my cousin likes to notice things about me that i don’t even notice. did you know that you hum when you’re nervous? sometimes being oblivious is the only way that i know how to be. take being clumsy for instance. i used to pick on my ex for being a klutz, always dropping drinks or tripping over things. never noticing my own mistakes, but always hers. i guess i do notice some parts of me. like how you can write until your words will no longer make you feel lonely. like how you can light cigarettes until the smoke lingers. you don’t get to be perfect, but you can accept yourself. so i’ve been accepting my imperfections for what they are and not for who i’m not. i am the people i have loved. i am the renaissance that has gone astray, burying my heart into the leftovers of ashtrays. i am the lips i have kissed, loving you made me this way. i am the people i have disappointed, growing into a better person has left my arms sore from the constant reaching, i’ve been teaching myself the piano, the keys won’t sound like yours, the jingling of your smile down memory lane, i’ll always miss you when i have no one else, i guess my flaws are still here. why yes. why yes, i do hum. the subtleties that i am, the memories that i am.
— did you know that you hum?