memories of you [my ode to a butterfly]

the memories of you linger,
the final moments with you feels so heavy,
and the pain seemed endless.

i miss the way i look at you,
the laughter and words of wisdom
will forever be cherished
and you will always be loved.

with all the things that happened,
i was told that i should carry on,
but that is easier said than done.

i lost you some weeks ago,
yet the pain still lives on,
i miss you… Inay.

a letter to Inay

i know you are already happy, i am happy that you no longer have to suffer longer. i have seen how you suffer the pain. i have to admit, after i saw how you’re breathing heavily a few minutes before you pass away, i am already praying that the Good Lord help you out. either heal you or just take you. i know it is selfish. i want my kids to spend time with you, but i know it would be hard. at least you got the chance to see them and they spent time with you. my apologies Inay, nahihirapan ako.

i can’t move on easily. i am at the office and i have been crying here like a boy. it’s very hard for me. it has been 3 days already and still, i have your face in my head. i still can hear how you breathe. and it really pains me.

please tell Itay that i really am sorry for not being there when he was buried. it was my final interview and i really wanted to be there.

i really miss you. i love you Inay. it will definitely take time for me to move forward. but the good thing is, i know where you are. me and my family misses you. like my colleague mentioned, “we do not forget.”

i love you Inay. and i thank God that He made me part of our family.

thank you. i love you.

missing you.

dark incense of the fallen

my God… forgive me.
i hear Your voice
but i cannot understand a word.

my pride and loneliness
has deeply covered my ears.
my anger and lust
penetrated my skin.

i beg of You,
do not leave me.
do not forsake me.
do not erase my name from Your hands…

these words are my offering to You,
please Father hear me out!
i am Your fallen one.