nice jewish guy

2

Noah, Berkeley, CA

single (yeah baby!)

Who’s your Jewish celebrity crush?

Yityish Titi Aynaw and Ilana Glazer.

What’s the sexiest thing about being Jewish?

We come in all shades and ethnicities! There’s nothing sexier than pluralism. ;)

If you had a theme song what would it be?

Sumthin’ Sumthin’ by Maxwell. That bass line doe…

Biggest turn on?

Goofiness, a willingness to aid and abet, and a nice back scratch.

Are you a good Jewish boy?

I think I have too many tattoos to qualify as a “good” Jewish boy, but I attend Friday evening service every now and then!

Porn4You is…?

Large personal libraries and low carbon footprints.

What is your Jewish camp sexual fantasy?

Performing a “mitzvah” behind the faux-Bedouin tents.

Your dream partner is…?

Committed to dismantling the heteronormative white patriarchy!!!

Update

Hello lovelies….

It’s been super long since I’ve posted anything, mostly because I haven’t really been in a good place but here’s an update anyways…

Silver Spoon:

Things with Silver Spoon have calmed down a lot. I really thought things were over because we’ve barely spoken the past 2 months and I haven’t seen him since the beginning of January and even that visit was brief. The sex isn’t even that good anymore it all seems very routine and boring. I was ready to be done with him but he texted me the other day and has been doting all over me ever since so I guess things aren’t over? That’s still tbd…

Jay:

Jay is a newbie. I first hung out with him a couple of weeks ago. He’s younger, in his early thirties, cute little jewish guy, nice eyes and shoulders, a little shorter than I would normally go for but still good looking. I honestly have no idea why he was on the site. He’s single, has a nice ass apartment in center city, drives a nice car, is close with him family…I can’t really figure out what’s wrong with him. He’s more of a spoiled girlfriend type of guy than a sugar daddy. He’s given me a couple hundred dollars and helped me out with some things but I can tell it makes him uncomfortable. I think he would feel less awkward if we were dating for real. The sex is good and I like him but I think he wants to be monogamous and I’m not really sure I’m down for that…We’ll see how things play out.

Miami:

I can’t believe I’ve never written about this guy before. He’s older probably mid to late 40s. We’ll call him Miami because that’s where he’s from and he’s always talking about it. He’s the most stereotypical sugar daddy I’ve ever been with. He’s older, not very attractive, typical dad bod, brags about how he hangs out with models (literally all other sugar babies) and kind of a dick if he’s not getting exactly what he wants. I was about to be done with him too because even though I’ve gone out with him a couple of times he hasn’t really been all that generous. He’s thrown me a couple hundred here and there and I’ve only ever blown him and he cums in like 3 seconds so I guess it wasn’t that bad but still just felt like a waste of my time… until last week. 

I’ve been struggling really bad with tuition payments. I’ve barely been making ends meet and last week I was about to have a financial hold on my account and after begging and crying in the financial aid office (literally) I was still $3,000 short and in need of some serious help. 

Miami just happened to text me when I was waiting in the lobby of the financial aid office asking me to get dinner with him that night. I told him I wasn’t much in the mood for going out because I was stressed about my meeting with the financial aid office and my $3000 financial hold. He wished me luck on the meeting and we left it at that. A couple of hours later he texted me asking how the meeting went and all I replied was with a sad face because the meeting went shitty. He wrote back that he was willing to take care of the tuition if I would get dinner with him that night. I wasn’t sure that he was actually serious but I was desperate so I agreed to go. We went to dinner, and then went back to the hotel room he had in the city. He’s into the whole S&M thing but its pretty low key. He just wanted me to wear a collar and chains around my wrists??? Whatever. Once again I just had to blow him, no sex, and he came in less than 2 minutes.

Next morning, I woke up to a text from him asking how I wanted the tuition paid. I needed it done ASAP so I just gave him my login information and he logged in and paid the balance in full. The $3,000 that I owed this semester plus the extra $2000 something I had left in late fees/last semester…over $5,000 total. 

When I got the confirmation email that my balance was paid in full I was literally shocked. I guess he likes me?? I honestly feel like our dates are boring but I guess he finds my sarcastic attitude amusing. 


That’s really it for now babies. I have 2 POT dates this week so I’ll let you guys know how things go with that. 

the signs as things my aunt karen has done
  • Aries: had to have my parents bail her out of jail because she got belligerent at a restaurant, started loudly impersonating elvis and ended up getting violent when asked to leave
  • Taurus: stole my "nice jewish guys" 2013 calendar
  • Gemini: hit on my boyfriend
  • Cancer: so often convinced herself that she was dying of assorted terminal illnesses every other week that she frequently planned her own funeral
  • Leo: gotten fired from her maid job at a hotel for throwing a party in one of the rooms
  • Virgo: pursued a legitimate car chase with the police and her civil union partner, respectively
  • Libra: hit on the cop who stopped the car chase
  • Scorpio: named all of her dogs after alcohol (RIP Scotch, Whiskey and Hennessy)
  • Sagittarius: stole a horse from her neighbor and held it for ransom
  • Capricorn: stole $4000 from my grandfather and blamed it on her ex-husband
  • Aquarius: snuck alcohol onto cruises by taking the bags out of boxed wine and putting them into heating pads
  • Pisces: broke her elbow by falling off a wheeled computer chair whilst drunk

Michael, New York City

taken (not stirred)

Who’s your Jewish celebrity crush?

Natalie Herschlag, Scar Jo or Marilyn Monroe (converted)

What’s the sexiest thing about being Jewish?

The food and the comedy.

If you had a theme song what would it be?

90’s Morning cartoon theme music of Ducktales

Biggest turn on?

Being desired.

Sexiest/dirtiest Jewish food?

Babka (or kugel?)

Best pickup line to use on you:

1. I’ve got ice cream at home.  2. Heard you like head.  3. Let’s watch a Jackie Chan film.

Do you like Ashkenazim, Sepharadim or Mizrahim?  

Ashky.

Are you open to random shidduchs (set-ups)?

Nope. Although I once dated a girl for 4 years that my grandma set me up with.

Do you keep it kosher in the kitchen?

Of course!

Do you keep it kosher in the bedroom?

As in, do I have sex with my partner while she’s on her period? Do I not have anal sex? Do we always have sex on shabbat? Kosher bedroom is complicated.

Are you a good Jewish boy?

I’m a bad boy, but a good Jew.

I am meshugina because…

I come from a family of 5, with opinions for 12.

Secret Jewish turn on…

Hasidic girls. They’re like forbidden fruit.