Harry Styles Cooks... Volume 1: The Baking Years
In which Louis Tomlinson can’t cook, there’s a very special shower curtain, and Harry Styles used to be a baker.
Or: Louis owns all of Harry Styles’ cookbooks, and he never intends to cook a single thing out of any of them.
Or: I don’t know what the fuck this is, sorry.
Louis Tomlinson can’t cook. He can, for the most part, feed himself and generally keep himself alive, in a frozen pizza, tins of soup, cereal-for-dinner kind of a way. He can do pasta and sauce, and cheese on toast, and sandwiches, and microwave meals and things which require zero attention, zero skill, and even less enthusiasm. Louis Tomlinson likes Tesco meal deals for lunch and cans of coke on the way to the bus stop after work. He likes bags of crisps, and the biscuit tin by the printer in his office.
He has a long list of things he doesn’t like – including but not limited to courgettes, baked beans, couscous, fish, posh sausages that taste of stuff that isn’t pork, vegetables on principle, drinks that are green, kale, stuff they sell in Waitrose, mushrooms, weird fruit, lentils, and pineapple on pizza.
All of this is perfectly normal and doesn’t bother Louis one little bit.
It doesn’t, however, go any way to explaining why Louis has an entire shelf in his bedroom devoted to Harry Styles cookbooks, or why his best mates Liam and Niall bought him a custom-made Harry Styles Cooks… pillowcase and duvet set for his birthday last year, with Harry Styles’ ridiculous face plastered all across it like on the titles of his stupid cooking TV show, or why Louis had to buy a DVR purely to save all the stupid episodes of each of Harry Styles’ stupid cooking series so he could watch them whenever he wanted. It definitely didn’t explain the three different Harry Styles-themed mugs in the kitchen cupboards, and it 100% did not explain the special shower curtain.
There obviously is an explanation for all of that, but it isn’t something that Louis can file under any sort of ‘wants to learn to cook’ headline.