphones
  • Laptop
  • Laptop Charger
  • Phone
  • Phone Charger
  • Tablet

Stuff I decided to purchase:

  • Keurig 
  • Plates
  • Bowls
  • Silverware (Forks, Spoons, Knives)


If you use this list and film a dorm haul, please send the link of your video to me! Also, please link others to this checklist to help others out!

Note: If you are going to have a roommate, divide some of the cleaning supplies and bathroom items amongst each other (to avoid having multiple shower curtains/towel racks/mops etc…).

One Breakfast at a Time

upperstories submitted:

(Rough Around the Edges, pt. 2)

Previous

Summary: The following morning… 

***

Boris’s feet felt prickly.

The first thought that dredged up the wolf’s mind from the thick, murky mires of sleep was that there was a foreign, uncomfortable feeling in his toes. It wasn’t quite painful, but it was distracting. Which was a shame; quite honestly, as the rest of him felt like it was swaddled in a soft, warm cloud, like lying on a mountain of fleece. He was dreaming of sleeping on the back of a large, comfy sheep. Maybe if he moved his feet right, he could shoo the strange sensation away and get back to sinking completely into the wool.

His toes twitched, and the tingling feeling went up both his legs completely. That hurt.

“YIPE!” Boris yelped, knees hiking in alarm, eyes flying open.

The first thing that greeted him was strange visual tones and hues, blurred from the sleep in his eyes and the tingling in his feet. They were—oh, whadyacallems?—Blues. And Greens. Only lighter, greyer, faintly cast across the ceiling above him, making him squint. It followed the outline of a windowpane.

His foggy mind thought, not for the first time:

How long will it take before them colors look normal?

Motion at his side had him shaking his noggin, revealing the familiar heads of to his pals, moppy and disheveled from sleep. Alice muttered something under her breath—when had her halo hung itself up on that lamp?— and Bendy snuggled closer into the pillows, a bit of drool staining the soft cushion.

Recognition stumbled into his brain as his eyes adjusted to the dim early morning light.

He wasn’t sleeping on a bed of fleece. He was sharing a bed with Alice and Bendy, feeling mighty cozy in spite of being too long to rightly fit on the mattress length-wise, which explained why his feet weren’t under the covers. The tingling must’ve been because they’d been leaning over the end board all night.

Asleep, his feet were asleep. That’s what this feeling felt like. Except… it was much stronger than how it’d felt before, back in the world drenched in ink.

Dang, the real world felt strange.

Trying his best not to disturb the other two sleeping Toons, Boris slowly pulled his bare feet under the blankets, wincing as he flexed the tingling feeling out of them. They were cold to the touch, as were the ends of his ears and snout, a stark difference compared to the comfy warm bubble formed underneath the covers from his proximity to his friends. If he stayed still enough, curled up a ball, maybe he could go back his sweet, soft, monochromatic dreams…

The door creaked, and Boris was awake.

In the semi darkness, the wolf made out the shape of a figure entering the room, familiar in spite of his loss of Toonification. It was Henry.

Err. At least. Boris was pretty sure it was Henry.

The man had Henry’s almost square-ish head, large ears, surly set face and all, but in place of the man’s wrinkled light green shirt and brown slacks was a plaid patterned collared shirt, all blues and grays, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, and the bottom half of a dark grey jumpsuit, faded at the knees and the top half wrapped messily around his waist. His black work boots were word around the souls. It all smelled faintly of engine oil.

A change of clothes shouldn’t have been completely out of left field for the Toon (as he recalled, Bendy changed his wardrobe a number of times over a wide variety of episodes), but the old animator’s plainer duds had almost seemed glued to him. Seeing Henry in less plain-looking clothes felt like seeing a camel in a bunny onesie. Strange.

He silently watched Henry tread to the bedside table on Bendy’s side of the bed and leave a note next to the lamp. The man looked haggard, but clean. His hair was even combed.

Boris considered keeping his head down, pretending to be asleep. But then, just as it looked like he was about to leave, Henry stopped and turned around, looking back at the bed of Toons. Contemplating, eyes unfocused and glassy—from lack of sleep, perhaps?— grey circles under them. The wolf’s felt his heart clench, and he lifted his head.

“Henry?” he whispered.

Henry jumped and caught himself on the wall.

“JEEZ—” Henry breathed, forced his voice down. “Boris— scared the daylights outta me.”

“Sorry—!” Boris’s ears fell back. “Sorry.”

Henry put a hand to his chest and sighed. His eyes looked less glassy, more awake.

“Agh, I didn’t wake you up, did I?” Did Henry look guilty? Nah, it must’ve been Boris’s imagination.

“Nah,” said Boris, truthfully. “Feet fell asleep. Woke me up instead.”

The corners of Henry’s mouth twitched. If Boris didn’t know any better, he could almost mistake the man’s grimace as a smile. It almost met his eyes.

“Headin’ off somewhere?” said Boris, nodding towards the note.

“Just about,” whispered Henry.

He motioned for Boris to follow him out of the room, finger to his lips. Boris nodded, trying to be mindful of jostling the bed, so as not to rouse Alice or Bendy. The wolf was thankful for his thick coat of fur (ink?) once he was free from the blankets, as the room was fairly brisk without the protection. Boris swallowed a whine and followed after the grizzled animator.

On their way to the den, Henry grabbed a large, dark green jacket from one of the hampers in the hallway. He gave it a tentative sniff to check if it was clean, shrugged, and offered it to Boris. Boris sniffed as well. It smelled of Henry and mothballs. It would do. The sleeves came up an inch short of his wrists though.

“Gotta go plead to the powers that be that I don’t end up unemployed before the day’s end,” said Henry once they were a safe whisper-free distance from the bedroom, sighing and scratching his neck. “I, uh, took a few more vacation days than I’d originally planned.”

Boris’s stomach dropped, guiltily. The studio.

“Oh, golly… wha… that was our fault—”

“S’nobody’s fault,” said Henry, patting Boris’s shoulder. They passed the couch. It didn’t show any signs of Henry sleeping on it. “I might have to work a few extra shifts to make up for it though. My boss, Callum? Not exactly known for being forgiving, but he can be fair when he needs to be.”

Boris nodded, faint memories of his own past experiences with “unforgiving bosses” arising. His tail tucked between his legs, the wound from the harsh look on Joey’s face all those days ago in that office now fresh in his mind’s eye. When the air was thick with acetone and Henry’s open cartoon wounds. His nose twitched, feeling a little sick at the memory.

“M-Maybe I should come with ya,” said Boris, the weightlessness of Henry leaning on him ghosting along his shoulder. He gripped it. “Help explain a few things—”

“Boris,” said Henry. There was no harshness in his voice, but it was still firm. “I… I appreciate it, Pup. I really do. But… you need to stay here. All three of you. Lay low for a while.”

Boris tried his best not to look discouraged. Henry patted his shoulder again and gave it a squeeze. It felt odd, not having to look down on Henry as much as he had when the animator was still a Toon. Henry squared his shoulders, and Boris felt assured.

“It’s… too much, out there,” Henry nodded to the window. A car honked, followed by another, and across the way, some neighbors were opening windows to do laundry. A lady waved out a large red blanket, and Boris had to flinch at the brightness of the color, visible even in the dim early morning. “Too much to get used to all at once.  Besides, I know Callum. I’ll be alright.”

Boris felt like crawling into an inkwell. He knew Henry was right, but it wrung his nerves like wet laundry. He felt so… useless. He was supposed to be the helper, the best buddy. He sighed.

A kettle whistled.

“Oh, shoot—” Henry rushed to the stove and turned the knob, using one of the dangling jumpsuit sleeves to take the metal pot from the heat when he couldn’t find his oven mitt, setting it on his oven mitt so the counter wouldn’t burn— ahh. Found the mitt. Hmm. “Sheesh… I, err, tried making something quick for breakfast for you all before I left, but, well. The mess. Heh. Wasn’t able to get as much done as I was hoping…”

Boris turned to the counter while Henry prepared a quick coffee for himself, and noticed, to his surprise, that the tower of bills and mail had been cleared off, leaving room for three sets of plates, bowls, forks and spoons of varying style and size. Each plate had a couple eggs, sunny-side up, glasses of water, and steaming hot bowls of oatmeal—with walnuts and molasses, from the looks of them. Bois sniffed the air above the biggest bowl (he hoped it was his) and licked his chops. It smelled pretty dang good.

Breakfast wasn’t the only change to the den. The mess from last night seemed to have all been pushed to the side, the floor for the most part cleared of debris, if still in need of a vacuuming. Trash bags sat stacked next to the door, ready for dumping, full of the empty bottles and boxes.

…How long had Henry been up, working on all of this?

“Ya didn’t have to…” said Boris, ears flopping back. “Dunno if we really need to eat.”

“A good breakfast might liven up the mood around here,” said Henry, smirking. At least this time it reached his eyes. He quickly downed the contents of the mug, grimacing. “Aghh, love the feeling of burnt tongue in the morning.”

“Ya do?” Boris laughed.

“Nope,” Henry laughed in turn. He set his mug in the sink, which was filled with other much dirtier mugs as well as pots and pans, and put a small tin reading Express-o, Coffee on the Go away. A cast iron skillet was all that was left on the stove, which looked surprisingly well cared for, considering the state of Henry’s other kitchen items. Guess that explained the eggs. He pointed to Boris. “Tea boxes are on the counter too, should be enough hot water between all of you. Don’t let Bendy drink my coffee. I’ll call you all when I’m on my way back. Don’t answer the phone for anyone else.”

“Wha?? Buh—how-how?” said Boris, getting whiplash.

Henry pointed to the other end of the den. A black, faintly dusty dial-up phone sat on the floor, next to the far wall, with a note taped to the wall over it. It read a variety of instructions in Henry’s chicken scrawl shorthand, and a blessedly legible phone number at the bottom. It looked as if it’d been dug up from one of Henry’s old boxes.

“I’ll call three times in a row. Only answer if you get three calls within a few seconds of each other,” said Henry, grabbing a toolbox next to the couch and as many of the trash bags as he could carry. “Other than that, just let it ring.”

“Whuh- wait, Henry!” said Boris, heart leaping in his throat. “I-I’m not so sure we…”

Boris turned to the window, grabbing the sleeve of the jacket. The sun was raising more and more, the world outside of them starting to wake up. Yellows mixed with grays, turning them brown and sandy. He was sorely missing his dreams, drenched in black and white.

“Hey, hey,” said Henry. His hand was back on Boris’s shoulder.

Boris turned to him, every inch of his face dropping, expecting to get one of Henry’s signature rigid, authoritative glares, waiting to be given the hard facts of their situation. Instead, he got a tired, yet… understanding smile. It was lopsided and rough around the edges, and looked wildly unsure.

“It’s ok,” said Henry, in a voice that, despite what his face betrayed, sounded pretty dang convincing.

The wolf felt something inside him—something that he’d kept bunched together throughout the drive, the climb to Henry’s apartment, the scary few minutes this morning where he first experienced his feet falling asleep in the real world and how real the real world felt and how he wasn’t really a wolf he wasn’t real was he?— unclench and, without thinking, he leaned his head on Henry’s shoulder, sagging weightily. Henry teetered, not used to the wolf having a third dimension’s worth of weight to him, but evened out, and wrapped an arm around Boris’s back, toolbox counterbalancing him.

“This is a lot to take in,” said Henry, gruff voice a welcome sound for the poor, overwhelmed wolf. “Don’t rush yourselves through it. Thing’s’ll get easier. I just…” His grip tightened, strong, grounding. “We just gotta make some things work first.”

The wolf whined.

“I just wanna help,” said Boris, voice feeling thicker than glue. “I ain’t much of a good helper though. I couldn’t even help you or Bendy or Alice when everything came crumblin’…”

“Now now, none of that,” Henry almost laughed.

Boris almost had enough nerve to get annoyed, if not for what Henry said next.

“That’s no way to talk about the guy who saved my life. And Bendy’s and Alice’s. And then mine again.” Henry stopped, smirking when he felt Boris quietly snort. “And Bendy’s, again, about, what? Five more times?”

“Mmmh, you’re just saying that…” Boris didn’t sound completely convinced, but the knot loosened a fraction. He pushed from Henry, trying to stand his full height. His cheeks had their old stylized blush back; his ears almost perking sincerely. Almost. He let them droop, eyes downcast. Henry sighed.

“For now… none of us know what we’re doing,” said Henry. “Not even me. And I’m from here. But we’ll figure it out.”

“…one breakfast at a time?” said Boris, trying to smile. It was shaky. Oh, he felt so shaky.

“One breakfast at a time,” said Henry. He reached up and scratched Boris between the ears, and Boris relaxed. He felt his tail wag, if only just a bit.

“But seriously,” Henry added. He was grinning, almost… devilishly. “Keep. Bendy. Away from my coffee. If I come back and find him bouncing off the walls, I’m hiring an exorcist.”

Boris was so taken aback, he couldn’t help himself. The thought alone was so ridiculous, but seeing Henry actually try to crack a joke? Utterly too much to comprehend. The wolf howled a laugh right out loud.

And it felt scarily, wonderfully real. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT’S A HAPPY HOPEFUL ENDING TO THIS FIC.  THIS IS MY WEAKNESS.

THIS IS ALL MY WEAKNESS.  I LOVE THIS SO MUCH.

anonymous asked:

Can you do a scenario on what kind of dads they would be pretty please?!

you got it anon! 

onew:

  • “hi hungry, i’m dad” “pls dad i’m so hungry” “……………….. hi so hungry, i’m dad” 
  • drives around a minivan 
  • dad jeans swag 
  • those ahjusshi jokes he makes?? oh buddy they’ve upgraded
  • literally every sentence out of his mouth is a pun 
  • groans only fuel him 
  • makes him more powerful, the daddest dad
  • for the first 3 years of his kids life he always was holding them in some way, their feet have never touched the ground 
  • always packs their lunch for school 
  • stress bought all the baby stuff very early on in the pregnancy 

jonghyun:

  • cried when he held his kid for the first time (*sobbing* i love you so so so much and your cheeks were so chubby and there’s no baby more beautiful than you ever)
  • cried harder when he saw their little feet 
  • lots of kisses
  • falls asleep a lot with them in his arms bc he doesn’t want to let them go 
  • hundo p took off work to be with his child 24/7
  • vows to never return to work bc this little ball of sunshine is his LIFE 
  • found out that his kid really really likes the monkey magic song so the other apartments can hear kim jonghyun just passionately belting out MONKEY MONKEY MAGIC MONKEY MAGIC MONKEY MONKEY MAGIC MONKEY MAGIC MONKEY MONKEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY at all times
  • can braid really well 
  • super supportive but also super embarrassing (“honey??? do you want to go bra shopping??? is it time for that yet???”) 

key: 

  • one of those people who says his kid’s age in months (minho: ”he’s two!!! just say two years old!!!”)
  • floods everyone’s newsfeed with pics of his kid (”seriously kibum pls stop posting their poops”) 
  • THE pta dad
  • once had a smackdown with another parent for talking shit about his kid 
  • you bet your ass he found out who it was and protected his baby. martha is banned from the pta FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!
  • what a fucking legend 
  • bought so many pairs of baby socks and hats 
  • his child is so well-dressed they were scouted as a baby model 

minho: 

  • when he hears he’s going to be a dad, babyproofs the house completely
  • threw out all his knives, forks, and chopsticks 
  • he only owns spoons now 
  • is just so amazed he just made another human 
  • his fridge is always stocked with cartons on cartons of milk
  • motto: “okay but don’t tell mom” 
  • really good at doing the airplane thing with his legs 
  • keeps a really meticulous scrapbook and makes lots of home videos 
  • turns the living room upside to make forts and castles 
  • always down to play dress up and pretend, gets super into it 

taemin: 

  • “you can’t name your child taemin pt. 2” 
  • made a three inch thick baby binder with all the information he would ever need to know from newborn to early adulthood (”i just want to be READY”) 
  • honestly was nervous at first but he’s researched literally everything he knows what to do in all situations 
  • plays piano for his kid while they sleep 
  • baby food tastes gross 
  • “THEY SNEEZED WE’RE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL”
Regret - Part 1

Originally posted by grandpa-ty

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Genre: angst, fluff, slight smut

Pairing: Johnny x Reader, Taeyong x Reader

Word Count: 2k

Summary: *REQUESTED* You find out that your boyfriend has been cheating on you and you leave him. Almost a year later, he realizes that he hasn’t quite gotten over you and he tries to get you back.

It’s snowing, you thought, as you walked to the restaurant to meet your boyfriend. The snow fell slowly, but surely, coating the sidewalks powdery white. A chill went down your spine. The snow had been unexpected and, this morning, in your haste, you’d forgotten to wear a hat. Drops of snow landed on your head, the cool moisture seeping through to your scalp.

Keep reading

Tbh I wish Peridot never got a redemption arc and instead she was just a sort of Dr. Doofenshmirtz type villain that tried to be menacing but was really just a mild inconvenience at best. The Crystal Gems have already moved on and are fighting bigger villains and Peridot is like,,, stealing all their forks and knives so they have to eat everything with spoons.

A Brief History of the Spork

The most grievous and recurrent misconception about the spork is that its name is a portmanteau of “spoon” and “fork.” Being part spoon and part fork this seems like the most obvious origin, but in fact the spork was invented by Edwin C. Sporke in New Orleans. Sporke invented the Spork in 1776, and the year is no coincidence. The story of the Spork is in fact, the story of the United States of America.

The year was 1773 and the industrial revolution was in its first decades. The colonists that would form the government of the United States were just arriving in the 13 colonies. At the age of 21, Thomas Jefferson had just been fired from his job in tech support at the University of Oxford. The only record of his duties there suggests that he mostly cleaned the old valuable globes, clocks, compasses, and the Ancient Abacus of Ankh-Ent-Ah-Baccus, where he is noted as having done a substandard job at removing abacus lint from the device. With no job and no prospects in England, Jefferson moved on up to the colonies in America, where he could begin a new life.

Jefferson came to America with only $7 to his name, and those dollars were worthless as the U.S. Treasury would not be formed for another 25 years. He arrived at the port of New Orleans, which was at the time called “Orleans-To-Be.” He had at the time no interest in politics, and applied to work at the only English-speaking establishment in the town. His days at McDonalds were unproductive. He slaughtered the cattle for beef, he peeled the potatoes for french fries, and he ground the bones for bread, which was made from bone powder before the evolution of wheat. But one important thing happened in his years at the restaurant: He met Edwin C. Sporke.

Sporke had arrived from Norway the year prior, and changed his name from Edvald Cornelius Sporkbeklagerdenfalskenorskenavnet to Edwin C. Sporke. Jefferson first saw him when he picked up his order for a Mutton McGruelbowl. Sporke sat down and, to Jefferson’s dismay, began trying to eat the liquid gruel with a fork. Curious, he brought the man a spoon and asked why he wasn’t using it instead. Sporke explained that spoons had been banned in Norway for hundreds of years owing to the infamous “Blood Spooning” of Vikings, from whom the Christian monarchy wanted to distance themselves. Jefferson encouraged Sporke to try, but he was hesitant. Finally, he agreed to eat the gruel with both at the same time, overlapping. The spork was born.

Because it could eat gruel more efficiently than a spoon or fork on their own, Raymond McDonald immediately began producing the utensil. This was done at first by having Jefferson weld spoons to forks, a job he so detested that he left for the east coast, taking the idea with him and keeping (most of) Sporke’s name attached, promising him royalties. Upon his arrival, Jefferson saw the next thing that would revolutionize the way we eat: The assembly line.

Famous entrepeneur- entrepeneuer– entreprenur—- famous businessman Henry Ford was living in New York, growing very rich with his mass constructed horse drawn carriages. Jefferson was impressed with the method, and immediately endeavored to accomplish a mass produced spork by means of his diligence, hard work, and persistence in buying slaves to do his real work for him. Among his early customers was Benjamin Franklin, who would go on to play so an integral role in the founding of the United States that well over 0.04% of Americans can tell you his role even today. Franklin loved the idea of the spork and showed it to George Washington, who could only eat gruel owing to the loss of his teeth in bad poker game in 1771. The men got along splendidly, and the rest, as they say, is history.

For Jefferson and the country at least. Records of Edwin Sporke are fewer and less revolutionary. Sporke never got any royalties. Whether Jefferson never sent them or whether they were stolen by railroad bandits en route will never be known, but as railroads only began delivering mail after 1804, most historians suspect Jefferson cheated Sporke out of his share of the profits. The only thing we now know for certain about Sporke is that he died in 1779, stabbed to death with his own invention during an argument over whether zebras were striped or spotted. Sporke not only died in the encounter, but made a fool of himself by claiming that the animals were spotted, having been tricked at a local zoo that displayed a dalmatian claimed to be the elusive African zebra.

But thankfully we now know his name, and his fate, and his integral role in the building of both the U.S.A. and the spork that bears his name. In this respect he remains far more fortunate than Muḥammad ibn Muḥammad al-Nafzawi, who invented the spork in 1211 in Tunisia and is not remembered in any European history books at all for obvious reasons.

anonymous asked:

Hello! Hope you're having a wonderful day😋 can you do one where SHINee is at a formal family dinner?? (Whether it's with each other's family or just them together)

i hope you’re having an amazing day/night anon! omg this made me wonder if shinee and their families have ever sat down together to have a huge barbeque or something (bc korean families do that after big events so imagine after their debut they ALL just sat down together for dinner!!) but that’s a lot of moving parts so for now we shall see just shinee in a nice restaurant

onew:

  • why did he wear a white shirt and order something with red sauce
  • oh boy this is going to be a struggle
  • his water: *sweats* / onew: same
  • in a cruel twist of fate his entree is the smolest out of everyone’s
  • his life is hard but mccdonald’s delivers so
  • proposes a toast: “let’s go for a long long time shinee!!”
  • when they clink glasses he has the sunniest smile he’s so proud of them

jonghyun:

  • staring at the menu for a really really long time (onew: you good?? / jong: i can’t read english)  
  • honestly not sure what he ordered
  • there are too many forks/spoons/knives he just wants to eat (*looks at key and lifts a slightly larger fork* / key: *shakes his head* / *points at smaller fork* / key: *nods*)
  • cuts up all his food into small bite-sized pieces
  • lowkey making dinosaur grumbling noises (minho: *elbows him in the side* / jong: *indignant dinosaur sounds*)
  • maybe it’s being in a fancy place that makes him want to act out more

key:

  • befriends the sommelier
  • orders everyone wine in french (shinee: wow~ kibum oppa so cool~)
  • has to take off all his rings in order to use silverware properly (they’re in a little pile next to his plate)
  • runs back in flustered later bc he forgot them
  • swirls wine in glass and smells it (jong: aigoo this pretentious act / key: omg you’re supposed to do this you UNCULTURED SWINE)

minho:

  • his back is ramrod straight
  • can probably stack books on his head rn
  • excited af for his lava cake
  • keeps showing how red his steak is to the other members
  • someone is kicking his shins and he’s trying to kick them back with a pleasant smile on his face
  • the lava cake came with basil ice cream and dude it’s weird

taemin:

  • goes to the bathroom and doesn’t come back for a long time
  • doesn’t want to say but he couldn’t find their table in the dim lighting and that he was too embarrassed to ask a waiter/tress for help so he waited in the bathroom for a lil bit
  • his wine glass keeps refilling itself and he is getting pinker 6///6
  • lowkey drunk at the end of the night
  • very happily stealing minho’s dessert
  • “can we say it’s my birthday to get another cake”
  • he does it and claps the entire time the staff sings
Cuddling With Astro

MJ

Originally posted by daddy-mj

  • he likes spooning lets be real in a world of forks the boy is a spoon
  • idk what i meant by that 
  • moving on
  • fr MJ here would love to just drag you to bed at night to cuddle
  • he would either cuddle you like right after lunch or something or right before you sleep 
  • those are his favorite cuddle times he feels the cuddliest then its his peak cuddliest always
  • he’d pull you onto the couch or the bed and just wrap his arms around you from the back
  • and pull you into him
  • god he would smell so good omfg
  • but like right when you’d relax into him MJ would be like
  • lol n o p e
  • and start tickling the heck outta ya
  • he loves watchin ya squirm
  • ;)
  • jkjk
  • soon after you would both quiet down and it would get like comfortably silent and he’ll never tell you but those moments of quiet with you and only you are his favorite times 
  • like ever
  • he loves those moment more than anything
  • and he’ll rest his chin on your shoulder and your head will rest against his collarbone and you’ll just revel in each other’s warmth
  • MJ really likes cuddling you
  • he even tries to get you to call him the cuddle master supreme or somethin
  • just
  • cuddling MJ would be a lot of fun and also really peaceful just super wow ya feel me
  • wow

JinJin

Originally posted by dognmin

  • jinjin doesnt cuddle
  • no
  • he snuggles
  • he would just be lying down and you would pass by and suddenly you’re being pulled onto your boyfriend
  • he’ll grab onto anything and pull
  • sometimes it’s your hand, your elbow, your thigh, it doesn’t matter
  • if jinwoo wants to cuddle
  • no
  • snuggle
  • he’s gonna snuggle
  • he’ll pull you on top of him so you’re both lying down
  • and jinjin would make you put a blanket on top of you so you don’t get cold because he anticipates you two will be in that position for a while
  • he would hold you close to his chest
  • close enough to hear his heartbeat
  • ohmygod
  • and wrap his arms around you and basically it would be like hugging a teddy bear
  • and your head would be against his chest and underneath the blanket
  • your legs are intertwined 
  • you would constantly switch positions though
  • “jinjin that is my boob
  • “ah crap sorry”
  • “don’t move wait”
  • “…”
  • “i said not to move now im like halfway doing the splits”
  • “sorry”
  • because eventually one of you would have a limb fall asleep and it’d get uncomfortable but you want to keep cuddling snuggling 
  • so you always end up lying on your sides facing each other
  • and hugging tight
  • and falling asleep entwined and warm underneath like seven blankets with your head on his chest hearing his heartbeat and his arms around you and i am just
  • s n u g g l e s w i t h j i n j i n

Eunwoo

Originally posted by moonbinny

  • hes like a super giant so it would be kinda hard to find a nice cuddling position
  • but eventually you’d decide on like koala-ing him 
  • you would wrap your legs around his waist
  • and your arms around his neck
  • and 
  • squeeze
  • dongmin wouldn’t mind the squeezing honestly because you’re so small and cute he doesn’t even notice it
  • and then you’d pout at him bc he didn’t say anything about your squeezing
  • he would so kiss you so much though like you’re hanging onto him
  • or like as close to hanging as you can be while you’re lying down
  • and he would just be struck by how adorable and vulnerable you look 
  • he wouldn’t be able to help himself
  • it’s like
  • unstoppable
  • he blames it on hormones but 
  • he would move your hair or do whatever he needed to do to kiss your forehead or your cheek
  • and you’d pout at him again
  • this time in response he would
  • kiss your lips
  • over and over 
  • just pecks to tease you until you clasp your hands together behind his neck and forcibly bring him down to kiss you properly
  • he would smile into it
  • eventually dongmin would take your hands off of his neck and hold them in front of his chest
  • and smile
  • and look at you
  • he would sigh out of happiness and contentedness and love and you should all put “cuddling with lee dongmin” on your bucket lists

Moonbin

Originally posted by kpopyoulater

  • cheek to cheek
  • only way to describe it
  • you would start with your head in his chest but somehow later you would’ve pretty much moved up his body
  • and now your chin is in his shoulder while his chin is in yours
  • and you’re both facing each other 
  • he’s so warm
  • and the boy smells really, really good
  • you can’t help but breathe in his scent
  • and sniff his hair bc you’re 99.99% he used your shampoo 
  • but your cheeks would be smushed together but neither of you would mind
  • and his arms are loose around your waist 
  • your arms rest on his are just fanning out from your body tbh
  • they don’t really do much just
  • hang
  • until Bin takes one of your hands in his and intertwines your fingers 
  • you put your other hand on his shoulder and his other arm stays holding you close
  • for a long while neither of you talk but then
  • “did you just fart”
  • “it is only natural”
  • “i hate you”
  • “actually you love me you told me so exactly-”
  • “whY HAvE YoU BEen couNTiNg”
  • jk but honestly you would start quiet and then end up bantering and giggling but staying cheek to cheek the entire time
  • and somehow it would get late and Moonbin realizes that wow
  • you’re fast asleep on top of him
  • and he contemplates throwing you off and running for it but
  • he really likes this
  • it’s worth his arm and hand falling asleep he guesses
  • as long as, when the morning comes, you and him are still entwined

Rocky

Originally posted by astropopsicle

  • minhyuk and doryongi could be brothers or somethin they’re both floppy when it comes to cuddling
  • not that you mind
  • minhyuk is usually p chill but when the boy wants to cuddle he wants to CUDDLE
  • like he’s needy af when he wants you in his arms
  • that sounded cheesy i apologize lmfao
  • anyways
  • you’ll be doing homework or something and suddenly you hear minhyuk screaming your name from the couch or your bed or something 
  • the first few times he did it you freaked out bc
  • what if he’s getting eaten by a bear or something 
  • but you soon realized that when he yells for you it’s because he wants to cuddle
  • and its non-negotiable bc whenever you wanna cuddle he’s always there for you
  • unless he has like idol stuff but thats a given
  • when you finally get to him he’s all “’sup” but then 
  • breaks out into a huge grin that practically splits his face 
  • if you don’t get to him fast enough he’ll come looking for you and pick you up bridal style or throw you over his shoulder
  • sometimes you aren’t fast enough on purpose
  • he doesn’t need to know that
  • and then he’ll wrap like all of his limbs around you
  • you’re stuck
  • have fun
  • eventually you’ll wiggle a leg out so on of your legs is between his and one of his is between yours but his arms stay rooted
  • sometimes minhyuk will roll around with you in his arms if you’re in bed together he’s super playful that way 
  • then he’ll make kissy faces at you and give you butterfly kisses
  • minhyuk would be such a frickin dork when cuddling it would be amazing
  • eventually he would fall asleep with you in his strong grip
  • and you don’t want to wake him
  • so you just stay there
  • stuck
  • until sleep finds you too
  • but you don’t really mind because you’d rather cuddle your amazing(ly warm) boyfriend than do math 
  • any day

Sanha

Originally posted by astropopsicle

  • hes a giant like eunwoo 
  • but hes a smol beanie bby awkward giant
  • the first time you guys cuddle you have to ask him about it
  • and then he gets all flustered but tries to play it cool like
  • “cuddle??? uh, yeah, sure, uh, um, whatever?? you want.. babe???”
  • his voice squeaked on the last part it was great 
  • MJ and JinJin recorded it 
  • it’s JinJin’s ringtone now
  • after that though you guys got into a cuddling routine
  • funnily enough
  • in the beginning he was the small spoon
  • needless to say 
  • it really didn’t work out
  • instead you guys tend to lie down facing each other
  • smiling, laughing, talking
  • trading homework tips and joking about teachers and his managers
  • sometimes the hyungs will try to listen in on your conversations
  • that’s when you guys start roasting them, acting like you don’t know they’re listening
  • fun times
  • anyways you guys face each other
  • and eventually his arm tentatively finds itself around your shoulder, pulling you in slightly
  • it moves down to your waist as time goes on
  • sometimes you hold hands and put your clasped hands in between the two of you
  • always facing each other
  • after talking for a while the two of you will just stop saying anything or making any noises and just trace each other’s facial features with your eyes
  • you’ll find yourself leaning in and then all of a sudden he pulls you into his chest
  • both of your faces about as brightly colored as his hair is
  • and you’re both really tired at this point so you’re about to fall asleep
  • when you’re rudely brought back to being awake by all of Sanha’s hyungs taking pictures of the two of you and tweeting them
  • you should make a show
  • life with (6) boys

Regarding spoon theory I like to think of my energy level as having both spoons and forks. That way when some abled person gives me grief about being able to do some things but not other things I can calmly explain that life is like a bowl of soup and while you can certainly eat some of it with a fork you’re not going to tackle all of without spoons.

258. We are not allowed to charm utensils to follow behind our classmates and poke them randomly.

The spoons weren’t bad. The forks were just annoying. - SB

Not to mention terrifying when you have a four-pronged spear chasing after you! - PP

Not nearly as terrifying as the knifes. - JP

Yeah … probably a good call to not include those, Moony. - SB

You think? - RL

anonymous asked:

MC gets a nightmare/panic attack and how RFA+V & Saeran reacts to it :) love you work btw❤ keep up the great work!!!

thank you so much, it means a lot!! everyone in this fandom are so lovely, so it’s a pleasure to write <3 


Yoosung

  • This boy Yoosung would always spoon you with his entire body when you slept, arm draped around your waist and legs tangled 
  • So of course he woke up right away when your breathing became hitched and you started moving away from him
  • “Baby?” he asked confused, voice raspy from sleeping
  • He realized you were still sleeping and that you had a nightmare, and immediately felt bad for you
  • Especially because he had no idea what to do
  • Should he wake you up? Would that make it worse?
  • As your whimpering became louder, he decided that he needed to wake you and called out your name
  • You woke up crying, and he was hesitant to reach for you as he was afraid to make you more scared
  • But he couldn’t just look at you cry, so he pulled you close and let you cry onto his chest
  • Woke up earlier the next morning so he could make you breakfast in bed and make you forget about your nightmare


Zen

  • After the first RFA party you arranged, when Zen confessed his love for you publicly, you were basically attacked by reporters, fans and haters
  • Zen and the bodyguards tried their best to shield you, but when cameras flashed in your face and people started tugging at your clothes to get your attention, you couldn’t help but start hyperventilating
  • They quickly got you into the van and away from people, but when you realized that this would happen often now, you panicked
  • Zen tried his best to calm you down by hugging you tigthly and saying that it would get better once people gpt over the shock
  • When he saw that you didn’t take in what he said, he cupped your face and made you look at him
  • “Princess, I’m your knight in shining armor. I will always protect you, okay? What they did tonight was unbelievably rude, and I will make sure it won’t happen again”



Jaehee

  • She would probably still be awake late at night when you were sleeping, a bad habit after staying up late so many nights for Jumin
  • That’s why she immediately noticed that you were having a nightmare when you started whimpering “no…” in her arms
  • “MC? You need to wake up, honey”
  • When her quiet request wasn’t enough to wake you and your whimpering became worse, now with tears down your cheeks, she started shaking you gradually to not wake you up too harshly
  • You woke up scared and crying, and she melted and pulled you close to her
  • “Do you want to talk about it?”
  • You shaked your head and burried your face in her neck, shaking because you were scared 
  • She muttered sweet nothings into your ear and stroked your hair untill you fell back asleep


Jumin

  • You were nervous about having dinner with his dad, wanting him to like you
  • While getting ready in the bathroom, you realized that you were about to eat with two of the most powerful men in the country and couldn’t help but get freaked out
  • What if you didn’t even know proper etiquette and had been eating wrong your entire life? Would there be several spoons? And forks? Could you look his father in the eyes? Would he objectify you?
  • Before you knew it, you were a sobbing mess on the bathroom floor
  • After what felt like forever, someone knocked on the door and you could hear Juin’s voice asking if you were ready
  • When you didn’t answer, he opened the door and was shocked to see you in such a state 
  • “MC, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? Are your clothes too tight?”
  • You shaked your head and tried to form sentences, but your hyperventilating made it hard
  • He understood that you were nervous and sat down on the floor with you
  • “Kitten, you do realize that his opinion on you doesn’t matter, right? My father is a great man in many ways, but one of his biggest flaws is not being able to see through women. Even if he can’t see how perfect you are, it doesn’t mean you’re not, Because you are, okay? Get up my love, I will help you get ready”
  • He either held your hand or had a hand on your thigh the entire evening to remind you that he loved you no matter what


707

  • Remember that he used to deal with Saeran’s panic attacks, so he is no stranger to calming people down
  • However, when he saw on his security camera that you were on the werge of panicking when he mentioned the bomb in Rika’s appartment, he didn’t know how to comfort you
  • He felt incredibly bad that he was the reason why you were now hyperventilating, and felt unworthy of calming you down
  • Despite that, he did call you as he knew soothing voices usually helped and selfish as it was, he honestly didn’t want anyone else to be the reason you calmed down
  • “You knew I would never let you get hurt, right? If I could, I would protect you myself by keeping you in my arms, but reality is that I can’t do that right now. You just have to trust me, alright? I will keep you safe forever, you have my word”
  • It took a lot of reassuring, but you eventually fell asleep, phone still in hand and dried tears on your cheeks


V

  • I swear he would know exactly what to say and do after taking care of that fucking snake Rika for so long
  • Because he had been half blind for a while his other senses were heightened, so he clearly heard you crying softly into his chest and woke up
  • Would first try to calm you down by kissing your forehead and rubbing your back, but when that didn’t help he shaked you awake
  • “Angel, wake up. Deep breaths, okay? I know it’s scary, but I’m here for you. Follow my breathing, I know you can”
  • You listened to his calming voice and tried to do as he said, your breath still hitching
  • “You’re doing so good, dear. Do you want to talk about it?”
  • Would rub your back in a really comforting way, and listen intensely if the answer was yes
  • i have said it before and i will say it again, this guy deserves all the love



Saeran/Unknown

  • Even though he has had his unfair share of nightmares, he had never been in the other end
  • So when he was woken up in the middle of the night because of the gasping and crying person next to him, he almost panicked on his own
  • He figured he should at least wake you up, as he knew how scary nightmares were
  • Unsure and careful, he wiped the tears from your face and hoped it would be enough to wake you
  • Because that just made you whimper and move away from him, he started shaking you
  • You woke up with a scream, and he immediately hugged you
  • He kissed your head and stroked your hair, like you had done so many times with him when his past haunted him
  • “Shh. I’m here, okay? Please calm down, I won’t let anything hurt you”


~jane

Three’s a Crowd (Anthony Ramos x Reader)

Heyyyy everyone. Hope you enjoy this fic, I loved writing this it was so much fun. Shoutout to my friend @pumpernickelbae for first reading this fic for me and being so supportive of my writing, and also, shoutout to my friend @omqitsnaya because she was so engaged while reading this and telling me all these thing while she was reading them and she’s just an angel. i love them so much. 

Pairing: Anthony Ramos x Reader

Summary: You try to figure out how to tell Anthony you’re pregnant. With triplets.

Word count: 2086

Warnings: Just cursing, a cute Anthony being really oblivious to everything

Your name: submit What is this?


You were having triplets. The moment the doctor said it you could hardly believe it.

Excuse me?” You asked, your voice rising to high decibels.

The doctor turned to look at you. “You’re having triplets.” She said with a small smile.

You sat there, feeling shocked. When you were in the car, you were still shocked. When you got home, you were still in a state of complete shock. You and Anthony were going to have to take care of three babies. You didn’t think you could even handle one baby, and now you found out you have to take care of three.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Nick Nocturne is a naughty boy who puts his forks with his spoons! Where did you go down this dark path of chaos and destruction?

Probably about the same time I posed for this photo for a line of dakimakura

(@kittenmod on twitter)

2

@the-fox333 said to @sadeyeball: Redesign Peridot? Canon evidence suggests she’s too short, and her palette could be nicer.

my eyes are literally dying already so i probably will have to pick thigns up later but heres a doodle for peri. i like peridot i think her design idea is fun and could have more potential but heres the Thoughts: peri being a disabled gem and needing her prostetic limbs. when she reforms after being bubbled she finds herself without them and freaks out when learning steven literally threw them away. her magnetic abilities would be already a given since they wouldnt be used for a reveal later, and she would use that skill to crudely make limbs out of things from stevens house and the barn: wrenches, screws, spoons, forks, knives and just try to make it with what she has. bismuth wouldnt be bubbled for no reason and she could make new limbs for peri??? i imagined her metallic fingers getting an upgrade and being bendable now since theyd be made of more malleable metal, like cables?

but yeah this is just a doodle i had to put on my glasses halfway bc exhaustion. i tweaked peridots color scheme to go nearer yellow tones and match her original gem

K A I R O S | 02 |

/ˈkīräs/

(n.) the perfect, delicate, crucial moment; the fleeting rightness of time and place that creates the opportune atmosphere for action, words, or movement

An arranged marriage AU.

Paring: OT7.
Genre: fluff, angst, a lot of suggestive parts and eventual smut.
Word count: 6 912 -ish
Author’s note: Surprise!! :DD bet yall didnt see this coming hmm. okay but im really nervous about this one.

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“But mom, I’m not going to live with a bunch of strangers-!”

“I had the maids pack your things last night, your bags are outside.”

//

Cliche is underrated.

Especially when you just got kicked out of your own house by your ever so loving parents to stay with seven boys you’ve only heard notorious things about.

Oh, and you’re supposed to pick one to marry by the end of next month.

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