no adults in this house

Light at the end of the tunnel!

So I’ve been solo parenting for 2 ½ months.  The counterpoint to this is that I’m going to have a SAH spouse for the next 3 months or so.

I am SO READY to have backup.  I am so ready to not be the only responsible adult in this house.  I am so ready to let somebody else handle some of the daily BS of adulting.  

And! Licensing!

It’s been a while since I did a headcanon post. Let’s talk about Stan Marshmallow.

* Always washes his hands before dinner. Very conscientious about the order in which his toys are put in his toy box. Cannot eat ice cream without getting it all over his face and tee shirt. 

* At some point, Sharon points out that the pro athlete stats he has memorized come from math, and it is at this moment that Stan starts doing crazy well in math.

* His math skills assist him in becoming pretty good at carpentry and architectural design as he gets older. Teen/adult Stan builds and fixes things around his house and a lot of his friends’ houses. He’s very handy and always has pocket tools on him. “Toolshed” was a prophetic superhero persona.

* He puts the most effort into English/Language Arts and, in high school, creative writing, but his grades are consistently average. As a kid, Stan was labeled a “reluctant reader” because he’s more into action-based, popular writing than the kind of classic literature assigned in schools. He’s actually a pretty good reader when he’s reading material he likes. He’s smarter than standardized testing would have you believe.

* Ends up being the shortest of the boys at about 5′7″; he’s broad-shouldered, though, and his workout routine comes from years of football, so he’s also physically the strongest.

* Stan was the star/QB/captain of the football team in Park County right up through high school, but it was a very “big fish, small pond” situation. He doesn’t get scouted, earn a scholarship, or make the team in college. Even though he’s reasonable about it, it’s still disappointing. It takes him a few years to start attending his school’s games.

* Wanted to be a vet, but didn’t have the stomach for it. He volunteers with local shelters as much as possible and even gets to sit in on a clinic about training service dogs.

* Possible careers? Architect, carpenter, animal rescue. Definite future? Stay-at-home dad. Stan either works flexible hours or works from home so he can take care of his kids.

hey, minors, please do not treat paypal like a social media account. it is banking. it is a legal thing. you’re not legally allowed to have one. if you ever prove identity your funds will be seized and your account will be closed. making a paypal as a minor is dangerous and useless to you. 

you can never delete an account, only close it, so if you ever prove identity banks will then have that information at their disposal. and paypal may even take legal action against you.

if you made a paypal account as a minor: close it right now.

if you’re in serious trouble you’re going to need the help of someone who is legally an adult to run money through them, otherwise again, you could be in serious legal troubles.

DO NOT MAKE A FAKE PAYPAL ACCOUNT IN SOMEONE ELSE’S NAME it is identity fraud … this is again taken VERY SERIOUSLY. I cannot stress this enough.

you can also seriously fuck over your own credit rating in the future, and that can turn into something thatll haunt you for a long time if you fuck up bad enough.

I know you kids probably aren’t thinking about credit yet, but it is important when you’re an adult, it can be the difference between getting housing and not getting housing. it is a huge deal.

Do. Not. Treat. Paypal. Like. A. Social. Media. Account. It. Is. Not. A. Toy.

4

[ 9th February 2017 ] Honestly really feeling this spread bcos of the colour. The sunsets have been AMAZING here and you’ll find me outside my house at 7:30pm just admiring it.
Happy February!! 💙

Beginner Witch Tips

WARNING: I am a sarcastic butthole and it shows through out this hot mess of a post. This is some random craft junk I have learned in my days of practicing witchcraft

Witch craft is not magic.

I don’t care what you have heard. Witchcraft is not magic. It can not turn your eyes different colors. It can not make you into a animal. You will not be able to control the weather or summon wind with your fingers. Ghosts will not do as you say. This is not Harry Potter. Case closed

Intent over tools

Do you think it’s gonna matter if you use a butter knife as an athame? Or you have to sub a white candle for another color because you don’t have the funds to buy that color? Or you had to leave out an ingredient because you don’t have it or you’re allergic? No, it’s not. Witchcraft (to me) is about mind over matter. If you are making an effort for your God/god/goddess/deity/elf/fae/etc it isn’t gonna matter what or how you got there, but the intent you had getting there

Cursing and hexing is up to you and your beliefs

Totally up to you if you believe that this is okay or not. However, if you don’t like this, do not go and tell someone else it’s wrong. If they ask you how you feel you can tell them it’s not your thing. If you do like this, do not go and tell someone else it’s fine and try to get them to accept it. If they ask you about it, you can tell them that you are into it

You do not have to have an alter

It’s up to you and your practice. And if you can where you are etc. If you want one and can not have one, draw one or, my favorite, Set up a pinterest board for your god/goddess/fae/elf/deity etc. and save things that you thing relate to them.

It’s not about fancy stuff

This goes back to intent over tools, as long as you are comfortable with what you are doing and using, do it and use it. I use salsa and yogurt containers, coffee filters taped together, M&M tubes, and envelopes to keep crap in. I use a 99¢ Wal-Mart bandanna to do spells on that I got from Girl Scout camp and it has rainbow peace signs all over it. Do I care? Nope. Does anyone else care or will they judge you? Nope. we are all in the same boat here.

Hand making things is way too underrated  

I LOVE hand making things. Whether you are good or bad at it, it is a good way to save money, and personalize it just for you. Example: I made tarot cards out of printer paper that I cut out and wrote the card name, and definition of what it means (to me) and I love them. Pencil wand? Yas queen. DIY cauldron out of play-dough? Frick me u p daddy.

DONT EAT/SMOKE/DRINK SOMETHING YOU HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT

You’d think I would have to include this bUT
Some things are okay to consume. Sometimes if taking a certain medicine you can’t consume that. Sometimes you are allergic to one thing, and in turn you will be allergic to that thing too. Sometimes you are pregnant and it’S HIGHLY DANGEROUS TO CONSUME THINGS WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT IT DOES

Never ignore professional medical advice and help in favor of witchcraft methods.

Case c l o s e d

Spirit workers

Not nice spirits can attach to people who have depression and anxiety more so than people who don’t

There are good and bad spirits. if one makes you feel comfomy, do not feel bad for asking it to leave/getting rid of it

Don’t ask your tarot cards every time you have a question

This happens a lot. Especially when you get a new deck and it’s so new and shiny and you can’t w a i t to get your grubby little hands on it and do crap >:D but you don’t want to get into the habbit of “ohgoshgollybatman I have to go to the store, okay let’s see if I’ll get hit by a car… oh and do I really need the applejuice..”  or “do I REALLY need this plant..” bc the answer to that is always yes duh

Divination is not for predicting the future

Now stay with me, it is for guiding you in the future. It can not tell you what day you are going to die, who you are going to marry, etc 

The future is not written in stone

Let’s sayyyyy you do a simple past, present, and future reading with tarot, and you get a bad reading for the future, it doesn’t matter. That is how it is going right now, now you can see what you need to change etc 

You dont need a fancy journal for a grimore or book of shawdows

Heckadoodle I use a binder and notebook paper so I can move stuff around. I just write with a pencil and pen, and color with dollar store crayons or collered pencils. 
Now, you may be thinking, “Oh but, it’s a nice binder right?” Lemme stop you right there. It is falling apart, needs to be ducktaped, has a picture of my doggo inside and I’ve used it for school for abouutt.. 7 years?
Summin’ it up: It don’t gotta be fancy

If you forget to blow out candles set a timer on your phone

I do this all the freaking time and I’ll leave a candle out, and then here comes mother. Closet underage witches know the struggle. Trying to explain why you have a burning candle left in your room. Or if you are adult and have to adult after a spell or whatever and leave the house and come back to the candle just sittin’ there. Burning away. (my mom did this once and it caught her table on fire)
Timer. Yep.

You don’t have to know a certain language 

This is more focused to me bc i am nerd but okie dokie
I know Latin from school, therefore I mix it into my spells (like some on @witchy-recipes-and-things) and provide a translation. I don’t want anyone to think you have to have a certain language for your craft.

How to Ouija

Tbh this is too long already so if you want another post on it tell me and I’ll make one and link it

Sigils can be drawn everywhere

In your phone case, in your wallet, in a shoe, under fingernail polish, under seats, wherever whatever-I can also elaborate more on this

TAROT IS PRONOUNCED “TARO”

CONSENT IS KEY

When doing love spells, consent from the other person is a must. 

You can be a christian, athiest, pagan, whatever, and still do witchcraft

It is about the craft, not religion 

Witchcraft is not a religion, Wicca is

And you do not have to be Wiccan to partake in Witchcraft

Sage doesn’t have to be in cone shape to burn it

I put rubbed sage meant for cooking on a metal plate and torch the sucker Shane Dawson style but with one of the long lighters, then run around my house in my underware screaming “MAY THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPEL YOU BITCH” in Latin

When cleansing 

OPEN.THE.WINDOWS.WHEN.DEALING.WITH.SMOKE
Trust your witch mother who is allergic to everything and is an asthmatic, open the windows and doors.
Also, as the smoke leaves you room through the windows or whatever, the spirits/bad vibes/etc leave with it

You don’t have to believe everything you read

Witchcraft is how YOU feel about things. No matter how other people feel about things

You can have your own corresponces for things

Like I think cinnamon is hot, deals with the sun, direction south, used for healing love etc., but it can be totally different for you

Divination doers do not have to be witches and witches do not have to be divination doers

S T U D Y

Can not stress this enough. This is the best thing to do even if you can not practice your craft where you are atm. knowledge is power.

So here is a list I’ve complied :D (yes I’ve made all of these, I was too bored to ask people’s permission to add things, sue me) (All of the spells are all religion inclusive)

Learn you star sign with detail
Edible Flower List
Witch Tools
Tarot Meanings Cheat Sheet

Good First Spell-Calming Tea Spell
DIY Charcoal Pencil
Get Shit Done Bottle
Spell to Sleep
Sea in a Bottle
Protection and Calm Bottle
Find a Item You Lot

Referring to “When cleansing”, Line two, words 3-4, I am now your witch mother and if you ever have any questions feel free to ask! This list was requested from a witchling and if you have any requests feel free to ask :3

Apartment tips

Before you move into your new place you need to do two things (if you’re renting)

Have a walk through especially if you have a large security deposit
Bring a camera with a date option and take pictures of every stain, hole, weird looking thing in the place. You don’t want to have your security deposit revoked because you’re being blamed for a previous tenants red wine spill.
Make sure you bring these up with the owner and show them the pictures and have them sign something saying they acknowledge that these problems are not from you and were in fact from previous owners.
Secondly
Bring cleaning supplies. It is so much easier to do a deep clean when there is nothing in it. Even if they have maintenance come in before and clean it. Clean it again. Because we all k ow you’re not going to move your giant sectional every time your sweep unless you rearrange your furniture. So clean those spots real REAL good.
What to bring
- Vinegar & Baking soda (if your cheap and can’t bring your parents cleaning supplies)
- Carpet cleaner and vacuum (if you can)
- Broom and dustpan
- Windex
- Bleach
- Gloves
- Mop and bucket if you have laminate
- Paper towels
- Carpet powder or borax if you don’t have a carpet cleaner
- Spray bottle

Remember never mix chemicals.

Always dilute your bleach and vinegar when cleaning.

When using chemical make sure you open the windows and doors to provide ventilation.

Use vinegar to clean down counters, sinks, bathtubs, anything that’s ceramic or metal. Don’t use it on wooden surfaces. You can use a mixture of baking soda and vinegar in your sinks to help clean and dislodge anything Use an equal amount for each and then run hot water after its done. You can also use both to clean your toilet. As long is its a non-porous surface like marble or wood you should be fine.

Vinegar is a natural solution to bleach and does most of the job but if you need bleach always dilute it with 3-4 parts water with every 1 part bleach. You can use it on all the same things as vinegar but make sure you wear gloves and have the windows and doors open for good ventilation. Never mix bleach with any other chemicals as it can result in lethal gas.

Using carpet powder is super easy most of the time you just sprinkle the powder and let it sit. You can also use borax to clean if you are worried about and bugs that might be living in your carpet in the same was you use powder carpet cleaner. Just sprinkle it on your carpet and let it sit for 15-20 minutes and the vacuum

Fandom as a whole is not “minor-friendly”

Nor should it be.

If you want to live in a “Children of the Corn”-style bubble of innocence and purity, well, to me, that’s a startling approach to adolescence, but every generation’s got to find its own way to reject the one before, so: do as you will.  But you can’t bring the bubble to the party, kids.  Fandom, established media-style fandom, was by and for adults before some of your parents were born now.  You don’t get to show up and demand that everyone suddenly change their ways because you’re a minor and you want to enjoy the benefits of adult creative activity without the bits that make you uncomfortable.  If you think you’re old enough to be roaming the Internet unsupervised, then you also think you’re old enough to be working out your limits by experience, like everybody else, like I did when I was underage and lying about it online.  If you’re not old enough to be roaming the Internet unsupervised and you’re doing it anyway, then that’s on your parents, not on fandom.

If you were only reading fic rated G on AO3, if you had the various safe modes on other media enabled, you would be encountering very little disturbing material, anyway (at least in the crude way people tend to define “disturbing” these days; some of the most frankly horrifying art I have ever engaged with would have been rated PG at most under present systems, but none of that kind of work ever seems to draw your protests).  In the end, what you really want is to be able to seek out the edges of your little world, but be able to blame other people when you don’t like what you find.  Sorry.  Adolescence is when you get to stop expecting others to pad your world for you and start experiencing the actual consequences of the risks you take, including feeling appalled and revolted at what other people think and feel.

Now, ironically, fandom’s actually a fairly good place for such risk-taking, as, for the most part, you control whether you engage and you can choose the level of your engagement.   You can leave a site, blacklist something, stop reading an author, walk away from your computer.  Are there actual people (as opposed to works of art, which cannot engage with you unless you engage with them) who will take advantage of you in fandom?  Of course there are.  Unfortunately, such people are everywhere.  They will be there however “innocent” and “wholesome” the environment appears to be, superficially.  That’s evil for you.  There are abusers in elementary school.  There are abusers in scout troops.  There are abusers in houses of worship.  Shutting down adult creative activity because you happen to be in the vicinity isn’t going to change any of that.  It may help you avoid some of those icky feelings that you get when you think about sex (and you live in a rape culture, those feelings are actually understandable, even if your coping techniques are terrible), but no one, except maybe your parents, has a moral imperative to help you avoid those.  

In the end, you’re not my kid and you’re not my intended audience.  I’m under no obligation to imagine only healthy, wholesome relationships between people for your benefit.  Until you’re old enough to understand that the world is not exclusively made up of people whose responsibility it is to protect you from your own decisions, yes, you’re too young for established media fandom.  Fandom shouldn’t be “friendly” to you.  

Right now at this moment there are Jews preparing for Shabbat. They’re washing their floors. They’re writing their divrei Torah. They’re mentally going over the menu and the guest list, wondering who to seat next to whom to create the most beautiful atmosphere.
Right now at this moment there are Jews assiduously demarcating the meat from the milk dishes. The trusty household red nail polish, or blue stickers, or Sharpie, or however they work, emerges.

Right now, at this moment, there are Jews taking out their sefarim, or finding their podcasts, or notebooks, or opening their laptops, ready to learn Torah. Some are about to learn something that will resonate deep within them, that they will carry like a jewel for years to come.

There are nervous b’nei mitzvah children practising their leining, and nervous adults practising their leining. Chazzanim both lay and professional are wandering their houses absent-mindedly, pouring forth full-bodied prayer. 

Some of us are buying mezuzot. Some are tying tzitzit. Some are immersing in the mikvah; some are joining the Jewish people. And thousands upon thousands of us are filling the homes of Jerusalem, of Paris, of New York, of London, with the smell of baking challah. 

5

In case you’ve ever wondered what zoos do for reptile conservation, the Audubon Zoo in New Orleans has a fantastic breeding project going on. A large chunk of their reptile house is dedicated to the Louisiana pine snake. These cages are simple, and they all have two snakes in them right now- because it’s breeding season. See, the Louisiana pine snake is one of the rarest snakes in North America. It is extremely threatened by habitat loss and development, and so it has a Species Survival Plan in place to help protect it as a species.

See those enclosures? Each of those is a temporary home for a snake not on exhibit. Each of those represents a healthy adult who could potentially breed. Each of those cages houses precious genetic information. The captive population of Louisiana pine snakes is low- it started with less than 100 individuals- and only four zoos have gotten them to successfully breed, the Audubon Zoo being one of them. Females only lay three to five eggs per year, and so every potential baby snake is important. If you look at the first picture up top, you’ll see some of the things the zoo records about each snake. They note where the snake came from, how they were hatched, how old they are, and the locality. This helps ensure that the gene pool is as diverse as possible. 

But this isn’t just ex situ conservation! Several hatchlings are released each year into a protected habitat. The zoos’ collective goal is to establish a self-sustaining population in a restored habitat where the species has been long extirpated. Eventually, the pine forests of Louisiana might see this beautiful snake slithering around- which wouldn’t be possible if it weren’t for captive breeding efforts!