Hospitals are so weird, like

on one floor a woman is bringing a new human life into the world while the father of her child looks on

and on the floor below her a frat boy is getting a wiimote removed from his butthole

concept: segways on the finalizer. it’s a huge ship and you gotta go fast from A to B. 

all is well until hux adds a cup holder to his segway and by doing so provokes kylo to add red LED wheels to his. the battle begins. hux overrides the speed limit on his own unit just because he fucking can. kylo makes his segway hover with the force but tells hux it’s a secret technology he discovered. hux spends a few cycles tinkering and voilá, his segway fucking flies. 

kylo and him race down the corridors. it’s dangerous. phasma wants it to stop. it doesn’t stop. phasma demands it to stop. it stops. phasma unveils her brand new platinium segway with space!gps and an obnoxiously loud honk. kylo and hux call her a hypocrite and start racing again. 

Standardized Testing Gothic

-You are given cryptic instructions. Told not to question it. The test administrator runs it’s purple young over it’s needle-like teeth. You don’t question it.

-You must perfectly fill in the ovals. This is hard. They seem to move around in The page. Spelling dire warnings. You ignore that and hope this doesn’t affect your score.

-“You must write out the certification”. You do. You feel a small part of your soul leave your body.

-The air-temperature fluctuates wildly. Stifling hot. Freezing cold. The boy sitting in front of you removes his hoody and dons it once more a dozen times.

-The test administrators move along the rows to make sure no one cheats. Their tall, shadowy forms make you uneasy. As do the antlers stained with what looks like purple blood. You keep your head down and look straight ahead. A test administrator is behind you. You hear it’s heavy breathing and offer up a silent prayer.

-There is a 10-15 minute snack break. Several of the students with more cannibalistic tendencies gang up on the weaker ones. There will be good eating tonight.

-“You have five minutes remaining”. You finished this section 3 hours ago. You didn’t even study arcane sciences. Another hour has passed. Is time even real?

-A girl a few rows down is crying. You feel the dreadful chill in the air as a test ainistrator glides past you in her direction. The crying suddenly changes to a soft weeping.

-“Pencils down”. Your arm is compelled to lower your pencil to the desk. You try to fight it and cannot. It hurts.

-Some poor unfortunate kid left his ringer on. He is made an example of. You are afraid.

-All the calculators have been replaced with hovering runes. You hope these are not in the list of prohibited calculators.

-The questions are unclear. Literally blurry smudges on the test booklet. You try to focus but the bleeding hole in the ceiling commands your dread and attention.

-You are now dismissed. You are glad to have come out of it in one piece, with little or no blood loss and most of your fingers.

What if Bruce Wayne is actually in Arkham the whole time and Batman is just a delusion he has. All of his ‘villains’ are the orderlies and doctors who work there.

“Poison Ivy” is the nurse who sedates him when he gets out of control

“Two-Face” is an abusive orderly who acts nice when the doctors are around and then beats up the patients when their backs are turned

“Riddler” is a therapist who asks him questions that he has a hard time answering

“Mad Hatter” is a hypnotherapist who Bruce is convinced is trying to brainwash him

and of course his arch-nemesis..

“Dr. Joe Car” and his assistant “Dr. Harleen Quinzel” see Bruce as their top patient, both desperately trying to bring the man back to sanity, and Batman will fight with all he has to protect gotham from “Joker” and “Harley Quinn”

  • doctor: what kind of haircut do you want
  • me, an intellectual, shoving breadsticks into my purse: The Nutshack but every Nutshack is an entire episode of LazyTown but every time Sportacus is on screen it's the entire 12 oz. Mouse series but every awkward silence is twenty three times as long
  • doctor: my parents aren't home
  • me to me: Darude - Sandstorm
  • Bottom Text

reason #628293 i love my mom:

when we were wee little elementary school kids my sisters and i loved the tamagotchi games. but the tamagotchi required constant attention right? and we couldn’t play them during school so my mom would bring it to work with her and she’d do all of her accounting/banking shit while also feeding 2 tamagatchi pets. this small serious asian lady playing tamagotchi for her daughters. i love her so much

Someday, once humans are extinct, I hope whatever species rules Earth makes chicken nuggets in the shape of us like we did for dinosaurs. 

thoughts on OCD

hey tumblr, some thoughts

I see a lot of people complain that OCD is over-represented as a “quirky” illness focused on neatness and etc. While I definitely agree with that, it’s important also to recognize that many people with OCD do in fact desire straight lines, clean edges, specific numbers, and other more or less “stereotypical” manifestations. So yes! It’s very important to make people aware of the other forms of OCD that exist (like scrupulosity), but the more commonly-portrayed obsessions are 100% valid as well. They’re stereotypes for a reason.