nice story bro

5

Douche bag, go find your boyfriend. You know, you’re the reason that he left. So go find him. Not my fucking problem. You know what? Nothing’s ever your problem. For once, you know, make something your problem… I gotta take care of something important.

anonymous asked:

Dangit just tell us a nice pervy story bro, use your imagination. Or not, tell us a real thing if you want. What's a place you really want to have sex at? And I mean location, not orifice.

location not orifice i can’t believe u specified that ohmigod i’m laughing

fuck man idk location is def not something i’ve ever really considered?? a nice big bed w no chance of being disturbed is nice??? bc privacy??? tbh the most out-there place i would probs chance it would be a balcony that’s connected to like a private room. like if i ever had like a really rich lover who i spent a magical night w in his penthouse and we fucked on the balcony/roof?? down for that. 

ACTUALLY I TAKE THAT BACK i would totes love to fuck in the stacks of a library/bookstore (after it’s closed; preferably a bookstore that i/or my lover owns; perhaps we own it together). yeahhhhhhhh book stack sex is my choice for this. tho i am still fond of the balcony idea lol

but yeah i don’t have any interesting stories i am a sad lil virgin who has only talked about sex w her online friends bc i’m lame lol

ask me! (even if i am boring and lame lol)

anonymous asked:

Hey Kristen, I'd love to hear your favorite thing about Zayn's relationship with each of the other boys. Pretty please :D

this is gonna be ALLLLL over the place so i apologize in advance for my word vomit (like always hehe) DISCLAIMER: THIS IS JUST /MY VIEWS/ ON EACH OF THEIR RELATIONSHIPS. I AM IN NO WAY SAYING IT’S FACT. JUST MY INTERPRETATIONS. hehe <3

harry - I LUV HOW ZAYN PROTECTS HARRY AND HIS IMAGE. HE WON’T LET ANYONE TARNISH IT. HE WILL DEFEND HIM UNTIL DEATH. “HE ISN’T A WOMANIZER” !!!!!!! also ZAYN’s ~~~SMH HARRY~~~~ face that he does when harry says something silly. but it’s such a FOND look like “wow ur stupid but i luv u” cuz u know zayn is so endeared by harry u just KNOW IT. i can picture zayn sittin back and watching harry tell someone a story like harry doesn’t even know zayn’s listening in on his convo but ZAYN TOTALLY IS and harry just talks forever and it takes him 30 minutes to complete the story and it was SUCH A DUMB POINTLESS STORY and by the end of it zayn is so amused and comes up like “wow what a nice story bro” and punches his shoulder and harry is just like “heyyyyyy…” and zayn gives him his big crinkly eyed smile before walking away. CASUAL LAID BACK AND UNDERSTANDING !!! knowing comfort levels and not crossing boundaries. respect. a lot of respect. and a lot of physical admiration. CANDY THONGS

niall - “I KIND OF LIKE HAVE A PROTECTION OVER HIM, LIKE HE’S ALMOST LIKE MY LITTLE BROTHER” “NIALL NEEDS A LITTLE BIT MORE PROTECTION THAN THE REST OF US” !!!!!!!! PROTECTION !!! PLAYFUL SO PLAYFUL !!! GIGGLES AND SUNSHINE !!! AND NIALL IS SO PROUD AND SUPPORTIVE OF ZAYN. “ZAYN’S A GREAT ARTIST” and niall has the banner from this is us in his house or whatever. and when niall was encouraging zayn to say his answer …the whole power rangers thing in milan (i think it was milan!!) Y’ALL KNOW WHAT I’M TALKIN ABOUT. bury me. BURY ME IN ZIALL. jk that’s impossible because they are too LIGHT and FLUFFY to be BURIED. they FLOAT towards HEAVEN cuz they’re ANGELS they’re adorable ANGELS. GUARDIAN ANGELS

louis - “WE’RE BIG GEEKS OVER COMIC BOOKS” “YEAH BIG TIME”. BEST BROS FOR LIFE. you know they’re complete menaces together (PARTNERS IN CRIME) but they also just chill out. i have a feeling louis talks a lot and zayn likes to sit back and listen to louis rambling on, but they’re things zayn is genuinely interested in and zayn will go on and on with louis as well. i like that they are in each others corner and i think they handle things a bit similarly regarding fame and whatnot, especially lately. they’re grouped together quite a bit like…you know people will say that ~harry and niall and liam stopped to take pics with fans and zouis just walked by~ and i don’t think it’s ‘cause they’re mean or cruel i just think they just deal with it differently than the other three. i think they’ve got each others backs and they understand each other quite well. AND I THINK THEY BALANCE EACH OTHER OUT. LIKE MAJORLY. that’s prob my fav thing. BALANCE.

liam - wow wow wowowowow this is too hard and too massive for me tbh so this is just gonna be ME RAMBLING and NOT MAKING SENSE !! but FOND FOND FOND. COMFORT. SUPPORT. ADMIRATION. /SUPPORT/. SHARING ROOMS SINCE X FACTOR. LOOKING OUT FOR EACH OTHER. COMPLIMENTING EACH OTHER. super close like EXTREMELY CLOSE. TEACHING. ACCEPTANCE. R&B. MANY COMMON INTERESTS. “WHAT’S THE BEST THING ABOUT BEING IN ONE DIRECTION” “ZAYN MALIK” EASY. JUST EASY. they’re easy together. they fit together. it’s just NATURAL. very natural relationship. it is what it is. LIAM SITTING ON ZAYN’S LAP LIKE HE DOES IT EVERY DAY. ZAYN LIFTING LIAM LIKE HE DOES IT EVERY DAY. GENTLE. GENTLE. GENTLE. GENTLE TOUCHES. COMFORTING GENTLE FOND TOUCHES. SOFT SO SOFT. HAPPY. SMILES. LAUGHS.  “GOD, I LOVE ZAYNIE” liam loves zayn so much. zayn loves liam so much. since the beginning. so much love. zayn opening his arms for liam to step into them for no apparent fucking reason at all other than wanting to sharing the moment together. CONSOLING. liam knowing the REAL ZAYN. the TRUE ZAYN. “YOU GUYS HAVE GOT A LOT TO LEARN ABOUT ZAYN” !! liam not even having zayn’s phone number but WHO CARES because they’re together EVERY DAY. who needs a fucking PHONE NUMBER ANYWAY ?!?!!? also the fact that their families are TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OF THEM. “LIAM IS HOT AND SO SWEET” - EVERY FEMALE (AND PROBABLY MALE) MEMBER IN ZAYN’S FAMILY. “ZAYN IS MY FAVOURITE” - KAREN PAYNE. and  liam KNOWING this and ACCEPTING it with a BIG SMILE on his face “I KNEW SHE WAS GONNA [SIT NEXT TO ZAYN]” he’s so proud about his mom loving zayn. he’s just proud of zayn in general !! and LIAM GOING TO ZAYN’S BIRTHDAY PARTY. ZAYN WISHING MICHAEL JACKSON HAPPY BIRTHDAY INSTEAD OF LIAM. you inspire me. you influence me. “GIVE IT UP FOR ZAYN EVERYONE” “I THINK, FOR ME AND YOU, ZAYN ACTUALLY IN PARTICULAR, WE WEREN’T THAT CONFIDENT AS PEOPLE. I THINK BECAUSE WE HAVE TO TALK TO SO MANY PEOPLE, WE HAVE MUCH MORE PEOPLE SKILLS” “WE HAD A NICE CHAT AROUND THE CAMPFIRE” “YEAH WE DID” and when zayn makes fun of liam “YOUR 2008 AUDITION” and it’s so LIGHTHEARTED and DISGUSTING. they’re disgusting. i take everything back. i don’t like them one bit. bye