if you ever think of me. like I know you do, because well i know you ask about me and how i am and how everything is with my new relationship. But I guess I just wonder if you ever think about what would have happened if we would have stayed together. Like I just wonder if you regret your decision even just a little bit. I don’t regret what happened, if anything, Im happier than ever. But since you were the one that just rushed into ending everything, I just wonder if you actually sat down and thought about what you really did, and if you wished you would have done it different, or I guess just would have stayed with me. Regardless of whether you would have stayed with me it would have been the same result. I would have left you. Unlike you, I had thought about leaving you for months. The night I decided to leave you, you begged me to give you another chance, so I did. I just wonder if you broke up with me because you knew that I already had the intention of leaving you. If you did it to just be the one to dump me this time, since three years before this, I left you. Were you afraid of being dumped twice by the same person? I mean I guess you can say I was left with alot of questions. They’re not questions I urgently need answers to, but just thoughts that wander around my head once in a while that cause me to think about the past. It doesnt hurt anymore. To tell you the truth I dont think it ever really did hurt. What bothered me the most was not knowing the reason why it happened, not the fact that it happened. Another reason was simply because, my huge ego got involved. I was so angry that I gave you the chance to dump me first. Its just really hard to explain I guess. But well I simply wanted to be the one to just throw those almost 4 years of a relationship away; to leave you feeling like shit, not the other way around. If I were able to go back in time, I would have changed certain things. I wouldn’t of told you that I loved you, when I very well knew I no longer felt that way towards you, or well that I never really felt that way. I guess you can say im good at pretending, too good. I also would have left you when I wanted to, I wouldn’t of given you all those chances. I went about this break-up the wrong way I guess. I was so pisst that I let you win, that I just took out all the anger on my life, and i shouldn’t of. All our relationship to me, was a competition of who could hurt more. Talk about unhealthy. I was never happy. Especially when we’d go without seeing eachother for months. I used that to my advantage. I never cheated on you when I was away. But to tell you the truth, I was never really committed, mentally and emotionally. Which to me, counts more. You were just there. A person that existed in my life, but you weren’t really alive. I never felt alive with you. You drained me. I drained you. You were just comfort to me. You were the TV that was on in the room, who’s only purpose was to reduce the silence. I’m not sorry for what I did. I never will be. I know that for the longest time I told you I wasnt over you. But the truth is: I was never over letting you dump me, letting you win. The only real and sincere reason why I wanted to you back was to claim my victory, to cause you pain. Yes, emotionally you hurt me as well. Over the years I trusted you. But its okay. I got mine. It will be two years since all of this happened. From the day that it happened, till now I have changed, but at the same time haven’t. I still wish you the worst. That will probably never change. One thing that did change was me. I feel, like sincerely feel, and well know, that I found the one person who deserves my actual thoughts, feelings, and love. I know this, its a gut feeling. I know this, because I dont see us as a competition. I know this, because he’s the one that I wanted to be with all along, before I met you.