niall always making everything even better ;~;

What We Had Is Gone

This fic is also on my Ao3, but I also wanted to post this on my Tumblr. I hope you all enjoy! 

Summary: It’s gone, the warm feeling between them that felt as if their hearts were rubbing together. The friction is gone, has disappeared after what Harry did. If Niall takes him back now, there will be too much shrapnel and pieces to pick up–too much damage that has already been done.


It was May 13th, Niall was sitting curled up on his couch with his hands sweating and holding his lyric book tightly. It’s not opened yet, but his thumb is teasing at the side of the pages inside it, ready to flip it opened and pour his heart out.

Heartbreak is the grammy award winning emotion, the feeling that gets the brain thinking dirty, ready to spill out onto pages then into instruments and then echoed out in venues across the world. There are already words in Niall’s head, like ‘fuck you’ and 'how dare you, how dare you do this to me,’ and lastly, 'I’m afraid, I’m so afraid that what we had is all gone.’

But he can’t write yet, the point of him being cooped up in his own house was to be alone. He has his record player opened and a record already placed inside it, the needle teasing over top of it and ready to plummet down and blast the music from the speakers.

It’s Harry’s album, the pink cover that’s all back muscles, wet hair, and that damn cross necklace that Niall has had between his own teeth. It’s laid out beside him on the couch–untouched, but the booklet that came with it is wide opened, the lyrics to the first track in view to Niall’s naked eyes.

He’s scared, and his hands are shaking as he leans forward and grabs at the needle of the player, slowly and carefully placing it down onto the record as it turns at a slow pace. The first song is slow, and called 'Meet Me In The Hallway’ when he stares at the lyric book.

And Niall’s heart never dropped to his stomach that fast.

“Just let me know, I’ll be at the door, at the door. Hoping you’ll come around.” That lyrics sends shockwaves through Niall’s body, has him gripping at his pen and now his lyric book is being flipped opened to the first blank page.

“No, you won’t…” He mumbles under his breath. The tears are already stinging in his eyes and he told himself he wouldn’t cry, had assured himself that he has done enough crying over the stupid human being and ex boyfriend that is Harry Styles. But Harry’s voice is like a knife twisting in his heart, the honey-like deep voice already trying to wrap him up and drag him back to the dark hole he started in.

“When you’re feeling love’s been taken. When you know there’s something missing in the dark, we’re barely hanging on.” He scribbles into the first three lines of the page. They were barely hanging on, him and Harry–fights were too frequent, the days felt longer together because they never knew what to say to make everything better.

“Maybe we’ll work it out.” Harry sings, the vinyl scratching the slightest bit and his voice grows too quiet. But Niall can hear it loud and clear, like sirens in his brain making his ears bleed. No, no they won’t because Harry did this, in the end he was the one that broke down their walls and caused them to collapse. This is unfixable, but dammit Harry is a stubborn man who always thinks he can fix anyone or anything. Even the people he hurt most.

“So I’m afraid that what we had is gone.” He writes in bold, right after the “then you rest your head upon my chest and you feel like there ain’t nothing left.” He even underlines it, pen pressing harshly in the paper almost like it was going to rip right through the book and pierce his lap.

It’s gone, the warm feeling between them that felt as if their hearts were rubbing together. The friction is gone, has disappeared after what Harry did. If Niall takes him back now, again, there will be too much shrapnel and pieces to pick up–too much damage that has already been done.

Harry is repeating some lyrics now, sounding loud and determined with “I gotta get better” Slipping past his lips and through the speakers. This pauses the pen working away in Niall’s hand, and he’s now tapping the back of it along the notebook, perplexed.

Harry wants to get better? He wants to get better and change and be a better person? It sounds like he’s dripping with lies, and now Niall just thinks it’s some random song writer talking, not actually Harry writing this damn song.

But it keeps on repeating, “I gotta get better, gotta get better.” He’s screaming, and it’s cracking Niall’s heart opened all over again. It’s making him feel fuzzy and soft around the edges, and now his past memories are flowing back into his mind. The kisses, the touches, the laughs.

So he writes again, ink gliding along the paper elegantly as he neatly writes down the next part to his thoughts. “Then I think of the start, and it echoes a spark. And I remember the magic and electricity.”

There it is, the drop of a tear staining the page. It smudges the ink from his pen immediately, the 'electricity’ becoming unreadable. But he can’t seem to stop, he’s on autopilot now as he scribbles unsaid words onto the paper.

“Then I look into my heart, there’s a light in the dark. Still a flicker of hope that you first gave to me. And I wanna keep. Please don’t leave, please don’t leave.”

He has to stop, because now he has written 'please don’t leave’ seven times down the paper–a sob rips through his throat and the 'e’ at the end of 'leave’ looks like a scribbled mess. He forces himself to set everything down, now curling into himself and grabbing at one of the couch pillows to bury his face into.

The lyrics of Harry’s song plays in the background, “we don’t talk about it, it’s something we don’t do. 'Cause once you go without it, nothing else will do.”


It’s the tour now, the album is done and the songs are finished. Life is okay again, there is no broken hearts or stained pillows from tears. In fact Niall moved out of that damn flat, the old memories that laid across the place like a thick layer of dust was burning his skin no matter what he touched.

He’s moved on with life, got himself on his feet and his tour is successful–Las Angeles was tonight, a wild crowd that already knew all the lyrics to his songs. They echoed the lyrics back to Niall, the lyrics that he cried to, the lyrics that he laughed to. He saw smiles all over everyones faces, crying and laughing like he did. It’s heaven, the hot stage lights a soothing warmth across his cheeks and his bands music a mental massage for his thoughts.

He has felt amazing, is glowing really. But that changes quickly when he gets back into his change room. Because his stylist whips her head back to stare at him with wide eyes, a security guard meeting his eyes as well and not looking too impressed either.

His heart thuds a little faster in his chest, what’s happening? Are people hurt? He’s been a little on edge with concerts since the attack in Manchester, his anxiety never fails to appear no matter how secure his concerts are.

But it’s not that, it’s not an attack. They still look scared though, and his stylist is chewing at her bottom lip as she moves towards him.

“I think we should leave now, get you out before fans start piling up outside the doors.” She grabs loosely at his shoulder, but when she attempts to move him he digs his heels into the carpet of the dressing room. Something isn’t right, and her excuse doesn’t fool him.

“What’s happening?” He asks, his band shouldering past him and changing out of their sweaty stage clothes. They all look equally concerned, trying not to butt into the conversation but still side-eyeing Niall with curiosity.

“Nothing big, just want you out.” She lightly tugs him again and Niall let’s her steer him out of the dressing room and into the hallway. But now she is freezing in front of him and he is forced to stop before he trips over her feet.

There is a question on his lips, right at the tip of his tongue. But now he’s actually looking up, staring down the narrow hallway and watching as people moan and groan as someone comes barreling past them. Bodies swiftly move, and the group of stage crew break apart–revealing the man Niall got over, but didn’t get over at the same time.

There he is, a walking hurricane as he slips past the last bit of people backstage. He is dressed down compared to what he usually wears–just now wearing a t-shirt and black pants with sunglasses pushing his curly and short hair back. His eyes are wide, the lights reflecting off them and showing just how hard they are burning into Niall’s own.

Harry sees him, and there is no turning back now.

He first wants to say what the fuck, drill a hole into the wall beside him in anger that he couldn’t just be happy. He knows for a fact this won’t end well, he knows Harry will dig that hole right back into Niall’s heart to try and fit himself back in.

But there’s no room for Harry anymore, Niall’s heart isn’t made for him anymore.

“Niall,” Harry’s breathless, stopping in front of him and now he’s only a couple feet away. The only thing separating them is Niall’s stylist who is more than stiff and uncomfortable. She looks nervous, still biting her lip raw. “Niall can we talk? Please?” Harry asks now, regaining his voice.

He wants to say no, Niall can feel the words ready to come out but they are stuck in his throat. He hates himself, hates that this just confirmed Harry still has a grip on him, still controls his mind, body, and soul.

Because that’s what Harry does apparently, he drags you in and expects you to stay even when he leaves you in the dust a million times.

“What do you want?” Niall asks the simple question, now grabbing at his stylists shoulders to move her away. She looks concerned, brows furrowed and now frantically looking back and forth between them. But Niall silently waves her off, eyes flashing 'I’ll be okay.’

But will he?

“I want to talk.” Harry doesn’t sound right, like he’s trying to force the words out of him. But it’s the eyes that concern Niall the most, there is a sparkle of determination in the gold freckles spotted along the green.

“I’m here, so talk.” He mumbles, trying to act like he doesn’t care. But that’s a lie, cause Niall has been caring for a whole year now, has listened to Harry’s album over and over again with his phone clutched in hands, thumb hovering over the call button.

He really has gotten better, but it really was that bad at the start.

Harry looks a little frustrated now, he licks at his lips and moves an hand out to place on the wall and lean against it. He’s worked out a lot since Niall had seen him last, his biceps look hard and stiff.

“Privately.” He says simply, leaning in with a whisper but Niall is just blinking back at him blankly. He won’t take that–there is no way he will be in the same room as Harry Styles, alone.

But mostly he’s scared he will do something he’ll regret–Harry’s biceps will put him in a trance, those green eyes will hypnotize him, and those plump pink lips will become a drug. He’s done this over and over again.

“I’d rather not, here’s fine.” He sounds like a dick, and Harry’s getting more frustrated, the hand that isn’t against the wall is curling in a fist at his side.

“Fine,” Harry grumbles, but now he’s spewing and Niall isn’t ready for everything to collapse on him once again.

“I love you, I’m sorry. I love you so much and I don’t ever want to hurt you like that again. I thought it would be a good idea to speak my apology through my songs but instead it only hurt you more. I know you hate me, I know you never want to see me again but I fucking love you and I needed to say I’m sorry in person.”

Those three words, words that could sound like heaven, but could also be the death of him. Niall isn’t really sure which one it is right now, but he swore his heart stopped beating for a second and the whole world became Harry in his eyes.

“Why would you say that?” Niall doesn’t even realize he asked that question out loud till it’s already said. Harry looks confused, but now a deep frown tugs at his face and eyes fade from green to grey like grey clouds blocking the sun.

“Because I would never lie to you, and my life doesn’t make sense without you.” Harry sounds like he’s about to cry, choking and sounding strained. It captures Niall’s heart again, snatches it and cages it up–the key to the lock is gone, Niall is imprisoned.


So here they are again, Harry’s kissing his neck and laying him out on a hotel room bed. His hands gripping at the flesh of Harry’s hips. His legs are wrapped along Harry’s waist, keeping him close, their chests rubbing together.

It’s like they are trying to bring that friction back to recharge their hearts. Niall can feel the familiar coolness of the cross necklace dangling between his collarbones. And when Harry moves up to bury his nose into Niall’s hair the necklace falls to Niall’s lips, and slowly he bites it and brings it into his mouth.

They’re staring at each other, grinding against one another–shirtless, panting, and sexually frustrated. But the look they give each other doesn’t say 'I love you,’ it speaks 'here we go again.’

FIC REC’S OF 2017 part 8 (august - september - october)


Paint Me In A Million Dreams by @greenfeelings / ao3 (110k) CHAPTERED

Harry’s one of Hollywood’s biggest actors, has made a name for himself in prestigious films and lives the life of a superstar. There’s just one thing missing to make it picture-perfect, but the one Harry’s in love with is completely out of reach for him. Enter Louis, one of Hollywood’s biggest actors himself, who just came out of the closet and taps new genres in the industry. When Louis sacks the role Harry auditioned for in Scorsese’s next big film, their irrational feud starts. Who could have guessed it would get even worse when for promo season, their teams decide to present them as a couple for publicity?

In short, Harry’s in love with someone and doesn’t care about dating anyone else, Louis never felt home in L.A., Liam writes love songs for someone he shouldn’t write love songs to, and Niall makes everything better with good food. 

I Have Your Dreams (And Your Teeth Marks) by @aloequeerafic / ao3 (118k) CHAPTERED

Louis and Harry don’t believe in second chances, but sometimes it feels like the universe does. A Music Industry/Getting Back Together AU.

He remembers how they were, always, Louis and Harry, Harry and Louis. He remembers the late nights and the lie ins, all the words they gave each other. He remembers how Harry would look at him like he hung the moon, and like he knew Louis’d done it just for him. He remembers it all. The problem, he thinks, is that he remembers how it fell apart, too. 

Feels Like Coming Home by @phd-mama / ao3 (60k) CHAPTERED

The last thing Harry Styles expects when he’s hanging out at the Someday Cafe in Somerville one rainy October day is for his ex, Louis Tomlinson to walk through the door, but that’s exactly what happens. After a spectacularly ugly break-up three years prior, Harry hasn’t heard one word from Louis, and he’s moved on. Gotten over him. But having Louis back in his life, not to mention working at the restaurant where he’s a chef, isn’t easy, and the feelings that Harry thought he’d left turn out to be not so easily forgotten.

This is a story about love and the power of forgiveness, and how the hard choices we make define us, and change our lives.

Outed by @milehigh-larry / ao3 (30k) CHAPTERED 

Louis Tomlinson needs a safe place to hide when his night out ends up on every major entertainment site. His safe place has always been Harry. Will ten years make a difference?

Don’t Want Shelter by @fullonlarrie / ao3 (76k) CHAPTERED 

Louis and Harry have known each other all their lives. Friends as children, they danced around each other as teenagers, and have spent the last twenty-five years either screaming at each other or not speaking at all. Except for that one time ten years ago…

When Hurricane Nicole threatens the coast, they end up stuck together in their families’ old vacation home that they begrudgingly co-own.

During the storm, and in the months after, they’re both forced to reevaluate their history and what they mean to each other.

Keep reading

Preference #1: He Cheats (Niall)

** Hello everyone, so here is the Niall cheating preference part one. I tried to make it different from Liam’s so I hope you like how Y/N finds out he’s cheating, so dramatic :0. Enjoy!

Today was one of Niall’s only days off, between all the studio time he was putting in and the amount of time he spent performing, it felt good to spend the day with him. Well, and the boys who had brought some of their friends. We were headed to the carnival today because it would be a good distraction. When we walking towards the gates Niall pulled me into a side hug and squeezed my shoulders. “I’m so excited!” He said smiling. “Of course you are you’re such a little kid” I said pushing him a bit. “Yeah, but y/n, I’m yours so you’ll have to deal with me princess.” He said as he kissed my cheek and laughed in that Irish accent that was like music to my ears. When we finally reached the gates I caught sight of the huge Ferris wheel near the back of the park. I had loved Ferris wheels ever since I was a kid. They amazed me, the fact that when you were in one you could see everything. It made me feel so small but so powerful at the same time. “Can we please go on the Ferris wheel later, please, please, please.” I asked Niall giving him my best puppy dog eyes while squeezing his hand. “Of course love.” He said smiling. When we had all finally bought our tickets I started to roam around the park spell bound by the amount of lights around me. I snapped out of it when Louis bumped into me. “Y/N, we have to go play some games, these clowns won’t come play with me.” I laughed and looked at Niall he waved me away. Louis and I made our way to the gaming tent and we started playing wack a mole, the stupid game where the moles come out of the holes and you have to hit them with a rubber club. I say stupid because I realized after two minutes of playing that I sucked at it, it was supposed to be the easiest game and I couldn’t even get a high score. “You really do suck at this game.” Louis said smiling at me. “Yeah, well I can’t be perfect at everything.” I joked doing an exaggerated hair flip. Louis messed my hair with his hand and ran, I frowned running after him. We made it back to the boys but Niall wasn’t there. I assumed he was on some rollercoaster or something. He was so excited for the rides that I didn’t even give it a second thought.

As time went on I was getting more impatient, I really wanted to go on the Ferris wheel but I didn’t want to rush Niall, he was having a good time. He was all smiles when we finally reunited, he had been with a few friends so I was happy he had a chance to be normal for a bit and hang out with them. “Princess, did you have fun playing the games.” He asked putting his arm around me. “No, the games were rigged.” I said laughing, Louis interpreted “Liar, the games aren’t rigged you’re just horrible at winning.” He said as he skipped beside me. “It’s ok Y/N, I know what will make you feel better.” Niall said smiling at me. “Let’s go on the Ferris Wheel.” He said and I nodded. Finally we were going to get some alone time and it was going to feel like we were on top of the world. “Let me, let the boys know.” He said jogging ahead of me smiling. He looked so happy, that smile was contagious and I smiled right back. As he was running I saw a picture fall out of his pocket and I jogged to pick it up for him. When I picked it up I saw pictures of a girl blonde girl with Niall, kissing him and sitting on his lap. It was obviously a photo booth picture because it was one that had three more pictures like it on the same strip. It dawned on me that the pictures had been taken today and I nearly lost it. I walked up to Niall who was talking to Zayn and I shoved the picture at his chest. “You dropped something.” I said in a cold voice, hiding the emotions that I was feeling. It felt like all I had ever known was a lie, did he even love me at all. Niall’s happy smile fell and he tried to grab my hand but I pulled away “Don’t you dare touch me right now.” I yelled at him causing the whole group to turn and look at us. I was completely humiliated, so I turned and ran, Niall yelled after me, that look of devastation replayed in my mind but it didn’t matter, he had done this to himself. It still killed that I wanted to console him and make everything better but I couldn’t, there was no coming back from this. Even the look on Harrys face made me cringe as I run through the humid air. He looked at me with sadness and pity. Was I always going to be looked at like that from now on, would I be known for the girl Niall cheated on, the one who was too stupid to see it? I felt even sadder as I finally made it to where I wanted to be, the Ferris wheel. Maybe if I hadn’t been so fixed on going on it today, I would have noticed Niall with another girl. I almost ran straight into the ride operator who looked surprised to see someone so sad at a carnival of all places. “Can you stop the ride when I’m at the top for like ten minutes?” I asked him but I already seen his look of disapproval so I knew he needed more convincing. “I will give you fifty bucks, just please.” And he nodded and led me to the car I would be riding on.

As I rode my way to the top of the Ferris wheel I looked down, Niall was frantically trying to tell the ride operator to bring me back down, but he wouldn’t budge. Finally I made it to the top and I broke down. The memories started to come back of all the good times we had, even how nice he was being to me earlier, how could I have been so stupid? Was he really that good at hiding his cheating and was it the only time he had cheated on me? His Irish accent floated in my head repeating words I didn’t want to hear “You’re not my princess.” I started to cry harder, how could someone who supposedly loved me so much, do something like this? As I looked over the whole carnival, I realized something that I never wanted to admit. Maybe he never loved me in the first place. The ride started to move again and my hands began to shake, what was I going to do when I got down there? I didn’t know but what I did know for sure was that I wanted to be as far away for Niall as possible.

**Let me know how you liked it in the ask box! If you want a part 2 leave it in the ask box as well, and like the post! If you have any preference requests let me know! Enjoy the rest of your day lovelies!

#6 You're on your period

Your name: submit What is this?


It had been a long day and it didn’t help that as soon as you got home your period decided to start. After taking care of business you curled up on the couch with your blanket and bowl of ice cream and watched sad/romantic movies. Later that evening at round 9pm your boyfriend of 1 and a half years walked through the door to your shared home. “I see that it’s that time of the month, do you need me to get you anything?” Zayn said setting his things down on the counter. “No I’m good but I want to to come and cuddle with me.” You pouted, sitting up and making room under the blanket. “Of course I will, but let me just grab a couple of things first.” And with that said he disappeared up the stairs. After a few minutes of hearing soft thumps and grunts of frustration he came strolling down the stairs with a box in his hands. Walking over towards the couch, you asked him what it was. “I grabbed some chocolate from a stash I keep just for you and a box of tissues because I know how movies affect you during these times.” He said with a wife grin on his face. “Awe, you shouldn’t have, I love you so much Zayn.” “I love you too y/n.” And with that he leaned down and passionately kissed you. 


You were laying in bed with a heating pad across you lower abdomen, watching reruns of Friends on TV. Louis came home from work early because he knew it was that time of the month and he wanted to be there just incase you needed anything. “Lou, I appreciate your help but you can go back to work if you need to, I don’t need you here I can take care of my self.” You said “I know babe, but I just don’t want you to be in pain and I want to take care of you, plus I get to spend more time with you.” He said winking. “Fine, you can stay.” You said in defeat. Louis got comfortable next to you. Just him being beside you helped the pain of it all go away and you were glad he stayed. Periods scared most boys away but Louis would always be there for you and you knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life together with this man no matter what anyone else said. It was meant to be.


Your periods were never as bad as other girls said there’s were and you were okay with that, but this time it was different. You were having excruciating cramps and your flow was heavier than normal, and your lower back would hurt every time you tried to stand up from your chair at work. You decided that it would just be best if you went home early and luckily your boss understood. Having a woman as your boss always had its pros, this being one of them. As soon as you got home you took a hot shower hoping it would help with the pain which it did a little bit. Then you took medication and got into bed and tried relaxing. Harry came home and saw you in bed, he rushed over to your side and asked what was wrong while feeling your forehead for a fever. “Nothing.” You said giggling, “I’m fine, it’s just cramps.” “Oh.” He said with a blush of embarrassment creeping into his cheeks. He slowly backed up and looked at you as if you were an alien or something. “What?!” You asked confused as to why he was acting this way. “It’s just that… Periods are scary…” He said. You burst out laughing. “What’s so funny?” He asked getting in bed next to you but not too close. “It’s just a little blood flowing out of my vagina, what’s scary about that?” You asked. “Everything.” He said grossed out. “We’ll get used to it because whoever you marry is going to have it every month.” You said playfully hitting his shoulder. “I will, just for you, cause I’m gonna marry you one day.” And with that he kissed you lightly in the forehead. 


It was the second day of your period and of course Liam was aware of that fact. You started your day off by laying on the sofa with Liam cuddled up with you while watching old Disney movies. Your cramps were not pleasing as usual and Liam was doing anything he could in his power to make it better. Liam always hated seeing you in pain, if he could he would get rid of Mother Nature just for you. To help you he would rub his fingertips around slowly and softly in circles on your lower hips while humming to you. If that didn’t help he would just hold you tightly and lay soft sweet kisses all over you making you know how much he cares about you. At this moment he was tightly holding you. “I hate seeing you this way, it makes me feel like I can’t help you, I just want you to feel better.” He mumbled into your neck. “I know but you can’t fix everything Li.” You replied giving him a soft peck on the mouth before returning your attention back to the Disney princess on the television.


For the whole week, even if it doesn’t last that long, Niall gives you chocolates and a bouquet of you favorite flowers. You always feel bad because he is sort of spoiling you but he disagrees and claims that if he doesn’t do it then you will be in more pain and he doesn’t want that to ever happen. You had just got home from university and a trail of rose petals was in front of you headed to what you thought was the bedroom. You carefully followed them to see what Niall had done for you. As you finally reached the end of the trail in the bathroom you looked in and saw a hot bath with flickering candles spread out around the room. “Niall!” You said surprised. “What’s all this for?” “Well I wanted to do something special for ya because I know that you’re in pain because… Well… Ya know.” He said standing in the corner of the bathroom. “Aw, you shouldn’t have babe, thank you, I love you so much, you’re too good for me.” You said crossing the room over towards him. “No you’ve got it all wrong, you are way too good for me. And I love you so much y/n.” He said before kissing you passionately.

Stay with me

Things were changing. The colors around you seemed to be fading, days were slow and nights were lonely. You never thought that you could miss someone as much as you missed him. It had been almost three months since you had seen that face. He said that the two of you would skype and talk any chance you got but now it just seemed like empty promises. 

You missed the morning kisses, the late night conversations, the adventurous car rides to the next few towns over. But most of all you missed his voice. Maybe it was the way that it sounded the moment he woke up, or maybe when he started laughing in the middle of telling one of the worst jokes you have ever heard. The continuous “I love you’s” and the “Text me when you get there safely’s” haunted your dreams. You tried so hard to keep in touch and you felt like he had completely forgotten you to the point where it broke your heart.

You thought about texting, always glancing at your phone every few minutes, It was hard constantly getting your hopes up for a fulfilling conversation only to have them crushed after one or two texts. But who could blame you? 

*Flashback to the night before he left*

“Come on! You are cheating and you know it!” You laughed as you threw your cards down on the table.

“Oh stop being a sore loser, [Y/N].” He chuckled as he moved closer to you, kissing your temple softly. 

“I can’t lose if you cheat, Harry!” He knew that you had caught him, but he was not about to let you know that. 

“That’s okay, you can just be a sore loser. I still love you.” There it was, that cheeky grin you adored so much. The two of you fell silent as you laid your head on his shoulder, mindlessly listening to the music playing in the background as well as the rain falling outside. 

“I really wish you didn’t have to leave tomorrow. Or at least that I could come with you…” You fingers were now intertwined with his, his thumb gently gliding over yours.

“I told you that you could have just quit your job and come with us. I know the lads love having you around, mainly because they think you tell better jokes than I do… But we both know that’s a lie.” He winked and gave your hand a soft squeeze as you smiled.

“I know, I’ve just worked too hard to get where I am to just throw it all away. I know that you can relate.”

“I can. But hey, it will be a short five months.”

“Harry that’s almost half of the year…”

“Okay, well how about this? I promise that I will call and text you every chance I get. We can set up skype dates once or twice a week just so I can see your pretty, little face. [Y/N], you mean the world to me and I will do whatever I can to prove that to you. I will never forget about you. I mean how could I forget my happy place?” After that last line you had practically melted in his hands. You reached up to cup his face, giving him a few kisses.

“I’m so lucky to have you.” After that he took you upstairs to give you a night you couldn’t forget.

*Back to present*

That’s it. You refused to keep replaying that night in your head. As you got up to grab your phone, you noticed a few tears had fallen down your cheeks. With a sniffle you wiped your eyes as you took a breath and hit send.

Harry. You.

Hi x

*20 minutes later*

Hey xx

How have you been? I feel like we haven’t talked in awhile…

I’ve been good. I know it has been a while. I’ve just been really busy.

You hated when this happened. You hated how short he was being with you. It got to the point where you were actually angry.

Too busy to call? Even once or twice a week? I’ve been on tour with you before, I know you have a little bit of down time.

Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll call you later. Happy?

What the hell was this? This was a side of him that you rarely saw because he knew that him being angry only made the situation worse. 

No I’m not happy. You have been ghosting for three months now. I feel like you don’t have time for me anymore. It’s hard to even think that we are in a relationship anymore…

Well maybe I needed a break from you being so clingy! You always want to know what I’m doing, who I am with, what time I’ll be home. God [Y/N], you’re not my mum! I don’t think you can see how annoying you can be sometimes!

Your mouth dropped as you read that text about one hundred times. Who the hell did he think he was? How dare he treat you like that. This was not Harry. You completely understood how stressful tour can be and how nothing ever goes as planned but it was not okay to take his anger out on you. 

Fine. If you don’t want me to care, I won’t care. Looks like you’ll get all the time away from me that you wanted. Piss off and go be mad at someone else. 

You threw your phone onto the bed and pulled your knees up to your chest. Without trying to stop them you let the waterfall of tears flow down your cheeks. By now it was 10:34pm and you were defeated. You turned off the tv, the lights and even the music you normally leave playing because it helps you fall asleep. The house had never felt so large, you had never felt so small and nothing could heal the stab wounds on your heart tonight. 

When you woke up, the sun was peaking through your windows. You groaned and rolled over, pulling the blanket over your head. As you bed started to vibrate you jumped slightly and sat up. Moving your hand around the sea of sheets and blankets you finally found your cell phone. But when you saw it was Harry you simply clicked ignore. Your stomach sank when you saw everything that popped up on your phone.

*5 missed calls from Harry*

[Y/N] would you please call my back? I really need to talk to you.

*3 missed calls from Harry*

Look I know I messed up but I really need to fix this. Please call me back!

*6 missed calls from Harry and 1 voicemail*

Taking a deep breath you held the phone up to your ear.

“Look. I know what I said was awful and I can’t unsay it.. I just really need to hear your voice right now…” Was that a sniffle you heard? Was he crying? “I have to make this up to you. Nothing I can say or do right now can make you less angry at me. I had no right to take my stress out on you. I know I have sucked at keeping in contact with you lately. But with this being the last tour… What am I talking about? There is no excuse… Please just call me back.. I love you.”

Before you knew it, your hands were shaking and you were crying all over again. If you remembered correctly, you thought that towards the end of tour he would be closer to home. Rocking back and fourth slightly in bed you thought about driving over to talk to him. This was a conversation that needed to be said in person. You played out all of the possible outcomes in your head. As you bit your bottom lip, you gently tapped on his name and held the phone back up to your ear while crawling out of bed. 

“Hello?” He sounded like he had not slept in a long time.


“I am so sorry..” You heard his voice break and that only hurt your heart more. You held your breath as you balled your hand up inside your sweater. 

“Look. What you said really hurt me. I care about you so much and for you to just sucker punch me in the gut like that…” There went your voice. 

“I had no right to say that to you. Plus I didn’t mean it. I love how you care so much and always want to make sure I’m okay. Just give me a chance to make it up to you, okay? I promise I will do whatever it takes to win your love back..”

“Harry I don’t know…”

“Let me show you. Just open the door.”


“Open the door..”

Almost scared you slowly made your way to the front door. You let your hand out of your sleeve and very slowly went to touch the door knob before turning it and pulling the door towards you. The second you saw what was there, you began to cry again.

There he was. The love of your life standing in the door way holding your favorite flowers. You couldn’t help but weakly smile at the fact that he remembered that conversation you had a long time ago. 

“I know it’s not much but it’s a start. I will do whatever it takes for you to stay with me. We can get all the pets this house can hold, we will go out to dinner more often, we can travel. Whatever you want. Just please let me in…”

“I’m still mad, just know that. I want you to call me once a day and update me with tour since you still have one more month. No matter what you do, I could never hate you and I won’t be mad forever.” You smiled softly as your reached out for his hand, gently pulling him inside. 

Overwhelmed with joy he engulfed you in a hug that felt like it was never going to end. Good thing you didn’t want it too. 

“You’re a pain in my ass, but I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Forever and always and even after that.” 

There it was, the words you had longed to hear and the kisses you had missed so much. For right now, everything was at a sweet bliss.

*A/N - Today has been a long, crappy day. That’s why it’s kinda sad, but the end feels make it all better. Please feel free to give feedback and be sure to send in requests!*

anonymous asked:

it's me, the ao3 anon! just wanted to see what kind of fics you like because I liked the ones you drew fanart for :D

Ohh! Hi there :)

I’m pretty messy with my AO3 account, I simply forget to bookmark the fics I read, but instead, I’m keeping a list of the fics I want to read/am reading/already read.

Here it is:

It’s like he’s in his own world, the noises of people screaming and laughing and bitching drifting into nothing. It’s just him, and this boy, and warm, warm skin under his palms.

Harry looks up, and he sees blue, blue eyes, and caramel coloured hair, and pink lips. There’s a beat of silence, and all Harry can do is stare, and his heart is beating wildly, his face warm and -

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” snarls Louis Tomlinson, and kicks him in the shin.

Sixth Form au

No one really notices Marcel Styles. In fact, Marcel’s so invisible that if his teachers don’t call on him in lessons - and they rarely do - Marcel can go whole days without speaking to anyone other than his mum, his sister, Gemma, his cat, Dusty and the school librarian, Alma. And if he just so happens to have a tiny, miniscule crush on the footie captain, Louis Tomlinson, well, that’s no one’s business but his own. Until Louis notices him back… 

“There’s a boy sitting on the opposite roof. He’s dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie, hunched over a book. Almost as if he can feel that Louis is (somewhat creepily, but, well) looking at him, he lifts his gaze from his book and meets Louis’ eyes.

Louis’ very first thought when their eyes meet is that the boy is really pretty.”

How they met is always quite the romantic story that people love to listen to because it gives them hope. How they stay together through everything they have to conquer is even more inspiring. How they love each other is undeniable. That is probably why it was all the more painful when Harry told Louis that he had signed up for the army.

Or, the one where Louis is a famous actor who dubs Harry, Harold of the Bakery after meeting him while hiding from paparazzi. The one where Louis makes dreams come true by taking Harry to the sold out Free Skies concert. Being best friends with the band has it’s privileges, or so that’s what Niall always told him. Or, just the one where Oreo cupcakes make everything better.

Faith Tomlinson is 7 years old and has a special request for Christmas. Harry reads the letter and has to figure out how to deal with something he can’t possibly make happen.

au; Harry breaks Louis, Louis breaks everything.

it’s strange, making the choice to face his past—it almost feels like he’s heading for the sun straight on, like he’s screaming come on and burn me, i deserve it.


when a solar flare is announced to end the world in twelve days, harry reunites with the people that he used to know better than the back of his own hand.

Louis, to his horror, attends an elitist university in which the name Zayn Malik means something, Niall Horan doesn’t stop talking, there are pianos everywhere, and Harry Styles, only son of a drug-addled, clinically insane ex-rocker, has a perfect smile and empty eyes.

Harry has never been much of a fighter, but—as always—where Louis Tomlinson is concerned, a lot of things stop being true.

1940’s AU. Even after six years apart, they can’t forget their shared wartime childhood.

AU. In which Louis is Harry’s scuba instructor and quite happy to provide the requested special treatment, pun fully intended. It can’t be all that difficult to convince Harry that they’re on the same page, right? Also, Niall and Liam may or may not be dating, and Zayn is surrounded by emotionally stunted idiots. He bears it with dignity.

Harry’s been forced into a high-class prostitution ring because his heroin-addicted mother is too strung out to realize that her boyfriend is pimping out her son. Louis is the crown prince of England and gets into a lot of mischief and thinks it’s normal to pay prostitutes to “get a good night’s sleep.” They probably aren’t meant to see each other beyond that one random night, but then again, they probably aren’t meant to see each other at all.

And at the moment I’m reading These Inconvenient Fireworks and LOVING it.

They’re sorted by the date when I finished reading them! I love every single fic on my list, and If you want me to tell you my faves, ask me off Anon. :)


#40 - You're Drifting Apart


And he doesn’t know why you’re doing it; pulling away from him. He’s worried that maybe he said something that he shouldn’t have, or maybe that he did something to upset you; he isn’t sure, but he can’t help but think that maybe it’s his fault that you’ve gotten like this, that maybe it’s his fault that you can’t love him anymore. He thinks that it’s his fault that you walked out of that door too, that he’d somehow pushed you out just like how you pulled away from him. He thinks that he’s the one to blame, when the walls come crashing down and reality hits; he thinks that he’s the one to blame that you’re gone now, and won’t be coming back.



And you think that he doesn’t notice the slight changes in your character, and the way that you’ve started to put up these walls around you. You think that he doesn’t notice the way that you don’t talk to him much anymore – tell him all about the rough day you had at work or something silly you and your friends did. And you think that he doesn’t notice that when you lay beside him at night, curled up in his arms, and he says “I love you,” that you don’t say it back to him anymore. But he does notice, he always noticed, but now he just doesn’t know what to do about it.



And he can feel it happening, the soft tugging so faint that it nearly goes unnoticed. And he feels terrible about it, because he doesn’t know what he did; why you won’t let him in anymore. And you’re never home anymore, claiming that you’re out with friends when his mind tells him differently. And he’s never sober anymore, drinking away his problems; the ones that he can’t bear to think about – that you don’t love him anymore, and that what you both once shared is gone.



And he’s trying all that he can to fix things between you, he really is, because he doesn’t want to wake up one morning and find you gone, and realise all the stupid things that he did and all the things that he could have done to keep you beside him.  So he strung together a weak apology, but for what he was unsure, and picked some flowers for you to try to make up for everything. But amongst the beautiful pink flowers he picked are weeds and he couldn’t differentiate between the two; the flowers and the weeds, for he was no florist. And, you thought, maybe it represented your relationship a little, because it was lovely – it really was – but then there were those pesky little weeds that tried to blend in between but just couldn’t. There were problems between you two; unsettled disputes and insults that weren’t meant but still hurt all the same. And he’d tried to right it all, and to make it better, but you knew that even if you pulled out all the weeds, they’d just grow back and that things would fall to pieces again.



And he can’t just let you go like that, with all this heartbreak and hurt and this silence so deep that it’s become painful. He doesn’t want to ever let you go either, not now and not ever, because despite everything he says when you fight, he loves you; always had and always would. But now here you both were, arguing once again, and he’s scared that maybe this time things won’t turn out the same; he’s worried that maybe this time you’ll walk away and he’ll lose his happy ending, because he was too stupid to see it coming. 

Leaving For Tour


“Have you got everything?” You asked your boyfriend as he pulled his bags out from the boot of your car

“I should do, I can just buy whatever I’ve forgotten” He told you as he shut the boot of the car and picked up his brown duffle bag and put it on his shoulder. He grabbed the handle of his suitcase with one hand and placed the other in yours as you made your way into the airport.

Even though it was 5 o’clock in the morning, fans were still waiting outside the airport hoping to get a picture with Harry before he left to go on tour for 3 months. However due to the lack of time before their flight was scheduled to leave, security had to lead you both through not allowing any time to stop for the fans.

Inside the airport was much quieter with only a few other people waiting to check in and some others were sitting on the chairs waiting to board their flights. Security guided you through to a separate part of the airport where the other lads were waiting.

“Morning guys” Harry greeted them as you walked over to some spare seats and sat down together

“Morning, didn’t expect to see you here this morning Y/N” Liam said to you

“I decided to come because I can’t fly out until later than planned because of work” You told them as Harry pulled you closer to him by wrapping his arm around your shoulders so your head could rest in his neck

The time spent waiting for boarding time was mainly silent. Niall and Louis tried to catch up on a little more sleep before they got on the plane and Liam was sat opposite you and Harry on his phone probably messaging Sophia. Whereas you and Harry spent your time whispering to each other and sharing gentle kisses which you weren’t going to be able to have for quite a while.

When they were told that they had to start boarding the plane, Harry immediately stood up and pulled you straight into a tight embrace whilst pressing his lips into the top of your head. After a good two minutes, he pulled away from you slightly only to connect his lips with yours to give you one final kiss goodbye. After you pulled away you gave quick hugs to the other boys before squeezing Harry’s hand for one final time before he followed the boys out onto the tarmac.


You did one final check of your suitcase before zipping it up and placing it near your bedroom door ready for when you had to leave. Just as you were about to go into your bathroom to have a shower before going to bed early, your phone rang with a FaceTime call coming through. As you picked up your phone, Louis’ caller ID was on the screen.

“Hi love!” He called out to you smiling as you answered

“Hi, Lou. You alright?” You asked him as you sat down on the edge of your bed, knowing this conversation wouldn’t be a short one

“Yeah, I’m good. You all packed for your flight tomorrow?”

“I’ve just finished now and I was just going to take a shower when you rang”

“Well, I’ll let you go in a minute so that you can get an early night but I just wanted to tell you about the plans for picking you up and stuff” he explained to you and you gave him a slight nod, allowing him to continue

“What time is your flight due to leave in the morning?”

“It says on the tickets at 7:20am”

“Ok, so you’ll get in around 3 o’clock? There will be a car waiting for you and Preston will meet you at your gate to escort you out encase there are any paparazzi or fans waiting. We’re more than likely going to be on our way to the stadium by that point so the car will take you straight there. Then you can put your stuff on the bus and then come backstage with us until the show and you can either stay there or watch with Lou and Lottie”

“That sounds good! I can’t wait to see you and the guys, it’s been too long” You said giving him a jokey pout

“I know babe. Right, I’ll let you go for your shower so that you’re all refreshed for me tomorrow” He teased before giving you one last smile and hanging up


“Y/N!” Niall yelled from your shared bedroom upstairs. He was currently packing his suitcase for tour and this was the third time he’d yelled for you because he couldn’t find something he needed. You sighed and got up from the couch in the lounge and walked upstairs to see what your boyfriend needed now.

“What is it, Ni?” You sighed leaning against the door frame looking at him sitting in front of his suitcase with a mess of clothes around him

“Will you please help me pack? I don’t want my clothes to have creases and you always seem to do a better job at fitting everything in” He asked looking up at you with his baby blue eyes knowing that you couldn’t resist them

“Urgh, fine but stopping looking at me like that” You told him giving in and sitting opposite him on the floor before starting to fold his clothes and putting them in his case.

“I love you” He smiled making you give him a glare but he knew it was a joke

“Yeah, yeah”

“I hate packing” Niall complained not even a minute after you had started

“You’re not even doing the packing, I am!”

“I know but you do it because you love me and because I hate it” he smiled

“You only hate it because you leave it until last minute. I did mine two days ago so that I knew I was prepared for leaving tomorrow”

“Yeah but that’s because you’re so much smarter than me babe”


Liam had called you over to spend his final day with him before he left for tour as you wouldn’t see him for over 4 months. You’d spent the majority of the day cuddling on the couch watching films and having make-out sessions but after 6 hours of doing that Liam decided he needed to go and finish his packing.

You followed him into his bedroom and sat down on his bed with his suitcase in front of you. Liam gave you a quick kiss before going into his closet and pulling out some jeans and folding them up and putting them on top of the clothes he’d previously packed. As he went back into his closet you took the jeans he’d just put in out and threw them on the floor. When Liam came back out he noticed the jeans on the floor and your smug smile.

“Were those the jeans that I just folded?” he asked you with a smile

“I don’t know” You mumbled

He shook his head at you but picked them up off the floor before folding them and putting them back in his suitcase. He gave you a quick kiss and headed back into his closet to get some more clothes but you pulled out the jeans again and threw them on the floor. He noticed them instantly when he came back out and smiled at you again

“Y/N, I’m not going to get anywhere if you keep doing this” He laughed as he picked them up for a second time

“Good, then you can’t leave” You sulked crossing your arms over your chest

“Sorry babe but I have to go” he told you as you put the clothes back in his suitcase before rubbing his thumb over your forehead to smoothen down your frown

“I don’t want you to go”

“I don’t want to leave you either but we’ll see each other soon”

“Not soon enough”

“It’ll go by quicker than you think, I promise” He told you squeezing your hands “Now missy, I have to continue packing and then we’ll continue cuddling”

“Ok” You smiled

Preference #21 You guys just started dating and he tells the guys about you

HARRY: He had just had his first date with you and headed straight to Louis’ flat to tell him all about it. He felt like such a girl, but he was so excited to have met a girl like you that he had to tell someone about it. “Mate, y/n is so amazing. You have to meet her,” Harry gushed as he took a seat on his friend’s couch. Louis smiled - happy for Harry. “Tell me about her,” he urged. Harry didn’t hesitate: “She’s just the sweetest girl I’ve ever met. She has the most amazing smile and there wasn’t any awkward silence. She treated me like I was a normal guy, and she’s just…she’s just everything I’ve been looking for,” he thought back to when you were sitting across from him at the cafe, just a half an hour earlier. “I swear I’m going to make her mine.

LIAM: "You look like you’re on cloud nine, Liam,” Zayn commented as Liam walked through the door of the studio. Liam shrugged off his jacket, smiling. “I just met the one,” he said. Zayn looked at him expectantly, wanting more information. “She lives across the hall from me. I was leaving my place and she was carrying in groceries and I helped her out. God, she’s beautiful. I think I fell in love right there,” he admitted, only half joking. “But she wanted to make me a cup of tea, so I’m going over there tonight. All I want is to get to know her. I’ve never felt like this before. I just want her in my life, even if I just met her.”

NIALL: You and Niall had been dating for a month, but neither of you had told anyone yet because you didn’t want the craziness of his fame to get in the way of your relationship. But Liam could tell there was something different with his band mate. “You seem really happy lately, Niall,” Liam asked as he and the Irish boy met up for lunch one day. Niall couldn’t stand keeping you a secret any longer. “I’ve been seeing a girl, her name is y/n,” he started to explain. “I haven’t told anyone about her because I don’t want the fans to ruin it. But Liam, she’s literally the most amazing girl ever. Her laugh is so contagious and every time I’m with her it’s like we’re the only two people in the whole world. I just want to be with her all of the time, y'know?”

LOUIS: "Hey, Lou?“ Harry called to his best friend who was getting a drink in in the kitchen. Harry was over at Louis’, spending the day playing video games and enjoying a bit of normalcy for a change. Louis appeared back in the living room, two bottles of coke in his hands. "What’s up?” Harry waved Louis’ phone at him. “You got a text from some girl named, y/n. Care  to explain why you didn’t mention you’re seeing someone again?” Louis’ face turned red. He had kept you a secret from his friends because everything was still so new, and after how his relationship with Eleanor had been ruined by the fame and the fandom, he didn’t want the same thing to happen again. “She apparently wants you to know she’s thinking of you and can’t wait to have you in her bed again,” Harry laughed as he read the text message out loud. Louis didn’t even bother to take his phone from Harry, he just sat beside his friend and smiled widely. “She’s fucking perfect, mate. It’s only been like a month and a half and I can already tell she’s it for me,” Louis began to gush about you. “Every time I’m with her it’s just like, she makes me laugh constantly and I never want to leave her side. I don’t want to jinx anything or move to quickly, but Haz, I want to marry this girl one day.”

ZAYN: “Have you ever met someone who just makes you want to be the best man you could possibly be?” Zayn asked Niall as they sat on the tour bus, watching television. Niall looked at him questioningly. “Care to tell me something?” he asked his friend. Zayn shrugged his shoulders, picking up his phone and showing Niall a picture of you. “That’s y/n, we’ve been dating for a few months,” he admitted. When he saw the look on Niall’s face, a look that basically said ‘why the hell am I only finding out now’, he smiled and shrugged his shoulders again. “Things with her have just been so perfect, I just wanted it to stay that way for a little bit,” Zayn explained. “She’s just so gorgeous and amazing. She has an opinion about everything, we’re always debating things and she’s so smart it kills me. She’s everything I’ve been looking for and then more. She makes me want to be a better man, and she challenges me on everything. Being with her is just really exciting. I love her,” it was the first time he had said it aloud to anyone; he hadn’t even told you yet. But now he knew he was ready to tell you how he really felt.