nice umbrella

Sometimes I forget that the Noah family is actually really cute and nice if you ignore the fact they kill people and make akuma.

I Didn’t Know You Liked Rihanna

A/N: So I’m listening to Umbrella by Rihanna, but the BLU J Remix, and I was thinkin’ about Tom Holland as usual, and I thought of this cute lil idea.

Pairing: Peter Parker (Tom Holland)/me (or reader, either way you read it is fine)

Warnings: None, bro. Just fluff


Originally posted by smilexcaptainx

I was walking home from school, and as usual, my luck had run out by around five-forty five that morning. How did I know?

It began to downpour.

Since I knew that my mom wouldn’t be home from London yet because of a business trip, I decided to head over to my boyfriend Peter’s house.

I almost forgot about the rain because I guess I was too cold to feel it. Which was miserable, because I knew that by now my small little toes would be completely purple.

Once I approached his apartment, I noticed that Aunt May’s car wasn’t parked on the sidewalk, and figured that she might have went to get something for dinner.

I heard muffled sounds coming from inside the apartment, and it sounded female. I was about to be concerned when I heard a tune I recognized. Was that… was that Rihanna?

I fumbled with my keys and finally managed to get them out of my pocket, and once I unlocked the door, I was greeted with Umbrella by Rihanna playing very loudly from his bedroom. Which meant that he probably didn’t hear me come in.

I dropped my bag down by the door and slipped out of my shoes, and wrung out my hair so I wouldn’t drip all over the carpets. It was useless, really, because my entire body was soaked straight to the bone. 

I crept up the stairs, making sure not to make a single sound, and once I was outside his door, it was hard to not have a jam session to this song.

I slowly put my hand on the doorknob, and turned so slowly that I thought I was stuck in some weird slow-mo movie.

What I saw made me snort so hard that it gave me a sore throat.

There was my boyfriend, dancing to Umbrella with a broom in hand, jerking around in an attempt at dancing. He jolted around quickly to find my collapsed against the doorway, laughing at the entire scene. 

“God, you need a bell,” he groaned, his face cherry red as he collapsed on his bed. 

“No, no Peter I think this is proof that I most definitely should not have a bell,” I laughed, wiping a tear from my eye. Or was it rainwater? I couldn’t tell by now.

Peter, just now noticing this, jumped up from his bed and hurried towards his bureau. He dug out a long-sleeved white t-shirt and sweatpants for me to wear, and I wasn’t disappointed by the offer. These were his most comfortable sweatpants. 

By the time I had finished changing in the bathroom, he had come upstairs with two steaming cups of tea, and I was greeted with a very lovely kiss. And another, and another, and another, and so many more until my lips hurt.

“Pete, I really didn’t know you liked Rihanna.”

“Eh, it’s not bad.”

“Well gee, I guess so. I think that you should be on Dancing With The Stars.”

“You are such a smartass.”

there’s something surreal abt seeing my own fanart used in popular YT videos because I just know that more people saw my art through this vid than me actually posting it on tumblr 

imagine yixing as an angel.

Originally posted by angel-in-slow-motion

  • hello aaaaangeeeel
  • poor baby didn’t so much fall as he just kinda,,,,,, got lost?
  • like he doesn’t even remember why he came down here in the first place he gets so caught up in the world around him.
  • he’s so enamoured he completely forgets how to find his way back, and in the end he doesn’t really want to.
  • anyway you find him in the trash.
  • that’s right, he’s just chilling naked in a dumpster minding his own business when you come along to scream at him.
  • but it becomes clear pretty soon that he doesn’t understand a word you’re saying, he just looks kinda confused at your tone.
  • that’s when you realise he must be less fortunate than you in some way or another, and since he doesn’t seem aggressive or dangerous and you should probably help him out.
  • so you take him home with you and offer him a bath and some clothes, none of which he understands.
  • like he literally doesn’t understand the concept of clothes.
  • he’s very curious of his surroundings, but doesn’t know his own strength and keeps breaking everything that he picks up to examine.
  • he’s easily startled and doesn’t like loud noises.
  • you decide to let him stay the night, and then you’ll take him to the local police station tomorrow and they can find out where he belongs.
  • but by morning it’s becoming clear that he isn’t what you thought.
  • yixing (that’s what he calls himself) has emptied your entire bookshelf during the night and otherwise also turned your apartment upside down.
  • that morning he knows about a dozen words including “okay”, “here”, “good”, “nice” and “umbrella”.
  • by the end of the day he speaks in full sentences and by the end of the week he speaks almost fluently. 
  • it takes him a little longer to understand clothing tho.
  • eventually you have to give him the bath yourself and it’s a,,,,, bonding experience.
  • i mean you’re getting used to seeing him naked, he mostly wears a blanket around the house, but imagine yixing discovering bubbles for the first time.
  • and being so disappointed when they don’t taste as good as they look.
  • yixing is incredibly intelligent, eager to explore, and he learns very quickly, but he has no real way of explaining to you where he comes from only that he cannot return even if he wanted to and there is no use in trying.
  • and you keep finding feathers everywhere ????? 
  • they all seem to come from the same source and at the end of the week there’s enough for like two birds and you’re getting very confused.
  • like where are they even coming from ????
  • you genuinely thought yixing was an alien until you noticed how he would stroke the wings on pictures of birds he found in your books.
  • he tried to explain that he has a pair just like that and eventually you confront him about the feathers and he’s like “yeah, those are mine.”
  • but you can’t actually see the wings.
  • also rip if you have an instrument in the house and come home to find yixing playing it perfectly, and then he won’t stop for at least three days.
  • and he loves your bed, says it feels “close to home”.
  • eventually you buy him a dictionary and communication gets a lot easier from there on out.
  • in the end yixing would rather stay with you than anything else in the world, and if heaven wants him back they’re gonna have to drag him kicking and screaming over your dead body.
  • meanwhile you just try to keep him out of trouble.
  • he takes good care of you too, considers himself your guardian.
  • he has kinda claimed you as his own, calls you “my human”.
  • everything is new and every discovery is precious to him.
  • and you find new appreciation for life and the world around you while viewing it through his eyes.
  • bless :’)

anonymous asked:

Could you pretty please do a friends to lovers with Namjoon?????? I've been obsessed since your Yoongi one 💖

how cute, thank you!!
find jungkook (here), jimin (here) & yoongi (here)  ~

  • you and namjoon first see each other on the bus you take to get to work every morning
  • and you’d never seen him before,,,,but he definitely catches your attention because he’s so tall and looks so intelligent with glasses perched on the end of his nose and a thick, philosophical book in his hands
  • and you’re close to 100% sure that he completely looks past you when you guys get in line to get on the bus
  • but to your surprise he takes a step back and lets you skip him to get on first,,,,,,
  • and when you meet his eyes to thank him,,,,,you can’t help but notice how the dark brown of them behind his frames still seems somehow soft,,,,,
  • and for a couple of weeks you two silently stand side by side with the rest of the morning crowd waiting for the bus and maybe it’s your imagination but every now and then you feel like he might be looking your way,,,,,,,,,but you brush it off
  • until one day you find yourself standing beside him, shuffling a stack of heavy paperwork that you needed to bring with you to work in your hands when,,,,,,,,,,,it starts to rain
  • and because your hands are full you groan because you can’t get the umbrella from your bag,,,,,,,,,,,,if you even had an umbrella which ,,,,,,you don’t think you do
  • and slowly you can see the paper getting wet and you try to hide the stack under your cardigan but it won’t work
  • until you feel someone step closer to you and you see the mysterious boy holding a giant black umbrella over your heads
  • and you shift the pile of paper in your arms and manage to stutter out a thank you
  • to which he looks at you and smiles,,,,,and you almost drop the papers because you ???? never noticed he had dimples before?????
  • and he tells you that it’s no problem, that the pile of paper looks heavy and if you want he can hold some for you
  • and it’s so sweet and you say thank you again,,,,,but pause because you actually don’t know his name 
  • but he just smiles again,,,,the warmness you saw in his eyes spreading over his handsome face and he’s like “kim namjoon, and you are,,,,,?”
  • and it’s as simple as that to get you two talking and you tell namjoon about your job and he tells you about his and suddenly you ask about the books you always see him reading
  • and he laughs into his palm,,,,,as you two are seated together on the bus and he says it’s quite embarrassing,,,but he’s what his friend taehyung calls a book worm
  • but you insist it’s nothing to be embarrassed of!!! you like reading too!!!
  • and when it’s your stop namjoon hands you the umbrella which you hesitate to take because won’t he get wet- but he tells you that your papers look important and plus his long legs will help him run faster inside 
  • and you giggle but thank him
  • and from that day,,,,,,,you and namjoon aren’t just standing awkwardly side by side at the stop anymore
  • nope you guys greet each other and talk about your days and sometimes you even check to see you guys are early so you get some coffee at a nearby cafe and return to the bus stop all the while getting to know each other more and just,,,,,,,,,,becoming better friends
  • the umbrella which he gave you,,,,you keep forgetting to return and you apologize everytime but namjoon shrugs it off,,,,,,,,until finally it’s raining again one morning
  • and you grab his umbrella and dash out to get to the bus only to see poor namjoon shivering with his hood up and you’re like !!!!!!!! where’s your umbrella and he sheepishly admits that the one you’re carrying was actually the only one he had,,,,,,(the others were broken due to clumsy events)
  • and you’re like oh my god im so sorry here- but namjoon is like ill take it but let’s share it
  • and as you wait for the bus,,,,,,,,you can feel namjoon standing so close that your shoulders brush and that you can smell a subtle, but simple cologne coming from him
  • and when he turns to look at you,,,,it’s kind of,,,,,there’s something more than there usually is
  • “this umbrella is the reason we became friends.” he suddenly says and you nod slowly because that’s true,,,,before that you hadn’t talked much
  • and you look at his hand holding it and wonder for a second what it would be like if you just put your hand over his,,,,,
  • and almost as if he knows namjoon goes “wouldn’t it be nice if this umbrella was also the reason,,,,,,,,,”
  • he stops and you see him shift his eyes a bit,,,,red tint over his high cheekbones and he looks at you finally and finishes with
  • “,,,,was also the reason we became something more?” 
  • and you can hear some women going finally! the bus is here
  • but you and namjoon stand there under the umbrella looking at each other and the bus stops and people are getting on
  • but neither of you budges until you lean forward and put your hand over his thats holding the umbrella and shyly answering that,,,,,,,,it would be nice,,,,,,,if you guys could be something more
  • and namjoon looks like a christmas tree that’s just been lighted up with how wide he smiles
  • but before he can say anything the bus pulls out of the spot, tires running through a puddle and splashing both you and namjoon
  • until you’re both drenched and in shock
  • but turning to look at one another and laughing like it’s not big deal
  • that day you both call into work with excuses and spend it on your first date,,,,,even if it’s raining over the city,,,,,you guys get cozy in a bookstore and maybe just maybe you think that since it’s a first date namjoon might end it with a kiss in the rain?????
  • but you’re like thaTS ToO CORNY he wouldn’t
  • (he does) 

anonymous asked:

To the Beach!

Sorry about the delay, I wanted to watch episode 8 (I don’t have cable but I have canadian netflix) before I wrote this prompt. Thank you for the prompt, I always appreciate it! This is not entirely Jughead and Betty. I felt like I needed an interaction between Jughead and Joaquin because of that last episode.

It was a Thursday afternoon and four people sat in a circle in the student lounge of Riverdale High. Kevin Keller,  sat in a chair, staring at his phone and texting rapidly and giving his phone a goofy grin. In the chair next to him Archie Andrews, sat holding his guitar, but not playing, while staring at a wall on the other side of the room. Betty Cooper sat on the sofa, face buried in her Chemistry textbook, occasionally blowing loose strands of honey hair out of her face with frustration, while her boyfriend, Jughead Jones, sprawled with his long legs over her lap, reread To Kill a Mockingbird for probably the millionth time. Their silence was interrupted by a single loud clap. The sound came from a classy, perfectly coiffed, midnight haired girl in designer clothes. Veronica Lodge had arrived.

 Veronica placed a perfectly manicured hand on her slim hip, surveying each of her friends closely.

“We’re going to the beach on Saturday.” She declared. Archie looked at her and shrugged slightly.

“I don’t know if I’m up for it.” He sighed

“Well Archiekins, it was a statement not a choice. You’ve been brooding for so long you’re about to put Jughead out of business. You’re not going to get over Valerie by moping all the time.”

He winced slightly. Valerie had broken up with him two weeks ago, she had said she needed to focus on her music.

“V, I have to study, exams are next week!” Betty objected, Veronica turned to face her, rolling her dark eyes, in a way that was somehow still classy.

“B, you’ve been studying basically nonstop since September, you can take a day off. And that day off is going to be Saturday.” She turned her body to face the redhead who had started to pack up his guitar “Archiekins, you’re driving.”

“I don’t do beaches.” she whirled around to the raven haired boy who had finally spoken, he quirked an eyebrow at her.

“Well, Holden Caulfield, did you miss when I said it wasn’t a choice?”

She finally turned to face the only person who hadn’t spoken. Kevin simply raised his hands in mock surrender. Veronica turned on her heel to walk to her next class, before tossing her dark hair over her shoulder to look back and say one last thing,

“You can bring lover boy if you want.”

                                                                               ********************

Saturday finally came and everyone piled into Veronica’s Rover, Archie behind the wheel. Everyone had gotten a chuckle out of Joaquin, who showed up in his leather jacket and a pair of neon green swim trunks. Veronica was in charge of the playlist, causing Jughead to roll his eyes on more than one occasion, but he couldn’t be too upset with Betty in a swimsuit curled at his side. Way too many bass heavy dance songs later, they had finally arrived. Veronica set up the umbrella, emblazoned with images of watermelon that Veronica had defended as “very summer!” Archie the towels and blankets, and Joaquin the cooler, as Kevin and Betty dragged Jughead into the water. Betty stopped suddenly, popping onto her toes to tug off Jughead’s beanie and toss it at Archie. He mumbled in mild discomfort before she grabbed him by the hand and tugged him into the lukewarm ocean. Veronica and Archie soon followed, Veronica testing out the water as Archie barreled in, diving headfirst. Jughead chuckled at the scene before he felt a torrent of water smack his chest.

“Did you splash me on purpose, Elizabeth Cooper?” Jughead mock glared at her.

“What if I did, Forsythe?” she said innocently, with a glint in her eye.

“That’s it, you’re going DOWN!” Jughead scooped up his girlfriend and began to wade deeper into the water, his girlfriend clutching at him and squealing. After they reached a point where the water was past Jughead’s navel, he flung his girlfriend into the water.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, Mr. Jones” Betty said mischievously, wading towards him. He was trying desperately not to drool at the sight of her beautiful body in that tiny blue swimsuit. He smirked at her, only to suddenly have a face full of water.

“A splash war? Really, Bets?”

The splash war ensued for several minutes, progressively getting closer and closer to their friends, Veronica screeching as she got splashed, Archie laughing at her misfortune only seconds before getting a face full of salt water himself. Jughead dove under the water as Betty tried to splash him again, coming up nearly pressed against her. Instead of splashing her, he wrapped his arms around her waist, smiling down at the giggling, out of breath woman before him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and bounced onto her tippy toes, creating ripples in the water around them as they kissed. Kevin let out a wolf whistle as Betty pulled back. Jughead’s pupils had blown and his hair was a mess. Betty couldn’t get enough of the sight. After a few moments of staring intensely, Betty broke the silence,

“At least I’m not the one ruining our moment this time.” They both chuckled.

“One sec love, I’m going to go get a drink.” He kissed the tip of her dripping wet nose before wading to the beach. He winced as his feet hit the hot sand. He noticed Joaquin was still sitting on the beach, texting.

Jughead grabbed a bottle of water out of the cooler, chugging a few gulps before flopping down on the green beach towel under the umbrella.

“Water’s nice.” He commented, looking at the other boy. Joaquin didn’t look up from his phone as he responded,

“I’m not a big swimmer.” Jughead shrugged,

“Fair.”

A brief awkward silence ensued. Jughead took a few more sips of the cool water before trying again. He stared at the scene in the water, Veronica on Archie’s shoulders and Betty on Kevin’s, both trying to push each other into the water, all four laughing.

“Kevin is a good dude.” Joaquin looked up at his phone finally, taking in Jughead for a moment before nodding slowly. Jughead continued.

“You can get out you know. You’re young, and if I talk to my dad, they might let you out.”

“What if I don’t want out?” The response made Jughead shake his head. As he stood, he looked at Joaquin one more time,

“If you really care about Kev, you’ll at least consider it. I know what that life does to people. He deserves better, and I don’t know you, but you deserve better too. Everyone does. Just think about it, ok? You know where to find me.”

With that, Jughead dropped his empty water bottle into the trashbag and returned to the waiting arms of his girlfriend.

“What was that about?” Bety’s hand rose to gently caress his face, concern in her blue-green eyes.

“Just family stuff. It’s all good.”  He kissed her forehead, before running and tackling Archie to dunk him under the water.

                                                               ************

A few hours later, after a small fire had been made, Betty and Jughead walked hand in hand down the beach, away from their chattering friends.

“I gave Joaquin an out.” Betty stopped, turning in front of her boyfriend to face him.

“Did he take it?” she asked tentatively, worried that he might suddenly clam up. Talking about the Serpents still wasn’t easy for him, even after she had met his father.

“Not exactly. I told him to think about it.” Jughead paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I don’t want him to wind up like my dad. Kevin deserves better than the life my mom had.”

Betty rubbed his arms, both warming and soothing.

“You’re a good guy, Juggie. You tried, he knows you’re there. But the next step is up to him.”

Jughead pulled her into a tight embrace, leaving a lingering kiss on the top of her still wet, blond head.

“Thank you.” He whispered into her hair.

“For what?” she pulled back slightly so that she could see his face, while still staying in his arms.

“Keeping me afloat.” He said simply.

They shared a long, gentle kiss as the first shooting star of the summer fell in the sky above them.

Not-So Bad Boy//Kunpimook Bhuwakul(Highschool AU)

Originally posted by jypnior

Pairing: Bambam x Reader

Genre: Fluff, suggestive?

Summary: You had grown apart from your childhood best friends, and you thought you had lost sight of him.

Author’s Note: Hello~ This was originally a smut request but with the way I wrote it i didn’t know how I could make it go straight into smut so I just made it suggestive :( but please enjoy it nonetheless!

xoxo Sara


Today had been the worst of all days for you. First, you had woke up late due to the power going out late last night because of a severe storm,  causing your phone to stop charging completely.  Second, you had realized that the storm hadn’t stopped, which meant that you had to walk to school inn the horrid weather. You thankfully had a nice umbrella, but it would completely protect you, since the wind was making the rain flaw a bit diagonally, and not straight down.

You arrived to your classroom a little damp, with only few minutes to spare. You quickly sat up your books and things, when you caught a glimpse of him.

Keep reading

busker!woozi
  • has 5 different guitars that are just different shades of wood ?? he claims that the guitar he brings depends on his mood or whatever
  • he seems like a really organized, professional person that likes to keeps things visually simplistic but his guitar case is practically packaged in stickers (seokmin and hoshi like to sneak like hello kitty stickers in to see if jihoon notices,,,,,,,,,, and he doesn’t,,,,,)
  • outside of college and busking, he also has a part-time job at a convenience store and when people ask where the ‘extra’ money comes from he’s like “i work at a………grocery….store..too?” (he’s too shy to say that he busks)
  • usually performs at farmers markets and stuff
  • everyone with a stand at the markets always asks jihoon to set up by their stand because people always crowd around when he plays
  • feels guilty when he has to turn someone down bc another person already asked
  • his guitar can be heard from a ways away and it’s not because he’s loud it’s just that everyone else is like !!!!! gotta be quiet and Appreciate This Art !!!!! (he finds it rly embarrassing tbh)
  • people sometimes think that he’s a lil…. rude…. bc he doesn’t really make a lot of conversation and likes to keep things professional (mostly because he thinks his personal life is !!super boring!!)
  • and he doesn’t rly take song requests either but it’s just that he wants to perfect a song before actually showing people 
  • looks up some of the songs ppl request tho and practices with joshua every week and shows him songs but always has to end their hangouts early bc joshua EXTRA hong likes to start freestyle rapping to whatever jihoon is playing and it makes him all grumbly and giggly
  • there’s always lil kids that roam around the markets with their parents and they’re always drawn to woozi bc he looks so friendly !!
  • and tbh jihoon used to be rly hesitant and shy around the kids but now he gives them spare guitar picks and knows most of them by name
  • (one time one of the many lil girls that adore jihoon brought him some crazy spicy tteokbokki and he ate it all because he didn’t want her to feel bad :’))) he has a soft spot for all the kiddos that look up to him)
  • all the stand owners make sure to keep woozi fed and his fridge is always full of leftovers and snacks and he always feels kinda sorry when people just give him free food but it is nice to always have something to eat when he doesn’t feel like cooking
  • it becomes a bit bothersome though when his ,,,,,, culinarily challenged ,,,, friends swoop by to take a side dish or eight……
  • soonyoung: “i’m just helping you clear up some fridge space!!”
  • okay buddy whatever floats ur goat
  • !! but anyways !! you go to the market every tuesday to get this and that and to just look around
  • and coincidentally ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) woozi also performs at that market every tuesday
  • tbh you noticed him the first time he busked there bc 1) his voice and guitar playing are Godly™ and bc 2) he’s rly frickin cute
  • and you don’t really try to make conversation or anything bc you just enjoy his music and besides ?? he probably has better things to do than talk to you right ?? (a: wrong)
  • the only time you get relatively close to him is to toss a couple bills into his guitar case as you pass by each tuesday, just like every other person at the market
  • and you figure that like ?? there’s always tons of people at the market ?? woozi has no reason to notice you ??
  • bUt he does !!!!!!!!!!!
  • the first time jihoon saw you he thought that you were like the cutest person ever like,,,,,,,what a beauty,,,,,,
  • he gets super fuzzy inside when you give him tips tbh
  • not bc it’s money (which he does appreciate ngl) but bc it’s you!!! the prettiest girl at the market!!!
  • and the stand owners see woozi admiring you (it’s rly obvious too like he’s not the smoothest person) and they always gossip about how cute of a couple you would be
  • so one day you’re just minding your own business, talking to one of the stand owners as she’s putting your flowers in a bag and giving you your change when it starts poURING just as the weathermen has predicted
  • so you pull out your umbrella and take your flowers and scurry down the sidewalk
  • but then you spot poor jihoon panicking on the corner bc he had no idea it would rain and now his stuff is getting all wet
  • being the Good Person you are, you ease your way over, hesitant at first bc !!!!!!! this boy is really cute so what if you frick it all up what r u gonna do then butthead !!!!!!!
  • so you just kinda stand there, holding your umbrella out over jihoon as you’re being soaked with rain and he doesn’t even notice bc he’s too distracted with saving his guitar and messy sheet music
  • until he stands up and hits his head on the umbrella and you’re like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • you start spewing out apologies bc like you pretty much just whacked him in the head with ur umbrella nice going
  • he’s just kinda in shock bc the situation is registering in his mind and he sees you standing there in drenched clothes and your hair looks like you just got out of the shower and he feels so bAD NOW
  • so he just kinda,,,,grabs the umbrella,,,,,and pushes it back so it’s over your head now instead of his and you go dead silent
  • at this point, you’re full on staring at him and his wet bangs are clinging to his forehead and his face is all dewy and he looks like something from a dream,,,,,,,,,, tl;dr: jihoon looks stunning af
  • but neither of you say anything bc like ?? what r u supposed to say ??
  • and jihoon grabs his guitar case, slinging it onto his back
  • and he’s looking at the ground so that you can’t see how much you’ve made him blush
  • and he goes “you look cold. let me take you to get coffee to make up for this.”

anonymous asked:

What's the meanest nickname you ever gave someone?

Okay, so I’m gonna tell you the nicknames plural, but first I need to tell you about the guy I used them on because if you don’t understand what he’s like, you might think he didn’t deserve every horrible thing anyone ever said to him. 

There was this guy I hated at my college. The first time we met, he saw that my messenger bag had a picture of Mandy Patinkin as “Che” in Evita made to look like the iconic Che Guevara image. When he asked why it wasn’t actually Che, I said it was because I’m a huge Mandy Patinkin fan and then said “plus Mandy is way less controversial.” He literally screamed at me for implying Che Guevara had done something to be controversial and asked “are you even a communist?!

He dressed “steampunk” but this mostly involved wearing a tweed jacket and and bowler hat everywhere. Sometimes the jacket would be lime green instead, and sometimes the hat would be a stetson or a civil war style hat. He always wore dress shoes specifically because he liked seeing people straighten up in their seats when he walked in the classroom because they made him sound like a professor approaching. Note: there’s nothing wrong with this aesthetic, but he could not pull it off. 

One time, I was hanging out with some cool folks I knew and one of them happened to be dating the only person who could stand to be his friend for more than two months, and earlier in the day a security guard gave me a nice umbrella from the lost and found, with like a wooden hook handle. He asked me if he could have it, for free, and I told him no, I needed it to get home, and he ONCE AGAIN screamed at me “come on, man, you know that’s totally my style.” Later, he pulled me aside and told me the rest of the group was too polite to say it but they all hated me and wanted me to leave them alone. A few months later all the folks at the table told me they were actually all thinking that about him

He was also horrifically racist, often advocating for ethnic cleansing in classes. He was a raging misogynist, openly expressing his hatred of women and ending every argument with “are you on your period?” He kept a photograph of his own penis on his phone so that, whenever someone questioned his manhood, he could show them. That part always confused me, because like, he was willing to sexually harass people by exposing his genitals to them without consent, but apparently didn’t bring his actual penis with him because he had to show them an easily-doctored digital photograph? I’m not saying he should have whipped out his actual dick but I’m surprised he didn’t

He was in my World War II class and on the first day he told one girl his plan was to “only show up on days with quizzes, tests, and papers, leaving once he turns them in, and getting straight A’s anyway.” Anyone following this strategy might not have read the part of our syllabus saying our professor’s attendance policy, which was that you don’t get credit for a quiz, test, or paper if you leave right after you hand them in, and after a certain number of unexcused absences you lose the entire 20% attendance and participation grade, meaning at the end of the semester he had an average grade of 0%. 

For the final paper of the class, we had to write a paper on one of the books from a list provided by the professor, and the syllabus said it had to be a book IN ADDITION TO our assigned textbook and collateral texts. Because some of our class texts were on the list of acceptable books, I accidentally wrote a paper on one of them without realizing it wasn’t allowed. About a week before the paper was due, I asked the professor just to be sure, and he made an announcement clarifying that it wasn’t allowed, and reiterated it in the remaining class sessions. Guess who we hadn’t seen since the last test and wouldn’t see again until the next paper? 

Dude turned in a paper on the main class textbook. The professor gave everyone who made this mistake a week’s extension to fix it, but this dude sent the professor an angry email stating that he would not be rewriting his paper and would gladly “rather take a zero” because he felt the professor shouldn’t have said the main text was allowed (he actually explicitly said it wasn’t allowed) and that he “hadn’t learned a thing about World War II” in the class, which we all pointed out was probably because he’d never been to the class. The professor was actually so shocked by the email that he removed this dude’s name and sent it out to the class and explained to us that he doesn’t actually need the papers and he gave us extensions because he wants us to pass, so not turning it in isn’t hurting anyone but us. 

Anyone who disagreed with him would, without fail, result in no less than five minutes of sulking. He would literally stay in the area so he could give you dirty looks while he was upset at you. My personal favorite was the time people were debating with the religious zealots shouting on campus and he kept shouting unfunny jokes, and the bible-shouters were using him as an example, and finally I heard a bunch of guys saying “he’s worse than the bible dudes” and “if that dude says one more thing I’m gonna kick his ass” and I finally told him to shut up, that no one thought he was funny, and that he was hurting more than he was helping. He sat down and sulked on a bench for twenty minutes while glaring at me and telling his friends I’d been mean to him for no reason. 

Okay, so now that you know about this person I had the displeasure of crossing paths with so many times, here’s some of the many mean nicknames I came up with for him:

  1. The Victorian Error
  2. Sweeney Toddler
  3. Jack the Ripper’s Amish Cousin
  4. Beadle Bamford (I know this is two Sweeney Todd references but he really looked like Beadle Bamford)
  5. Professor Dickpic
  6. Guy who wears your granddad’s clothes but doesn’t look incredible
  7. Greasy Beardmouth
  8. Captain Pube-beard
  9. Beardface the Hostile Leprechaun
  10. That pile of sweaty hats that hangs around Chris

Bonus: After the final for that World War II class I was talking to that professor and three of my classmates (who are women) and I told them about that dude’s tendency to end arguments with “are you on your period” and my classmates spent five minutes describing and miming how much they wanted to punch this guy in the testicles. In front of our grinning World War II professor. Who was holding the final exams we just finished taking under his arm. 

a-court-of-throne-of-glass  asked:

This is the last one I swear it just came to me and I had to ask, could you do Elriel + "Did you really just ask me that? Of course I do!"

This stupid non-canon ship will be the death of me dammit.

________


Azriel didn’t mind working at the cafe. They were flexible with his class schedule and his meager salary was just enough to pay for rent, a few groceries, and drinks with Rhys and Cassian every month.

The cafe was split into two parts: the actual restaurant and the coffee bar. The restaurant side served basic deli sandwiches and some soup options, and the coffee bar had all sorts of fancy drink options that were a real hit with the college students.

One of those college students was Feyre’s sister, Elain. He had met her while at Feyre’s birthday party last month held at his shared apartment with Rhys and Cassian.

He’d never seen Elain before in any of his classes, so she certainly didn’t run with any of the engineering majors. When Cassian mentioned something about Azriel’s job at the cafe, it hadn’t escaped him that she had started listening pretty intently.

So he wasn’t too shocked when she showed up the next week.

She was a pretty girl with a unique style. Her skirts and sweaters were always bright colors and soft material. Some days she would wear flower crowns and they somehow suited her even in the middle of winter. She was a bright contrast to his dark style and jet black hair.

When she had first started coming in she would always sit in his section on the restaurant side.

Azriel was uncomfortable with all the customers, but none more so than Elain. At least at first.

His hands would fidget on his notepad, shaking when he wrote down her order - the same thing every time: a BLT with extra pickles and a lemonade. As soon as she said it she would smile at him brightly and he would mumble something about the food being out soon before vanishing to the back room.

She stayed forty-five minutes every day. She would eat, read, glance at Azriel every two minutes, and then leave as soon as he caught her eye long enough to give him a goodbye wave.

It was routine. Azriel could handle routine. And he didn’t dislike Elain, not by any means. She just… intimidated him. She was so bright and smiley and sunshiney and nothing that he understood at all.

But… he liked her. He liked her visits. After a few weeks he found himself anticipating her arrival every day, making sure to keep her table open and the pickles stocked.

And then he got moved to the coffee bar.

It was the most popular part of the cafe, and they had more than enough waitresses on the restaurant side. And according to the manager, Azriel’s “mysterious aesthetic” matched the coffee shop culture they were trying to advertise… whatever that meant.

So when Elain stumbled into the coffee shop side on his first day as a barista with wide eyes at the crowd full of beanie wearing, script writing hipsters, Azriel finally forced himself to recognize that she came to the cafe every day for HIM.

She had smiled brightly at him the same way she always did, cutting her eyes over to him every few seconds while waiting in line. When she finally reached the register and he went to take her order, she froze.

“Ummm… what do you suggest?” She had asked innocently. Azriel had to bite back a laugh.

“Well I drink an Americano almost every day.”

“I’ll have that then,” she had said brightly, standing up on her tiptoes excitedly.

After he had made her drink, he kept his eyes on her while serving the other customers. A guy ordering a mocha frappuccino had looked at him like he was insane when he laughed suddenly after seeing the hilarious face Elain made at the first sip of her drink.

It was clear she hated the coffee, but she stayed the whole forty-five minutes like she always did. He wasn’t able to look over at her or talk to her hardly at all since the coffee bar was constantly busy, but he knew she was there.

He did make a point though to catch her goodbye wave through the crowd.

This continued for a week. Every day he suggested her a new drink and she agreed immediately. And every day she could barely swallow it down and threw it away without another sip.

Then on Friday, there was a horrible thunderstorm that closed down half the bridges in the city. So on Saturday morning when Azriel was working, the coffee bar was - for once - blissfully quiet.

And there she was. In her bright blue raincoat and a yellow umbrella stumbling through the door with a huff as she pushed her wet hair out of her face. Azriel leaned against the counter and laughed.

“Nice umbrella,” Azriel called out. Elain jumped, the umbrella in question slipping from her hand and clattering to the floor.

“Oh shoot,” she murmured, making Azriel laugh as she bent down to pick up the umbrella. She whipped her head up at the sound of his laughter, whacking herself in the face with her wet hair. “For goodness sake,” she huffed as she finally pulled herself together.

Azriel was still chuckling as she hung up her coat and umbrella and walked over to the counter.

“It’s quiet in here,” she said, a blush blooming on her cheeks. “I’ve never seen it not packed before.”

“That’s because most people aren’t crazy enough to come to a coffee shop when half the city is shut down.”

“I’m not crazy,” Elain bit back. Azriel’s brow lifted in surprise. “I just like… coffee,” she said carefully.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Elain,” Azriel deadpanned, narrowing his eyes at her. “Come on. Do you really like coffee?”

“Did you really just ask me that? Of course I do!” Elain shot back incredulously.

“Okay.” Azriel stood to his full height. “If you love coffee so much…”

He reached out and grabbed a small cup, filling it halfway with their traditional house blend. He sat it down in front of her smoothly.

“Drink that.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Elain’s eyes were huge.

“You like coffee, right? Then plain coffee shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Right,” Elain said slowly, nodding her head. “Coffee. Plain coffee, of course I like plain coffee. I drink plain coffee all the time, it’s like my lifeline you know? Can’t study without coffee, am I right?”

Her nervous fake laughter was the most adorable thing Azriel had ever heard in his entire life.

“Oh for sure.” He nodded back to her, biting his lip to keep back his smile.

“Okay. I’m just gonna… drink this now.”

“Go ahead.”

“I will.”

“Great.”

Azriel propped his chin in his hand and watched as she lifted the cup to her lips. She winced when the smell hit her and his shoulder started to shake with restrained laughter.

Closing her eyes tightly, Elain threw back a decent amount before setting the cup down in front of her.

“Good job,” Azriel said. “You still haven’t swallowed it yet though.”

Elain nodded, her face red in pain. She squinted her eyes back shut as she forced herself to swallow the drink in full.

She took in a deep breath, licking her lips.

“Mmmm. Coffee.”

Azriel kept it together for about two seconds before he burst into laughter. Elain groaned, pushing the coffee away from her and putting her head on the counter.

“Is it really that obvious?” She moaned.

“Oh painfully so,” Azriel said. In a rare moment of confidence, he put his index finger under Elain’s chin and lifted her face to his. “You know you could’ve just ordered water.”

Elain blushed profusely, dipping her eyes away from his gaze.

“I know, but… I thought that would make it even more obvious why I come here every day.”

“And why do you really come?”

“You know why.”

“Yeah. But maybe I want to hear you say it.”

Elain took a deep breath, biting her lip.

“I like being around you,” she whispered. “You look at me like… like I matter. You don’t make fun of the bright colors in the middle of winter, or the flower crowns. You just seem to see… me.”

Azriel stared at her, his mouth parting at her words. Instead of saying anything though, he leaned across the counter and pressed his lips to hers.

He felt her sigh into his mouth, her lips so soft under his own. She tasted like peppermint chapstick and…

“You taste like coffee,” he said with a laugh.

Elain huffed.

“So do you. If we’re going to do this more often you need to start carrying around a toothbrush.”