no doubt its my life

Ok so I’m still kind of haunted by the fact that Andrew implied that he considers himself a runaway and I’ve been thinking a little about how him, Renee, and Neil all have varying degrees of choosing their names? 

Like, Andrew took Minyard even though he didn’t have to, even though he doesn’t believe in family, even though he’s already spent energy distancing himself from Aaron. 

Neil only kept Abram and discarded the rest [insert emotions for Neil being the variation of his given name that excludes his father’s name]. It was his name when he realized there was more to life than running and, to be frank, when he still didn’t know if there was more life for him to live? He was waiting on his uncle’s call–waiting to see what other moves would be made still–but what mattered was he had government issued papers for Neil Josten: the person he made himself, the person who chose to stay put and hold their ground and  who planted roots in the process. 

And how renee also kept her middle name–made it her first name–but got rid of Shields (& became a shield for her friends years after she stopped being a shield for her parents and testified against them). how she takes her adoptive mother’s name, Walker, after she’s walked away from her previous environments and the “worst” version of herself and spends the rest of her life trying to pay atonement for the sins of her childhood. And like!!! This had no real purpose I’m just Feeling Things

When your mom tells you to stop watching Voltron to go socialize with family

i’m pretty sure that every american teenager agrees that the american school system is corrupt and fucked up and needs to be changed but we can’t do anything about it and we feel so helpless and powerless so we get bummed out and angry

I’m glad I’m at that point where I can handle having mutuals who are mutuals with people who were shit to me

I had a dream last night which featured Simcoe and Ben;

evidently Ben had been  captured, all tied up at the wrists and generally looking most ardently displeased with the situation. Simcoe, meanwhile, couldn’t have been happier. He was escorting Ben somewhere and while I know not where, I can’t imagine that it was anywhere good.

Overall the atmosphere was wrought with peril, tension hanging over everything. There was some talk back and forth of a coded message that had been intercepted; Simcoe had learned of an Agent 355 and was pressing for Details, Anna’s name had also come to him and he was about this close to putting pieces together.

And then Ben came to such an abrupt halt as they walked past some bushes that they like to both toppled. Ignoring Simcoe’s attempts to get him moving again, and indeed ignoring Simcoe’s entire presence, Ben proceeded to stare into said bushes with the utmost intensity and would not be dissuaded from this course.

At the threat of being shot, he finally spoke up. “What plant is this?”

Simcoe outright laughed at him, then. “You must be desperate indeed, Tal-Madge, I-”

“-Yes, actually,” Ben ducked to look closer, “Is this foxglove?”

Simcoe was losing patience at this point and was very nearly prepared to fire when Ben finally wheeled about to look at him.

“That’s foxglove.” he announced, “That’s- I have to get a picture.”

I think I’ve addressed every possible theory I can think of for how we’re getting Len in 3x22, ruled out pretty much all of them in terms of logic or narrative flow (at least for what I personally would write), and still don’t have anything approaching a satisfying hypothesis for “which” Len we’re going to be seeing.

I can’t decide if I love or hate that.

Well, folks, I got offered three jobs today, which is part of the reason I’ve been off tumblr so much lately (going after those jobs, ya’know), and whichever job I take, I’m going to be a busy woman. 

I’m in the prime of my career, and now that I have my new job, I’ll be needing to focus most of my energy on it. 

In the end, that means that my participation on here is going to get more spotty. I might be on for a week and then gone for two or three weeks after that. It’s going to be difficult to gauge how much I’ll be on from here on out, fyi,

But I’ll still be around, one way or another. No doubt there. I’m not a quitter. 

Aaaaaand I guess I’m stuck with my schoolwork. 
I want to graduate in January now, but I’m still struggling with my story and my teachers have send me a list with writing students I can contact (which I really appreciate!), but I can only contact them in mid-June. Which is also completely understandable, because everyone is super busy with school.

But that means I’m getting réally behind as I will have to redo my animatic before I can start animating and finishing my backgrounds, so I don’t think I’ll be graduating in January. Unless I want a sloppy, hastily finished film. 

I’m kinda wondering if this is really worth it. I got my bachelor degree and frankly, I don’t see myself animating for the rest of my life. I’d really rather work on concept art or illustration instead but I’m not sure if that’s worth the risk as there’s much less work than in animation.