niagara flow

All It Takes (three)

Bucky x Reader

Summary: Be happy Bucky is here to handle everything.

Word Count: 4116 | Rating: R

Warnings: SMUT. oral (f receiving), face riding, dirty talking, two nsfw gifs, UNPROTECTED SEX (wrap your wang, before you bang!)

A/N: I am just going to leave this for y’all thirsty hoes. But I’m baffled by the feedback I got on the first tow part, so just wanna say THANK YOU!

also sorry for any typos

Masterlist here

All It Takes Part One Part Two 

(*gifs are not mine!)

Keep reading

Freebies | Newt

A/N: hey guys so here’s another original of mine :) i’m pretty sure all the ladies out there are gonna relate to this am i right ladies. P.S. the gif idk i thought it was funny bc it’s funny how guys portray us when we’re on our periods idk just enjoy the story :))   

Pairing: Reader x Newt

Warnings: boys getting scared over mother nature

Word Count: 1888



Being a girl sucks. Period.

Being the only person with a vagina among 50 other guys also sucks.

Being the only girl in the Glade that has to go through a period every month sucks the most

It also meant feminine products were the most scariest thing ever. According to the Gladers.

And lord behold, you are now on your period.

Having you period was the worst thing ever. Since you were the only girl, the other Gladers would  scratch their heads at times when you were on it.

The first time you got it, you had a vague idea about it, but you weren’t sure. That ended up hanging out with the Med-jacks for a full week. Even to this day, a bunch of the Gladers get the heebie-jeebies at the slightest mention of it.

And now you were moping around, clutching your stomach, praying that you don’t bleed to death.

You walk over to the med-jacks place and see Clint organizing some supplies.

“Yo Clint!” you groaned, “is there any more… products… left?”

“There’s only a few left, Y/N,” Clint said, “the Box will come sooner today. Until then, hang around for a bit.”

You bit your lip to force back a choke.

“Do I have to?” you groaned as you flopped down on a bed.

“I’m afraid so, Y/N,” Clint responded, “what if you get harsh pains ”

“Then I die,” you simply said.

It was nice that you got to hang out and not work, but it also sucked. You were planning to hang out with Newt in the gardens.

You kept denying it, but there was no doubt that you’ve gotten close to Newt the past year. He was a real nice guy, and you couldn’t help but developing a slight crush on him.

But of course, you had no clue if he ever liked you back. And it wasn’t kinda allowed, either. Ever since you came through the Box, Alby has made it very clear that relationships were not allowed on any circumstances. Serves the Gladers right for staring too long when you do something.

The alarm signaling the supply box coming up rang. You mentally rejoiced in your head; you can finally cry alone in your room.

You broke into a run towards but was stopped short because Clint got a hold of your shirt.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Clint demanded.

“To go get my pads, where else?” you sassed.

“I don’t think so,” Clint started, “You’re not well and it’s hot out. You can get heat stroke,”

You looked at Clint in disbelief as you began to protest, “I have every right to get my things. I don’t care if they are underwear, pads, tampons, or anything considered ‘feminine’ for the matter.”

“Oh, c'mon Y/N, just rest for a minute. I’m sure all of your supplies are in a box or something. No one’s gonna know,” Clint said.

“Here’s a deal: next time, when the supply box comes up, you can go get it. We’ll alternate everytime,” you proposed.

“Fair enough,” Clint agreed as you gave him a hug and jogged outside to go fetch your stuff.

Clint wasn’t kidding either about the heat either. Should’ve listened. 

You saw the gang of Gladers surrounding the Box’s entrance, eagerly awaiting what new things the Creators brought this time.

As you were going to approach the crowd, Newt came from behind you and picked you up.

“What’s up, Shuckface!!” Newt boomed.

You made an ear-piercing scream for two reasons; one obviously because you were caught by surprise and two you were obviously on your period and you felt Niagara Falls flow out of you.

“Newt, put me down! Please!” you begged and laughed. You prayed to the heavens above that you wouldn’t stain through your pants. That would be a nice view to see.

“And what if I don’t,” Newt challenged. 

“Because I am gonna start crying and you’ll end up in the Slammer,” you half-heartily said.

“Oh, I’m so scared,” Newt said, still carrying you. 

Newt started pushing through the crowd, you still in tow, and placed you inside the Box with Gally where he was checking all the supplies.

“What’s this," Gally asked in a posh voice as he gestured towards you.

"I haven’t gotten a clue, my dear Gally, I think it’s a girl!” Newt replied with the same voice.

“A girl!" Gally exclaimed, "I thought girls were a myth!" 

"Well I guess they are not,” Newt said as a matter-of-factly as the Gladers were chuckling at the show unfolding in front of them.

Even Alby was having a good time and added. “I think the Creators are starting to like us because this one is a real beauty. Isn’t it, Newt?”

Newt blushed a deep red and mumbled, “A real beauty, I say.”

This earned multiple hoots and whistles and you felt Thomas pat your back and say, “that’s my girl!”

You couldn’t stop laughing as Newt put you down into the Box and gave Gally a friendly hug. It was then his turn to carry you around.

“Look at this gem!" Gally announced as he held on to you tighter, "She probably outshines every single Glader here!”

“C'mon guys,” you giggled, “I’m just an ordinary girl!”

The Gladers began to disagree and started complimenting you on the most ridiculous things as you started handing out supplies outside of the Box.

“Well one thing’s for sure," Gally said as the last of the boxes were being whisked away, "you sure are ticklish.”

“I’m what,” you screeched before Gally started tickling your sides.

“Stop! Stop!” you screamed between laughs, while Newt watched from the corner of his eye.

But it was too late. You felt something seep through your jeans, and sure enough, it was blood. 

“Holy fuck,” you whispered to yourself as the Gladers began to quiet down, concerned at what happened. In the whole 2 years you’ve been here, this has never happened to you. the only time you’ve ever stained your pants was the first week you were here… when there wasn’t any pads.

You scooted to the far end of the Box and started to hyperventilate.This can’t be happening, this can'r be happening, you kept whispering to yourself.

'Y/N, are you okay?“ Newt said as he crouched down next to you. 

You nodded furiously saying you were alright, but suddenly a jolt of pain shot through your abdomen.

You curled up into a ball and started to sob silently, repeating the words this can’t be happening, this can’t be happening.

Oh god, Y/N, did I hurt you,“ Gally cried out.

You started to feel faint and tears started to stream faster and faster.

Now the Gladers got scared. You were close to all of them, and you called them your brothers. Even though, some did try to hit on you on a daily basis.

Newt carefully picked you and ordered, "Med-jacks, NOW!”

As Clint and Jeff laid you on a makeshift cot, the two of them including Gally and Newt whisked you away to the Med-Jacks’ huts.

You were definitely a hot mess.


5 Hours Later

 "Look she’s waking up!“ a voiced yelled.

"Quick! Someone call Alby or Newt, preferably Newt because he called dibs,” someone else snicked.

You struggled to get up, but you heard Jeff in the distance say, “don’t move, just relax. You’re excused from working for the rest of the week.”

That was the only thing you heard before you sat straight up and gave Jeff the evil eye.

“Are you saying just because I’m on my period, i can’t work!” you fumed.

“Not my orders,” Jeff said as he put up his hands in defense, “don’t hate the messenger, hate the one who ordered it.”

“Then whose order was it?” you asked in a pissed off mood.

Clint and Jeff looked at each other and looked scared.

“Oh, c'mon don’t don’t me Gally is up to this. He’ll do anything to get into my pants,” you sneered and stood up to confront Jeff and Clint. But it didn’t help when you had searing pain all over your body from the stupid cramps.

“Actually, it was me,” a voice said from behind.

It was Newt.

“Really,” you huffed, “because I can take care of myself, thank you very much.”

You turned to face the Med-jacks, “Clint. Jeff. Thank you so much for the help today. You are excused from any work. You don’t have to help me.”

“Thanks Y/N!” the two guys beamed as they both ran out to do whatever the hell they wanted.

“Why did you that!” Newt questioned.

“Because, I didn't need any help. I can very well take care of myself,” you grunted as you carefully plopped yourself on the bed.

“Then why did you faint??” Newt asked.

“Clint said it was hot. I told him fuck that, I’m gonna be a bad ass. Sadly I was on my period, and the heat did me worse,” you rambled on, “plus you and Gally were carrying me around like if I were a sack of potatoes. Which, I might add, was not pleasant.”

At the slightest mention of the word 'period,’ Newt looked like he was going pass out himself.

“Yo, Newt,” you called as you snapped your fingers in front of him, “you don’t seem to hot.”

Newt ruffled his hair, “What are you talking about, Y/N? I'm always lookin’ hot.”

“Yeah, sure. You winced at the word 'period.’ Every guy here is horrified of mother nature,” you laughed.

“Well, it’s not our fault we don’t know much about the female anatomy,” Newt explained, “especially with that body of yours.”

“You suck at flirting,” you giggled.

“I try. At least I have the decency to actually tell you how much I loved you,” Newt confessed.

“Wait, what,” you stuttered,

“You heard me: I love you. All those compliments that the Gladers were telling, well it’s all true. You’re bloody amazing, Y/N. And it’d be an honor if you would be my girlfriend,” Newt stated.

“Of course, Newt, I would love that,” you cooed as you gave Newt a long hug.

As Newt was leaning in for a kiss, Thomas barges in.

“Y/N! Gally told me to tell you that how long is he going to be in the Slammer?” he panted.

“Why would he be in there in the first place?” you asked.

“Because you said, and Gally quoted, 'if Newt or I make you cry, then we go into the Slammer’” Thomas said.

“Aw, poor baby,” you said, “Tell you what, Thomas: tell Gally that he gets 1 hour in the Slammer, plus a crash course on the anatomy of a girl.”

Thomas smiled widely, “Will do, boss!” and off he went to break the news to poor ol' Gally.

Newt started to chuckle.

“What!?” you exclaimed.

“it's amazing what you can do to keep things in order, Y/N” Newt complimented, “maybe you should be second-in-command.”

“Shut up and kiss me, you moron,” you sighed.

And at the end of the day, you and Newt had a wonderful kiss, and you felt all your troubles wash away.

Except for the fact that you’re gonna embarrass Gally tomorrow. That’s going to be funny as hell.

Being the only girl in the Glade has it’s way.

It’s the most fucking awesome thing that’s ever happened to you.

A/N: hell yeah two updates in one day how awesome can life get. well i’m off to bed, going to dream about newt y'know the usual. have a nice day/night/ whatever and stay fabulous! cheers xx 

- Mayra 

12 Dates of Christmas; Part 8

Originally posted by batmanandbullwinkle

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Part 8 Outfit

Summary: AU. Dean and the reader are set up on a blind date a few weeks before Christmas, and things kind of seem too good to be true. They decide to have twelve dates beginning with their first and ending with Christmas, to see if spending all that time together will change their minds – and their feelings.

Word Count: 2485

Warnings: The usual fluff. Dean holding a baby (watch out for your ovaries, ladies). Reader and Dean falling stupid fast for each other because that’s true fluff, ladies and gentlemen. Maybe a little language in this one. Wrote in the line from this gif because it’s totes adorbs. 

Tags: @kbrand0, @daydreamingintheimpala, @supernaturalfreewill, @illisea, @growingupgeek


Your name: submit What is this?

“Auntie Y/N, wake up and play with me.”

A squeaky voice pulled you from a really good sleep. Groaning, you cracked your eyes open and smiled. Your chubby, happy, four-month-old nephew was smiling at you, a pillow behind him to supposed his back and keep him from rolling off the bed. The older of your two younger brothers, the source of the squeaky voice, was standing next to the bed, also smiling. More in the way that little brothers smile when they’ve obnoxiously woken up their big sisters, though.

“Thanks for bringing the little man over,” you yawned, pulling your nephew onto your lap. “But remind me to get your key from you before you leave. I’m trying to sleep here.” A glance at the clock told you there could have been two more hours of sleep, had your brother not woken you up.

“The wifey is out of town with her mom, and I need to go help Dad clear some driveways. I’m utilizing my free babysitter.”

“Fine, but only because I can’t get enough of this little guy!” You kissed your nephew’s cheeks, and he rewarded you with a slobbery smile.

“I fed him right before I brought him over, so give him about twenty minutes, he’ll be out. Then you can go back to sleep.” He carefully eyed the dress hanging on your closet door. “Hot date tonight, sis?”

You nodded, laying the baby back down and snuggled next to him. “Mandy’s Christmas part. Dean and I are going together.”

“Oh, yeah, the new guy. When do we get to meet him?”

“He’ll be with me on Christmas, actually. That’s the day we decide if we’re going to keep dating or not.” You explained about your hesitancy in the beginning, and Dean’s solution of the twelve dates to help you decide.

“Good idea. You have shitty taste in men most of the time, but this guy seems all right.”

“Gee, thanks.”

You brother grinned. “Well, you two enjoy your nap. I’ll be back in time for you to get ready. His stuff is in the living room.”

“Sounds good,” you replied sleepily. The baby was already half-asleep, and you were close behind. Not too long after you heard your brother lock the door behind him, both you and your nephew were in a warm, snuggly dreamland.


After bringing you home from work, Dean had spent the day at his mother’s house, doing an oil change on her car, shoveling the sidewalk and driveway, and a completing a few other odd jobs around the house that John normally would have done before he passed away. Mary rewarded him with a big hug and a big piece of apple pie. Dean was reveling in the latter, watching the time before he needed to go home and shower to get ready for Mandy’s party, when he received a text from you.

There’s a very handsome man in my bed. We’ve been cuddling the last couple of hours.

Dean frowned. This was a joke, right?

Should I be concerned about that?

A few minutes later, he received a picture of you cuddled with a chubby baby who was fast asleep. The baby was on your chest, and you were smiling into the camera.

He’s my four-month old nephew. You tell me.

That put a smile on Dean’s face. Your sleepy smile was completely adorable to him as it was, but to see you cuddling a sleeping infant put even more ideas about your future together into Dean’s head.

“That’s quite a smile,” Mary Winchester noted. “Must be the girl.”

The girl,” Dean confirmed. “I can’t wait for you to meet her, Mom. Y/N is already one of the best things that ever happened to me. I want her around for a long time.”

Mary raised her brow and reached over to feel his head. “Are you sure you’re my son? Because the Dean I know has had a hard time where quality girls are concerned.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Sam said something similar. Y/N is different. She makes me regret all the other girls. The sounds so lame, but I don’t know how else to put it. If I would have known that she was gonna be in my life, I would have just waited for her until now.”

“Wow,” Mary breathed. “That sounds pretty serious, sweetie. Are you sure you’re not just excited about something that’s lasting longer than any other girl you’ve gone out with?”

“I mean, I guess that’s always a possibility,” Dean shrugged, “but I’ll be surprised. It isn’t just the excitement about being around her. It’s wanting to do things right with her so that I know I did everything possible to make this relationship work. And, Mom, when I say do things right, I mean the whole deal from holding doors and letting her wear my jacket to – you know. Other stuff.”

Mary smiled. “I have to say, I never thought I’d see the day this would happen. Your father believed it would happen one day, you just needed to find the right day. I suppose I should apologize for being skeptical. I know you two have a date tonight, but do you have a minute for me to get something from upstairs?”

“Sure, I have time.” While Mary gently padded up the stairs, Dean got up to rinse of his plate and fork, leaving the dishes in the sink. He covered the pie that was still warm on the counter and waited for his mother to come back down. When she found him in the kitchen, she handed him a small, black box. Dean frowned and opened it; inside the ring box was his mother’s wedding set. “Mom …”

“Your father told me before he died that he wanted you to have that set, when you found the right girl. He didn’t say if, Dean, he said when. He was so sure about you finding someone – I think because he never thought he’d find someone either, until we met. He wanted the same love for you. Sam and Jess were already on the marriage track, but your father was adamant that the set go to you.” She paused to wipe a tear that had fallen down her cheek. “The set is yours. Whether it’s Y/N or another girl after her, I think I finally see what your father was talking about when it came to you and love. You aren’t against it, you just needed to find the right girl.”

Dean closed the box and wrapped his arms around Mary’s shoulders. With a watery smile, Mary embraced her son back.

“I love you, Mama.”

“Love you, too, sweetheart.”


By the time Dean called to tell you that he was on his way, your nephew was still at the house with you. Fortunately, you kept a bouncy chair around for the little man, so he was mostly entertained by the lights and toys around the tray of the chair while you got ready for your date.

He was hungry and ready for a bottle when you opened the door for Dean, apologies flowing like Niagara Falls.

“My brother’s on his way. As soon as he gets here, I’ll get dressed and finish my make-up.”

“Here,” Dean offered, taking your nephew and the bottle from your hands. “You go finish getting ready. I can feed this little guy.”

“You’re sure?”

“Y/N, I’ve held a baby before. Go get ready. We’ll be fine, and if we’re not, I’ll let you know.”

Deciding to have a little faith, you retreated back to the bathroom to get to work on your make-up. It wasn’t too often you got dressed up like this, so it turned out to be a tedious task. Wanting it to be exactly right, you even washed it all off twice before getting your look right.

Just as you were finishing your final application, your brother showed up in the doorway of the bathroom. “Hey, sis. Thanks for watching the little one. Didn’t know you were going to let your boyfriend do some of the babysitting.”

You rolled your eyes. “He’s not my boyfriend yet.”

You brother snorted. “Yeah, whatever. He’s just as hot for you as you are for him, Y/N. You better not fuck this up.”

Only a sister could see the love between those words. You hugged your brother and sent him on his way with your nephew. Make-up and hair done, you yelled to Dean that you just needed to put your dress on and you’d be set to go.

After buckling your gold heels, you made sure you had everything you needed in the small clutch you were carrying with you, just in case, and took a deep breath before stepping into the living room. Dean was standing in front of the entertainment center, looking at some of the pictures you had on display; he turned to look at you, and you actually saw his jaw drop a little.

“Y/N, you look …” He swallowed hard. “You’re breathtaking.”

You smiled and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, Dean. I should have told you sooner, but you clean up pretty well yourself. I just need to get my coat so I don’t freeze, then we can go. Oh, and you’ll probably have to help me with keeping my balance in these shoes.”

He did you one better; while you were calculating how to get from the edge of the porch, down the steps and to the driver’s side of his truck, Dean lifted you off the ground and carried you over to the passenger side door.

You laughed and leaned your head on his shoulder. “You plan on carrying me everywhere outside this evening?”

“If that’s what I have to do,” Dean teased. He set you gently in the passenger seat before shutting the door and going around to the driver’s side. “All right, you’ll have to tell me how to get to Mandy’s.”

As you navigated him through the streets, you noticed that Dean seemed to be more quiet than usual, and maybe even a little more on edge? Everything had been fine until … until he’d carried you out to the truck, it seemed. What could have possibly gone wrong in that time frame?


At the party, Dean seemed to brighten a little, but you could tell there was a little more distance than usual. No one else had been around the two of you, so at least you could keep your concerns to yourself without causing any sort of drama.

Mandy sat and talked with the two of you for a little bit before making the rounds to chat with her other guests, and then got the games started. That seemed to change Dean’s mood for the better, and the two of you won a couple of the games played that night; he kissed you sweetly for each victory.

After the games, everyone hung out for a while longer. You and Dean were the first to make your exit; the party was starting to pick up and if you didn’t leave then, you’d make some choice you’d certainly regret when your alarm went off for work the next morning.

Dean was quiet again on the way back to your house. He didn’t hold your hand or say much, leaving you to still wonder what in the hell was going on. When you got to your place, he surprised you by asking if he could come inside.

“I want to talk to you about something,” he admitted.

Great, you thought to yourself. That’s always a fun time when they want to talk. Bracing yourself for the worst, you carefully walked up the porch steps and into the house. Dean took a seat on the couch while you kicked off your heels and sat at the opposite end of the couch, legs folded under you.

“I know I was quiet tonight, and I’m sorry for that. Everything’s hitting me all at once, and I don’t want to freak you out, but I’m freaking out. I shouldn’t tell you that, but you’re the only one I want to talk to about it.”

That was a good thing, you decided. “Well … what’s got you freaking out?”

Dean stood and began pacing back and forth. “All of this. You’re amazing, do you know that? You know about cars and you save lives and you’re beautiful and we can just hang out and watch a movie except that, honestly, I wish we went out more because I want people to see us together. I mean, that sounds crazy, right? I want to show you off, Y/N. We still have four dates left, but I – I don’t know. Sleeping next to you, and helping you with the baby … it’s putting ideas into my head. That’s crazy, right? I already asked you that. But it is, isn’t it? I mean you’re not even ready to label this and I’m thinking of a future?”

You tried not to smile to big; your heart swelled at the idea of a future with Dean. You slid of the couch and interrupted his pacing by standing in front of him and pulling his arms around your waist.

“Dean, the whole reason I’ve been hesitant about all of this is because of how good it is. You’re not the only one thinking those things. For where we’re at now, I think we’ve got an amazing future with all those things you’re thinking of in front of us. But we’re eight dates and a couple of weeks in. What if we get to a couple of months and you decide you don’t want me anymore? I just want us to be careful about this and not rush a good thing.” You pushed up on tiptoe to kiss him, realizing how much height your heels had given you before you took them off. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

He let out a deep breath and leaned his forehead against yours. “I told my mom today that you’re the girl.”

“You did?” you whispered.

“Yeah. Is that bad?”

You shook your head. You again wanted badly to tell him that you didn’t need the next four dates, but you were so caught up in it now, you wanted to stick to the timeline. The two of you stood there for a few moments, just holding each other, before Dean finally pulled away and promised to text you when he got home.

“Unless you want to come home with me again …”

You laughed. “Wow, Sparky. You’re really falling for me, aren’t you?”

“No. Maybe. Shut up.”

The next laugh that emitted from your throat was stifled by Dean’s lips against yours. If you’d had the guts, you would have told him that you were falling for him just as fast as he was falling for you.

Date #9

Having a girlfriend is so much better than a boy because of EVERYTHING. Listen whenever you have sleepovers and you forget something, it doesn’t fucking matter, she’s a girl too. You forget your conditioner? She’s got some that smells freaking fantastic. You dropped your lipgloss? She’s got many shades and flavors. It’s your time of the month? She won’t judge you because she’s got Niagara Falls flowing through her fucking vagina as well. You guys get to wear each others clothes, buying gifts for each other is easy because girls understand each other and your never judged for being to emotional. So yeah boys are cute but having a girlfriend is like dating a clone of you who isn’t really you. #GOLESBIANS

Watch on

Shoshone Falls on the Snake River is higher than Niagara Falls (lower flow though obviously)

letters to the read

Dear Crissle,

First let me start by saying I am a huge fan of “The Read”. Second I would like to apologize for the length of this email, and any horrible grammatical errors that may be contained within.  Now that that is out of the way let me start the emotional purge that has brought me to write this email.  After last weeks episode (05/15) I decided to actually explore the other links on the website (usually I just click the episode link), I stumbled upon your old tumblr page and lets just say I have been camped out there ever since.   Just a little background on me, I am a…well I don’t know what I am right now. I am a lesbian, I have degrees (2), I am kind of a law student (on leave), pillar of strength to my friends, checkbook to my parents, and “home” to my ex. But yet and still when it comes to me, and how I feel about myself, what I want for myself, I am lost. DRIFTING.  Okay back to my reasons for emailing. I have read the early entries on your journal/blog and never have I ever read words on a screen that has resonated so deeply in the pit of my soul.  As I read entry after entry, the tears that I work so hard to keep in check began to trickle, then flow like Niagara down my face. In the last  two years of my life I have been torn down, piece by piece, my father has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, I had to leave law school, betrayed by my best friend, cheated on and left by my ex (8yrs together), beaten down by my mother (broke 2 of my fingers with a metal cane over me not wanting pizza) and told that no matter what I do, I’m never going to be anything but a source of income for her(mother).  I have gone from having my own place, driving my own car, to now sleeping on a bed in the living room at my grandmothers home. I am BROKEN. But that’s not the point of this, I promise. My point is that you and your words give me HOPE. I am so very proud of you and I am in complete awe of you. I have been listening to you and Kid Fury since the very first show. But now, after reading your words, feeling your despair and confusion, I see a light at the end of this tunnel.  You, just being you, is inspiring. Now I know that you get a little weird-ed out by any attention or adoration, but I mean these words sincerely, please keep doing you and living your life. By no means do I want you to become self conscience about people like my self being fans of your fame (gulp…breathe) But know that you, living your life, on your terms, for the good and bad is comforting to someone like me who is still so very deep in my dark place. I just wanted to say thank you. (and sorry if I have managed to freak you out) I know that I can’t be the only one to tell you that you ROCK. I look forward to hearing you and Fury every week.   Keep your light shining because for some of us that’s the only beacon that lets us know which way is up :)
How to kill your children in nine easy steps

One, do not listen. Do not listen when they tell you that they are hurting. That they cannot get out of bed because it feels like chains have wrapped around them and those links of iron are killing them.

Two, scream at them. Tell them how disappointed you are because A’s have dropped to F’s and senior year might as well be junior because it’s gonna be senior year again.

Three, tell them they cannot love certain people. Tell them they cannot love someone of the same gender. Tell them they will go to hell if they do.

Four, do not acknowledge the heavy sighs, the dark shadows that have appeared under their eyes.

Five, tell them they do not matter. Tell them they are a failure, they are worthless, they are not worthy of your love. Tell them this with your eyes. Tell them with your hugs, tell them with your lack of hugs. Tell them with your mouth hesitant “I love you’s”, where they used to flow like Niagara Falls.

Six, cry. Cry when you find a binder stuffed in a Drawer under underwear and bras. Cry when you violate their privacy and go through their art and find two girls kissing. A boy holding hands with another boy. A vibrant water colored rainbow with the words “pride” written under it. Cry when you find an LGBT flag carefully folded and set in a box in the back of the closet.

Seven, be disappointed. Criticize every action and everything that makes up the beauty of your child. From their art to the clothes that they wear.

Eight. Do not accept them. Yell back in anger when your daughter says she loves a girl at school, tell your son the crush he has on that boy is a sin. Glare, with the intensity of the hellfire you say they will go to, as your child tells you that sometimes they’re a girl and sometimes they are not and they want to change their name and their pronouns do not belong to a binary gender.

Nine. You have now shoved your child into a box until they could not breathe and now they are in a shiny, bigger box. Into a hole in the ground. Soon it will be topped with a stone that holds the wrong name and you will tell them it is their fault.

You will tell them this by saying it isn’t yours.

Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life, S1E4: Fall

THIS IS IT, PEOPLE. Possibly the final episode of Gilmore Girls ever. Let’s chug some chardonnay and make it count, amirite?

00:05:34 JASON RITTER CAMEO. Aaaaaand now I’m crying because of Parenthood memories.

00:07:21 Jess is back, in a hoodie, giving relationship advice. Blessed be my lady loins.

00:15:21 So now Rory may have dementia? Ravens and street signs are talking to her. 

00:16:23 Oh, of course, it’s just the Life and Death Brigade, with weird top hats and Beatles covers and tango dancers. What in Willy Wonka fuckery is the meaning of this? 

00:26:50 Logan. Fudging. Huntzberger. You are a scoundrel and a half, but Christ in a hand basket, you look mighty fine shirtless.

00:29:34 Rory just ended it for good with Huntzberger, but obviously not before hitting that one more time. Because look at him. LOOK AT HIM. 

00:31:21 Aaaaah, it’s Peter Krause! More Parenthood crying. Lauren Graham is full-blast flirting with Peter Krause and I. AM. #DEAD.

00:36:42 Just give Lauren Graham all of the fucking awards because she is KILLING it right now. 

00:42:17 She came back from her Reese Witherspoon excursions early to ask Luke to marry her and HE HAS THE RING READY. My cold heart can’t take this shit. 

00:49:13 Rory is going to write her great Gilmore novel at Richard’s desk. My face is drowning in emotion. 

00:56:21 I FUCKING KNEW IT. Also, thank sweet baby Jesus that Rory fixed that second “g.” For fifteen years that shit has been plaguing me. 

00:59:28 Emily Savage Gilmore just said the words “big tits,” “pre-colonial douche” and “bullshit” (FOUR TIMES) and I have died and been resurrected and then died again. 

01:02:32 Luke’s best friend is Kiefer Sutherland? Oh, okay. 

01:06:35 Christopher’s back and occupies the same “My brain hates you but my vagina like you a whole lot” space as Logan.

01:11:00 Emily is selling the Gilmore home and moving to Nantucket and also using the phrase “vagina house.” So, basically, living her best life, really.

01:14:04 Lorelai wants to expand the Dragonfly and needs money from Emily. She wants to use Luke’s diner-expansion money that Richard left him in his will, which Luke doesn’t want anyway but it still seems shitty and so a Lorelai move. 

01:16:48 Dean is here, and his forehead is massive and beautiful and so, so boring. Some things never change, eh?


01:23:27 Michel just called Sookie a “bitch” and Lorelai a “hot mess" and GOD I WILL MISS HIM. 

01:25:01 Emily Gilmore is working at a whale museum in Nantucket and making little children cry with graphic tales of whale stabbings. I would pay some SERIOUS money to take this tour.

01:25:43 Nothing to see here, just some hot-guy-reading porn for ya. 

01:33:02 Lorelai and Luke decide to elope the night before their wedding and it’s magical and beautiful and I cannot see anything through this Niagara Falls of tears flowing out of my fucking face. 

01:39:38 IT’S HERE. IT’S HAPPENING. THE FINAL FOUR WORDS. Aaaaaaaand they are—drum roll please—
”Mom?” “Yeah?” “I’m pregnant.” 


Is it Huntzberger’s baby? Is it the Wookie’s? IS IT FUCKING PAUL’S? Who knocked you up Rory? OF COURSE WE END WITH YOUR VAGINA SHENANIGANS, OF COURSE WE DO. I think I’m having a stroke.