nice-ladies

The anger’s finally hitting.  It takes a while because the guilt is so strong first.  Frame things so that I’m killing a nice old lady’s grandchildren so I can have weird sex, and that’s a pretty goddamn powerful guilt.

But now I’m starting to feel genuinely angry that my mother, despite certainly caring about me in certain ways, extended me no empathy.  No understanding that coming out as trans is frightening, that it could make a person feel vulnerable and in need of support.  (…Also, no understanding that being yelled at for over an hour is a bit frightening too.)  She was a nurse herself; you’d think she could conjure up at least a little bit of boilerplate “this must be hard for you,” but no.

I went to Amazon and browsed the books for parents of trans people, and now I’m crying pretty hard, because those books have so much love pouring out of them, so much “how to defend your child from anyone who dares be cruel to them,” so much “how to advocate for a better world for your children.”  And I get told I’m like Hitler.

It’s hard to even describe how cold and lonely this feels.

I’m going to go browse Your Holiday Mom and cry myself to sleep.

anonymous asked:

Hey it's the anon with the trans school assignment thing, and I just found out that my stepdad's transphobic. Honestly at this point I have no idea nor care what my gender is but it just- why am I so messed up about this? I had my hair bunched in my SU hat and he literally said "if this is the worst its gonna get you'll grow up to be a nice young lady" and like, what? He's fine with me being pan, but I just don't understand. Sorry it's so long~ :/

Your stepdad is a dick tbh. You have a mom around??? Also People at school that aren’t teachers can help. Man that really sucks that ur own stepdad is acting that way, he missed parenting 101 which is: let your kids be themselves if being themselves doesn’t hurt anyone and they are happy.

anonymous asked:

"I was dared... I'm so sorry!" Lalaith stood up and pressed a small kiss to Sora's lips. "My name is Lalaith." //@urwen-lalaith

Blinked as the girl pressed her lips against hers. It was rather unexpected for the Istar. “Well that’s quiet brave of you to go through with the dare,” the Istar shrugged. “It is nice to meet you Lady Lalaith. You can call me Sora.”

@urwen-lalaith

     by now, every vet within county limits knew marisol by name – though not all were particularly fond of her. despite their supposed love for animals, it seemed their ‘love’ only extended so far as dogs & cats. it wasn’t unusual for mari to bring in every manner of animal, from skunks to caiman crocodiles, & not all vet clinics knew how to handle their newest patients. this one, however, had proven well enough for now. the lady was nice, & very knowledgeable. didn’t give her the side eye when she came in with an injured raccoon under-arm. 

     today, however, it was something most people with disregard for the ‘pest’ it was. a lonely pigeon, crooked wing in all, perches on her hands. “ excuse me, is dr. chetna in? “

@chcpped

Nice Lady Therapists

Content warning: this post is about physical and emotional harm done to people (especially children) with disabilities by (mostly) female therapists. Proceed with caution.

  

This is a hard post to write. It’s about abuse. It’s about a kind of abuse I haven’t seen described much. I think abuse is the right word, even though a lot of abusers probably genuinely think they’re doing the right thing.

 

Anyway, here goes:

 

Many, many people with disabilities I know have been harmed or even outright abused by Nice Lady Therapists. (Usual caveat: not all therapists are abusive, and this post is not opposition to childhood therapy. I’m saying that therapists need to stop hurting kids and other vulnerable people, not that therapy is evil. Pointing out that therapy is often important and that many therapists are good is not an answer to what I am describing.)

 

Nice Lady Therapists tell us that, whatever they do to us is by definition nice, and good for us. And that we like it, and that they love us, and that they are rescuing us, and that we are grateful.

They have a brightly-decorated therapy room full of toys, and assure every adult they come across that ~their kids~ love therapy. They use a lot of praise and enthusiastic affect, and maybe positive reinforcement with stickers and prizes. They might call the things they have kids do games. Some of them really do play games.

And every interaction with them is degrading in a way that’s hard to pinpoint, and hard to recover from. They do all kinds of things to kids with disabilities that typically developing kids would never be expected to tolerate. And they do it with a smile, and expect the kids they’re doing it to to smile back.

Sometimes it hurts physically, sometimes it hurts emotionally. Sometimes it’s a matter of being 12 years old and expected to trace a picture for toddlers for the zillionth time. And being told “This is fun! I used to do this all the time when I was a kid!”.

Sometimes it’s a matter of being forced to do a frightening or physically painful exercise, and being forbidden to express pain or fear. It hurts their feelings if a kid is upset. Don’t we know how much she cares? Don’t we know that she’d never do anything to hurt us? Don’t we want to learn and grow up to be independent?

Sometimes it’s a matter of being expected to accept intensely bad advice as though it’s insight. For instance, getting sent to therapy because you’re not making friends. And being told “We are all friends in this school! You have to give the other kids a chance.” And, if you try to explain otherwise, she patiently and lovingly explains to you why your thinking is distorted and you’ll have lots of friends if you just let yourself try.

Sometimes it’s - crossing a physical line. Touching in a way they have no good reason to be touching. Or touching over the objections of the kid in a way that is in no way justified by therapy goals. Sometimes sexually, sometimes not. Sometimes in ways that are against ethical standards of practice, sometimes not. But intimately, invasively. And if you say no, she patiently, lovingly, explains that you have nothing to be afraid of and that everything is ok. And that if you just trust her, you will have fun and get better. And when her profession has professional training about boundaries and appropriate touch, she thinks or even says “women don’t do that.”

Some male therapists do many of these things too, but there’s a gendered version of it that usually comes from women. And that can cause a problem for people with disabilities who are recovering from this. Most things about trauma and abuse of power are about misogyny in some way. They’re about men hurting women, and taking advantage of power dynamics that favor men to do so. Those descriptions are important because that pattern is common. But it is not the only abuse pattern, and it is not the only gendered abuse pattern.

Female therapists are subjected to misogyny and the power of men just as much as any other women. But they also have tremendous power over people with disabilities, many of whom are deeply dehumanized. The assumption that women have neither the power nor the ability to hurt anyone gets really dangerous really quickly for children with disabilities receiving therapy.

And it also means that people with disabilities often have a different relationship to gender than most nondisabled people. If you’ve been harmed by women over and over and assured that you liked it, it complicates things. If you’re a girl, it can make it hard to see a group of women as a Safe Space, especially if they think the thing making it safe is keeping the men out. If you’re a boy who has been repeatedly harmed by women who believed they were powerless, it can be hard to understand that the gender hierarchies that feminists and others talk about actually do exist. And it complicates things in any number of other ways.

But if you have been hurt by Nice Lady Therapists, you are not alone. If it has affected your relationship to gender, you are not alone. If it has left scars that others say you shouldn’t have because she was nice and meant well, you are not alone.

You don’t have to think someone is nice because she says she is. It’s ok to think that someone is hurting you even if that upsets them. You don’t have to think someone is safe or loving just because they are a woman or a therapist or smiling. Women can be abusive too. In human services, it is common. You are not alone, and it was wrong to treat you that way. The harm done to you was not because of your disability, and it’s not something that you could have fixed by being more cooperative or working harder or having a better attitude.  It’s not your fault, and it’s not because of anything wrong with you. And it’s not your fault if it still hurts. 

I’m not sure what else to say about this today. I think that there is a lot that needs saying (and I hope I will find some of it in the comments.) Any of y'all want to weigh in?

The fear of being seen as manipulative has led most of us to be oversensitive to any behaviors that may be perceived as manipulative to the point of experiencing feelings of guilt when you’re afraid something you did or said could, if you squint hard enough or overthink it, be seen as manipulative in some kind of way. Just breathe. You’re not being manipulative. 

If you read a room and use personality traits you’ve picked up from others to get yourself through a social situation, you’re not being manipulative. If you change the way you speak and act around strangers to make yourself seem outgoing and pleasant, you’re not being manipulative. You’re taking social cues you’ve observed and applying them to a situation - everyone does this, you may just use them more often. These things can be coping mechanisms that turn into a skill set, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of using the tools you have when you need them. As long as you aren’t using these skills negatively to take advantage of someone or for your own personal entertainment, you’re not being manipulative.

10

“We had so much time. We could’ve trained so much more. We could’ve done so much more. […] But those things don’t matter anymore. […] All we can do now is get warmed up. We’ll fight to the very end with all our might. And… let’s win! […] Karasuno, fight!”  — MICHIMIYA YUI

  • me:im fine
  • me:rey keeps a straight face until leia hugs her and then she starts crying like you just see her face collapse and then the camera goes to leia's face and she looks so calm and at peace (with her RING right in the centre of the shot) despite the love of her life being killed by their son only a few hours ago max and then she says 'may the force be with you' to rey and looks so sad watching her go like?? what does that all mean?? why do we have to wait nearly two years to find out??