nineteen hundred

What she says: I’m fine
What she means: What time period does A Series of Unfortunate Events actually take place? There is mention of horse-drawn carriages, but also of motor cycles and automobiles, but the way the three Baudelaires dress is indicative of the nineteen hundred-something’s. Characters are dressed in both early twentieth century clothing as well as up to date clothing. There is mention of computers, fax, and phones but some things seem rather dated. What time in history is it??

This is what March of the Penguins looks like in my dreams. 

(thanks to my sister @less-than-one for what may be the cutest/most amazing drawing of me that I’ve ever seen!)

Day One Hundred and Nineteen

-A woman came through my lane clutching a thick paperback covered by what appeared to be a glistening, shirtless angel, entirely wrapped in chains. The woman’s stare told me two things: she was prepared to physically fight me were I to say anything, and this was not the first time she had mistakenly thought a store had a self-checkout until it was too late.

-A man insisted to me that I had rang him up earlier in the day and he simply did not have his receipt anymore, but, as I had been here under half an hour and had a total of five guests thus far, I could safely say that I had not. He apologized, realizing that he had mistaken me for my manager, and commenting, “All y'all white people look the same to me.” While I am inclined to agree with him on this, I do wonder what he sees in the mirror. This man was whiter than me, not an easy feat.

-An older woman, well into her eighties, made a comment to me that I will never forget. “As they say, I’m a little ‘dragon-aged’ today.” Later, a mother told her daughter to “Scooby up.” I do not know who has ever said these phrases, when, or in what context, but I deeply want this era of slang to stay.

-In a joyful mood brought on by an oncoming visit from my girlfriend, I decided to bring back a guest favorite: a “TAKE ONE” sticker display. This was an unequivocal success, pleasing children by the score. Their enthusiasm could only be matched by a group of guests who, while octogenarian in body, were clearly timeless in soul.

-Much to their mother’s dismay, a sweet yet energetic child insisted upon getting a frappuccino. The mother’s eyes were filled with an existential terror, the likes of which I rarely see without a five-digit number appearing on my register’s screen.

-A mother came through, young son in tow; the boy, in turn, towed along a replica of Thor’s hammer. I felt comforted to have a hero in my store, but this relief was not long to last. Upon the boy being denied gum, Mjolnir was brought down in a mighty thwack upon his mother’s shin. His mother promptly revoked his hammer privileges and summarily squashed what could have been the second-most upsetting turn of a superhero in 2017.

-I passed a girl her parents’ purchase over the counter. She graciously accepted the bag with both hands, smiled at me, turned in her seat, and power-dunked the whole thing into the back of the cart. This was a truly baller move and earned her my utmost respect.

-A woman commented to me on how fun her allergies are. Her young daughter asked if she was joking again. The mother told her that she had been, and explained to me that she had already figured out how sarcasm worked. I remarked that this should be a fun development int he coming years. She remarked that it would be, and so would boarding school in Switzerland. Based on the overall lack of response, I think that this woman is safe. Her daughter has not fully uncovered the depths of sarcasm yet.

-A man began to walk away without his bags. I called after, reminding him not to leave them behind. He thanked me for the reminder and continued to exit the store without them.

  • Jedi: We're here to stop this senseless slaughter of our people!
  • Darth Revan: Ninety-two.
  • Jedi: This has gone on for too long. And now, you’re going to pay!
  • Darth Revan: Three hundred and fifty-five.
  • Jedi: We are...we...What are you-
  • Darth Revan: No, go on, continue, don’t mind me.
  • Jedi: And...and...we are the ones who will stop you!
  • Darth Revan: Oh, wow, four hundred and nineteen.
  • Jedi: What the hell are you doing?!
  • Darth Revan: Oh, sorry, it’s a little hobby of mine. I hear these heroic speeches so often, so I started making a mental list of how many times I’ve heard certain lines.
  • Jedi: You- You insane monster!
  • Darth Revan: One hundred and ninety.
  • Jedi: Yeah? Well...uh...we’re going to...FUCK YOUR FACE!
  • Darth Revan: Hah! Twelve.

All in the Past


  When Dean Winchester asked you to go shopping, you had thought the world was ending. Dean and shopping were two things that never went together. Dean didn’t shop. Dean went on supply runs but when it came to buy clothes for himself, let’s just say a few choice words were involved along with eye rolls, huffs, and the occasional rude comment to the retail worker. You hated shopping with Dean almost as much as he hated shopping. Why hadn’t it been Sam?

  You met Dean at the mall, the two of you walking towards a high end mens clothing store. You didn’t even want to think about why you were going in here with him. You knew it was because of her. He informed the retail worker that he was looking for a suit that he could wear to a party, one that looked like he was from the early nineteen hundreds. Some Great Gatsby party of some sort. You tried hard not to be the first one to roll your eyes. 

  She picked out a couple of suits that she deemed would be perfect for the event. You tried your best not to glare daggers into the back of her head when you caught her eye-banging your best friend. Dean was gorgeous, and he knew it too. He never had a problem landing the girl of his choice, which is why he was with her. Lisa Braeden

  She had everything you didn’t. She was giving Dean the apple pie life he so desperately deserved. She gave him the white picket fence and a bed to sleep in. A kid that you were almost certain was his. What could you give him? A back massage after a rough hunt? Even though Dean promised Sam that he’d settle down with Lisa, it didn’t stop you. You were only here because Dean called for some assistance. He still talked to you on a regular basis. But he wasn’t your Dean anymore. He wasn’t the Dean that had your back on hunts, or the Dean that stayed up all night eating junk food on the impala hood. He was hers. She was his. You were grateful he didn’t cut you out all together, but seeing him happy because of her was the worse kind of torture you have ever endured. This, was your own personal hell and there was no way you were ever getting out of it. 

  “How does this one look?” Dean called out from behind the closed curtain. He shoved them both to the side, waltzing through with a small smile playing on his lips. You swear, your heart skipped a beat. You didn’t think that was humanly possible but if someone were to monitor your heart, you were certain it would have showed. Dean looked stunning in the suit; damn near perfection. His hair was parted differently, like he fixed it when he looked in the mirror before he came out. It hugged his body in the best ways. You could see every bulge on his body, every curve and edge. 

  It killed you.

  You could feel your heart shattering, completely crashing into a million different pieces. It doesn’t matter what past you had with Dean; what crap you’ve been through together. It didn’t matter how many times you had saved each others lives and patched each other up. Dean was out, living another life. He was with the girl you knew he loved; a girl that wasn’t you. He was getting dressed up for her, he had a family with her

  He was never going to be yours. 

  “Y/N?”

  “Hmm?” You shook your head, blinking away your tears. 

  “What do you think?” he asked nervously. 

  “I think that’s the one,” you smiled weakly. 

  “Me too,” he chuckled. “I think Lisa is going to like this one.”

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2

16 days of Outlander | Day 11

Season 1, Episode 11; The Devil’s Mark.

‘Everything I’ve ever told you about myself was true,’ I said, nodding madly as though to reassure myself. ‘Everything. I haven’t any people, I haven’t any history, because I haven’t happened yet. Do you know when I was born?’ I asked, looking up. I knew my hair was wild and my eyes staring, and I didn’t care. ‘On the twentieth of October, in the Year of Out Lord nineteen hundred and eighteen. Do you hear me?’ I demanded, for he was blinking at me unmoving, as though paying no attention to a word I said. ‘I said nineteen eighteen! Nearly two hundred years from now! Do you hear?’ I was shouting now, and he nodded slowly.

‘I hear,’ he said softly. ‘Yes, you hear!’ I blazed. ‘And you think I’m raving mad. Don’t you? Admit it. That’s what you think. You have to think so, there isn’t any other way you can explain me to yourself. You can’t believe me, you can’t dare to. Oh, Jamie…’

I felt my face start to crumple. All this time spent hiding the truth, realizing that I could never tell anyone, and now I realized that I could tell Jamie, my beloved husband, the man I trusted beyond all others, and he wouldn’t - he couldn’t believe me either.

Flood my Mornings: Twentieth of October

Notes from Mod Bonnie:

  • This story takes place in an AU in which Jamie travels through the stones two years after Culloden and finds Claire and his child in 1950 Boston.
  • Previous installment:  Stones (Jamie struggles with what separation from Jenny and his loved ones really entails.)

Anon requested: Claire takes Jamie to the North End in Boston for Italian food.


October 20, 1950

It was not the first time I had noticed that Jamie’s raised eyebrow was quite dashing, no matter how scornfully-raised. “And you’re certain this is what ye want for your birthday, lass?”

“Positive! Dig in, darling!”

The restaurant was dimly lit, but even in the candlelight, I could see that he was staring at the plate of spaghetti bolognese as though it were a sleeping wolverine. 

He poked the fragrant mass with his fork. “It just looks so—unwieldy.”

“I have full faith in your ability to wield your dinner,” I laughed, sipping my wine before picking up my fork again. 

Jamie watched me carefully, studying, then slowly imitated my motions of twirling the pasta around the fork using the bowl of the spoon as an anchor. I tried my best to stifle giggles into my wine glass as the load slipped off his tines halfway to his mouth not once, but twice. He fixed me with a gimlet eye. “If ye wished your present to be me making a fool of myself, I could think of half a dozen other more enjoyable—” 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I snickered, “I’m not laughing, I promise.” I tightened my lips and looked angelically over at him. “Come on, once more?” 

He sighed, twirled once more, and managed to get the bite into his mouth. 

“So…? What do you think?” I asked eagerly. 

“But it’s good!” he said through his mouthful, sounding highly surprised. “A bit slippery, but the sauce is quite nice.” He took a swallow of wine and sat, considering. “Aye, that’s lovely. How d’ye say it? Spag—?” 

“Spagh-EH-tti,” I said, in my best exaggerated Italian accent, digging in to my own plate. “I’m so glad you like it! I haven’t had much Italian food before, either, but this is one of Tom and Marian’s favorite joints. You’ll have to have lasagne next time! Definitely less effort required!”

He managed another bite, losing only one noodle on the journey. “Do they have any wee bibs like the ones we have for Brianna? Tasty as it is, I dinna ken how I should be able to finish the serving wi’out splattering myself filthy.” 

In the end, he settled for a napkin tucked into his collar, and good thing, too, for otherwise his white shirt would have taken two direct hits before the meal was out.

It was a lovely evening, with good food, good wine, and a gorgeous trio of singers serenading the diners from the far corner.  

As the raucous Funiculì Funiculà was replaced by the sweet, sad strains of Musetta’s Waltz over our coffee and tiramisu (which Jamie did not enjoy— “It’s just wet cake!”), Jamie took my hand and squeezed it, his eyes crinkling with happiness. “Happy Birthday, Sassenach.”

“Thirty-two,” I said, a bit ruefully. “I think that means I’m firmly out of the spring chicken years, don’t you?”

“Hey, now, I’ll have no such talk,” he chided gently. “Every year we have together will be the best year—no matter how old we grow.”

I felt my face grow flush with feeling and in seeing the fervor in his expression. “That’s a good way to think of it. Think we’ll still be this happy when I’m seventy-two?” 

“Oh, aye, I’ll stake my life on it. I canna wait to see ye wi’ grey hairs. You’ll be the Sexiest grannie ever seen.”

“You’re unbelievable,” I laughed. “But thank you.” 

He stood halfway to lean across the table and kiss my hand. “I’m verra, verra glad ye were born, mo chridhe,” he murmured.  

My throat felt thick. “I’m glad you were born, too.” 

“Aye, but it’s no’ yet my day for it,” he grinned. As he sat back in his seat, he suddenly looked sharply up at me. “I didna think on it before, but this day is significant for another reason, forbye.”

“Oh? What reason is that?” 

“'Tis five years to the day since ye first told me the truth….” he said, eyes wide and wondering. “….about where ye truly came from, aye?”

I gasped, remembering. 

“Do you know when I was born?” I had hissed, voice tremulous, my hair wild and my eyes staring. “On the twentieth of October, in the Year of Our Lord nineteen hundred and eighteen.”

“Do you hear me?” I demanded, for he was blinking at me unmoving, as though paying no attention to a word I said. “I said nineteen eighteen! Nearly two hundred years from now! Do you hear?” 

I had been shouting, but he’d nodded slowly. 

“I hear.” 

And then a long time later, many frantic words and tears later, he’d looked down at me and smiled faintly. 

“Happy Birthday, Sassenach.” 

It took me completely by surprise and I’d just stared stupidly at him for a moment. “What?” I’d managed at last. 

“I said, ‘Happy Birthday.’ It’s the twentieth of October today.” 

“That was quite a day, no?” the present-day Jamie said, refilling my coffee cup and scooting the rest of the tiramisu toward me. 

“I was… so scared,” I said, feeling suddenly breathless from the remembered terror.

“Christ, me too,” he agreed with a shudder. “When I saw ye there on the platform in Cranesmuir—To think they might have burned ye, if I hadna arrived in ti—”

“No, no,” I cut in, “not then. I mean, I was terrified during the trial, of course…but it was there in the woods, that I meant. With you.” 

That startled him, and I went on. “I was so frightened to tell you about my past. I was convinced you would think me mad—or even the witch you’d just vowed publicly that I wasn’t.” 

That same faint smile crossed his lips but he said nothing. 

“Tell me truly, Jamie…” I started, my stomach suddenly in knots, dreading the answer. “Did you really believe me… or did you just care for me enough that it was easier for us both that you should pretend to?”

He spoke without hesitation. “No, I believed ye, Sassenach.”

My exhale of relief and my, “But how? Why?” seemed to escape me simultaneously. 

“Because your face betrays ye, mo sorcha—it always has. It’s why Colum and Dougal didna trust ye for a moment. They didna ken what it was ye were hiding, only that something was there ye wouldna tell. And in the time after we were made man and wife,” he reached across the tiny table and laid a warm hand on my cheek, “just as I kent your feelings for me were growing wi’ every passing day, I could see that there was something ye were holding back, still, even from me. It’s why I said ‘secrets, but no’ lies,’ aye?” He lowered his hand to gently hold my chin. “But this day, five years ago, was the first time I saw ye look back into my eyes wi’ nothing held back: no lies AND no secrets…. Your eyes told me that ye spoke true, no matter how unbelievable the truth was. And it slew me, Claire, then slew me again…because I knew I had to let ye go; go back to him.” 

I couldn’t speak, just then, and he sat back in his seat, shaking his head, dazed. “I still canna believe ye chose me; still canna fathom what I felt when I awoke to find ye there in my arms…thought I surely was dreaming.”

I reached for his hand. “I just…couldn’t give you up.”

“And I thank God for it every day.”

“Me too.”

We sat for a time in silence, touching each others’ rings and feeling the warmth of our hands together. 

Jamie was the one that broke the stillness, pulling away with purpose. “Now, as glad as I am that you’re a woman for whom watching a numpty suffer through a plate of Spaghetti is a sufficient birthday present—” he reached down to his feet and withdrew a parcel wrapped in brown paper, “—I did get ye a proper gift as well.”

I grinned and reached for it; a book, surely, from the size and weight. Sure enough, as the paper fell away, I could immediately see the crisp page-edges and the shiny binding that read: Medical Education in the United States: rankings and reviews (1950 ed.)

“Oh, Jamie…” I breathed, opening the cover and flipping through the pages. Harvard. Princeton. Stanford. Osteopathic and Medicine programs of California. Texas. Pennsylvania.  MCAT procedures. Top residencies by specialty. And on and on it went. 

“I ken we’ve been talking a great deal about the new bairn and the hope that we’ll conceive soon; but I didna wish ye to think I’d forgotten your other wish. I’ve been reading up on what it’s like—the requirements and the different options you’ll have. I didna ken there were half so many programs in Massachusetts, let alone the whole country!“ He gave a small shrug. "Perhaps it all goes wi'out saying, but I wanted ye to hear from my lips that I want ye to go to the best medical school ye can, if that’s your wish—even if it’s in—” He hesitated, speaking tentatively. “Hah-wheyyy?

Hawai’i,” I corrected, laughing with happy tears in my eyes.

“Aye, there,” he grinned, “or wherever the best spot for ye may be. Whither thou goest, I will go.” 

“Thank you, darling,” I whispered.

“My only requirement,” he said, suddenly stern, “is that you make it so they have to republish this wee book soon, for there isna a single mention of the possibility of a woman attending. Tis all ‘his’ and ‘him’ and ‘gentlemen in the class of such and such.’ You’ll need to change that, aye?”

I grinned at him and shook his hand playfully. “It’s a bargain.”

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3

Stefan x Reader

Requested by Anon

You smiled as you flopped onto Stefan’s bed. There were other rooms you could have picked to stay in, but, Damon had told you Stefan’s room was free for the weekend and you called dibs. While Damon assumed it was because you were on his side and you were giving him an excuse to turn Stefan away if he came home early, you just liked Stefan’s stuff.

“Ok, so… old movies or Bon Jovi?” You asked yourself after have a lavish bath in Stefan’s top of the line bathtub. “Movies and then music while I fall asleep.”

You turned to set the CD down and flung open Stefan’s cupboard, finding the snuggly jumper you always stuffed at the back of his cupboard and swore that you had no clue as to where it had vanished to, quickly changing into your pyjamas you hopped into his bed and started the movie.

You let out a small scream when you spotted Stefan lurking at his window and had to yell to Damon that you were fine and didn’t need him to come in.

“How long have you been standing there?" You hissed and he smiled as you opened the window. 

“Long enough to know why you’re always so eager for me to get out of town.” He teased and sat at the foot of his bed.


“Well, why’re you back here?” you sighed. 

“Well, this is where I live." He pointed out and you groaned.

“Fair enough, but your away time are like my little holidays, Damon’s all happy on drunk human juice and I’m happy in here with all my junk food… I listen to your music and read your diaries.” You huffed and he raised his eyebrows.

“That explains why you never put them back in order.” Stefan chuckled.

“Hey look the nineteen hundreds are pretty boring, I’m not into old timey violence so I skip those and they get pushed to the side.” You snapped.


“Well, Damon doesn’t know I’m back, if you distract him we could read his diaries.”  Stefan offered and you nodded.

Transcription of “history of japan”

welcome to my night, where i basically sat down for a whole hour typing this entire thing down. wtf am i even doing. 

———

Japan is an island by the sea, filled with volcanos and its 

♪ beautiful 

In the year negative a billion; Japan might not have been here.

In the year negative forty thousand; it was here and you could walk to it, and some people walked to it.
Then it got warmer some icebergs melted and it became an island, and now theres lots of 

♪ trees ♪

because its warmer. 

So now there’s people on the island that’s basically just hanging out in between the mountains, eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology like 

stones and bowls.

Ding dong ♪

It’s the outside world and they have technology from the future like, really good metal and crazy rice farms. 

Now you can make a lot of rice, really, really quickly. 

That means if you own a farm

you own a lot of food,

which is something everybody needs to 

SURVIVE. 

So that makes you king. 

Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land all the way to here.

The most important kingdoms were,

  • here
  • here
  • here
  • here
  • here, 
  • here 
  • and here.

But this one was the most, most important.

Ruled by a heavenly superperson 

or Emperor for short. 

knock knock.  

get the door,  its 

♪ religion

The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from

Baekje.

Please try this religion.” he said. 

No” said everybody.

♪ Try it ♪”  he said.

“No” said everybody again, quieter this time. 

And so, the religion was put into place and all the rules that came with it. 

Then the government was taken over by another clique and they made some reforms like,

  • making the Government govern more. 
  • And making the Government more like China’s Government, which is a Government that governs more. 

“Hi China.” they said.

”Hi dipshit.” said China.

can you call us something else other than dipshit?” said Japan. 

Like what?” said China.

♪How about sunrise land ♪” said Japan. 

And they stole China’s alphabet and wrote a book. 

‘bout themselves. 

And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves.

Then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for awhile. 

~right here~

and they conquered the north, finally. 

Get that squared away.

A rich hipster named Kukai is bored with modern buddhism, visits China and learns a better version which is more  

♪Spiritual

comes back, reinvents the alphabet and causes art and literature to be  

♪great

for a long time.  

And the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country.  

So if you lived outside the palace how are you supposed to protect your shit, from criminals

♪ h i r e   a   s a m u r a i  ♪

Everyone started hiring Samurai. 

  • rich, important people hired samurai.
  • poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai

The samurai became organised and powerful. 

More powerful than the government. 

So they made their own military government 

~here~ 

They let the “Emperor” still be “Emperor” but the Shogun is actually in control. 

Breaking news! 

The Mongols have invaded China!

We’ve invaded China.” said the Mongols. “Please respect us or else we might invade you as well.

okay.” said Japan. 

So the Mongols came over, ready for war and– 

died in a tornado(typhoon). 

But they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese but then– 

died in a tornado(typhoon). 

Then the Emperor overthrows the Shogunate and Shogunate overthrows them back and moves to Kyoto and makes a new Shogunate. 

And the “Emperor” can still dress like an Emperor if he wants. 

That’s fine. 

♪ now there’s more art  

  • like painting with less colours 
  • collaborative poetry
  • plays
  • monkey fun
  • tea parties 
  • gardening 
  • architecture
  • FLOWERS.

its time for– 

~who’s going to be the next shogun?~

Usually its the Shogun’s kid.
But the Shogun doesn’t have a kid so he tries to get his brother to quit being a Monk and be the next Shogun.  

He says “ok"

But then shogun has a kid. 

So now who’s it gonna be?

~vote now on your phones!~

And everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. 

The Shogun actually didn’t care

he was off somewhere doing poetry. 

And the whole country broke into pieces.
Everyone is fighting with each other for local power and 

its anybody’s game.

knock knock. 

its Europe. 

No, they’re not here to take over (yet)
They just wanna sell some shit, like clocks and guns

and ♪ Jesus

so thats cool.  

but everyone’s still fighting each other for control. 

~now with guns~

and wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital?  
Which right now is puppets with no one controlling them

This clan is ready to make a run for it.
But first, they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way.  

~surprise~

smaller clan wins and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital and invades the capital and it goes very well.  

He’s about halfway through conquering Japan when someone who works for him, kills him and then someone else who works for him, kills them 

and that guy finishes conquering Japan.  

and then he confiscated everybody’s swords, and made some rules.  

“and now I’m going to invade Korea, and then hopefully China” 

he said and failed and also died.  

But before he died he told these five guys to take care of his five year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of japan

And the five guys said,  

“yeah, right. its not gonna be this kid, its gonna be one of us, cuz we’re grown ups.“ 

And it’s probably gonna be this guy who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others. 

A lot of people support him but a lot of people support not supporting him. They have a fight, and he wins and starts a new Government

right here. 

♪ Edo

and he still lets the Emperor dress like an “Emperor” and have very nice things. But don’t get confused, this is the new government and they’re very strict. 

So strict they closed the country

No one can leave and no one can come in

Except for the dutch because they wanna buy and sell shit but they have to do it right here

Now that the entire country is not at war with itself,
the population increased a lot. 

  • business increased 
  • schools were built
  • roads were built 
  • everyone learnt to read
  • books were published 
  • there was poetry
  • plays
  • sexy times
  • puppet shows 

and dutch studies.

People started to study European science from books they bought from the Dutch

we’re talking– 

  • geography, 
  • skeletons, 
  • physics, 
  • chemistry, 
  • astronomy,  
  • and maybe even electricity. 

Over time the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow do–

knock knock. 

its the united states.
with huge boats with guns, 

gunboats. 

“open the country. Stop having it be closed.”
said the United States. 

Theres really nothing they could do so they signed a contract that lets United States, Britain and Russia visit Japan anytime they want. 

Chōshū and Satsuma hated this. 

“that sucks.” they said. 

“this sucks!!!!” 

And with almost very little outside help, they overthrew the shogunate and somehow made the emperor the emperor again and moved him to Edo which they renamed, Eastern Capital

they made a new government which was a lot more western. 

they made a new constitution that was pretty western. 

and a military that was pretty western. 

And did you know what else was western?
Thats right, its conquering stuff. 

So what can we conquer?
Korea, they conquered Korea. 

Taking it from its previous owner, China.
and then go a little bit further and Russia rushes in out of nowhere and says, 

“stop, no, you can’t take that.
We were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” 

and Russia builds their railroad supervised by a shit ton of soldiers. 

and then when the railroad was done they downgraded to a fuck ton. 

Did i say downgrade?

I meant upgrade. 

And Japan says, 

“can you maybe chill?”

and russia says, 

“How About Maybe You Chill?” 

Japan is kinda scared of Russia.
You’ll never guess who’s also kinda scared of Russia. 

Great Britain. 

So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be 

a little less scared of Russia. 

Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia.
Just for a moment.
and then they both get tired and stop. 

♪ it’s time for World War 1 

The World is about to -Have A War-

Because its the nineteen hundreds and weapons are getting crazy.
and all these Empires are excited to try them out on each other. 

Meanwhile Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants– 

more. 

and the next thing on their list is this part of China and lots of tiny islands

And all of that stuff belongs to Germany which just had war declared on by Britain because Britain is friends with Belgium which is being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France’s ass because France is friends with Russia who is getting ready to kick Austria’s ass because Austria is getting ready to kick Serbia’s ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria’s ass or– 

actually shot on the head. 

and Britain is currently friends with Japan so you know what that means. 

Duh, ♪ Japan should take the islands 

which they wanted to do anyway. 

So they called Britain on the tele(gram) to sort of let them know.
and then they did it, and they also helped Britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. 

Now the war is over. 

Congratulations japan!

You technically fought in the war, which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes where they decided who owns what. 

And yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany, you also get to join the, Post-War Mega alliance– 

♪ the League of Nations 

Whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. 

The great depression is bad and Japan’s economy is now crappy.  
But the military is doing just fine and it invades Manchuria and the league of nation’s just like– 

“No don’t do that, if you’re in the league of nations you’re not supposed to take over the world.”  

and Japan said “♪ How bout I do anyway? ” 

And Japan invaded more and more and more and, more of China.  

and was planning to invade the entire east!

~You got mail~

Its from Germany.
the new leader of Germany,
he has a cool moustache
and he’s trying to take over the world

and needs friends. 

This also got forwarded to Italy, 

they all decided to be friends because they had so much in common. 

♪ it’s time for World War 2 

Germany is invading the neighbours.
Then they invade the neighbour’s neighbours.
Then the neighbour’s neighbour’s neighbours who happened to be Britain said, “holy shiit”
and United States started helping Britain because they are  

♪ good friends 

and started not helping Japan because  

♪ their friends and our friends are not friends 

plus they’re planning on invading the entire ocean 

The united states is also working on a large very huge bomb.

bigger than any other bomb, ever™.  

Just in case.  

But they still haven’t joined the war.  
War looks bad on TV and united states has really started to care about their image. 

But then Japan spits on them in Hawaii,

and challenges them to war. 

and they say yes, and then Germany

as a symbol of friendship, 

declares war on the United States also.  

So the United States goes to war in Europe.
and they help the gang chase Germany back into Germany.  
and they also start chasing Japan back into Japan.
And they haven’t used the bomb yet and are curious to see if it works.  

So they dropped it on japan.  

they actually dropped two. 

United States installed a new Government, inspired by the United States Government.  
with just the right ingredients for a 

♪ post-war economic miracle 

And Japan starts making  

  • TVs  
  • VCRs
  • automobiles 
  • and camcorders 

as fast as they can and also better than everybody else.

they get rich and the economy goes wild and then the miracle wears off.

But everything’s still pretty cool i guess. 

♪ bye 

——–

i did it. Thank you Bill Wurtz for this wonderful masterpiece. 

BECAUSE–

also p.s.: i sincerely apologise if someone has already made a whole transcript of this. pls u can hire a samurai against me if u wan 2 ;A;

Letters to You

  • Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x Reader ft. Kim Namjoon
  • Genre: Time Travel, Angst, Slight Fluff
  • Words: 7.2k
  • Description: Through a series of letters, Jungkook is able to re-live a life that never was. 

Originally posted by btsmwah


Would you still love me even if we never met?


There is an old library on the outskirts of town that Namjoon had stumbled upon online, one that even he, to Jungkook’s surprise, has never been to.  

This is actually quite mind-blowing because Kim Namjoon is what most people would call a bibliophile. He doesn’t just read in his spare time and browse around libraries and bookstores occasionally, no, Kim Namjoon lives and breathes books; those binded pages of pure information, worldly knowledge, and eye-opening stories are what he lives for. He has multiple copies of his favorites, views them as home décor, and is even the type to judge people based on what kind of books they like to read.

At this point, Jungkook wouldn’t even be surprised if Namjoon decides to have some sort of book sculpture as the centerpiece of his wedding in the future.

But it wasn’t because Jungkook, as one of Namjoon’s best friends, knows that Namjoon loves spending weekends immersed in the serene and peaceful realms that librairies have to offer that he decided to tag along this Sunday. It was because he lost a bet over being able to do ten pushups with Yoongi sitting on his back last weekend, and the so-called punishment was to find a book (physical copy) and actually read it, something Jungkook hasn’t done in a long, long time, which is how Jungkook found himself accompanying his intelligent and philosophical friend on this latest excursion.  

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Day Six Hundred Nineteen.

and in the moments he forgets
just how good you are
darling please, hold your head high
you are the brightest star
your joy and kindness radiate
your smile illuminates the night
you’re brilliant, bold, and beautiful
you don’t need him to validate your light

When I was a boy, and when Dwayne Hoover was a boy, all the people of all the nations which had fought in the First World War were silent during the eleventh minute of the eleventh hour of Armistice Day, which was the eleventh day of the eleventh month.

It was during that minute in nineteen hundred and eighteen, that millions upon millions of human beings stopped butchering one another. I have talked to old men who were on battlefields during that minute. They have told me in one way or another that the sudden silence was the Voice of God. So we still have among us some men who can remember when God spoke clearly to mankind.
—  Kurt Vonnegut,
Breakfast of Champions
(1973)

i. take her hand, lead her past the trees and through the lake as she tries to stop you and asks where you’re taking her. you tug at her hand and your smile tugs at your lips as you refuse to answer; you like hearing her voice echo in the spaces between the breeze.

ii. lean against an five-hundred-and-nineteen-year-old trunk and laugh at her stories in which she scares away her brother’s friends with those sharp words she seems to wield so well. they’re dynamite in your heart and swords pressed against the necks of nemeses.
 
iii. think of her favourite sweater when you scoop up ice cream for the kindergarten kids in the little parlour down the corner. peer out the window.

iv. try not to cower when they accuse people like you of being an admonition. 

v. lie in bed at 11:47 and think of the way she laughs and pokes your cheek when you’re being silly. remember the times your arms brush and her skin tingles. let your hand hover above your phone and keep one ear frighteningly aware of the soft vibrations that usually come after midnight. sleep at 03:29 with an ache in your soul.

vi. wait a while. (it can take weeks and weeks.)

vii. (it can take months and months.)

viii. gift her with a scoop of mint chocolate ice cream and look at her when she looks at you. duck your head when she asks if anything’s wrong. (it’s alright. you’re just struggling to keep up with yourself.) you tell her you’re a ripped canvas mess and she says she likes messes, especially when you paint it. 

ix. it’s alright to tear a little when she presses her icy lips against yours.

—  it’s alright to love a girl // a.k.

Word Count: 2,094

Warnings: Descriptions of wounds/trauma. Into Darkness spoilers.

Author’s Note: This fic is Reader x Kirk. This will be a 2 part fic, Part 2 is here! I’ve only written Jim once before starting this blog. I’m finding him such an interesting character to work with; I just recently rewatched Into Darkness and realized how emotional of a character he really is. Enjoy, loves!

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So apparently there was supposed to be an Aristocats sequel, but it got shelved because they thought it wouldn’t have a wide enough audience to be worth it.  But when you look at what it was?  I don’t see how it could have been anything other than a hit.  On top of the mandatory catchy-as-hell song and dance numbers:

  • It would have been a mystery.  On a cruise ship.  In which Marie investigates the theft of their human’s jewels.
  • So it would have been a story about theft on the high seas - thus pirates.
  • It would have had Marie playing the hard-boiled detective.  This is a subversion on its own, but throw in the fact that there would have been an Obligatory Love Interest, and you realize that he probably would have fallen into the Femme Fatale role, and added to the play on the trope.
  • It would have been set around Christmas time, too, so there’d be an additional layer of pretty sparkle on top of the early-nineteen-hundreds upper-class glamor and refinement.

This movie would have been half of my favorite themes and tropes.  And it will Never Happen.

I AM SO UPSET.

Sitting portrait of an unidentified Native American (Ottawa) woman. She wears moccasins, a dark dress, a shawl, and a scarf around her head. She died at the age of one-hundred and nineteen years and ten months. - Tuttle - 1865/1880

The Odawa (also Ottawa or Odaawaa /oʊˈdɒwə/), said to mean “traders,” have long had territory that crossed the current borders of the United States, where they are federally recognized as Native American tribes, and Canada, where there are numerous recognized First Nations bands. They are one of the Anishinaabeg, related to but distinct from the Ojibwe and Potawatomi peoples.

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