You’re laying in your lumpy, uncomfortable bed eating saltines.
Something seems familiar, as though this has happened to you in a different life.
The salt makes your mouth dry.
The dryness reminds you of a long dead childhood pet.
A tear rolls down your face as you blindly reach for another cracker.
“Aesthetic”, you whisper as a colossal being looming in the dark hands you a cracker.
Sam Deanchester/Kevin R Free/Welcome to Night Vale
In Night Vale
“In Summer" Parody
[Kevin:] Where is this?
[Hiram:] Night Vale.
[Kevin:] Oooohhh myyy!!! So this is Night Vale! Oh! How delightful!
♫Wind’ll blow, It does that in Desert Bluffs don’t you know But it’ll be different I’m certain it’s so in Night Vale. A mic in my hand, my shoes crunching through the orange sand And definitely not taking in anything banned in Night Vale.
♫I’ll finally see what life is like away from the working world And find out what happens when together our cities swirl! And I can’t wait to see, what Vanessa will think of me. Just imagine how much fun it would be in Night Vale.
♫Dah dah, da doo, uh bah bah bah bah bah boo
♫Both of our cities are oh, so intense, Put ‘em together it just makes sense!
So someone mentioned the nightvale weather earlier, and i must say that I was very very confused for the first nightvale episodes because I didn't understand what the heck the weather was and why it was there, but then I started thinking about how on the weather channel, it's like " Your weekly forecast" and then it shows you pictures of like a little cloud with a lightning bolt or something, but the whole time it's playing music, so I thought, what if the weather section was like that!:)
…imagine university in Nightvale, though. End of term comes along, you’re waiting to hear how you did…
The first grade comes in the form of your fridge floating four feet off the ground, you have passed Basic Psychology with a… you check inside to find two mouldy loaves of illegal bread you never an recall buying… this signifies you received a Credit overall.
Your second subject is confirmed as a solid Pass in Sociological Studies of Hooded Figures and their Habits, the very week after, when several wild creatures wearing the faces of your friends and family, break into your home at exactly 3:45am in the morning to leave strangely triangular bitemarks upon your extremities in varying patterns you later decipher for a grade.
Third of your courses this term is an eerie, all-encompassing silence that descends upon you when you are in the middle of a crowd. It suffocates and strangles, you look left and right but no one can see you, can feel your polite gouging of their clothing, as you try to render them aware of your presence enough to give aid. It is only when your left hand catches fire that you know you have decidedly passed Librarians & How To Defend Against Then 101. But, only moments later, your exact grade is confirmed as a couple of internet bloggers (walking out of an empty internet cafe, bleeding and be-hatcheted to the sound of triumphant newspaper editor warcries) immediately snap their heads your way before disappearing from all knowing, that you realise you have achieved a High Distinction. Congratulations, and maybe see about getting that hand extinguished.
Final of all your courses, ALL HAIL: An In-Depth Analysis On Surrendering Your Free Will In The Face Of Unrelenting Terror (Honours Class), leaves you anxious for several weeks. Lingering long nto the holidays, undecided…
And then… finally, the answer comes inexplicably as you cross the street to avoid looking at the dog park… and three children nearby on the playground, whose shapes immediately and permanently change to that of creatures from your deepest, darkest, council-sanctioned nightmares, flip back gaping maws of razor sharp teeth. Mouths open wider than humanly or monsterly possible, wider and wider, oral talons on display to all the universe unabridged… that you know, with a curl of fear in your gut, the answer. A truth you would rather not know.
And yet, it is only confirmed as they turn to face you, stretched-open mouths like loudspeakers as an ancient, demonic song rings forth from the depths of once tiny, frail chests… one that brings to mind the ancient days of bloodsports and the time of knives…
And with the first few chords of Mmm Whatcha Say clawing through the air, you know you have failed… and are then exiled from this universe into The Void from whence you will never return. You conflict the harmonious time and space with an irregular academic achievement average… so now you must be branded a failure for all eternity…
Stay In School, Kids…
STAY. IN. SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL…
…and this has been, The Children’s Fun Science Facts Corner of the broadcast!