i love my cat, Nikalus, dearly. people always make fun of him for not being as thin, clever, or as cute as other cats, but no cat could ever take his place. i do not know what i would do if i ever had to leave him behind. he gives me such comfort in times of great sadness.
not long from now did i come across the image of a cat i loved in an old photograph taken six years ago. in an instant the memories of being twelve and idealistic surface forth. their names were Lucious and Flea, respectively.
as any child with a soft spot for the non-humans, i would religiously leave out food and water on our porch where they would spend a good portion of their time. they were the kindest stray cats; however, in the ways their lives ended undeserving, the guilt emerged with a vengeance so great that i came close to tears. their deaths brought about the tears of a grown man as well. but the guilt that came back did not just stop with them.
guilt about not doing all i could in my power to keep my first cat when we moved and not doing all i could to get her back when we moved back. guilt in never checking back with the girl i had entrusted a kitten i rescued from my school. guilt in leaving Rupert, yet another cat i had rescued and cared for into adulthood.
i feel like such a terrible person. i cannot bare to let down Nikalus. it would devastate me if anything were to happen to him.