no dysphoria today

The ‘How are you?’ check list post

• Did you eat?

• Have you been drinking water?

• Have you had your hug?

• Have you taken your medication?

• Don’t worry, you look amazing.

• It’s okay to take the day off.

• Stay in if you don’t feel like going out.

• Do you need to be alone right now?

• If you feel like you’re disassociating, try counting your fingers or looking at your finger whorls. Remember that they are unique to you, that you are real.

• If you are having a panic attack

1: Ground yourself to reality with something familiar like a keychain or even pictures of something on your phone. [Cats and dogs are good.] Also, do not trust everything your mind/body is telling you right now. Thoughts like, ‘i’m going to die’, ‘everyone is leaving me’, ‘everyone hates me’, are a part of the panic, try not to linger on them, because they will only make it worse. 

2: Find a space that feels the safest for you, and stay there.

3: Take slow, deep breaths. After breathing in, hold it for a few seconds before breathing out. 

4: Stimulate your mind with something simple, and not stressful. Tap your fingers, re-read nice messages from someone, play a game one your phone that doesn’t require any thought or is timed. 

5: You are doing a really good job. You don’t have to feel embarrassed. You are not alone. You are strong.

• Have you spoken today?

• Don’t feel guilty for feeling upset, you’re allowed to.

• Did you brush your teeth?

• If someone’s misgendered you today, and you’re out, correct them if you can.

• You don’t always have to be brave. You can hide today, if that’s what you need.

• Take a deep breath.

• If you’re wearing a binder, raise your arms and take several deep breaths. Cough to clear your lungs.

• Don’t be afraid, you’re not alone.

• If you’ve been sitting a while, stand up and stretch.

• Eat something sweet. (If you like it)

• You’re awesome.

fun parts about being trans
  • relatives treating you like a bomb at family gatherings; like you’re just some controversy that exists to make holiday dinners more awkward for everyone else
  • feeling like each time you go to the bathroom other people think you’re making a political statement
  • not being able to defend yourself when people disrespect you because they’ll think it’s funny if you get offended
  • people acting like your existence is an inconvenience for them- like your name and pronouns are a hassle- like it’s your fault.
  • having cis people tell you what “gives you away” like you haven’t already spent every moment of your life hating your body
  • they laugh at your confidence and they laugh at your insecurities. you feel like no matter what you do, you’ll be laughed at.
  • knowing that no amount of hormones will change your height, your hips, your hands…
  • hearing “attack helicopter gender” jokes and “bun/buns/bunself pronouns” jokes and “did you just assume my gender” jokes and “traps are gay” jokes and knowing that people see you as the punchline for each and every one
  • watching people go out of their way to tell you that they’d never be attracted to someone like you, and realizing that they want you to validate their repulsions
  • knowing that people will always see you as a trans (man) first and as a man second
  • fighting the urge to scream every time you see a mirror because you know the exact location of every little flaw and you despise all of them 
  • wanting to vomit when you come across old photos
  • missing out on so many things because you were been too busy feeling trapped in your own skin
  • feeling like you were deprived of a childhood by the person you weren’t supposed to be
  • everyone telling you that you should empathize with transphobes because, really, don’t they have a point??
  • “you’ll always be [deadname] to me”
  • cis people constantly measuring you up against their standards for what a trans person //should// look like
  • hearing well-meaning cis people call you “they” because calling you “he” is too hard for them to stomach
  • you can’t get upset when complete strangers ask you invasive questions about your genitals, your transition, your sex life, ect. because the instant a cis person deems you ‘rude’ your pronouns become 'optional’.
  • wondering if forcing yourself back into the closet would be worth it because you’re tired of dealing with people’s reactions

hi can a dysphoric trans boy have some help? won’t cost a thing

i’d just like to see some cis guys (or post-op trans guys) taking a picture of what their chest looks like when they look down (with some clothes on please!) to have a comparison bc even wearing a binder when I look down I get huge dysphoria. Idk if it would help but maybe seeing some cis guys with different body proportions/shapes from the same perspective might help?

signal boosts appreciated

My dear trans kids, 

Not every trans boy grew up hating dolls and make-up and everything traditionally considered girly. 

You can identify as a trans boy, even if you literally only dressed in pink for your entire childhood and were perfectly happy with that back then. 

Pink clothes may trigger your dysphoria today or you may feel uncomfortable in them - You liking them as a child does in no way invalidate that. 

Your childhood experiences are not proof you are “fake” or a “transtrender”. 

The idea that your choice in clothes, hobbies or toys as a child dictates who you are as a teen or adult is ridiculous. People grow, change, evolve. That’s normal. 

It does not mean that “you were a girl back then” - it means you were a child back then. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Mom 

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

If you had a bad dysphoria day today and you made it through it without breaking down, i’m so proud of you. You’re brave and strong and i love you. 

If you had a bad dysphoria day today and you did break down, i’m so proud of you. Surviving is hard enough but you do that and you do a great job at it, i love you. 

If you had a bad dysphoria day today, i’m so proud of you and i love you. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Mom


I was having a terrible dysphoria day today. I was having trouble breathing, couldn’t get out of bed, I mean the whole nine yards of dysphoria for me. But then something pretty great happened. I was going through the photos I took for my college graduation announcements, and my old high school graduation photos popped up. It really brought me back to 2011. I remembered going shoe and dress shopping because “I had to”, and being so unhappy that I cried constantly. I remember going to eat afterwards and keeping that purple grad robe on because I was so uncomfortable in my dress. I remember pulling my hair back the second I was done with family pictures. I remember being so incredibly uncomfortable and unhappy. 

I now look at these college grad pictures and I remember it being incredibly hot, but not at all uncomfortable in my clothes (I actually felt amazing in my suit). I remember all the poses coming very natural and smooth. I remember laughing a lot and not once being sad. I remember feeling fantastic and on top of the world. Even though I don’t have any of the friends that I had in high school due to my transition, I have new friends. Better friends. A new life. A new body. And I am better for it. Transitioning is a journey, and I am working on mine. 

i guess another issue i have with fandom treatment of dfab headcanons is that in my experience the character fans most often headcanon as trans is consistently the most feminine guy in the cast, and then all of their content (intentionally or otherwise) focuses on stripping away the fact that this character is canonically very proud of their femininity. 

taako wears skirts because he knows he looks damn good in them, he’s possibly the highest femme there is, and yet when fans headcanon him as a trans man and write fic about it, they never allow him to revel in femininity and love his gender presentation the way he does in canon. most of the fic has a pretty singular focus on dysphoria, dysphoria, dysphoria. taako almost never gets to just love being feminine as a trans man because he’s too busy hating his body all the time. 

for another example, it’s bad on its own to erase rare dmab nonbinary representation by making juno dfab, but another big reason i take issue with it is that fandom content consistently does the exact same thing to him that they do to taako. in canon, juno is a transfeminine nb guy who celebrates his femininity, and loves being called a lady, and looks damn good in lipstick……and when fans headcanon him as a trans man they turn all of this on its head and write about how much juno hates his body and can’t stand to be at all feminine, and it makes me really sad, guys,

i know and recognize that projecting this struggle onto a favorite character is an important way for trans and dfab nonbinary fans to find someone to identify with, it ends up reinforcing a really insidious and nasty internalized transmisogyny, too, because at its core it’s about making a transfeminine guy hate being transfeminine. i myself am a very feminine dfab nonbinary person, and the message i get from this fandom content is that i should really hate myself for being feminine. i can only imagine how much worse this feeling is for dmab nonbinary people and trans women, who are already marginalized in fandom spaces! 

tl;dr a lot of fandom content is subtly transmysoginistic because fans tend to focus on making transfeminine men hate their own femininity by introducing gender dysphoria, and thats the last thing trans headcanons should be doing