no deer walking around in this one~

Best of 2016: a year in D&D


DM: Yeah, it’s a free action to hiss, but not to hiss with menace.


DM: Never underestimate the power of pocket sand as a weapon.



Turns out water guns are the BEST tool for keeping the party on track. They don’t just work on cats!

Aim away from the character sheets, though.


Harpy: (bored voice) What is your business in the Forgotten Gorge?

Grunt (orc paladin): We’re looking for a gay princess.

Harpy: Aren’t we all?

Me-I-Am: Do you have one?

Harpy: Do you think I’d be sitting guard on this lonely-ass rock if I did?


NPC: Let me show you to your room.

Party: *laughs*

Kate (medic): Does she walk really fucking slowly?

DM: Yes, and if you bump into her she turns around and stares at you before going on.


Guldurphen (elf wizard): So, speaking of gay sex with deer…


*party is discussing whether they should burn down an NPC’s house after killing him*

DM: *sighs loudly*

Party: What?

DM: *raises left hand* Leave quietly with nobody knowing you were involved with his death, *raises right hand* set a huge alcohol-fueled fire and bring down every guard in town on yourselves. *moves hands like scales* Hmm, tough.


DM: You’re in a cave system. If you keep making a ruckus during your short rest, you’re going to get fucking ambushed.



And we’re not sure whether to punch her or officially crown her queen of puns.

(To clarify: the NPC we were sent to rescue is a feegle called Beauty, and the final boss we are facing is a Beholder.)


DM: He’s in a sewer.

Abaddon (orc barbarian): Ah, my natural habitat.

DM: True, orcs are filthy.

Abaddon: Fuck you, only orcs can make that sort of joke.

DM: I’m a DM, I have all creature types at all times.


DM: You’re not going to die!

Parsnip (dwarf cleric): Okay… that sounds fake but okay…


DM: You slice it diagonally across the chest.

Fangs (half-elf ranger): (softly) Like Asuna.

DM: … *glaring* You know what’s missing from this encounter? Dragons. Four of them.



anonymous asked:

wouldn't you just love to get like FALLING DOWN drunk with harry just stumbling around like baby deer learning how to walk

YESSSSS like I have always always always thought about that especially when I see the pictures of him being cute and stumbling out to the car and the bodyguard guy having to hold his hand and like, halfway carry him lmao.

Like god, can you imagine being his girl and both of you are THAT drunk? Everyone around you rolling their eyes because you can’t keep your hands off of one another but you’re still both the life of the party. Cracking jokes and scream-singing along to the music. Oh my god… the two of you playing drinking games and slaying everyone? Please

Giggling the whole car ride home. “You’re pretty.” “No you’re pretty.” “No YOURE pretty.”

DC/Tri-state Area Gothic
  • no one ever sees anyone on the yachts docked on the river. no one ever will.
  • one night, you swear you saw a deer with three eyes grazing in your garden. it hissed at you, its mouth full of flowers.
  • on a trip south, you never make it to you destination. you drive the winding mountain roads, being consumed by the fog. The only other vehicles you see are trucks from faraway places.
  • countless hawks circle something just behind the walls on the highway
  • teens that make the mistake of swimming in the potomac never stop feeling the imprints of the ghost hands on their bodies
  • you have been to the museums a thousand times before. you never remember what you saw. you don’t really want to.
  • Helicopters circle the elementary school you went to. You used to think the president was in them. 
  • There is a forest next to your house. There are never any animals in it, but there are always deer walking around in the neighborhood. There is one path you never take.
  • You find an arrowhead by the stream and put it in your pocket. When you get home, it’s gone. You find it months later under your bed.
  • they are always working on the metro. in 2012, they said it would be over in 2013. in 2013 they said it would be over in 2014. you don’t remember when it began. 

Ok, so we all know that Vulcans are touch telepaths, and that they can theoretically communicate with any sentient being (see: horta), so wouldn’t that include animals?

Imagine Spock walking around Star Fleet grounds with birds and squirrels following him because he ONE TIME helped that baby robin find its nest. Whenever he eats lunch in the park there’s always a couple of deer nearby.
Later on away missions he makes friends with all the new species they find, which comes in handy when the giant boar thing tries to run Jim down. A few times they find him off in some corner communing with what basically amounts to a giant bear.

Actual Disney Princess Spock
Embrace him

Day 18: Something that surprised you when you found it

So the buck I found, in March of 2011, was a surprise. But upon closer inspection, he held another surprise.

I never found out what killed him. He was near the road, but not that close, and his legs weren’t broken. Furthermore, he didn’t seem to have been the victim of predation from coyotes. But there was this, stuck around his front left foot:

At some point early in his life, this deer stepped through a small section of hard, plastic tubing. As he aged, the plastic cut into him. His skin and bone grew around it; his dew hooves, unable to make contact with the ground, grew long and distorted. Walking in the snow couldn’t have been easy for him. I do wonder if it got infected and contributed to his death.

I still have the piece of plastic; I keep it with his skull.

Consider this another one of those anecdotes that condemns littering. Even the smallest bit of trash can impact a life.

anonymous asked:


Orange: 6 facts about my home town

1. I live smack dab in the middle of central Texas

2. It’s so small that it’s apparently inside the neighboring town?? I’m not sure

3. My school and job are in the downtown area

4. Downtown is also very aesthetically pleasing to me I love it

5. One time I got up really early before one of my shifts and just walked all around it playing Pokémon GO at, like, the crack of dawn and lemme tell ya, it was the most pleasant experience ever

6. There’s White-Tailed Deer everywhere! They’re, like, the infestation of the area


Day 29-“la patience est une vertue”. I was pretty anxious of getting back to the park after yesterday’s crazy event. Enough worrying. We entered the park at 7:30 but it was so misty that we had to wait a full hour before the sun managed to make its way through. Once that happened, we walked a full three hours into the deep saal forest. We broke for lunch on the side of the river near an army checkpost. Then at around 11:30, we arrived to Dip’s tiger spotting place behind some leaves and with a panoramic view of the river shore. We waited an hour next to a big group of deers until the last boat came back downstream after dropping off tourist. Knowing that the tiger doesn’t come up when humans are canoeing , Dip brought us to a second spot. However that spot did not have the same visibility as the first one so we headed back pretty quickly. There the true waiting began. As I was dropping all hopes after two hours of waiting and lying on my back, Om whispered “tiger tiger”. As I got back sitting, I was expecting the tiger to be pretty far until Om pointed at it RIGHT IN FRONT OF US! I immediately rushed to my camera and snapped a few quick shots as I knew we wouldn’t have much time seeing it. Well this is when the true magic happened! The tiger decided to chill right in front of us. We hung out with her for over AN HOUR AND A HALF! Even the guides were shocked. Never had they spent so much time watching a tiger. Another cool bit about the story is that once we saw the tiger, Dip tapped on my shoulder and said “look Rhino”… a Rhino crossed the river at the same time as a tiger was chilling and deers were eating. This situation totally put me right where a human should be…in a humble position. I realized how small of a part and irrelevant I was in this majestic ecosystem! Once we got back all in one piece, we celebrated our fine adventures with a fresh coke!

Bathing time Deerper!

A Prompt request form ask-paw-print-petlover: Bathing time Deerper!

Sorry that this took so long >//<, I hope you´ll like it! And beware for a lots of bleating noises!

Mabel grinned when the fluffy foam finally reached the edge of the bathtub, before a loud bleating sound echoed through the Shack, making her smile boarding even further, as she turned around to face the door frame.
“Did you get him?” She asked, while loud steps were climbing up the stairs.
“Yes, finally! He was hiding beneath the kitchen table.” Stan proclaimed but Dipper still protested.  


“Ah shut it kid! You´re smashing the mechanics of my hearing aid.” He grumbled, walking into the bathroom with the little fawn struggling in his arms one hand shut around the deer´s muzzle.
“You´re cleaning habits were bad before this deal, but this is just disgusting boy! You can´t tell me that you want to lick all of this stuff out of your fur yourself.” Mabel nodded at her grunkles speech, giving both of them a significant look.
“Grunkle Stan is right Dipper, we can´t have both of you smelling like that.” She grinned, overhearing the protest form the other two family members.  
“Okay Dipping-dots bathing time!” Mabel chirped, stepping aside for her grunkle and her still struggling deer brother in his hands.  
“Put him in.” She ordered and Stan tried like he had been told, but once his grip on Dipper loosened he took his chance to flee, jumping over his grunkles shoulders so that Stan came face to face with the water himself, before chaos broke lose.
“Stop him!”
“Grunkle Stan, do something.” Stan stepped in front of the door to stop the deer from coming out, before he closed it behind him, leaving Mabel and Dipper captured inside.
“Sorry kid, but I bathed tree days ago I´m not up for getting wet jet again.”
“Cheater.” Mabel grumbled, turning around to face her brother all by herself.
“Okay Dippingsauce, this is between you and me now.”
“Meah.” Dipper pronounced in protest.
“Oh yes you will!” His sister´s battle cry echoed through the bathroom as the chase begun, Dipper made some quick jumps until his hoof´s finally slipped on the wet floor, so that Mabel took her chance to jump upon the struggling deer body of her brother.
“Got you!” Mabel cheered.
“And now we´ll clean you up.” She tried to push his furry but into the right direction, cursing when he hold up against her pressure.
“Dipper!” But the deer protested loudly, Dippers tail was swishing trough her face making her nose tickle with a sneeze, while the tiny fawn grumbled in her grip.
“Meah, meea!”
“No I won´t and now stop struggling.” She gripped the escaping fawn beneath his shoulders to carry him to the tube.  But when Mabel lifted him above the surface, ready to put him into the soapy water something stopped her movement. The girl blinked, looking down on the fluffy, but still dry fawn in her arms. Dippers four legs were spread over the bathtub, each one on to a different corner of the edge, while a cheesy smile was glued to his lips.  
“Oh come on.“ She huffed, but each time she was able to loosen on of her brothers hoofs the other stepped back onto its place, making her sight, before a sinister smile made it up to her lips, making her braces glitter in the bathroom light.
“Okay Deeper. You don´t give me another option, so bare yourself for the tickle monster!”


But Dippers protest came too late, Mabel´s fingers already run over the sensitive spots underneath his fur. Gasping sounds mixed themselves between his bleats when finally one of his hoof´s slipped,  sweeping away the rest of his body with a giant splash of water and foam.

Mabel grinned when Dippers soaked head resurfaced between the with foam mountains, spiting water and bubbles while his wet fur made his frowning even more ridicules.

“Meea mea meeaah.”

Dipper glared at her, but Mabel only smiled, staring to scrub her brother’s head with a chuckle.

“I love you too Dipper.”

Um- I don´t think you´ve got that last sentence right Mabel XD


My first ride on the minibike was pretty freaking awesome. It needs a lot of work yet but I can see the potential here big time. It was terrifying to drive around and night, but a total blast as well. Currently you can look around and wield weapons just like if you were walking (which most likely will change) but I took advantage of it anyway and chased down a deer and killed it with a shotgun. I got off and harvested the meat but could hear the zombies honing in on my smell and noise, so I got out of there just in time and gave them the slip. I was also cruising down a road at night, seeing the zombies running at me but dodging them was a lot of fun. I whacked one too with my club and killed it which was fun too. We’ll have to figure out if you can attack while driving it or not yet. I could look behind as I drove so it was cool watching me leave zombies in the dust :)

We tried to get the 2nd dog to come with us for a walk in the woods to find shrimp and oyster mushrooms, but one of the yearling bucks came along in his place.

He was born and raised around our house, so he’s pretty used to us. Other locals harassing them makes them pretty leery of everyone but me and dad. I would not suggest trying to befriend the wildlife.

once while wandering around in the wooded parts of campus, i exited into a small clearing. The ground abruptly became wet and marshy, sucking at the soles of my boots. I looked down, and saw that the clearing was mostly much darker mud. Near to the center of it, there was a tree stump, and a little ways from there was a toxic-looking orange foam that may have actually been something fungal. Most notably, near the stump was an aged deer skull.

I remember thinking to myself, “I just walked from a Green mana land into a Black mana one.”

This was the first Christmas in two years that Tatum was actually out of that hell-hole of a basement and was able to celebrate it. Christmas was a day to be surrounded by people you love and care about, but now for the third year, she was surrounded by no one. When she had heard that they were giving away supplies, she came just for that–not to spread the Christmas cheer she didn’t have. As she walked around the hotel, consumed by the bittersweet memories that were made this day, she felt herself collide with something–someone? Her head quickly whipped up, her face as if she was a deer caught in headlights, “I-I’m sorry,” she said, her voice no more than a low whisper.

The guys walk in on you (Calum Hood Imagine)

“Let’s go upstairs babe.” Cal said giving me the look.

I jumped on his back and wrapped my legs around his torso. He hands held on to my thighs as I giggled into his ear and pretended to play horsey. We were a little buzzed to say the least…

Calum started whispering all the naughty things he was going to do to me as we walked up the stairs.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa” I said while giggling.

“What?!” Calum looked around with wide eyes, looking paranoid. 

I continue to giggle, he looked like a deer in headlights.

“Wait I forgot.” I said.

He continued up the stairs when I suddenly remembered my previous thought.

“WAIT!” I said.

“What babeeeeeeee” he whined.

“What if the guys hear us?” I whisper.

“Don’t worry no one’s home.” He responded confidently. He then sprinted up the rest of the stairs, eager to get in the bedroom where I was gently dropped on the mattress.

“God, you’re so beautiful.” Calum breathlessly said, kissing me.

I smiled into the kiss as my fingers got lost in his smooth, brown hair. Calum started getting handsy and began roaming around my body. I took off my shirt for easier access and he did the same.

“Babe.” I said, out of breath.

Calum got the hint and pulled down my shorts along with my panties and immediately got to work.


I moaned as Calum thrusted in and out of me. We were now tangled in the sheets.

“Oh my god y/n, I’m so close.”

Suddenly the door barged open and I looked up to see Luke, Michael, and Ashton walk in. “Oh my god.” I whispered to myself. This couldn’t be happening.

“WHOAAA” They all started shouting at once.

“GET OUT” Calum shouted. He hastily pulled the sheet over me, ensuring that none of the boys could see anything.

“Come on guys.” Ashton said while pushing them out. He gave Calum a quick wink before closing the door.

“Nooo” I covered my face with my hands. I could feel my face turning red.

“It’s okay, babe. It’s just the guys.” Cal said, trying to take my hands away from my face.

“Exactly! It’s the guys who I see everyday. They’re never going to let me live this down.” I hid my face in his neck, never wanting to show my face again. Calum just laughed in response.

“How could you be so calm about this Calum! This is so embarrassing!”

“Babe, calm down.” He kissed my cheek.

I ignored him and grabbed the nearest pillow.

“Just end it Cal. Quick and easy.” I handed him the pillow, implying that I wanted him to smother me.

He chuckled and took the pillow from me before throwing it across the room. “Drama queen.” He said shaking his head.

We took a quick shower (and finished in there since we were rudely interrupted) I found a clean shirt and boxers in Cal’s dresser, which was harder than it should’ve been. Typical boy…

“You ready?” Cal asked, slightly smirking.

I nodded. Let’s get this over with.

We walked down stairs and before we even had the chance to sit down, the guys burst out laughing.

“Ohhhh ohhh Calum!! Yes Calum! YES!” Michael jumped up and imitated me, while doing gestures.

I playfully shoved him, causing him to fall back on to the couch.

“You were gettin it!!” Ashton shouted, patting Calum on the back.

I felt my cheeks turning red so I covered my face.

“Alright guys that’s enough.” Calum said while sitting down and wrapping his arm protectively around me.

“Okay we’ll give you a break..for now.” Michael said, winking.

I felt my cheeks getting red again. This is a nightmare.