a/n: for the non who wanted Ron asking out his tutor ✨☁️
Ron Weasley. A boy a year below you, red hair, freckles, a bit babbly, but a nice bloke. A nice bloke who you happened to like, a lot.
Which didn’t help the reddening in your cheeks the day he asked if you could help him with potions. He knew Snape didn’t TOTALLY hate you, while you knew he despised Ron and his other friends.
You were one hell of a tutor. Giving study guides and made sure he was taking notes and always went prepared to his class. But it had began to work.
Running in one morning he ran to your houses table with a paper. An ‘A’ paper to be exact, “blimey y/n you’re a genius, sniveling Snape didn’t have a thing to say about it!” You smiled “m'glad Ron, you’re doing good.” He nodded, saying a polite hello to your friends, red ears as they giggled and waved to him.
“So… I was just wondering.. You know Hogsmeade coming up right?” You nodded, this was the moment. “I just was wondering… WhatkindoffoodyoureccomendfromtheThreeBroomsticks?!” He more shouted it at you than anything. “Oh.. Um I like the meat pie?” You tried and he nodded, the colour of his hair and a bit deflated. “Great.” Walking away, you watched him go before turning back to your friends, a bit let down.
Ron felt a hand grab him “you stupid prat!” Fred. Ron grabbed his arm back “Oi! Wha’s wrong with you!?” “She likes you you stupid dolt and thought you were finally going to ask her on a date!” At that Ron’s ears lit up and he shushed him “shhhhhhhh will you!” Fred laughed as Ron took his usual spot next to Harry and Hermione “wha’s it to you?”
Fred smirked “cause she fancies you and I jus’ want that poor girl to be put out of her misery of waitin’ around for you.” “He’s right, y/n’s might be a year ahead of us but she’s only got her eyes for you Ron.” Ron smiled, obviously pleased “alright so how do I do it?” “That comes later Ickle Ronniekins.”
He stood by waiting for y/n who was getting out of her Herbology class she had with Hermione of all people. Smarties they were. His breath caught in his throat as he saw y/n and Hermione walking across the stone pathway, wiping his hands on his trousers he made his way to the pair.
“Hello Hermione, hello y/n.” Hermione hid a laugh at his formalities before y/n smiled, Merlin her smile was bright. “Ron! How’d the Three Broomsticks go?” He nodded “good, good.” Truthfully he didn’t even go, he sat in the dormitories and cried in self pity.
She nodded, both of them waiting until he said quite quickly “I fancy you, care to go to Madam Puddifoots with me?” Y/n smiled “madam Puddifoots?” Ron shrugged “or anywhere really, I jus’ wanna be with you.” She smiled “yes, but maybe jus’ Zonkos? Would rather go there than be around an old bitter lady wouldn’t you?” He smiled nodding and turned red as y/n leaned forward pressing a kiss against his cheek “I’ll see you later Ron, byyyeeee Hermione!”
To begin, I masturbated at work. Yup, don’t blame me.
My girlfriend decided that sending me an exposed picture of herself was a good idea. Like any other straight man, a naked picture of your SO gets you a tad frisky. In combination with the animal urge I also needed a shit so thought I could kill two birds with one stone.
The bathroom I went to has two cubicles and three urinals. I take my seat in the first cubicle and when the coast is clear, do my business. I. SPUNKED. A LOT. I’m not talking your ickle dribble, I’m talking volcanic eruption. I cleaned up as best as I could and buttoned up my trousers. As I was leaving and washing my hands I passed one of my senior managers, a nice bloke but stern. We greet each other as we pass and I walk off, checking my phone until he rushes back out of the bathroom and says to me with no subtlety whatsoever, “WHAT IS THAT MESS?”
I freeze and accompany him as he walks me back into the toilet and asks which cubicle I was in. I realised I could get out of the sticky situation and replied that I was in the second cubicle.
He drags me to the second cubicle where someone had previously been and had there was smeared shit on the toilet ring with a puddle of piss on the floor.
TLDR - Sticky situation turns shitty real quick.
edit: I should add I cleaned up my jizz perfectly; I just froze and though I hadn’t.
Eggsy goes to a fancy restaurant for treatyourself dinner post-charlie breakup. It wasnt a bad break, but a break’s a break okay. Sucks that just minutes into the dinner he sees Charlie across the restaurant with someone else. Sucks that Charlie came by to say hi and he was nice about it. Sucks that eGGSY HAD TO BLURT OUT THAT HE’S WAITING FOR HIS DATE WHATSHISFACE BECAUSE HAHA CHARLIE OF COURSE HE’S GOT SOMEONE COME ON MATE THIS HOT PIECE OF ASS CANT KEEP THE BOYS AWAY.
…good thing the nice older bloke sitting on his left seems to be a treatyourself dinner too. Better still he barely blinks when Eggsy literally grabbed the bloke and force fed him garlic bread.
“My name is Harry, by the way.”
“Not tonight it isn’t.”
My mum thinks people with lots of tattoos and piercings are no good so when we met this guy with tons of facial piercings we tried to convince her that he is a nice bloke and finally succeeded. He ended up committing a bunch of robberies (including our family business) and went to jail and now I hate him because my mum thinks she was right.