no equipment exercises

Jacuzzi Porch Alert!

Woooooooo boy. What a porch do we have here today friendos. What we have here is a fancy stone porch. I mean look at the detail work on that stone! (I think its stone, I mean what do I know I just write about outdoor seating).

There are two things I want to talk about in this review. Porch hammocks and porch jacuzzis.

I’m assuming that black metal thing is a hammock, there’s no way its some type of super hip outdoor exercising equipment right? Must be some kind of space future hammock.

So that jacuzzi/hot tub is a great addition to this porch. Hot tubs (aside from being used as time machines in relatively funny films) help make a porch enjoyable in an all weather way. Who cares if its cold outside if you can sit in hot water?

Also anyone ever notice how hot tubs are like exclusively the province of teenagers and your parents? I haven’t been in a hot tub since I turned 18 easy. The close proximity to other people always seemed weird to me I dunno.

Drink Recommendation: Martini - I mean there’s a friggin’ hot tub that seems classy af

This porch was a submission from https://twitter.com/kmfed on twitter. Feel free to submit porches to me!

 If there was a zombie apocalypse the best place to go would be Target.

Lets look at the facts:

  • Targets have at maximum 3 windows. And those windows are also doors. Otherwise they are giant concrete cinder-blocks of prison like retail. 
  • Target is filled with things to quickly barricade those window-doors. such as entire gazebos, lawn furniture, exercise equipment, etc. 
  • From that point forward all you have to do is worry about the zombies that are inside.
  • Target has an intercom system, which if accessed by the correct people can be used to quickly spread information and mobilize people to get things done. 
  • Target has a large section of both perishable and non perishable food items. 
  • Target also has a vast entertainment section. (how many societies have collapsed due to conflict spurred by stress and boredom. HOW MANY)
  • Target’s roof can be easily accessed for surveillance, gathering of rainwater (with the many buckets and mini pools target has. and all water can be boiled in the Starbucks kitchen) and sniping.
  • Target’s insulation would make the harsh winter months significantly more bearable.
  • Before the power goes out, Target has sun lights (which is why its not sad inside like in so many other stores… cough Sears cough) so people who have SAD won’t get depressed. Also, Target is large and designed to feel homey so people wont go stir crazy as fast like they do in jails.
  • When the power goes out, Target has large industrial generators that can be turned on in emergencies like for cooking. 
  • Speaking of cooking, Target has several kitchens inside of it. And once the power goes, guess what Target also sells? Grills. 
  • Target also has a pharmacy. And medical supplies. So, people inside who need meds to function have a hell of a lot longer time to live unencumbered by their illness than they normally would. 
  • Some targets have tools–including power tools.
  • Target also has a tiny jail. For miscreants and rabble rousers.
  • Bedding. Real Bedding
  • Reliable indoor plumbing.

I think you could reasonably live for at least two years inside a Target before completely running out of anything vital– provided food is well rationed.
And even so, the only thing you’d be sending out scouts for is food. Everything else would last for ages.  

Provided that the population not exceed 200, Target would run out of these things in this order:

  1. perishable food.
  2. electricity
  3. Potable water (that doesn’t require work)
  4. Non perishable pre-made food items
  5. Non perishable food ingredients (flour, mixes, etc)

    How to survive in a Target: Action plan.

    Undoubtedly, everyone will be rushing and screaming in the Target. First someone has to break into the manager’s office and commandeer the intercom to create some organization by shouting: If you do not want to stay and survive in the Target, leave now. 

    After that’s cleared up and only interested parties and zombies are left. the barricading can begin. Once the doors and windows are sealed, the new goal is to clear the undead from the usable space.The undead can be deposited neatly outside of the truck loading dock doors.

    Then, someone needs to do inventory. For the next week or so, food needs to be arranged by date consumed and a rationing chart should be made. Same applies to medicine and medical supplies and toiletries.

    After food and water has been qualified and quantified,  remaining time should be dedicated to turning target into a large “home”, Bedding should be laid out in one area, there should be an entertainment area. There should be a separate area for children and babies. All of the clothing should be pushed to the side or placed in the storage area, so there is more livable space. 

    I’m sure people have more ideas but that’s all I’ve got.

This has been brought to you with love by,

Not gonna die. 

4

Playgrounds designed for seniors have caught on in Asia and Europe and are beginning to make their way across the Big Pond. The parks include low-impact exercise equipment such as elliptical machines, static bikes and body flexors and are intended to help promote balance and flexibility. Better balance means fewer falls, goes the reasoning. Another benefit of the senior parks is that they serve as a community gathering spot, combatting the isolation and loneliness some seniors experience. (Source)

How to Successfully Adopt a Lifestyle Change

Not a diet. Diet implies temporary, and what we need to do is form a set of new, sustainable habits for the rest of our life.

A lot of you probably have a daydream of taking a black, billowy trash bag and planning a SWAT-style assault on your fridge and cupboards and then setting fire to the dumpster you hurl it into. Naturally, you’ll dash over to the grocery store and purchase a ton of strange-looking foods you don’t regularly eat, or never eat! Then you’ll slap on a pair of shiny new shoes and go run a 5K. This works for–some people. Honestly, few people.

The reality for many people; however, is they get off their foray after a few weeks. Why is that?

Think about it. How long did it take you to really get into the groove of your current habits? Months? Years? If you’re trying to simultaneously kiss soda and chip’s ass good-bye, change every bite of food you eat, and start a fitness routine. Guess what? Stress, stress, stress! Your stomach was used to those portion sizes (whether too large or too small) and some of your favorite snacks, your brain is literally addicted to it. A lot of people will reach nuclear meltdown levels trying to transition to a healthy lifestyle this way.

Just like it took you time to form your current habits, it’s going to take some time to form your new habits. I truly do empathize with the feelings of wanting everything to be different right now, but realistically we can only handle a certain amount of stressors and change at one time.

Start With Nutrition Habits: While I really would recommend finding a few cheeky ways to get more active, you’ve probably heard some variant of “can’t outrun your fork,” or “it’s 80% nutrition.” Well, it really is true. Being more active is absolutely crucial to improving overall health in the “endgame,”  but we’re still playing the “tutorial” and the dietary aspects of our lifestyle change are the bulk of the impact. It goes beyond that, though. I’ve written more about it here, but being a beginner can be genuinely hard at times!  It takes a lot of time and effort to get oneself to a point where they can physically and mentally handle what entails “regular, moderate exercise.” One part of making that transition easier will be better nutrition and hydration.

Start With an Easy Target: I always tell people if they drink a lot of soda, juice, or sweetened tea/coffee to start here. Sugar provides us pretty much no nutrition and removing the pulp from fruit makes juice not that great for us, either. Drinking more water is not negotiable and replacing these beverages with water will do a surprising amount of good for how you feel–all by itself. I recognize how hard this one can be to kick, but sweetened beverages really do load many people’s lifestyles with a lot of bad juju.

If you don’t have a beverage problem, maybe you do have a condiment/dressing problem and can reduce the quantities and find alternatives. Maybe you party-hardy a little too much and need to cut down on alcohol. While I said “easy target,” no one said it would be that easy, but you probably have an idea where most of these so called “empty” nutrients are coming from.

Transition Bad Habits a Few at a Time: The opening of this probably already made it clear, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. You probably have an idea of what some of your most problematic habits are, so choose one; maybe two, and see how you adjust over a week or two before considering the next step.

Small Swaps: Start switching out various items in your pantries, fridges, and lunchboxes with simple alternatives. Change white breads, rices, and pastas to brown. Take the bag of chips from your lunch and turn it into a few servings of seasonal fruit and vegetables. Pick out a leaner cut of meat and use a little less dairy, if you eat them. Little changes can have massive results.

Learn Moderation: Remember that whole sustainable part at the very beginning? Our lifestyles do need to reflect our real lives. Well, my real life has a love of chocolates, pastries, and candies. So, it’s not realistic for me to say “no chocolate, pastries, or candies.” Food molarity can be a pretty toxic outlook on eating and life in general. Instead of labeling foods as “bad,” just learn and respect the limits. There are times where you have to say, “enough, is enough,” but living in a constant state of “no” is not realistic or mentally healthy for most people. It’s OK to love indulgent food. Think about how long your life is going to be. So, now think about how dinky an occasional treat will be in retrospect.

Depending on Your Struggles, Consider Therapy: As we know, many aspects of unhealthy eating habits are actually unhealthy mental habits. Depending on the severity and exact nature of those problems, never be embarrassed to seek professional help. I struggled with stress eating and even binge eating for most of my adolescence, and finally getting help for my anxiety disorder played a pretty crucial role in improving both my physical and mental health. If it’s not a possibility at this time, consider journaling.

Walk Before Your Run: Literally and figuratively. I’m going to recommend this previous post I recently wrote again, but when you’ve gotten a few habits cracked and feel like you’re ready to start amping up your activity, start with low impact and low equipment exercises. If it has been years, or if you’ve never exercised, it takes some easing into it. I recommend walking to all beginners because we already know how to do it, have what we need to do it, and probably won’t hurt ourselves.

So, there you have it. Tackle small challenges and get your body acclimated to them before you consider some of the overarching and holistic goals you have for your lifestyle. That said, we’re all different. If you still want to try and do that 180-flip, I can’t stop you and some people are successful that way. No two people or personality types have the exact same problems or strategy for overcoming them. However, if you’ve gotten frustrated and thrown in the towel a time or two, consider the scope of change and how to realistically implement it over a period of time.  We didn’t form our old habits overnight.

Shower Stall Encounters || Bucky Barnes x Reader [[smut]]

{summary: lately, you’ve been going to the gym, but not for the sake of losing weight or living healthier. no, the reason why you were at the gym was to admire a buff young man with dark hair and startling blue eyes. (note this is going to be a modern au, meaning bucky is going to be an oridinary man with no metal arm)}

*in idubbbz voice* as a content creator, i shall abide by the rules of the internet and use all the newest and coolest devices at my disposal to create content for the internet no matter what…uh amen.

an anon wanted more smut content so…here I am >w>

permenant tags: i won’t mention them because this post is very NSFW, so unless they specifically state that they want to be tagged in nsfw posts, this part will remain empty

warnings: female masturbation and smut (sex in the shower stall)

**dont plagiarize/repost this story, reblogs are fine**

——

Dear God, he was doing laps around the pool, and you were practically drooling at the sight of his strained body dressed in nothing but a pair of swimming trunks. The fact that you could see the droplets of water running down his chiseled chest and abdomen made your knees feel weak.

This had to be the only time you regretted going to the gym.

Keep reading

instagram
Physical Therapy

Characters: Dean Winchester, Reader (Y/N), Cara (OFC)

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Summary: Dean hurts himself and takes on physical therapy where he meets the Reader.

Warnings: AU, Fluff.

Word Count: 2K-ish

Author’s Note: Hey guys! This is my entry for @dancingalone21‘s challenge- “Lau’s AU Funny Quite Challenge”. My quote is bolded in the fic. I just want to say I am soooo damn sorry for being late on this. I’ve been having a hectic life lately. I’m sorry for the lateness of this fic. I hope you guys like it nonetheless. Feedback is greatly appreciated. Enjoy! *hides face*

**Special thanks to Ree @neversatisfiedgirl for taking the time to beta this for me. You really are a life saver, Ree. Thank you**



Physical Therapy

I didn’t think my life would get so interesting…so fast. I had woken up at approximately 4:30am, thanking the heavens above that it was Friday. It had been a long and stressful week and the weekend couldn’t get here fast enough.

But alas, I was here. And I couldn’t be happier.

The morning went as per usual. I got my Starbucks, drove to work an hour early, so I waited in the parking lot, sipping on my venti Double Chocolate Chip Frap. It was a peaceful morning…until a slightly harsh tap against my window stopped it abruptly.

Keep reading

The Short and Sweet Yoga Sequence You Can Do Every Morning

Regardless of how I slept the night before or what’s on my agenda for the day, I always feel more relaxed and focused after even a handful of minutes on my mat. Start your day out on a centered and strong note with this short yoga sequence that energizes your body and brain. Wake up five minutes earlier in the morning, and reap the benefits all day long.

Child’s Pose

Even after a good night’s rest, you might be surprised how shallow or hurried it feels first thing in the morning as you run through your checklists for the day. Draw your arms out long in front of you, and let your forehead rest on the floor for Child’s Pose.

Kneel on your mat with your knees hips-width distance apart and your big toes touching behind you. Take a deep breath in, and as you exhale, lay your torso over your thighs. Try to lengthen your neck and spine by drawing your ribs away from your tailbone and the crown of your head away from your shoulders.
Rest your arms beside your legs, with palms facing up, or try extending your arms out in front of you.
Stay here for 10 long breaths.

Cat-Cow Pose

Warming up your spine with a round of Cat Pose to Cow Pose will loosen up tightness in your upper body and relieve tension in your neck from how you slept. Pay special attention to aligning each movement with each breath to get the most out of this effective asana.

Begin with your hands and knees on the floor. Make sure your knees are under your hips and your wrists are under your shoulders. Begin in a neutral spine position, with your back flat and your abs engaged. Take a big, deep inhale.
On the exhale, round your spine up toward the ceiling, and imagine you’re pulling your belly button up toward your spine, really engaging your abs. Tuck your chin toward your chest, and let your neck release. This is your cat-like shape.
On your inhale, arch your back, let your belly relax, and go loose. Lift your head and tailbone up toward the sky — without putting any unnecessary pressure on your neck. This is the Cow portion of the pose.
Continue flowing back and forth from Cat Pose to Cow Pose, and connect your breath to each movement — inhale for Cow Pose, and exhale on Cat Pose.
Repeat for 10 rounds.

Downward Facing Dog

Activate your muscles, release stress in your legs and neck, and start building internal heat in Downward Facing Dog. Ten breaths might seem like a long time — but don’t bail! This pose will get the blood pumping through your whole body.

From Child’s Pose, press back on your hands, and come into a tabletop position on your hands and knees. Your wrists should be underneath your shoulders, and your knees should be underneath your hips.
Inhale as you tuck your toes under your heels. Then exhale to lift your hips, coming into an upside-down V shape called Downward Facing Dog.
Spread your fingers wide, and create a straight line between your middle fingers and elbows. Work on straightening your legs and lowering your heels toward the ground. Relax your head between your arms, and direct your gaze through your legs or up toward your belly button.
Hold for 10 breaths.

Standing Forward Bend

Standing Forward Bend is another pose that looks like it’s all relaxation, but you will feel a deep and intense stretch in your hamstrings and upper back. While the full expression of the pose calls for straight legs, if that feels like too much on your body, give a little bend to your knees to create more space. Remember to breathe deep, and come up slowly.

From Downward Facing Dog, keep your hands on the mat, and slowly step one foot at a time to the top of your mat so your feet meet your hands. Inhale with a flat back, and gaze slightly forward.
As you exhale, engage your abs to fold forward with a straight back. Tuck your chin in toward your chest, relax your shoulders, and extend the crown of your head toward the floor to create a long spine. Shift your weight forward onto your toes, trying to straighten the legs as much as possible. If this feels uncomfortable, allow your knees to have a little bend so you can focus on releasing your back.
Place your hands on the ground, fingertips lining up with your toes.
Hold here for 10 breaths.
Slowly roll up one vertebrae at a time, and step back to Downward Facing Dog.

Warrior 1

Open up tight hips while strengthening your lower body in Warrior 1. Do your best to turn and square your hips toward the front of the room while straightening and engaging your back leg in Warrior 1. These tips will help your body get the most of the stretch, and you’ll be able to stay comfortable in this pose for the full five breaths without readjusting.

From Downward Facing Dog, step your right foot forward between your hands. Turn your left heel in, press into your feet, and lift your torso up.
Lift your arms up, and press your palms together. Draw your shoulder blades down toward your hips, and gaze up at your hands.
Stay here for five breaths. Then come back to Downward Facing Dog, and step your left foot forward to do Warrior 1 on the other side.

Warrior 3

Warrior 3 is the final pose of this short sequence that will fire up your core and challenge your balance. Once you complete this pose on either side, you can look forward to a calmer commute and more productive morning.

From Downward Facing Dog, step your right foot forward for a quick Warrior 1 Pose. On your exhale, lower your torso and lift your left leg, bringing your body parallel with the ground. Extend your hands out in front of you, pressing your palms together firmly.
Press your hands together in a prayer, or extend your arms forward together, separating your arms so they’re shoulder-width apart. If extending your arms creates pain or pressure in your lower back, then bring your hands to your hips.
Hold this position for five deep breaths, then lower your left leg returning to Warrior 1, step back to Downward Facing Dog, and step your left foot forward for Warrior 3 on the other side, then back to Downward Facing Dog.
From Downward Facing Dog, drop your knees to the mat, take a few breaths in Child’s Pose, and move on with your day!

http://www.popsugar.com/fitness/Five-Minute-Yoga-Sequence-34770047?stream_view=1#photo-34770345

|| The Chase ||

{summary: what happens when you punch a famous gymnastics coach in his face and nearly break his nose in the process?}

so i finally got around to watching [the bronze] and let me say lance tucker is a fucking asshole and i would love to punch him in the face before kissing that stupid smirk of his. his only redeeming quality is his good looks. this is something i wanted to write to thank my readers with ;w; i’m going to do my best to portray lance in the most canon light that i can lmao so wish me luck.

warnings: sexual innuendos and cursing

**please don’t plagiarize/repost this story. reblogs are fine.**

——

There was this really annoying guy who came almost every day to your gym to ‘work out.’

But you weren’t stupid. You knew that the man with the dark hair and teasing blue eyes did less working out and more of checking you out.

Sadly, there wasn’t much you could do about this prick since he did give your gym the business you needed.

Keep reading

Full Body Fitness Bodyweight Workout!

It’s Never-Miss-A-Monday-Workout.

Do the exercises below for the prescribed number of reps or hold count:

  • Burpees - 10 reps
  • Push-ups with Rotation - 10 reps

Rest 30 seconds

  • Sumo Squat Jumps - 30 reps
  • Tricep Dips with straight legs - 20 reps

Rest 30 seconds

  • Forearm Plank - 1 minute
  • Alternating Lunges - 20 reps

Rest 1 minute.

Repeat the entire circuit 2 - 3x for a heart pumping workout.

Reblog to share.

Follow my blog for more bodyweight workouts like this one.

youtube

So I haven’t done any sort of exercise in probably 2 weeks. Maybe even 3. Been feeling tired, down, whatever.

Saw a video on instagram today of kickboxing and immediately knew that’s what I needed. I needed to feel strong, powerful, and in control of my life. That’s what I need to get through finals and just out of this stupid funk.

SO I just did this workout twice, and honestly I feel SO GREAT. It’s almost 1 am, and I am finally ready to study.

TAKE 8 MINUTES OUT OF YOUR DAY AND JUST DO THIS!!!!! I promise you’ll feel energized and great, and it’s only 8 minutes so come on! 

I’m going to start my day tomorrow with this! 

High Tensions - Eight

Spencer Reid x Reader

Glancing around Spencer made sure the office door was locked and the blinds drawn before walking over to where Y/N was bent over the desk, her skirt rucked up around her waist and her black lace panties pulled down. 

That ass, fuuuck. He just wanted to slam himself against it, it looked so pert and firm. 

She wriggled slightly, turning her head to look at him, cocking her eyebrow at him. “Hurry the fuck up Spencer please. I’m desperate here.”

Standing behind her and parting her legs, he could feel that she was. Warm silky fluid coated his fingers as he felt between her legs, making sure she was ready for him. 

“Say it Y/N, say it first,” he fumbled with the buckle on his trousers, pushing them down and taking his dick into his hand, stroking it; just waiting for her to say the words he’d been dying to hear from her for weeks now. 

She wriggled again, pushing her butt back towards him and looking back at him. “Spencer Reid, You win. I want you in me, now. Fuck me, and do it hard and do it fast. ”

He grinned and slowly started to push himself inside her slick entrance, knowing he wouldn’t last long this time but that he’d make up for it later. He began to thrust, her sweet gasps filling his ears as she clenched around him. He gripped her hips, using them as leverage as he drove himself in and out of her, feeling ready to explode almost instantly. 

“Y/N, I’m gonna come,” he groaned, knowing he’d barely lasted two minutes inside her warm center. His orgasm racked through his body, spilling free inside her. 

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. 

Spencer shot up in bed, reaching for his alarm clock and hitting the off button. 

Shit. 

He could already feel the warm sticky fluid inside his boxers. 

That didn’t count right? He couldn’t control his dreams right? 

He rummaged in his bedside drawer for some baby wipes. He didn’t want to get out of bed just yet, so he’d make do until he showered. 

Lying there his mind drifted back to last night. He had genuinely been so close to giving in, he wanted her so badly. That kiss with Emily had completely shredded any coherent thoughts and he’d had to dash outside to avoid grabbing Y/N and fucking her right then and there on the table whilst the whole bar watched. 

She knew what she was doing, but whereas most girls would play the lesbian kiss card as a joke, Spencer could tell that she’d very much enjoyed it herself.

Y/N had made comments in the past about finding girls attractive and having had girlfriends but it wasn’t until she’d openly said that she liked both that Spencer had realised that she was actually serious. And the blonde girl she’d been talking to was beautiful, so knowing that their bodies had been naked together, sharing intimacy had completely redirected the flow of Spencer’s blood. 

And then when she’d alluded to the offer of a threesome, with either her friend or Prentiss…..Spencer had literally been gobsmacked. Every bone in his body had been saying yes and even Derek was telling him to give in. He’d let down his fellow man by managing to turn them down, although he was wondering if that offer would still stand once he had actually managed to take Y/N to bed. 

Which he’d been intending to do last night. When she’d asked if he wanted to go back to hers and he’d found himself nodding, he’d just about accepted that he’d lost. It wasn’t until he’d been standing in front of her apartment door watching her search for her keys that he remembered that he hadn’t actually said the magic words. So he still technically had an out. And then he’d had a flash back to the elevator and how turned on she’d left him, talking about her lips wrapped around his dick. So he decided to have his own fun. 

The little moans and whimpers Y/N had been making would be a constant fixture in his mind now until he heard them again, and he knew this. But the look on her face when he’d walked away had been worth it. And her strangled shout after him had made him literally feel like he could walk into any bar, point at any girl and have her there and then. Not that he wanted to. Y/N was consuming all of his thoughts currently and he hoped she would be for a very long time. 

His phone buzzed, a text from Derek. 

“????”

He text back a simple, “Nope.”

“Seriously man! I can’t believe you turned that shit down.”

“Believe it Morgan. The bet is still on.”

Pulling himself out of bed, he made his way to his shower. Time to get on with his day. 

You’d spent the last four hours in the gym working out some accumulated frustrations on the exercise equipment, earphones in and your eyes averted from any attractive bodies that passed by you. 

Your credit card had also taken hit this morning, you needing some retail therapy to help get you through this. 

You hated Spencer right now, yet still completely wanted to bang him seven ways from Sunday. You’d been so sure, and so turned on, firstly by the kiss with Prentiss and then by Spencer’s mouth on your skin. 

Ugh. Stop thinking Y/N. 

You exited the gym, the image of him still filling your mind and you could swear you could actually see him two yards ahead of you, seated on a bench, his head immersed in a book. Was it really that bad that you were hallucinating about him now? 

Walking to your car you realised it was actually him, the bench was in front of a bookstore he visited regularly and you spotted a carrier bag on the seat next to him. 

Creeping up behind him you lowered your lips to his ear. 

“Spencer!”

He jumped, a girlish squeal leaving his mouth and causing you to giggle at him. He turned to glare at you and you dropped into the seat next to him. 

“Fancy seeing you here. Come here often?” The oldest line in the book, but you couldn’t cope with being witty today. 

He looked at you confused, “You know I do Y/N. That place is my favourite bookstore. So really I should be asking you what you’re doing here. So…… do you come here often?“ 

“Not overly…. But the gym was calling me this morning. I seemed to have built up a lot of tension some how that needed to punched out. So I punched it out. Quite literally.” You made a little boxing motion making little “Pow, Pow” noises as you undercut the air in front of you and mimed a duck. 

Reid laughed at you, “That’s so cute.”

You punched him lightly in the arm, “Cute! I’m not cute, I’m deadly.”

You joked with him for a few more minutes, just falling into casual conversation and then sitting with him, watching the cars pass you by on the road before you. 

“Spence, I’ve missed this.”

“Missed what?”

“Just hanging out with you. Without constantly trying to think of ways to get you fired up.”

He closed his book and placed it back into his bag, “You know what, I do too. What are your plans for the rest of the day?“ 

“Erm, I was gonna head home, have a hot bath and then veg in front of the TV for pretty much the whole evening. My live is so glamorous and all.”

“Okay, so go home and have your bath but then meet me at the cinema on Main Street at 6pm. They’re showing all three Jurassic Park films back to back in preparation for the release of the new one.”

You considered his offer. “One condition?" 

He nodded. 

"This little game thingy, is suspended. We go back to being normal Spencer and Y/N for the night. Because I genuinely can’t deal with another night of being turned on and then abruptly turned off again. And I don’t really fancy having to bring plastic sheeting with me to sit on.”

The chuckle that left his chest then and the grin on his face was so deliciously catching that you couldn’t help but join in. 

“It’s a deal Y/N. We’ll just hang out as a normal friends. No trying to convince you to sit on my face. ”

You burst out laughing before clarifying timings and headed home to get bathed and ready, actually looking forward to your evening now.  

Your evening was spent relaxing with best friend Spencer rather than fuck me now Spencer and you thoroughly enjoyed yourself. 

It was nice, just spending time with him and you’d forgotten how much you enjoyed just sitting with him, listening to him talk.  

He’d insisted on buying your ticket and popcorn for the movies and you’d accepted, telling him it was the least he could do after last night. 

For the first forty minutes or so of the film, you’d been on edge, thinking that he was going to use being in a darkly lit theatre to his advantage. Eventually you relaxed though, seeing how engrossed he was in the film, even though you knew he’d reel off the inaccuracies on the way home. 

Around the midpoint of the second film, he shifted in his seat; throwing his arm over the back of your seat.

Hmmm. Maybe he was just stretching. He left his arm there and you relaxed again until you felt an arm nudging you. 

Balls, you’d fallen asleep. The lights were slowly coming on and the credits rolling. 

“Come on sleepy head I’ll walk you home.”

Both of you lived pretty close to the cinema so you’d walked, meeting up outside the entrance. 

As predicted, Spencer gave you a list of the scientific inaccuracies as you strolled through the darkened streets together. You let him talk, enjoying the sound of his voice. He always sounded so sweet when he rambled, especially when he was talking about something he was passionate about. 

You stopped outside of your apartment building. 

“Thanks Spence. I had a good time tonight. Sorry for falling asleep, I just feel exhausted for some reason.”

“That’s okay Y/N. Three films is a lot to sit through, especially if you’ve spent four hours already at the gym. Maybe we can do this again sometime? Like actually hang out again?”

You nodded at him, “Yeah I’d like that. It almost felt like we were on a date though with you insisting on paying for everything.” You were teasing him but his eyes flickered slightly. 

You reached up to give him a quick hug good bye, and he surprised you by giving you a kiss on your cheek.

You lingered in the hug longer than necessary, your cheek burning from where his lips had been. 

Spencer pulled away first, “Well I’ll see you then. I guess we’re business as usual from tomorrow again?" 

You nodded and he smirked.

As he turned to walk away a thought a occurred to you. 

"Spencer,” you called. He stopped in his tracks. 

“Was this a date?" 

He shrugged, "I don’t know, was it?" 

"Did you want it to be?”

“Again Y/N…..I don’t know. I don’t really know what to call what we do when we spend time with each other anymore….And I don’t wanna mess anything up by calling this a date.”

Neither did you, but…. 

“Well we’re two friends who share a mutual attraction for each other and have spent the last few weeks actively trying to get the other to admit to wanting to bang the other.”

“So it was a date then?” Spencer asked, a smile playing on his lips. 

“I guess it was.”

The Sneering

I worked at a HomeBADS store last winter. The whole place was built in the ruins of an old SNEERS ROEBUTT & Co. department store.

THE INTERVIEW

My boss, Mr. U (officious little prick) trained me in my duties, such as helping customers, opening up and closing, heating different sections of the building, dumping the old boiler, and making sure the elements don’t get a foothold.

He told me that this HomeBADS was built on the ruins of an old SNEERS ROEBUTT & Co. department store, and that when they were opening HomeBADS here, they actually had to repel a few SNEERS employee attacks. He also informed me that my predecessor went crazy a few winters ago and killed his coworkers, then himself. One of my coworkers warned me to stay out of the old swimwear section (or rather what used to be the old swimwear section when this place was still SNEERS), something bad happened there once.

ONE MONTH LATER

As I made my rounds, did my daily routine and duties, the place….seemed to take on a life of its own. I felt like I had been here before, but this was my first time here, as far as I knew. I was walking through the isles on a slow winter day, and saw two twin girls holding hands. They were wearing HomeBADS uniforms, and I said “Oh…I didn’t realize you two worked here.” They grinned at me and said “Come work with us….forever….and ever….and ever!” Then they disappeared.

Wierd.

MONDAY

I was walking about the aisles, when a doe eyed, red haired woman in sneakers, tights, legwarmers, a leotard, an elastic belt, and a sweatband with wrist sweat cuffs was staring blankly ahead at me. “Can I help you, ma'am?” I asked her. “I’m looking for a small trampoline. Where can I find that?” she asked in a sad monotone voice. “Well, we don’t carry…” I replied, but before I could finish, she let out a sad sight and vanished, she liked like dust blowing in a breeze as she faded away. “What the hell…!?” was all I could say.

TUESDAY

A group of kids in bright colored clothes and hairstyles I haven’t seen in over 25 years approached me and asked me where the Nintendo Games were, they asked if we carried the…“Power Pad” and the games for it. I blinked for a second, and they were gone.

WEDNESDAY

“Emily! The war is over! Come, I have a coupon! Let us gather the family, and have our picture taken at the portrait studio!”

A well dressed army officer, in an outdated uniform walked about the store, calling out to someone I couldn’t see.

“The hounds, Emily! The hounds are hungry! The hounds are calling!”

THURSDAY

I walked about the store aisles, grunting, shaking, thrusting my arms. I saw the elevator doors open, and blood pouring out of them ahain, as I had been seeing for a while. Whenever I reported these strange incidents, nobody believed me so I stopped getting concerned. The phantom customers, spooky “coworkers”, and odd occurrences in general became the norm for me.

I went up to an old jewelry counter, and buried my face in my hands, moaning. Then I looked up and I saw Floyd at the counter. “Hello, Floyd! How ya’ doing?”. Floyd smiled at me, and said “Oh I’m just fine, madame. And yourself?”.

“Things could be better, Floyd. Things could be better.” I said. I looked around. “Things are kinds slow around here, huh Floyd?”. “Yes, madame.” I smiled and we talked about the store about things in general. Floyd suggested I try on this beautiful necklace that “just came in”. It was exquisite! I saw it in the small mirror on the counter and I said “I’ll take it!”. I opened my wallet but found no cash.

“Say, Floyd. I seem to be temporary light here. How’s my credit?”. Floyd replied with “No worries, your credit is fine!” All you have to do is kill your coworkers!“.

"Well, I dunno…” I said.

“They’ll be happier as ghosts, just like the customers.” Floyd assured me. “You don’t seem that happy.” I replied. “Oh, what? I’m happy, I’m VERY happy! ‘La-la-la-lalalala! I’m happy!’ Now waste your coworkers, and the necklace is yours!” Floyd replied in an exasperated tone.

FRIDAY

I walked into a section of the store where I wasn’t supposed to go, and I saw swimsuits hanging up. And curtained dressing rooms.

A woman opened the curtain of one of the dressing rooms. She wore a one piece, striped swimsuit from another era. “Does this make me look fat?” she asked me. I took another look and saw a cadaverous woman in that same swimsuit. She walked towards me arms outstretched, and went “BWAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHA! AHHHH HAHAHAHAHAAAAA!” I freaked out and ran out of there.

FEBRUARY

I found myself at a typewriter, typing over and over again. I happened to notice that the words on the paper were “COME SEE THE SOFTER SIDE OF SNEERS” over and over again.

Later that day, a man who looked like Al from Home Improvement asked me where he could find the hardware department, and as I was about to tell him we didn’t have a hardware department, this is HomeBADS, he vanished.

I then ran into a man who used to be a manager here at HomeBADS, not long ago. His name was Grody…Dullbert Grody…he told me how his coworkers were upset by this place, and by him…one of them even stole a box of matches, and tried to burn the place down, but he…corrected them. He said I needed to do the same, if I were to be an effective manager.

My coworkers became concerned with my behavior. At one point, I had one of them cornered on the staircase, and she had to knock me out with a baseball bat, drag me to a closet in the breakroom and lock me in there. “You can come out when you’re no longer insane!”.

I ate the snacks and sipped the bottled water stored in there. Someone knocked on the closet door. “This is Mr. Grody, madame. The ghouls and I are concerned with the progress, or rather lack thereof, regarding you and your coworkers. We did give you that lovely necklace, and we would hate to take it back!” Said Mr. Grody. “Can’t talk, eating!” I said with a mouthful of ultra stale Eagle potato chips that had been in that storage room forever. “Oh for God’s sake!” said Mr. Grody. The door opened, and all of the ghost customers and my ghost coworkers, including Floyd and Mr. Grody, pulled me put of the storage closet as I kicked and screamed. They handed me an axe, and Mr. Grody told me to get to work.

I chopped open a door and said “It’s the Caroll Burnett show, brought to you by SNEERS…!” an empty room. “Damn!” I walked off, but not before tugging my ear.

I chopped open another door and sang the opening theme to the Tracy Ullman show. This time I was looking at an empty stairwell. “Damn!”

Finally, I chopped open a door someone had written “REDRUM” on for some reason, and I shouted through the hole “LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!” and I gave a devilish grin though the hole. “AHHHHHH!” My coworkers scattered like rabbits. I chased after all of them, limping as I held the axe, my necklace gently swishing about.

I went though what used to be the shoe section of SNEERS, and saw phantom customers sitting on chairs that were no longer there, just floating there, trying on shoes none of them sold here at HomeBADS.

I ran through the old electronics section past phantom kid customers standing in front of store demo game setups that were no longer there, as they help NES controllers that were plugged into nothing.

I ran past the exercise equipment, the doe eyed woman I had first seen now happily bouncing on a small trampoline. “I’ll take it!” she said.

I chased my coworkers all over the store. We ran through the old portrait studio, and almost ruined a phantom family’s photo session with the photographer.

My coworkers escape outside, and I chased them, shouting “I’m coming!” along with indistinguishable howling. I eventually sat in the snow, and I froze solid.

My brother came to get me. “I spoke to your boss. He was really mad about you chopping holes in the doors, and scaring your coworkers like that. He has no idea where you got this axe, but you can’t bring something like that to work. He says you’re fired, and he gave me your last paycheck, to give to you.”

I said nothing.

“You wanna go home, get showered and changed?” he asked me. “NO.” I replied.

“You wanna stay there some more and be frozen?” my brother asked me. “Yes.” I replied.

“You want me to bring you some Carl’s the Third?” he asked me. “Okay.” I replied.

“What do you want from Carl’s the Third?” my brother asked. “3 piece chicken tenders. Small fries, and small Dr. Pepper.” I replied. My brother nodded, put an amazing-on gift card in my shirt pocket, wrapped me in a blanket from his car trunk, kissed me on the forehead, and said “I’ll be right back. Nice necklace, by the way.” I said nothing more than “Thank you.”

A few minutes later, my boss walked up to me with a troubled expression, and showed me an old black and white framed picture that he had found in the building. It had a crowd of grinning people, in period attire, and at the front of the crowd was a woman who looked EXACTLY LIKE ME, but her clothes were different, and she was wearing the same necklace as mine. The caption on the photo just below her in the picture read

“SNEERS ROEBUTT & Co. COMPANY PICNIC, JULY 4TH, 1921”

can I get some good vibes, pls?

I sent in my application (about a week ago) to a job at one of the libraries in Tulsa. it’s full-time, includes benefits, and pays a salary that would let me afford a NICE apartment. not just like, nice-for-our-broken-millenial-dreams

like

this bitch has a pool, a yoga studio, a fitness room with exercise equipment, a tv lounge / mini library / open kitchen space

every apartment has a 17 x 9 balcony I could put planters in for flowers

all stainless steel appliances AND pets are allowed

I would only be 1 mile (~5 min by car) away from the library, right next to the riverside with jogging paths, and tulsa is a very liberal city in a very red state!

so yeah, this could be life-changing and a huge improvement for me and I’d really appreciate prayer, well-wishes, just any sort of positive thought you could send out for me

anonymous asked:

months ago i started going to the gym, i've got a routine down but i'm confused on how to work out my arms. like i know how with weights and things, but what are some things you do for your arms?

oh man you have so many exercises to do. (as you can see… i’m a big fan of dumbbells, but i’ll give you plenty of options that i personally recommend. i’m generalizing arms with delts, upper arm, forearms, & rotator cuff muscles) 

dumbbells

barbells (or barbell weight)

machines/cables

there are so many variations. use this resource to select via muscle groups, equipment, and exercise type

[lower body post here]