Lately everyone has been making imagines about MC getting pregnant, and how happy that makes the characters. And I love it, because that is for most people. But I can't have kids. There is a minuscule chance of me even getting pregnant, a high chance of me having a miscarriage, and if by some miracle I go into labor, it's almost certain I would die, and my baby might as well. It's just hard reading about how happy being a parent makes everyone when I can't ever do that (1/2)
Alright Jalapeno is about to get a lil preachy and rambly and PERSONAL here so bear with me ok and just skip over this if ya don’t like it because this has nothing to do with mm but I’m not ignoring it.
First of all. It’s ok to be pissed off and sad about your situation. It sucks. It really does. You know it, I know it, and I won’t try to convince you otherwise.
Second-pregnancy sucks. Bad. The only fun I had in my pregnancy was feeling the kicks. And even then, imagine not being able to sleep even though you’re extremely exhausted but it feels like an alien is having a dance party inside of you and literally kicking the piss out of you. You can’t breathe. You can’t walk. Your back hurts and every single time someone tells you that you look beautiful you want to rip their throats out. I couldn’t eat anything, I actually LOST weight when I was pregnant because the only thing I could keep down was water and a piece of plain toast. Your hormones are a mess–I was crying at Geico commercials???? I could go on and onnnn. IT’S NOT FUN AND MAGICAL OK (alright maybe some women say it is but I am side-eyeing the shit out of them).
Third-kids suck. Lololol. They are worth it but tbh they suck. They’re hard! You’re never on your own schedule anymore. This tiny thing comes out of you and the hospital just sends you on your way and you’re like “what the fuck now?” You’re never on your own schedule anymore. Tired? Too bad. Hung over? Too bad. Sick af maybe dying? Too fucking bad. This tiny human needs you so suck it up. Don’t get me wrong!!!! I LOVE MY SON. More than anything in the world. But these are the things people don’t tell you about having kids. You read about the joys of being a parent and there’s flowers and roses and laughter. But that’s not always the case, and there are tough times. They don’t talk about the tantrums over silly things, like the other day when my son had a 45 minute meltdown because I cut up his food so he wouldn’t choke. It was the same food but he still wouldn’t eat it. Or the fun times they rip their diaper off that one moment you aren’t looking and start playing in their own shit (YEEEEEUP) just those moments that make you wanna grab your car keys and drive right into the nearest ocean. While you’re fantasizing about a life with kids, there are thousands of parent running on no sleep with a toddler screaming and smacking them in the face wishing they were on a beach sipping a margarita.
Fourth-Your partner will and should support you. There are a zillion other things that make you a good partner, and having kids is only one of them. I think as women, we are kinda told that having kids is like our soul purpose in life and it makes people that can’t feel like shit. And you shouldn’t! You are worth more than that. Please, be pissed off, be sad, be angry, but don’t ever think that you’re not worth being someones partner because you can’t be pregnant–that’s not fucking true.
Fifth-You can give someone a family. Your first option could be surrogacy. Idk what your situation is and you don’t need to go into details but medicine is crazy and if it’s just a matter of having a “hostile womb” (//eyeroll @ drs) maybe you could still use your eggs? Also, adoption. Just because this person didn’t grow from some cells in your body would not make them any less your kid! You can still have a family. And you’d be making such a difference in someone’s life. Truly. Or, ya know what, just don’t have any kids. And enjoy life for what it is.
My point is, you are not defined by your ability to have children. I always suggest seeking counseling if you are really struggling. Please reach out if you need to, talking can help a lot.
My heart goes out to you, anon. And I truly truly hope that in life, you find the answers and peace you are looking for.