nintendo enthused

Predictions, E3 2017:

-Jeff Kaplan reveals Blizzard will be selling the rights to Overwatch to Wizards of the Coast, who will incorporate aspects of the game into Dungeons and Dragons Sixth Edition

-Battleborne 2 goes free to play, ten months prior to release

-Nintendo releases new device that allows you to pre-order Nintendo consoles. The device has no other function; Nintendo fans rabidly enthused

-Final Fantasy games will no longer be numbered, instead, all games released in the series from now on will be called Final Fantasy: Origins

-Gabe Newell erupts through the floor of the convention center with a giant drill and an army of molemen, announces Half Life 3 will be a choose your own adventure novel

I will be 29 in…3 hours, if we’re going by Central Standard Time - which, let’s be honest, we are. Because we (the royal “we”) live in that time zone.

A few years ago, my very newly-ex boyfriend took me out for drinks the night before my birthday and at midnight, he toasted me and told me “Happy birthday” and I burst into tears because he’d broken up with me a few days prior and was sad as fuck. I spent the rest of the night sobbing in his living room and we awkwardly passed out together and then I awkwardly went home the next morning.

This year, my boyfriend is working in the hours before my birthday and I’m thinking of going to my corner bar and having a few with myself because no one’s around and I didn’t think to make it an “event.”

The whole “I’m a year away from 30 and I have no real ‘career’ and instead I’ve been coasting while pouring alcohol into glassware and I cannot do that forever because a 37 year old bartender is not 'cute’ and what am I even doing with my life?” nonsense is starting to seep in.

Last night, Dane said, “If we’re still together when you turn 30, you had better dump my ass before your birthday because all I’m getting you is a walker and some Poise Pads. And I KNOW you’ll be real real cranky with those kinds of presents.”

That jerkstore boyfriend of mine is only a year younger than me.

I used to do some brand ambassador type stuff for Nintendo, and though it seems like they no longer want to play games with me anymore, they still send me flowers for my birthday. They’re lovely but it’s a little sad that I don’t get to participate in the fun stuff like I used to. It’s like, “Here’s some flowers but enjoy not doing any actual brand ambassador-type things anymore. We’re actively not inviting you and we’re sending you flowers to let you know we haven’t actually forgotten you.” Womp womp.

This got sort of emo, didn’t it?

Oh well. Happy birthday, self. You’re old as crap, but generally, you’re in a pretty okay place in your life if we forget about credit card debt for a while.

And then Nintendo sent me a Tanooki Hood/fox hat to promote Super Mario 3D Land because I am a Nintendo Brand Ambassador.

They sent me the game itself and a Mario hat and a Mario mustache and a hilarious mirror, too.

But obviously the best part is the fucking FOX HAT.

Yes I know I posted this already but then I tried to change the picture and nothing worked and it was annoying and this was just easier.

I have received no monetary compensation for making this post and am posting about Nintendo in a manner of my own choosing. #FTC