Regina & Mr. Gold's Night on the Town
Okay, so my fellow Evil Regals convinced me to post up a teaser for the crackiest fic ever, which I’m writing. I hate posting my work, but since it’s crack I figure I’ll be able to be less worried about it. Anyway, here ya go. A little taste of what’s to come.
Summary: Regina’s depressed and drinking at Granny’s Diner. Gold comes in and then Regina says something and he gets depressed and starts drinking. You end up with a very drunk Regina and Mr. Gold causing havoc in Storybrooke and Emma’s failed attempts to arrest them. Also known as “The Best Possible Way for Emma to find out About the Curse.”
“Something wrong, dearie?” Mr. Gold’s condescending tone won a venomous glare from the agitated mayor. Most men would have withered under such a look, but the shopowner held Regina’s gaze until she finally glanced away and returned to the glass in her hand.
“I’m not in the mood for your games, Mr. Gold.” Regina remarked bitterly as she finished what was left of her drink and moved to pour another one. There was no way of knowing how many glasses she’d had so far, but it was clear this wasn’t her first.
Ignoring Regina’s obvious desire to be alone, Mr. Gold slipped into the booth across from her and pulled the bottle out of her reach. It was a good thing they were in the very back of the diner, because he doubted anyone would appreciate the words that sprang from the Mayor. ”Drowning our sorrows, are we? What, pray tell, could have the illustrious mayor so upset?”
”I don’t recall giving you permission to sit down.”
”I don’t recall asking.”
Regina rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically as she swiped for the bottle. Claiming the half-empty treasure, she poured herself another glass and downed half of it in one gulp. This day had been long enough without Mr. Gold’s mocking presence.
——————– (Skipping what has yet to be written)
Gold didn’t know what he’d said to set her off, but Regina was now swaying towards the door of the diner pointing at each customer in turn and muttering, ”I cursed you, and I cursed you, and you, and I cursed you, and oh, I cursed you, too.” Gold would have laughed, but he was too busy being impressed that she was managing to walk a fairly straight line to the door. He didn’t know how she was able to hold her balance for the full twenty foot journey, but he was completely caught off guard when she hit the door and suddenly spun around. Throwing out her arms dramatically, she proclaimed. ”I cursed all you bitches!”
Gold couldn’t hold his laughter any longer as Regina stumbled out the door and disappeared from sight. He knew he should stay here and try to keep up appearances, try to distance himself from the rambling drunk that had just confessed to cursing half the town. And yet, part of him was curious to see just how far this night could go. If Regina was drunk enough to openly admit to the curse, then just how much trouble could she get herself into tonight? That was a one-time show Gold wasn’t willing to miss.
With much more control than the mayor’s shambling performance (the cane helped), Gold grabbed two more bottles on the way to the door and followed Regina out into the street.