nikkah

I got married!

I was 18 when I met her in a college library five years ago.

I left my notebook at home that day and needed paper to write on for a homework assignment. In search of scrap paper, I looked to my left and there she was…

I asked her for a single sheet of paper to use and she gave me three. I was in love.

Over the next year of being in school together, we had many conversations and found we had a lot in common. We both valued family, altruism, happiness, spontaneity, and living with purpose.

But there was one thing we could never agree on.

Religion…

She was a Christian and I, a Muslim. She didn’t understand how anyone could follow Islam, a cult of falsehood, oppression, sexism, violence and terrorism.

Truth is, I never knew how to respond to her criticisms about Islam because I wasn’t practicing my parents’ faith at the time.

However, my competitive nature kicked in and to prove this white chick wrong, I began reading the Quran…

Reflect on how unreal this is.

Allah made her (not a Muslim) a medium through which he would call me towards Islam.

At the exact same time, I was a medium for her to see an Islam that was different to what the media promoted.

I began performing my daily prayers, I stopped smoking and I quit some other nasty habits.

She began researching Islam in depth, attended prayers in mosques and befriended many Muslims.

Three and a half years ago, she became a Muslim and did so because she felt it was the truth.

We knew we wanted to be together but our family’s approval would be challenging to attain.

It took many years for my family to get over their fear that a white girl was manipulating me and simply acting like she was a Muslim so I could fall into her trap.

It took many years for her family to accept that she wasn’t being brainwashed into accepting Islam and that she wasn’t falling into a trap.

Both of our family’s wanted the best for us, but were giving into their fear of the unknown.

We recognized this and grounded ourselves in good old patience.

We knew we’d be married one day, we could see it in our minds and that we’d do it with the approval of our families.

That’s exactly what happened last weekend. Both of our family’s were at our wedding and couldn’t be happier that we found each other. Alhamdulillah.

Everything that is good in life takes hard work and dedication.

We did this for the sake of Allah and held on tight until now because of the belief that we would shatter stereotypes, pave the road for others in our community with the same challenges and of course, fulfill half of our deen.

You can do it too.

Keep us in your dua’s and please say MashaAllah!

When a matter distressed the Prophet ﷺ he would say, “Ya Hayyu, Ya Qayyum, bi rahmatika astagheeth (O’ Ever-Living One, O’ Eternal One, by Your Mercy I seek Your help).”
—  Sahīh al-Jami’ 4777 - Shaykh Muhammad Nāsir ad-Deen al-Albāni رحمه الله
Your spouse was destined for you even before this universe was created. Your soul has waited since then to reunite with its soulmate, and you will be united when Allaah has planned. And He has the most beautiful of plans. You imagine growing old with your love. I imagine jannah with mine. Its sweetness is far greater than the bitterness of having to be patient. Have faith in Allaah. He’s been saving your love for you - since before He created the world we know. And after He reunites you with your love in this world, may He reunite you in jannah, ameen.
—  Within this Soul
Things Newlyweds Experience

Three years of marriage is quickly approaching and I find myself looking back at my first year of marriage. Not focusing on my relationship; rather on myself, my thoughts, and overall mental state at that time.

Things we don’t talk about: loneliness.

When I got married I was super excited. Marriage is such big deal so everything about it was exciting, new, and most importantly halal. I didn’t expect much from marriage. Prior to getting married I didn’t dream about what marriage life would be like, I kind of just went with the flow.
The first two months were amazing. I had a two part wedding and my husband took off two weeks of work so it was just us.
After a couple of months, the excitement of being a newlywed kind of blew out and I started to feel very lonely. My husband worked long hours, I was away from family, I didn’t know anyone, and I had no job. I stayed home all alone everyday. It was extremely lonely.
If you would have asked me three years ago how I felt I would have told you I couldn’t be happier, but now that I am happier and can tell you it was a little depressing. What added to this struggle was my marriage being arranged and not really knowing my husband. I would ask myself questions like “am I really his type” “am I really what he wants” “does he really like me” etc..
I didn’t know how to properly express myself and my emotions so I kept everything in; which made it worse. When they said the first two years are the hardest I thought that meant arguing but it doesn’t. Well at least for me it didn’t.
It meant spending the first year adjusting to my new life, and learning about myself. The second year taking that knowledge and expressing my emotions in a healthy way, and this third year enjoying how close my husband and I have gotten.

Alhamduilah