nicole is a poet

Sometimes being alone is okay.
Then I be myself and not be judged, I can laugh as loud as I want, I can cry, I can dance, I can sing, and I can be who I want to be. I don’t have to do what is expected of me, I’m me. I just wish the world wasn’t so judgmental because everyone has flaws and everyone is perfect in their own beautiful way.
—  claire-nicole 

Why losing a best friend can hurt the same or ever worse than any romantic relationship

Sometimes the bond between the two of you is stronger than words can describe
She was my ride or die
We were always together and when we weren’t it didn’t feel right

Friendships usually last longer than most romantic relationships and you aren’t told that friendships end as well
I never saw us parting because we were two peas in a pod
We were basically sisters and family doesn’t quit on eachother
But that’s the thing
We didn’t
We just faded
We grew in two separate directions that sometimes have cross streets
But that’s not enough
I want to grow on our own but have every cross street possible
I don’t want our roads to be parallel
I want them to come back together at some point
I miss you so much and I hope you miss me too

A lot of times you can get over a breakup because the relationship wasn’t that long or you can convince yourself that they were a horrible person deep down
But we all know our former best friend was the best freaking person to walk the planet
That’s why we loved them so much

So thank you, my former best friend, for showing me what it means to be a great person. For showing me how to love other people as much as I love my family. If you ever see this please know you can always call me. Because family is forever.

—  An open letter to my former(ex) best friend

just because i would take a cure

for the illnesses that plague me


does not mean i am not okay

or proud of who i was

who i am or who i will be

because believe it or not

acceptance and positivity

is not something only meant

for the abled-bodied.

I never believed in soulmates. My breathing, my heartbeat, my body, my being wasn’t made for you, and neither yours for me. But whenever someone asks me, how long we’ve been together or how long I’ve known you, without any hesitation my answer is “always.”

I refuse to believe the first time that our bodies collided was in this world. We met eons over. Far before the heavenly bodies lit up the night sky and before my bones came to rest in this body of mine. This love, this thing, this feeling I have for you, it’s always been here.

—  This Love, This Thing, by Nicole Moon
in the moment, his drunken, glittering laughter was the best sound i’d ever heard, as careless as it was infectious. he’d looked like a damned angel, his silhouette illuminated by the light leaking out of the skyscraper-studded sky; lucifer in all his doomed glory. amidst the milky, two-hour haze of smoke, i spiraled slowly into a delirious, dizzying pit of affection for this bright-eyed boy.
—  1. smoke-hazy boy | all the people i’ve fallen for | nicole s.

you claim to walk on eggshells around me

yet i am the one who must tip toe around

your illogical insults and bigotry

I wish i had the courage

to speak instead of holding my tongue

in fear that you will twist whatever words

come out.

but one day i hope

to gather enough will to ask

if youre the one feeling suffocated

why is it that you seem to speak fine and free

while im left choked up and teary-eyed

by whatever comes out of your mouth

Forgive me if I taste of thorns and unforgiveness, of metal and acid, of blood and hatred, of fire and anger. Forgive me if my lips no longer swell at the touch of yours, hungry and needing, begging for a release of some kind. Forgive me if I no longer linger on the cusp of your tongue, tasting of honey, of sunlight, of the universe.

For I have swallowed whole the demons of past, some yours, some mine, who have taken residence in between the crooks of my hollowed out bones, and haunted the only place I’ve ever been able to call home. They have burned themselves deep into memories of past, uninvited and unwelcome and have laid claim to the way my bones wrestle and rattle within my own skin.

Forgive me if I have come out of my battle hood, battered and unpretty and tiresome. For I am a victor nonetheless of the way I carry myself. And my worth, my suffering, my fight, will not be marred by how unwell I walk away from the trenches of war.

—  An Ode to Joan of Arc (and Every Woman to Walk the Earth), By Nicole Moon
This year I should have burnt that house down
with you in it.
This year I forgot my mouth wasn’t an apology
and was, 
in fact,
just a mouth.
This year I spent too much time shoveling dead things into my stomach.
This year I refused to become a ghost 
and look what’s become of me.
This year I did not know how to be loved as I deserved,
good and properly.
Nothing like shaking hands and trembling lips,
how you hated looking me in the eyes,
how I kept looking everywhere for sharp things.
This year I tried to write love poems into my thighs
but you never kissed me there. 
This year they all turned into eulogies.
This year I felt so lost because I learned how to hide so well in a man’s shadow.
This year I knew nothing but the rain,
and  how it feels beating down my face.
This year I forgot my body wasn’t an apology
and was,
in fact,
just a body 
or a playground
or a crime scene
or a graveyard.
This year I looked in the mirror and saw nothing but scars
and your hands.

You are sugar, ambition, and rain. You are a hot coffee on a cold day. You are a broadway musical. You are a crowded city street yet somehow a completely empty beach at sunset.

And my love, you are everything good in this world.

—  Hannah Nicole // Everything to Me
Being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely. Be selfish. Spend time away from others and focus on yourself. Revel in yourself. Embrace your beauty. Love to learn your flaws and discover parts of yourself you never knew existed. Admire the time you spend alone. Acknowledge your worth and know who you are.
—  Nicole M.