nine-pls

cool, dank ways to get jake and rosa out of prison
  • gina runs hawkins over with a bus, consequently exposing all of hawkins’ crimes
  • charles keeps begging the prison guards to let him stay in jail too because he can’t let his best friend be in there all by himself! he gets so annoying that jake and rosa get a retrial and are free
  • amy and jake’s love is so deep and pure everyone in prison feels bad that they ever have to be separated ever and after hearing that crap like that happens to them on practically a seasonal basis all the prisoners revolt so jake can live happily with his one true love
  • rosa is so drop-dead gorgeous that the American Legal System feels ashamed for throwing her in jail; she’s too beautiful to be made to suffer so they release her
  • arlo and cheddar work together as a rag tag team of adorable dogs to free jake and rosa; they’re so cute crime stops permanently and there’s no longer a need for jail
  • jake’s beard that he mysteriously starts growing in jail turns out to have magical powers that assist him in breaking out of prison– like Jack and the Beanstalk he’s Jake and the Patchy Beard

‪I feel like b99 just acknowledging the fact that rosa and jake are bisexual could make such a huge impact on people. Like I know it would definitely help me so much because n o o n e wants to say the word ‘bisexual’ on tv and it makes me feel so invisible almost like we barely exist??? But thats not the case?? I don’t know why tv show makes it into such a big deal and I feel like b99 could really change that. I’m not even looking for a coming out scene just let rosa talk about how hot she thinks this girl is or talk about jake’s exes and one of them happens to be a boy like?? It’s not a big deal??? Please just say the word bisexual on tv

i’m making a giant list of the best no-context brooklyn nine-nine lines, reblog and add/send me some of ur faves!!

for clarification here’s some that are currently on the list:

-These tiny pickles are hilarious

-My wife was murdered by a man in a yellow sweater

-I met our night janitor, Ronald. If any of you are missing hand sanitizer, he drank it

-My patch tingles for you

-I’m in the middle of a feud with the “that’s not a knife” guy from Crocodile Dundee. He’s being a real bitch

-I don’t do drugs. I mean, sure, a couple of my teeth are loose but that’s from dental neglect, not meth

-You have lost the right to pee. You can fidget, little man

anonymous asked:

Still looking for random anon things? Write a porn ficlet that somehow includes a zucchini. I dunno. I love the way you write, it'd be interesting and kinda fun to see what you'd come up with :)

anon, this is delightful. Please visit @themegalosaurus for more vegetable goodness, because she’s the real expert on vitamin-packed love, but here’s a little something of a different flavor.


(read on AO3)

They’re sprawled on their sides on Dean’s bed, and Dean’s stripped down to his socks but Sam’s still got his jeans tangled around his knees, his t-shirt still on and pushed up to his armpits, and the memory foam is doing its worst, trapping their heat together and rebounding it up into them, so Sam’s just dripping with sweat, slick all down his back and in his pits and dampening the hair at his temples—but who cares, oh christ what does it matter right now, with his mouth wrapped around Dean’s dick and Dean’s mouth coaxing and wet and perfect around his. 

Still. He pulls back, slurping suck and a slow deliberate tongue over the head—Dean shivers, blood-hot skin pressing close against him—and Sam presses a kiss against the slick wet shaft and says, “I’m totally going to win.”

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