lost-in-horrorland  asked:

So Riskua... I've heard from a pervert or two that you have nice red lingerie. Do you have some that are also orange or orange and red?

“Now that I’m out at sea I make all my own stuff, so I’ve got a lot of different shades. Orange is one of those. It works well for me; red hair, yellow eyes; orange underwear matches the theme. It was much more difficult finding a shade of red that would compliment my hair actually. I can show you my collection if you like, I think I did a good job designing them.”

I worked at a book and office supplies store (in the Netherlands) for about a year. I already wasn’t a people person when I started working there and after quitting I was even less of a people person. Here are some highlights:

  • A woman came in in a rush one afternoon, waited in line impatiently asking if we could “hurry the fuck up” because she had places to be. Now, a nice old lady let her go first and without even thanking her, the woman then came to the register. She wanted a cinema gift card, and she needed it NOW. Since we sold two different kinds, I asked her which one she preferred, and after I told her the benefits of each gift card she picked one. 2 SECONDS AFTER PAYING FOR IT SHE CHANGED HER MIND, and we cannot return gift cards, because that’s against company policy. But no, everything was my fault. She continued to yell at me for a solid 8 minutes until my manager resolved the problem.
  • A lonely old lady insisted on having a conversation with me. For 45 minutes. While there were customers in the store.
  • Someone came to pick up a book order and after handing it over, he insisted that it wasn’t the book he ordered (even though we had copious amounts of evidence that it was).
  • Some dude once told me I was the lowest piece of shit to ever walk to earth after I told him about the shipping costs for his 10-pound package that had to be sent to Australia. Sir, that’s literally on the other side of the world. You can’t expect it to be cheap.
  • Had two men RUN into the store 2 minutes before closing time, asking us if we could wrap up a 3-feet Buddha statue for a birthday party. We were annoyed but did it anyway, and then the guys pulled out 15 euros. “Here’s a tip, get some snacks, you look hungry.” We got snacks and it was amazing.
  • First got told I was a rude bitch ever after telling a woman we no longer had her favorite magazine. 10 minutes later, I was awarded a 9,5/10 score from a mystery shopper right in front of her. Satisfying.
  • A 17-year-old wanted to buy lottery tickets, which is illegal at his age. After asking for his ID he called me a “cancer whore”. This happened every single week until my manager decided to ban him from the store, permanently.
  • One afternoon a lady came in telling me she wanted a fashion gift card valued at 500 euros. That is impossible, the most you can value a gift card at is 150 euros. I repeatedly told her this but she wouldn’t take no for an answer, after which I decided to show her that it was impossible. She paid with her bank card, I attempted to activate the 500-euro gift card and BOOM. Entire cash register system broke on me. 500 euros was lost in cyberspace, her gift card was left unactivated, and all of this was going on while there were 40 people trying to buy something. It took us an hour to get the system up and running again.
  • A kid asked me for a book, I looked it up and told him we didn’t have it anymore, and he kicked me in the knee.
  • We didn’t sell some dude’s favorite brand of cigarettes anymore and he yelled at me for 5 minutes, after which he left the store.
  • I am so glad I don’t work retail anymore.
Being a lesbian means I love me some gay ass music

Please enjoy a few of my favorites. 

Cliffs Edge - Hayley Kiyoko  

Girls like girls - Hayley Kiyoko 

Addicted to you - Avicii 

Gravel to Tempo - Hayley Kiyoko 

Arrest me - Bria and Chrissy 

Take me to Heaven - Bria and Chrissy 

Ghost - Halsey 

Coming Out - Ally Hills

Her Lover - Ally Hills 

First Position - Kehlani 


Four codenames: Antarctica, Langdale, Porlock, and Love.

Five people in the room: Sherlock Holmes, Mycroft Holmes, Vivian Norbury, Lady Smallwood, and Sir Edwin.

It’s time to play…

“Who then is Porlock?”

Keep reading

For Day 4 of @tazladyweek, Canon Divergence. Don’t get me wrong, I love NO3113 as a member of Team Sweet Flips, but I really want her to be able to go home and chill with her family as well, maybe have some fun being an auntie?

when there’s a girl who finally likes you and you think she’s going to confess to you but you like another girl so before she gets the chance to tell you she likes you, you start telling her how there’s another girl who you like but then an older city boy appears and you assume it’s her boyfriend and that you completely misunderstood the situation

the signs as ppl i saw at the airport at 4 am
  • Aries: the pilot that had a bottle of pepsi and a bottle of coke in his hands and looked at both for a long while before buying them both, mixing them into the same cup, and downing the whole cup in one swing.
  • Taurus: the old guy who accidentally threw his phone in the trash and got his two year old granddaughter to dig it out of the trash
  • Gemini: the guy across the waiting area from me that bought a whole bag of black licorice and poured it in his mouth
  • Cancer: the lady that has spider earrings in February
  • Leo: the obvious just-married couple that started making out aggressively in starbucks
  • Virgo: the guy trimming his nose hairs in the bathroom
  • Libra: the guy whose flight got delayed by and hour and he just kinda. collapsed into a chair and he looked like he was about to sob.
  • Scorpio: the very nice lady that asked me how old i was and how highschool was and offered me a cookie from her purse. it was stale and had a bite taken out of it.
  • Sagittarius: this 5 year old girl that was wearing five jackets while her parents wore shorts
  • Capricorn: that guy in gate 69 who would dab every time someone said "69" over the intercom
  • Aquarius: this girl talking on the phone to her husband and trying to explain how to make a perfect eyeliner wing
  • Pisces: the guy who obviously lost his luggage and was wearing a too-small powderpuff girl shirt and bags under his eyes.