next up the dudes

storytime

ugh so I was thinking about how last year I was at a ski area alone waiting for my dad to pick me up when this dude sat down RIGHT next to me. he kept asking me for my name and where I lived and when I said I was 15 and to leave me alone he just kept telling me how pretty I was for my age and the only thing that got him to leave me alone was when he asked me who I was texting I said my dad and that he was going to pick me up in a couple mins (which was a lie he was going to be another half an hour) he imediatly left…. this happened in broad daylight with many other people around…


I just wanted to remind any girl that sees this that if you are in a similar situation saying that a male family member is about to pick you up will get them to hopefully leave.


also I litterally thought of this because right now im waiting after school to be picked up and an old dude is staring at me.


also I hate men

Some of y’all are asking about the ritual with the scotch, so HERE IS A STORY THAT SPANS SEVERAL GENERATIONS OF SHENNANIGANS.

So my dad’s side of the family is a bunch of rowdy farm boys with a dark sense of humor. My oldest uncle Tim was the first to get married and the rest of them orchestrated this complicated, almost medieval style dance routine on the dance floor where they would switch dance partners mid-song and slowly danced the bride towards the door, swept her up, put her in the back of the pickup truck, and took her away.

Tim doesn’t notice until the song ends. This was in the 70′s, way before cell phones. The front desk of the hotel gets a call, it’s one of my uncles. “We have your wife. The price is one bottle of scotch.”

He’s like ‘what is this shit?’ And he figures they can’t hold out too long. They have to come back sometime. No. They are literally driving her around the block several times, stopping at pay phones to check in to see if he’s gotten the ransom. This goes on for about an hour.

So he goes out and gets a bottle of scotch, puts it by the door as they drive by and everyone returns.

All the boys got married in the order of their birth and let me just say… they’re not above petty payback. Next one up is Jay who just… seems to forget entirely that his brothers are complete jackasses. Also, he was kind of the ringleader at the last one so there’s no way they could do it to him!

Haha… ha…. haaaaaaaa… oh, uncle Jay. You sweet summer child… who is also several decades older than me. 

Bride gets kidnapped, almost in the same manner as Tim’s. The price, as always, is a bottle of scotch. But Jay… oh… Jay…

Jay just HAD to get his ass married on a Sunday and this is Indiana, buck-o. There ain’t no alcohol sales on Sundays. No liquor stores, no grocery stores, no convenience stores. Nowhere. But there WAS a bar at the Marriott holding the reception. So he had to pay the front desk $75 for a bottle of scotch maybe worth $20 so he could get his wife back. 

A pattern emerges. 

My uncle Moe was next in line. They…. eloped for reasons, but for the purposes of this story we will say that he avoided a situation where his brothers could steal his wife. It’s kind of a personality thing with him, we’ve noticed. Just… ‘oh! Let me avoid this conflict entirely.’ 

Next up is my dad, who is a fun-loving dude who had his reception at a bowling alley and he was NOT, I repeat: NOT- going to have this night ruined by larceny when there is IMPORTANT BOWLING TO BE DONE. Buys a bottle of scotch and and presents it to his brothers with a big audience just so no one can claim that he didn’t. Everyone has fun. 

Moe’s first marriage falls through, and I’m not saying that there’s superstitious reasons for this but I’m just saying- he most certainly DID NOT present a bottle of scotch as an offering at the reception so we must reasonably assume that this had something to do with it. He gets married again and you better believe that there was a bottle of scotch waiting for his brothers at their table. 

So this tradition carried on into the next generation. No one actually expects that the four of them are up to kidnapping anyone when they’re well into their 50′s, but no one is about to risk it. There is a bottle of scotch at the table where the brothers sit at every wedding. 

But my cousin Julia is a perfectionist and if there is any detail that might go wrong, she is going to obsess over it. Because of this, she has a tendency to overcompensate to make sure that NOTHING goes wrong. NOTHING. 

She plans her big moment TO THE MINUTE and a week before the wedding she has this revelation… she has heard… stories. 

Oh no. 

The scotch. 

Around the same time, my grandma is moving out of her old house and she’s inviting family members to rifle through her old things before she gives them to Goodwill. Me, my dad, Tim, and Jay are all there. We’re about to leave when Moe comes up the drive way with a BIG BOX. 

And Gran is like ‘I don’t need more stuff… I don’t need more stuff.. what the fresh hell have you brought to me this time, son of mine?’

He sets it on the floor and it clinks. 

“Julia has ordered me to bring this as a preemptive offer to ensure that there will be no need for a ransom.”

He has brought 24 bottles of scotch. Each brother, including himself, can have six bottles. Whatever debt might have been incurred from his first marriage has been paid off. Her children, and her children’s children, and her children’s children’s children… will no longer need to live in fear of kidnapping on their wedding night. 

This is a sharp contrast to my sister-in-law, who learned of this tradition a week before her wedding, went out and bought a bottle of scotch, slammed it down on their table, and told them to fight for it. 

Things that my crazy-ass Philosophy Professor did today:

1.) At the start of the class there were only like 10 out of 35 kids there, so he walks in the class, looks at us for a while in silence. Then says “Ah, okay.” And walks out. 

EVERYONE WAS LIKE LMAO WHAT?!

Then he came back in like five minutes later and was like: “Had you guys there for a second didn’t I?! Yeah, it’s raining so I’m not gonna leave.”

2.) Some dude legit brought in four small cheeseburgers and freaking FIVE cartons of chocolate milk and was eating them the whole time. And halfway through the class while he’s lecturing, my Professor stops mid-sentence, walks up to the dude (who is sitting RIGHT next to me) and is staring in astonishment at the guy because in like thirty-minutes, that kid drank all the cartons of milk and no one noticed. My Professor just said “How? Okay, nevermind.” and continued with what he was saying before. 

3.) He kept looking at milk kid who finished the burgers and had everything on his desk, like the cartons were practically falling off but he didn’t throw them away. Until he finally stopped his lecture again, went to him, and grabbed all his garbage to throw it away for him. The kid looked embarrassed and was like “Nah man it’s fine, I’ll do it later.”

And the Professor without looking at him with all the garbage in his arms was like “Hm, where’s the garbage? The last time I saw it, it was besides the ‘No food and No Drinks Allowed’ sign. Hm weird.” AND EVERYONE OOOOOO’d . 

4.) He wanted us to answer this question that we talked about like only five minutes before. But everyone was tired and just didn’t really want to answer. But he thought that neither of us knew. So he got on the floor next to some girl’s desk, like on his knees and started slamming his fist on her desk as he fake cried loudly. “We just talked about thhHHHHIiiiSSSSss!!!”

5.) “So we’re now going to talk about an argument that people use when talking about God’s existence. It’s called the Big Bang Theory. And no I’m not talking about the mediocre television show.”

A soft whisper in the back: “Mediocre?”

bts as friends you bring to the gay club

jin: he’s the dd. holds your hair back when ur puking. listens to u whine about not having a gf. somehow gets someone’s number while you aren’t looking. doesn’t rub it in. makes sure you drink plenty of water before going to sleep.

yoongi: buys the first round of drinks. disappears and leaves you alone by the bar. comes back after an hour with dirty patches on the knees of his pants. says he was ‘in the bathroom’.

hoseok: forces you out onto the dance floor with him and immediately ditches you when he spots a hot guy. spends the rest of the night in the vip area making out with said guy. 

namjoon: it’s his first time at a gay club. really adamant as your Straight Ally Friend that he supports you. seems overwhelmed at first but he goes home at the end of the night with the dude u know from gsa.

taehyung: covered in glitter. dancing on poles like a go-go boy by the end of the night. loses his shoes after 15 minutes. spills his drink on your new dress and runs away giggling before u can cuss him out. ditches u to go get dick. (but brings u breakfast and pain relievers the next morning to make up for it)

jimin: IMMEDIATELY surrounded by hot dudes. gets free drinks the entire night. red faced and white girl wasted from the second he walks through the door. shamelessly flirts with everyone but bounces at the end of the night like ‘lmao sorry i have a bf :))’

jungkook: a pure innocent baby gay it’s also his first time in a gay club. takes to it like a fucking fish to water. gets adopted by all the old gays and drag queens. calls himself a twunk the whole night. takes his shirt off and runs to the dance floor when they play his fave song. by 2am ur shoving him into an uber and hoping for the best. (he texts you the next day asking you why there’s a new contact in his phone that just says ‘new sugar daddy 😘🤑💋🍾’)

violent antisemitism was just a joke, using the n-word as an insult is just a slip up during a heated gaming moment, next thing we know that dude will commit a willful, deliberate, and premeditated murder and call it a prank

Voltron AU where Viktor is Lotor hehehe

He’s head over heels with his newly appointed general, Yuuri Katsuki 

Help (i need someone)

This was supposed to be a few paragraphs of “i had a thought” so of course it ended up over 1k. Oops?

I might write this eventually, i sort of wrote this already, but it’s not!fic style, I’ll be expanding it in the next few days, but if you get inspired, feel free to run with it, just tag me please!

So, you know how animals will occasionally seek help from humans? Like, a momma cat whose kittens are stuck in a drain pipe, or a raccoon who gets its paw trapped in a pop can, etc?

Think feral Derek who gets injured (either just after the fire he goes full shift feral or after finding Laura, or a random thing whatever, just he’s a wolf and has been for sometime now) and he gets injured. Caught in a trap or maybe he finds an injured thing, or maybe he’s stuck in a plastic ring thing that someone left behind from a picnic and he’s kind of forgotten how to be human, so he needs a hand, and so he howls for help.

Stiles has been hearing a wolf howling for weeks now, but when he mentions it is just met with “There are no wolves in California” but, you know our curious boy is not going to give up. So he’s been walking through the preserve investigating. He’s pretty sure he’s narrowed down where the wolf is living now, so when he hears a particularly urgent sounding howl, he’s in his Jeep and on the road before the sound is even finished echoing.

When he gets close to where he wants to turn into the preserve he sees a huge, black wolf, limping (or trying to get his attention, depending on whether Derek is injured, stuck, or being a good boy, er, Samaritan…).

So Stiles stops the car abruptly and, unthinking, leaps out of the car and runs toward the animal, practically skidding to a stop as he drops down in front of it, asking “What’s wrong, big guy, huh?” And Derek. Derek is momentarily stunned because this human just all but launched himself at him and that’s… not normal? Also, he smells really good (and familiar, definitely the human that’s been walking through the woods on the edges of his territory) and his hands that are absently petting Derek’s fur and checking for injuries feel really nice, and it’s all kind of jumbled in his head because he’s been running mostly on instinct for a while, and what he really wants to do is push his nose into the human’s neck and scent him and then push him over onto the ground and curl up around him.

But. He had a reason for venturing out of the relative safety of the woods. He needed help.

So he manages to communicate to the boy whatever it is that he needs, and Stiles obliges (i don’t know what’s cuter, some ridiculous litter caught around him or him leading Stiles to some trapped kittens) and then Stiles convinces the big wolf to get in his car (not that it takes much, Derek really wants to go with him) and takes him home, gets him clean and dry, figures out how to explain it to his dad…

Stiles finds the wolf curled up around his pillow (you can’t blame Derek, it smelled so good, okay) and after unsuccessfully trying to convince him to move to the end of the bed, gives up and lies down next to him with a grumbled “listen dude, i know you understand me, you did everything else i asked you to do, even let me give you a bath, which even dogs don’t do calmly. You’re not a normal wolf, buddy” to which Derek replies with a huff and a nuzzle at Stiles’ hand demanding to be pet as he apologizes. As Stiles scratches Derek’s head lightly, the truth of what he said hits him: this is not a normal wolf.

As he falls asleep, he’s already thinking about what to research in the morning.

He convinces his dad he’s fostering the wolf-dog for Dr Deaton, Scott’s boss at the vet clinic, and John quickly grows to enjoy the giant “dog” he even encourages him to sit with him while he reads over case files and half watches the game. As the days pass and he spends more time with the incredibly obedient wolf, who responds and reacts more like a human than an animal, and he does more and more digging into lore and local history, he starts to think he’s got it figured out.

They’ve been arguing about names, because Stiles needs something to call him. So far, the wolf has grouched about all nicknames (dude gets an especially emphatic unhappy sound) and done a decent canine version of an eye roll at a series of popular dog names. After a couple weeks, Stiles sits down in front of the wolf and pets him, holds his face with both hands and scritches behind his ears.

“Hey pal. I think I’ve figured out what to call you, but i need you to promise you won’t get mad like when i suggested Balto,okay? And i need you to promise you won’t like, run away or rip my throat out with those impressively big teeth of yours, yeah?”

Derek tilts his head in the best unimpressed agreement he can muster as a wolf (and he’s been having a hard time staying as a wolf lately, he wants to know what Stiles’ hands he’ll like on his skin and talk to John about baseball. He’s starting to remember what being human feels like. He’s even woken up half shifted a few times, human arms wrapped around Stiles and the beat of his heart under his fingertips, a growing ache in his chest).

“I think,” Stiles sighs and bumps his forehead against Derek’s. “I think i should be calling you Derek.” Stiles holds his breath and Derek freezes then tries to pull away, shaking his head as he feels the wolf falling away. “Derek, please, please stay calm, it’s okay. I know what happened, i get it. Please. ”

And Stiles’ hands are splayed and there’s no stutter in his heart beat, and his voice is quiet and pleading, so Derek stops fighting, stops holding onto the wolf, lets the shift fall away until it’s just him, kneeling uncertainly on Stiles’ bedroom floor. He takes a deep breath before he can meet Stiles’ eyes, when he does they both gasp a little, each struck by the beauty of the other, and Stiles in awe at the transformation he’s witnessed: the confirmation of the supernatural overwhelming, but not as overwhelming as the man crouched in front of him.

As a wolf, Derek had become a best friend of sorts; a faithful companion and confidant, even as Stiles began to suspect his true nature, he still felt safe telling him all his secrets.

After a long moment staring at each other, a grin spreads across Stiles’ face. “Hi.”

Derek swallows hard and manages a rough sounding “Hi” his vocal chords no longer accustomed to the shape of words.

Eventually, after looking at each other with soft smiles, Stiles momentarily holding in a million questions, Derek growing used to the way his body and his mind feel when he’s human, they get up. Stiles moves close and reaches a hand up to feel Derek’s face, repeating a soft “Hi” around an even softer grin, Derek leans into the touch and it’s easy to drift together to the bed. Stiles gets Derek some pyjama pants and tries not to look as he changes before sitting beside him, their hands lacing together easily as they talk for hours, falling asleep briefly until the sound of John’s car wakes them.

Stiles tells his dad the dog had to go back to Deaton and they both mourn his loss, John starts talking about getting a new dog. After a couple days of hiding Derek, Stiles introduces him to the Sheriff as a human. They get along even better than before, much to everyone’s relief. (They probably spin a story about Derek’s apartment flooding or something a few days later to get John to offer the spare room, because hiding a full grown man is hard, and Derek isn’t ready to be a person around other people yet. When Stiles has visitors he hides)

It takes time, but Derek grows comfortable in his skin again, and after they’ve known each other many months as people, they go from being Derek and Stiles to DerekandStiles and it’s as easy as it ever was for them to curl around each other, whisper secrets and fall asleep to rhythm of one another’s heartbeat.

This Is Going to Be About Heroes

Enough of the educators who were at ALAN/ NCTE ‘16 have asked me for the transcript of my keynote there that I’ve finally decided to post it. Here it is, give or take.


_________


This is going to be about heroes.

I’m going to tell you three stories about heroes and bravery, and then I’m going to tell you how all three of those stories could be told differently.

Nowadays, I find myself a professional storyteller. A maker of heroes. I spend my days putting swords in stones, monsters under beds, ghosts in attics. I have learned that often the difference between a hero and a villain is merely the narrator I choose for the lens of the story. I have learned, too, that the difference between a horror and a romance is sometimes as simple as where I choose to begin the story. A tragedy and a comedy can convey the same events — the difference is in how you tell them.

I’ve also learned that this isn’t just true of the stories I write. It’s true in the story I’m living. The first hero I ever built was myself.

So. These three stories. I’m sharing these three stories about heroes because I want to talk about how the most important stories we tell are the ones we tell about ourselves. Those who have the power and wherewithal to change the narrative of the events around them are the ones who will change the future. Those who have the guts to say “that’s not my version of events” when they hear someone else telling their story are the ones who get to own their own story.

Here is story number one: I drove down to NCTE from my home in Virginia on Saturday. It was supposed to be about a seven and a half hour drive but it turned into a ten hour trip because of Atlanta traffic. Because of my car’s tiny gas tank, I ended up stopping for gas three times. Each time I pulled into a station, a thing happened, the same thing that’s been happening every time I park my car in a public place for the past month. I’ll get out of my car and swipe my card at the pump, feeling like there are eyes on me. I plug in my zip code and put the fuel nozzle in the car, and as I do, I’ll see that the eyes are attached to a motorist or a pedestrian who has paused to stare at me. By the time the tank is full and I’ve gotten my receipt, I’ll discover that they’ve made their way over to me. The conversation goes pretty much the same way every time.

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Royalty AU - Prince Kim of Lê Chiến Kingdom

Read the fic here (Kim is the main character so it was about time I drew him! :P)

(Marinette, Adrien, Alya, Nino, Chloé, Sabrina, Juleka, Rose, Nathaniel, Alix) (more classmates coming soon)

anonymous asked:

gemlands fusions please please please

Jathena: Athena+Janey 
Pretty much Garnet, she have two more eyes under the band on her forehead

The Con Artist: Fiona+Sasha
in this AU the sisters are actually one gem who during their formation got split in half, making them defective at the eyes of HW, their fusion will make them what they should have look like but even if they like it being a fusion is very tiresome, they enjoy living their own life and experince with the company of each other but separate.

Show Man: Jack+Rhys
one room can’t contain both this giant dude and his huge ego.

[coming up next: Jathena+Con/Rhys, Rhys+Con, Jathena+Con+Rhys]

Invincible

(drabble request from @festus14)

The first time Danny blew his ghost form to smithereens, Tucker was understandably terrified. The ghost fight had been progressing as normal (meaning Danny dishing out more bad puns and jokes than actual damage to his opponent) when there had been a huge blast of light and energy - and Danny had vanished. Although Tucker had canvassed the area all night, he found nothing more than spattered bits of ectoplasm and tiny flutters of black fabric.

It was just before dawn that Tucker finally came to the devastating conclusion that his friend was no more. He went home and laid on his bed, spending most of the day locked in his room staring at the ceiling, trying to decide how best to explain to the Fentons what had happened to their son.

Danny stumbled out of the portal, blinking and confused and mercifully whole, just before supper - solving Tucker’s dilemma. Both boys chalked it up to luck and decided to not think about it any more than absolutely necessary.

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anonymous asked:

What if Hiveswap legitimately never comes out? The interviews eventually cease, and no word of it is ever brought up again by anyone, and the people who were working on it pretended the game never existed and don't know what the interviewer is talking about? There is no actual finalization that the game is canceled, everything just. Stops. Do you have a limit with this blog? Is there a number you have to tell yourself to quit at? What are your rules here? When will you be free?

Empire State of Mind

NurseyDex, 3600 words, Rated Teen, Fluff/POV Nursey (here on AO3)

Dex spends a summer in New York with the Nurses. (For day seven of @nurseydexweek​!)


The Haus is quiet when Derek walks in. SportsCenter’s playing lowly on the TV, but he doesn’t even spot Dex, stretched out on the couch, until he walks all the way into the living room. Dex has one arm over his face and his laptop carelessly strewn across his thigh, which is probably cause for concern—Dex is never so cavalier with his precious laptop. Derek closes it and moves it safely to the coffee table before sitting down next to his feet.

“What’s up, dude?”

“Hey.” Dex moves his arm off his face. “How was your test?”

Derek props his feet up on the coffee table and shrugs. “Fine, I guess. What’s going on with you?”

“I’m starting to hear back about those internships, and I got the one I really wanted.”

“Dude, that’s awesome,” Derek says sincerely. He was around for the frantic application process a couple months ago, and he knows how much work Dex put into it. “Congrats. So why do you look like, depressed?”

“I don’t think I can do it.”

“What? Why the fuck not?”

“It’s in New York. I mean, there’s a stipend, but it’s not even close to enough for me to live on for 10 weeks. I’ve been doing the math, and it’s just not gonna work out.”

“So stay with me,” Derek says, without even thinking about it, and Dex’s brow furrows.

“What?”

“Just stay with me,” he repeats, after he takes three seconds to actually consider it. Yes, this is a good idea. “We have a guest room.”

“I—I can’t do that.”

“Why the fuck not?”

Dex sits up, looking uncomfortable. “I can’t just like…mooch off you and your parents all summer.”

“Oh my god, do not be such a fucking drama queen.” Dex swats him for that, and Derek swats right back. “You need a place to stay, I have a place to stay. Plus, it’ll be fun. Good practice for us living together next year.”

Dex hesitates. “Shouldn’t you ask your parents?”

“I mean, I will,” Derek says with a shrug, “but they’ll be fine with it, I swear.”

If they’re actually okay with it, I’ll think about it.” 

“Good,” Derek says, satisfied, and Dex gnaws at his lower lip.

“But thanks. It’s—that’s a nice offer.”

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