• Harry:Hey Neville, how are my kids doing at Hogwarts?
  • Neville:*flashbacks of James in detention for wandering the corridors after curfew, Albus in detention for being caught with his hand down Scorpius Malfoy's pants, Lily in detention for punching a boy who said girls are weak*
  • Neville:Haha, just peachy! No worries, Harry!

It’d be so easy for Albus and Scorpius to manipulate their fathers into buying them stuff like all they need to say is “Scorpius’/Albus’ dad bought him the new broom, you know the one I’ve been talking to you about for weeks.” and sit back and watch as their dads’ competitive streak flares up and they buy their sons those new super expensive brooms. And Harry and Draco only realize they’ve been manipulated for years because they run into each other in the broom shop or something like that.

cursed child: summary

all of this is official and canon according to this source

  • scorpius albus and scorpius are both slytherin
  • they’re not gay bc rose and bc officially making characters gay is still too “”“risky”“
  • there is a rumour that a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius.
  • you cannot unread that (i promise you, it gets worse)
  • on the bright side, Hermione is Minister of Magic
  • harry gives everyone cool presents (like his invisibilty cloak) but albus gets an ugly old blanket that was once from harry’s mom
  • Harry “if ur a slytherin that’s who u are i still love you” potter legitly tells albus severus potter “sometimes i wish you weren’t my son”
  • albus and scorpius go back in time to fuck shit up so that cedric lives bc apparently that still matters
  • this chick delphie who says she’s amos diggory’s niece is like “yeah do it”
  • so they come back and all that’s changed is albus is in gryffindor bc that makes sense
  • dumbledore is there post-mortem to do what he does best: give fucking vague advice
  • harry then tells albus “don’t be friends w scorpius, literally ur only friend ever, anymore”
  • so like the obvious solution is that albus and scorpius go back in time to fuck shit up a g a i n
  • scorpius returns to the future alone, to a universe where umbridge greets him to celebrate voldemort day
  • harry potter died years ago, albus never existed
  • also scorpius is hot shit in this au apparently and a big muggle hater
  • quote bc i could never phrase it so well:
  • “Every girl at Hogwarts is hoping Scorpius—known as the Scorpion King—will ask them to the Blood Ball.”
  • no this is not an excerpt from My Immortal this is legit canon
  • “We hear Mudbloods screaming in the dungeons—which was apparently Scorpius’s idea.“
  • naturally muggleborns are still sent to hogwarts despite literally being tortured lol what did u expect
  • snape lives!au
  • no really he’s alive and he’s hiding hermione and ron in some stinky basement bc they’re wanted dead by everyone
  • all of them time travel once again to the triwizard tournament bc duh
  • then they come back and hermione and ron are soul-sucked by dementors
  • umbridge is like “i saw y’all”
  • snape kills umbridge
  • snape dies
  • scorpius returns to the original present shit and everything is fine again but also everyone is super pissed at the two of them
  • scorpius and albus decide to destoy the time turner when they are alone
  • deplhie shows up again
  • they fucking hand her the time turner
  • meanwhile harry and co realise the boys are gone and then ron walks in and says he saw them w some girl and harry’s like “oh amos’ niece delphie”
  • “wtf amos aint got no niece”
  • after tying scorpius and albus up, delphie has an evil monologue
  • delphie kills craig
  • delphie is about to kill scorpius when she’s struck from behind
  • it’s cedric diggory
  • so everyone does what they do best: they fuck off to another time line
  • scorpius and albus find out they have gone back to the day voldemort killed harry’s parents so that delphie can kill harry and voldemort lives
  • everyone forgot about neville
  • remember the blanket harry gave albus? albus writes a message on it so that the “present” (adult) harry knows where they are
  • “present” harry and co travel in time to save their asses
  • they set up a trap in which harry transfigures himself to look like voldemort and fool delphie
  • delphie is like “hi dad”
  • harry - i mean voldemort winkwink - is like “wtf”
  • delphie has another evil monologue
  • voldemort and bellatrix had actual sex and delphie came out
  • (did i say it was going to get worse than the scorpius rumour)
  • naturally instead of doing a fuck harry just goes all “oh ok wtf voldemort reproduced do tell me more- i mean, i, voldemort, tom marvolo riddle, thy future father, dark lord-”
  • it fails
  • albus saves his dad’s ass
  • they decide they shouldn’t actually do anything to stop the real voldemort apparently
  • “Together they all watch as Harry’s parents are murdered. Harry collapses to the floor in tears.”
  • srsly wtf jk rowling
  • did this man not already have enough shit in his life
  • back to the “present” and harry tells his son everything is ok bc he (harry) is afraid of pigeons and being a father

James Sirius uses the “son of the chosen one” literally every single chance he can get, especially after getting caught in the midst of an outlandish prank 

Albus Severus gets angry whenever someone tells him he is the son of the chosen one, because he hates living under that constant pressure

Lily Luna will smile and say, “I’m actually the daughter of the famous Quidditch player, Ginny Weasley”

  • Scorpius:Father, I'm gay and dating Albus Potter.
  • Draco:*looks up from newspaper* And you waited to tell me on April Fool's Day so you may play it off as a joke if I react extremely badly to the news?
  • Scorpius:*wide eyes* er... sort of yeah...Are you going to react extremely badly to the news?
  • Draco:It'd be hypocritical of me if I do. I'm dating his father after all. *continues to read the newspaper*
  • Scorpius:....wat?
  • Scorpius:Wait, are you playing a joke on me?
  • Scorpius:Are you really dating Mr. Potter?
  • Scorpius:Father, arE YOU?!?
  • Scorpius:DAD!
Wizarding World: Next Generation

Teddy Lupin and Victoire Weasley arrive for their coffee date. Teddy buys; he gets Victoire a cappuccino and himself a brightly colored mocha latte that changes colors every few minutes.

James Sirius Potter sneaks behind the counter and begins calling out drinks for people that don’t exist. The baristas apprehend him and threaten to call his father. He stops.

Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy enter the Starbucks in the late afternoon, order a green tea frappuccino and a strawberries & creme frappuccino, respectively, and head to the back of the shop to study.

The Scamander twins attempt to order from the secret menu at their mother’s suggestion. The world-weary barista says, “Kids, there wasn’t a secret menu when your mother went to Hogwarts, and there’s not a secret menu now. There’s never been a secret menu.” Lysander produces a recent copy of The Quibbler that suggests otherwise.

Albus Potter sits with a group of students from myriad Houses by the window, talking and laughing and content to be amongst friends.

  • the day that Teddy first left for hogwarts harry gave him the marauders map 
  • harry told him that this map was created by their fathers, and that it was passed down to him during his time at hogwarts and it was about time it was passed down to him 
  • teddy’s golden eyes lit up when he pulled out his new wand and tapped on the parchment echoing the words ‘mischief managed’, seeing the name moony appear on the torn map
  • for the entire ride to school, teddy locked himself in a compartment by himself, trying to get moony to say something, anything, to him. 
  • nothing appeared, no matter what he said or how hard he poked his wand at the parchment. but before teddy could get too disappointed, the train stopped and he was greeted by a familiar (albeit giant) face who lead him and the other first years to the castle 
  • teddy, partially due to him being a metamorphmagus, but mainly due to the fact he was by far the funniest student at the hufflepuff table, quickly made friends with every boy in his dorm 
  • that night teddy entertained all the boys in his room with his ability to morph into anything they asked, and before they knew it, daybreak was creeping over the landscape 
  • even so, after the rest of the boys fell asleep teddy found himself clutching at the map, whispering his entire first night at hogwarts to the parchment hoping that somehow moony was listening 
  • months passed, and every night teddy would tell the map everything that happened to him that day, even though he never received a response it was still something 
  • also it meant that by march teddy knew every student at hogwarts and who was snogging who which came in handy more often than you would think 
  • it was three am on an april night when teddy was recounting his first successful prank on professor binns, when a line of ink appeared 
  • ‘Mr. Moony would like to send his congratulations to Mr. Lupin, adding that he has never been prouder’