Last year I worked at a grocery store. It was a Saturday and I had a long line of people at my register. This woman is up next, but she tells me she still needs to get some cigarettes. She is a regular so she knows that my cigarette machine is broken so she goes to another register to ask cigarettes. Asking cigarettes takes a long time, so I thought I had plenty of time left to let the lady after her pass because that lady had only one item. I scan the item and she pays me. But just as I give her the receipt then the first woman came back with her cigarettes and she gets all mad at me for letting the lady behind her go first (even though it didnt take any extra time!??!!) She than starts calling me names, she even shouts at the other lady, making a big fuss and losing even more time ?? This was the first time a client was that pissed at me. I apologized with tears in my eyes. Other clients in the line told the woman to not be so f***ing rude.
So the other night, I was hanging with my friend Matt at his place. We were leaving his apartment to go get some food and we see this guy up ahead smoking a cigarette. Let’s call dude FB. FB gives me the meat inspection, and both
and I can sense the strong thirst.
My response is to walk faster and avoid eye contact as I round the corner away from FB.
s response is to watch FB with a wary eye. We turn the corner away from this dude, and FB moves and starts following me, still giving me hungry eyes.
sees this and turns to walk backwards and meet this dude head on giving him this WHAT’S GOOD sort of look. FB finally notices
and slinks away.
Fast forward to yesterday,
is leaving his place to come visit when he sees FB again, standing outside his apartment. FB nods hesitantly at him, and they do the customary bro greeting. It was at this moment
decided to do what he does best.
: so, not going this way today? FB: I uh, don’t know what you mean.
: Well it’s just, you went down this way pretty fiercely the other day. FB: I was just going to my car, dude.
: You and I both know your car is in the opposite direction, bro.
FB: *sweats* I don’t know what you’re talking about! *turns and walks away*
Fellas, THIS is what ladies mean when we ask for your help.
knows I’m a strong capable person, but also knows there are situations where I’m at a disadvantage as a woman. Just like there have been times where he’s been at a disadvantage being black, and I used my white privilege to get him out of his own jams.
We live in dangerous times, and it’s important to use our strengths to help those who may be in trouble in certain situations. Look out for each other, protect each other, and empathize with each other to avoid all danger now more than ever.
I lit a cigarette thinking I was strong enough to smoke it, but I instantly remembered I promised you I wouldn’t smoke anymore. I promised you I would stop my bad habits. So I watched it burn. Oh, how it burned so fucking slowly. It was torture. Waiting for the damn thing to go out already. Waiting for the wind to blow out the fire I had started. The fire that you started in my heart. The spark you lit the first time you told me you loved me. You were my first cigarrette. You were my first drug, and damn I’m hooked on you. You are the drug that I will never quit…
I got tired of waiting for the wind to come. I got tired of watching the fire burn the paper. The paper burning the tobacco into smoke. The smoke turning my lungs to ash. I got tired of cigarrettes the day I told you I would stop smoking. I got tired of cigarettes the day you told me you were leaving because of my bad habits. I got tired…
The wind blew some of the ash onto the sidewalk and I continued waiting.
I pressed the fire against my neck to stop the flame. To stop the cancer stick from burning any longer. And despite the small red mark on my neck, the fire had finally stopped burning.
But the fire in my heart? That hasn’t stopped. The wind being your lips, never blew it out and I don’t think they ever will. It continues to grow like a wildfire spreading through the woods on a dark night, never even knowing it had started until the trees were burning down. The spark you lit the first time you told me you loved me.. You were my first cigarrette. You started this fire that continues to grow inside me.
You are the drug that I will never quit…
saywecanella (I thought I could stop the fire burning inside me, but I could never stop loving you…)