the mountains in the distance will never change their size on the horizon until you are in them and they are around you
always bring an umbrella and sunscreen, do not trust the news, they do not trust you
some people own farms in the city. bring them bread when you can. never tell them your name. never go inside their house
you will sometimes see foxes in the early morning when walking. they will greet you. do not return the greeting, but nod slightly, and do not keep walking until you can no longer see them
a distant friend or relative will tell you of an encounter they’ve had with a mountain lion. never speak to them again, mountain lions do not exist.
learn to do bird calls if you live outside of denver. do them every time you are walking outside before 6am. this will keep you safe.
marijuana dispensaries are common but you will never see someone enter them from the front, and if you do, it is not a real dispensary. avoid them at all costs.
there will always be someone wearing shorts while it is snowing. they know things that you do not.
however, if they are wearing shorts in the rain, avoid them. they are not to be trusted.
sometimes it will rain when you cannot see many clouds. take deep breaths and stay calm. do not forget your name.
if you are west of denver and east of the mountains, use the city to know which direction east is. do not use the mountains to tell which direction west is. only use the city.
colfax does not and has never existed, never believe anyone who tries to tell you otherwise. never drive on a street calling itself colfax.
there’s a guy on 16th street who has an afro and dresses like a robot. you can trust him. you can not know his name.
never take anything from the ground when you are on lookout mountain. even if the stones are pretty, they can not belong to you.
the garden of the gods is a cursed area and all who enter are doomed to discover who The True Gods are
there is a cave near one of the parking lots at Red Rocks. if you enter it, when you leave, you will not be in the world you started in. even if it appears the same.
colorado is not the shape the map tells you it is. it ends in the mountains for miles before returning. if someone tells you they live in the mountains never ask them to specify. only go to their house if they invite you specifically. bring your own drinks. come alone.
hey guys villainous just very recently got a lot of attention can we hold off on the “don’t turn this into fnaf/undertale/batim” jokes because they’re very old and I’d like to ask you to dull that Edge before you hurt someone