nigerian joke

The breakups lines

White american women :“ I hope you find someone that loves you better then I could ”

West African/ Caribbean women : “ may a spider bit you in your balls while you fall asleep and may your penis break off inside her when u have sex and Decay Into a thousand pieces ”

An american, an English man, and a Nigerian were on a ship. Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, “Drop anything in the sea, if I find it I will eat u, If I can’t, I will be your slave!” The American dropped a pin, the Devil found it and ate him. The English man dropped a coin, the Devil found it and ate him too. The Nigerian opened a bottle of water, poured it in the sea and said, “Na today be today, go find am!”.
An Edo man invited his friends for his mother's burial, after lowering the coffin, they put yam, rice, meat etc, into the grave.

A Hausa man asked why? The Edo man smiled & said, “According to our tradition, the dead go on a long journey & need all the food items they can get”. The Hausa man dropped N100,000 inside and said, “When the food finish, buy more”.

A Yoruba man also dropped N50,000 and said, “add this in case it is not enough”.

An Igbo man who was present at that time smiled, brought out his cheque book and wrote a cheque of N200,000. He dropped it in the coffin and took the N150,000 notes as change, then said, “Nwanne, withdraw when you reach dia o…it is going to be a dangerous journey, we don’t know how many robbers are out there and no one will be there to save you so just manage the check”

So i drove after him!
  • Policeman: Man, how did u kill 50 people in a car accident?
  • Man: i was driving at about 40mph, when i tried to stop i found that i had no brakes. i saw 2 men walking on the street and a wedding on d other side of d street, who should i hit
  • Policeman: of course the 2 men,less damage.
  • Man: that's what i thought to myself, but when i did it, i hit only one and the other one ran to the wedding, SO I DROVE AFTER HIM!