It has become routine, hearing Phil’s stuttering gasps and whimpers as he got himself off.
Usually when he hears the first telltale sounds of Phil beginning to do his business, Dan would quickly snatch up his headphones and turn it up to full volume.
It’s normal, he reminds himself as he sweats trying to find the right song in his iTunes playlist. All part of being a roommate. I just wish he wasn’t so bloody loud though…
Dan unintentionally becomes aware of how often Phil does it. It’ll usually be around 3 times a week, and last around 10 minutes. Sometimes during the busy periods he wouldn’t do it for nearly a week, and Dan would watch him as he does his daily activities. Is he doing it in the shower? Isn’t he sexually frustrated? He would wonder.
One night changes everything. It’s around 1am, and Dan is fully immersed into editing a new gaming video. He clips a few parts here and there, while making sure to add little sarcastic comments in comic sans on parts.
“Hello internet! So today…”
Dan blinks. That wasn’t coming from his Mac speaker. He glances around his bed, and sure enough, the headphones are plugged in. So where was it coming from?
It was faint, but he could hear the sound coming from the next room.
Ah. Phil’s watching my videos. Dan thinks, as he chuckles absently to himself.
Dan’s eyes shoot wide open at the sound, and he nearly falls off the bed.
Is he doing what I think he’s doing? While watching my videos? He places a hand over his burning face, mortified. Oh god, he thinks I’m asleep doesn’t he?
Now that suddenly he’s included into this private ritual, Dan cannot stop himself from eavesdropping. He can hear himself from the video, being dared to lick a banana seductively. The airy gasps grow heavier from Phil’s lips.
Curiosity gets to him. He bites his lip and tip toes towards the wall, his heart thundering in his chest.
Now that he’s pressing his ear to the white plaster, the noises grow in volume. Phil’s making these soft moans and keens, his breath shuddering in his throat.
Dan knows he should feel ashamed for his voyeurism, but his roommate’s moans were making him feel dizzy. It felt erotic, and it turned him on. He could feel the tightening of his black skinny jeans.
Hearing his name called like that sends a rush of blood down south. Dan grinds a palm against the hardness in his pants, and his breaths come out heavy.
A moan nearly slips out, and he quickly covers his mouth as he massages himself to the keens coming from the other side of the wall.
He knows that it’s wrong, but he feels too lightheaded and horny to care.
Dan is too embarrassed to look Phil in the eye.
Phil is yawning, his hair sticking up in random places as he navigates sleepily around the kitchen. He opens a cupboard and forgets to close it as he takes out a glass.
“You want some?”
Dan flinches a little, and he stutters “S-sure…” as he realizes Phil is holding up a jug of milk.
He looks a little confused at his reaction, but continues to pour into the pink Hello Kitty mug.
Dan glares agitatedly at his friend’s back. Phil was acting so normal it actually kinda pissed him off.
Dammit, if you like me, tell me!
His roommate is now scrolling twitter on his phone after putting down their drinks on the countertop, and Dan almost thinks last night was just a hallucination.
So he decides to test it. Super casually.
“So, um, Phil.”
“It’s been awhile, since I’ve done one of those Truth or Dare videos, huh?” Dan tries to say conversationally.
Something flickers in Phil’s eyes, and the brunette leans forward slightly. Aha, I got you.
“Phil? You alright?” Dan pretends to sound concerned. Fess up, you knob.
“Sorry, my contact lens dislodged a bit. Let me get my glasses.” Phil expertly dodges the question and even gets up, to boot. Dan’s eyes narrow.
After he gets back, Dan decides on a healthy dose of fruit for breakfast. To be more specific, a banana. He wasn’t going to lose to video Dan, oh no, he was the real deal.
“So, what do you think? Of this weeks new video idea?”
Phil continues to munch on his cereal. “Yeah, sounds good. The things your fans make you do is pretty outrageous though, you sure?”
“Oh yeah, I’m up to it.” Dan grins, and he peels the banana to place into his mouth.
He’s watching Phil intently, as he attempts to erotically lick it and eat it at the same time.
To his satisfaction, Phil had stopped in his tracks, his sky blue eyes wide.
“Ah! That must be from the BCC, they told me they’d call…” Phil says quickly, picking up the phone and answering it. “Hello, this is Phil Lester-”
Dan aggressively bites the banana in half.
It was weird, on how the tables could turn. Dan was certain Phil was in love with him, but for some reason he was the one chasing after him.
He had spent the whole day trying to seduce his friend, and he was exhausted.
Dan lays his head on a resting position on the sofa, the sounds of London’s blaring sirens in the distance. I’ll just close my eyes for a bit, he thinks blearily.
He’s probably only had them shut for 10 minutes, before he hears Phil enter the living room.
If he wasn’t so tired, he may have attempted to moan out Phil’s name like he did to his last night just to get his attention.
He expects him to simply walk past, but Phil stops when he gets to the couch.
Dan didn’t know why he was pretending to feign sleep, for some reason he always gets into these sort of situations.
Phil sighs a little, kind of affectionately actually. A minute later, he feels a blanket being tucked around him. Dan does his best to breathe in and out and hopes Phil doesn’t notice.
“…You always…” He hears him murmur.
“I just can’t tell when you’re kidding or not…”
Ah yeah. That’s how I unintentionally offend people into hating me.
“It’s so frustrating, that I’m too scared to even say this when you’re awake.” Phil continues, and a pang goes through Dan’s heart.
“I just…don’t want to mess this up. There’s just so much at stake, y'know? Our friendship, our living together, our careers…Ah…but this is already too painful…”
Dan suddenly feels bad. Really bad. He feels like he should apologize for his behavior today, but when he opened his eyes again Phil was gone.
Dan doesn’t know what to do, and he stews quietly in his thoughts as they sit together watching Tokyo Ghoul.
He takes side glances at his best friend, but doesn’t say anything.
I can see why he’s so cautious, but he can’t keep stamping on his feelings like that. I mean what about me? It’s like I don’t even get a say in the matter.
An urge to hug Phil arises, but instead he clutches the purple cushion closer to his chest.
“Dan? You alright?” The older man looks at him in concern as he pauses on a particularly grotesque scene.
“…Mmgh.” Dan buries his head into the cushion, his chest aching as he curls into a fetal position. He can’t even look at him without wanting to kiss him.
He blinks as the cushion is taken from him, and Phil is grinning.
“Don’t tell me you’re scared?”
Dan’s heart catches in his throat as he fears Phil had read his mind. They’ve been together so long that it was probably true.
“I don’t blame you though, poor Kaneki!”
Dan realizes what has just happened, and he feels his head short circuit at yet another crushing defeat.
Ah, I can’t stand this one sided bullshit.
Dan snatches the other pillow next to him, it was crucial Phil could not see his expression.
“Look, you’re not the only one.” Dan mumbles into it.
“…Huh? What you on about?” Phil asks, a note of confusion in his voice.
“You’re not the only one who feels like this!” He snaps, and he can tell his roommate is taken aback.
“Look, I heard you jacking off to me in your room last night.”
Phil’s face turns into a brilliant shade of red. He stops and restarts a dozen words, his mouth gaping open.
“Oh. Oh god. I-I’m so, so sorry-” Phil stutters, “I’ll never- oh I screwed up. I’m so-”
“And guess what? I masturbated to you as well! So we’re even!”
Phil looks startled. “You…you what?”
“That’s right, I did it.” Dan says triumphantly. “It’s not just you.”
Phil looks at him with disbelief, before he sighs. “…This isn’t some game, you don’t have to lie to make me feel better-” He begins exasperatedly, but Dan cuts him off.
“So you don’t believe me?” He accuses.
Phil doesn’t answer, his eyes downcast.
“Look Phil, I know you’re paranoid on losing what we have but honestly, I think we could make it.”
He leans over and finally, Phil is looking at him. Dan hesitates for a second, and kisses him very softly on his forehead.
“I’ll be here no matter what.”
Phil is blushing, and Dan wants to coddle him.
“That’s a promise then?”
Phil smiles, and holds out a pinky finger. Dan grins, and takes it.
It’s been three weeks. Three weeks since I last put out a video on my channel. There’s no reason for it really—I haven’t exactly been busy. I could have made a video at any point but I didn’t because the thought of making one stresses me out. Me! It’s usually Dan who is worried about putting out videos. I’m supposed to be on top of this. Yet here I sit at my computer staring at the blank screen trying to think up an idea.
Maybe I can just do a tag video like the ‘my flatmate does my makeup’ or something silly like that. But people would probably be mad if I make something that easy after three weeks of no content. Think, Phil, think. There’s got to be an idea floating up in that head of yours!
this hasn’t been proofread so sorry for any mistakes, I’ll edit tomorrow.
M I C H A E L
Don’t talk, let me think it over. How are we gonna fix this?
It had been a week since Michael walked out on you. A week since you saw the boy you loved, felt him touch you, heard his voice.
A week since you could breath.
You hadn’t left the house in the entire week. You were afraid that if you left then everything would be gone, everything that reminded you of him would leave once you did. The sheets would loose his smell, the cupboard would be missing his cereal, the house would just loose the censeof Michael.
You were terrified of that.
You couldn’t cry anymore. No more tears came after the third day, just a dull aching pain in your chest that felt like someone had reached in and twisted and pulled until they had your heart in their hands and left with it.
You were laying on your bed staring at the celling. The TV was on but you had no idea what you were watching, it was mere background noise to help distract you from the missing guitar riffs and loud laughs that filled the house barely a week ago.
Someone knocked on the door, but you ignored it like you had been the past week. It didn’t matter who it was, the only person you wanted to open the door for was Michael, but he had his own key and you were starting to think he was never going to come back.
The thought alone made your chest ache even more and you turned to face the window, clutching onto the sweatshirt you were wearing. It was Michaels favorite; you hadn’t worn your own clothes the entire week, choosing to wear something of his so his smell engulfed you at all times.
You honestly knew this would do more harm than good, but you couldn’t care less at the moment. All you wanted was to be as close to him as possible.
You heard someone knocking again, but this time it was much closer and a much softer sound.
Your body was turned against the door and you refused to face it, believing that the voice you had just heard, the same voice you had been dying to hear for a week, was just a figment of your imagination.
This thought was quickly erased when you felt the bed dip next to you and Michaels voice just above a whisper, “Please look at me.”
“I can’t.” You mumble.
“Why not?” he sounds hurt.
“If I look at you and you leave again my heart won’t be able to take it.” You blurted out the truth before you lost the courage and you heard Michael give a sharp intake of breath.
He grabbed your shoulder and gently turned you two face him, wiping the tears that had made their way onto your cheeks, “I’m not leaving, Y/N. Ever.”
You open your eyes to look at him and see the sincerity in his own, beautiful green eyes.
“I love you, I’m so sorry. I promise I won’t ever hurt you again. I don’t know what I was thinking-“ Your ramblings are cut short when Michael places his lips on yours and you both transmit into that kiss what you can’t put into words.
A S H T O N
Is it too late to bring us back to life?
You’re not even halfway down the sidewalk when you hear the door open and Ashtons loud cries as he chases after you.
“Y/N! Please, babe!” He grabs your arm once he reaches you and turns you to face him.
It was the first time you saw Ashton cry. Tears were falling relentlessly down his cheeks and his eyes were bloodshot, the site made your heart break all over again. Behind the pain though, you could see determination in his eyes as he cupped your face and stared right into your own tear filled eyes.
“You’re not leaving me. You can’t. I won’t let you.” He shook his head when you tried to interrupt, “Just let me say my part, I let you talk before, let me talk now.” He begged you and you gave a feeble nod, taking your bottom lip between your teeth and nibbling on it.
“I know I’m a horrible boyfriend, I’ve been gone constantly, mentally and physically, the past few weeks, but damn it, Y/N, don’t leave because of it. I love you. I love you more than anything and anyone in this entire world and I would never be able to forgive myself if I lost you. It’s already killing me knowing how much pain I must have put you through that you thought the only way to feel better was to leave me, but I promise I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Just, please, baby, don’t go.” His voice breaks on the last two words.
“I-I don’t know if I can handle it, Ash.” You look down and fiddle with your hands. You want to stay, oh god you so want to stay, but you don’t know if you can handle the hurt that you went through all over again.
“Do you still love me?” He murmurs in a low voice, but loud enough for you to hear.
What kind of question is that? Of course you love him, there’s no doubting that, he has to know that.
“More than anything.”
“Then stay. I know we can work through this, you just have to have faith in us and tell me when I’m being a douche.”
You chuckle at his last words and bury your face into his chest, taking in the smell you love so much and letting the few tears you still had left stain his shirt.
He wrapped his arms around you tightly and kissed the top of your head, “I love you, Y/N. Stay with me.”
“I’ll stay.” You whispered against his chest.
He pulled away from you and you swore you’d never seen a smile so genuine and completely filled with love in your entire life.
C A L U M
Even though my dizzy head is numb I swear my heart is never giving up.
You wake up the next morning to the smell of something burning and rush into the kitchen. Calum is stood over the toaster trying to put out a fire, you don’t even stop to wonder how he managed to set the toaster on fire before pushing him out of the way and putting the fire out yourself. You turned, one hand on your hip, to face Calum and rose a single questioning eyebrow, “Why were you trying to burn my apartment down?”
“I was trying to make us breakfast to make up for last night, but you know Ash is the only one who can cook in the band.” He smiles sheepishly and you just roll your eyes and turn before he can see the smile on your face.
You set to work, making eggs and tea for you both.
You sat in complete silence eating your breakfast, ignoring the feeling of Calums eyes on you and avoiding his gaze.
“I’m sorry.” Your head snapped up at that and you looked at Calum questioningly, not sure if he had actually spoken or you’d just imagined it.
Before you could question it though he opened his mouth and started speaking quickly, “I’m sorry for leaving. I was a fool for thinking I could just end things with you like I did. I’m miserable, Y/N. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I’m pretty sure the first time I smiled in 3 months was last week. I’m not me when I’m not with you. You bring out the best in me and I need you in my life again.”
A stunned silence would fill the room and you’d quickly wipe a tear that had escaped your eye away, getting up from your chair and walking over to his side of the table.
You wouldn’t say anything as you gently pushed him back and sat on his lap, running your fingers over his face.
“Thank god you said something.” You’d whisper while running your thumb over his bottom lip.
Calum’s face broke into his cheesy grin and you knew that the boy you loved was back, for good.
“So am I, Y/N. I love you.”
“I love you, Calum.”
His hand cupped your neck and he brought your face down to his, kissing you, letting all the love you hasn’t been able to show the last few months be felt in that kiss.
L U K E
Bitter words spoken, everything broken.
Luke had left for tour two months ago and you swore you had never been as miserable and lonely as you had been during those eight weeks.
He hadn’t even said goodbye. No messages, no calls, nothing.
You were failing most of your classes and wouldn’t talk to anyone.
All you did was go to school and spend your nights trying to sleep, getting at most 4 hours of sleep a day.
You were currently home alone trying, and failing, to do your coursework. You pulled at your hair in frustration before throwing the book against the opposite wall and cursing loudly.
You went to lie on the couch, staring blankly at whatever was playing on the TV.
You turned your head towards the door when someone knocked and groaned, getting up and throwing the blanket you had wrapped around you on the couch.
You threw open the door and the insult you were ready to throw at whoever was on the other side died on the tip of your tongue.
“Luke?” You stood frozen on the spot, staring blankly at the man who had caused you the greatest heartache you had ever felt.
His hair was flat, his clothes looked like they had been slept in for various days and the bags under his eyes looked almost like bruises. He looked every bit as horrible and you felt (and probably looked).
Before you could get another sound out he crashed his lips to yours, his familiar taste overwhelming you. You reacted immediately, reaching your hands around his neck and tugging at the ends of his hair as his own arms went around your waist.
You pulled him into the apartment and closed the door, not once breaking the kiss.
His lips molded perfectly with yours as he nipped and tugged on your bottom lip, causing a low groan to escape from the back of your throat.
Luke walked you both towards your bedroom out of instinct and pinned you against the hallway wall, finally breaking the kiss only to put his lips on your neck and start sucking gently.
You craned your neck to give him more access and ran your hands down his chest, causing him to moan against your neck.
“God, I’ve missed you so fucking much, Y/N.” He mumbled against your neck, his breath sent chills down your spine and you tugged on his hair to get him to look at you.
“I’ve missed you too, Luke.” He kissed you again, harder and more passionately than before.
You wouldn’t question why he was there when he was supposed to be on the other side of the world; wouldn’t question it when he tugged you into your room and laid you down on the bed to show you how much he missed you; and you sure as hell wouldn’t question it when afterwards, as he’s holding you in his arms and running his hand up and down your arm, you say yes when he turns to face you and says, “Please say you’ll come back with me.”
a few people requested a part II so here you go :) I hope you all like it, I worked really hard on it. let me know what you think please so I can work on it for any other preference I might write :)