I was finally here, the place where I wanted to be, where I was meant to be. In my white gown and my hair down with a white veil and holding a bouquet of tangerine roses being held together with a white ribbon. I stood beside my soon-to-be husband at the altar, in front of a minister and he stared at me. Smiling.
We were finally happy. After hell, after torment, torture death and tragedy, here we were, finally happy.
He leaned in, close to my ear.
“I love you.” He whispered, meaning every word.
“I love you.” I whispered back before the minister spoke again.
“Do you, Isaac Newton, take Y/N Y/L/N to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?” The minister asked.
“I do.” He looked at me, smiling. I grinned.
“And do you, Y/N Y/L/N, take Isaac Newton to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?” The minister looked at me. I looked at Newt, still grinning. I nodded.
“I do.” My voice shook and tears began forming in my eyes.
“With the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband,” I looked at Newt. “And wife,” Newt looked at me. “You may now kiss the bride.” Newt lifted my veil and leaned in. I closed my eyes.
And I woke up.
I sat up quickly, taking a breath of air as if I had just gotten out of the water. I looked beside me, looking at an empty space beside me. It took me a moment to realise that it was all just a dream. I sighed. I looked at the picture on his end table. I remember that moment. We were at the beach with the rest of the crew and Teresa had brought a polaroid. Newt had a moustache, drawn on by myself.
I stood up, grabbing the urn that had Newt’s ashes in them and went out.
I went to that same beach. It was late and there was nobody there considering it was 2 AM. The plankton glowed in the night. I used a kayak that we had bought prior to his death. Actually, he bought it. And it was an absolute dump when he did, but we rebuilt it together and it was the kayak he proposed on. I got to the place where he proposed to me and sighed.
“You couldn’t wait to die until we were married, could you?” I said aloud, looking at the urn. “You had to die two weeks before the wedding.” I shrugged. “That’s fine, but if you didn’t want to marry me, you really could have just said so.” I joked, making myself chuckle while tears began to fall. “But I guess it doesn’t matter now that you’re dead.” I sobbed. “But if you had just waited those two weeks before going to work… if you had just waited…” I cried. “At least I’d know who I was because now I don’t.” My voice cracked. “I’m not a widow because we weren’t married, but we’re not exactly together, are we?” I asked. “So what am I? Your ex?” I asked. “That’s it? That’s all I have?” I cried.
And I must have been going insane at that moment because I swear that I saw him, sitting in front of me.
“But I guess it doesn’t matter, right? Because it’s all just labels and that’s all they are! That’s what they were to you anyways! But to me? It all matters!” I cried. “Because then I’d at least know what I am! And not knowing? It hurts! It all hurts so much!” I admitted. “It hurts to breathe and get out of bed in the morning and cooking breakfast for two out of habit because a part of me just believes that it’s all just some sort of sick prank! That you’ll be back and when you do, you’ll want to drink the latte I made with the heart and the pancakes with blueberries and raspberries with your favourite brand of maple syrup and a little square of butter that’s cold enough to keep itself together, but warm enough that you could spread it evenly easily.” I cried and I clutched my chest. “It all hurts so much, Newt. Waking up and having to remember that you’re not coming back because you’re dead!”
It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest, straight through my sternum and torn in two. It felt like someone was using their fingers to snap the bands of my heart. I wanted to hate him, but I couldn’t. I gave him my heart, my mind, my everything. And him dying felt like he was the one tearing me apart, but I still loved him.
“I’m not a widow.” I sobbed. “But I’m not just an ex.” I cried. “I’m something stuck in the middle that nobody bothered to label because the chances of you dying in that space between you being my boyfriend and you being my husband was just so small.” I sniffled. I looked away. “It’s funny to think that I cried in this very spot, not because of sadness, but of joy because we were finally going to have our happy ending.” I shrugged. “It all hurts too much, Newt and I’m trying to keep going, but I can’t.” I sobbed. I picked up the urn and the image of my Newt stood up and I managed to, too. “That’s why I have to let go.” I opened the urn, scattering his ashes and with that, the image of him slowly, but surely, began to dissipate. When I was finished, I hugged his urn before throwing it away. Just like that, everything felt a little bit more lighter. A little bit more durable.
“I love you, Newt,” I saw down, looking at the stars. “But I have to move on.” I shrugged. “That way, I’m not a widow, I’m not your ex, I’m just me. Y/N, whoever she might be, I’ll be her, but better. I’ll find her be me.”
The Grand Teton National Park filmed in 8K with nature shots, mountain shots, and night sky timelapse. Here’s the original caption and it doesn’t oversell.
GRAND TETON 8K is the culmination of nearly a month spent filming in the spectacular Jackson Hole Valley and the foothills of the Teton Mountain Range. Encompassing nearly 500 square miles, Grand Teton National Park boasts an awe-inspiring array of pristine wilderness, glacial lakes, winding rivers, diverse wildlife, and the magnificent Teton Range. Journey with More Than Just Parks as we explore a land dominated by towering peaks, apex predators, and majestic beauty. This is Grand Teton.