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Max Damage Dildo

Same group as the mega dwarf woman, consisting of a tiny ratfolk rogue, a blind kenku warlock, and a 7 foot tall lupine ranger (our half orc friend had to leave the campaign). We defeated a bone naga and found a hidden chest under a pile of bones with some unusual goods.

Lupine: Are these…are these dildos?

Ratfolk (is socially inept): what’s that?

L: Nothing don’t worry about it. (OOC): I take the biggest one.

DM: I can’t believe I’m letting this happen but fine, you pick up a 24 inch dildo and pocket it.

R (OOC): I also take one….I’m a rogue and I likes collecting things.

Next session we investigate a town where dead bodies have been going missing. While investigating a graveyard, two guards surprise us and are quickly determined to be the guilty party. They both manage to miss the Kenku warlock, who is standing directly in front of them…and is blind. The rogue manages to miss and is now the lupines turn.

L (*after a minute of thought*) OOC: I take out my 24 inch dildo and chuck it at the nearest one’s face.

DM: ….why did I let this happen. Okay fine, but you’re getting disadvantage because it’s an improvised weapon.

Lupine manages to pass all of the checks, and javelins the dildo into the guards face, breaking his nose.

DM: He’s just discovered something horrible about himself….he was really into that.

Our Kenku manages to climb on a guards back and hold a knife to his throat, demanding information about what’s been going on at the risk of his friend dying. They submit and we tie them up, while she also enters his mind and gains extra information.

Kenku: For cooperating I will let you go….you do not need to worry about your boss finding you. If I ever see you skulking around these parts again I will make you wish it was your boss who found you instead.

Guard: Okay…but please since I cooperated….can I take the object that hit me in the face with me?

L: Only on the condition I get to hit you in the face with it again.

R OOC: If she does this I wanna help and use mine. I may not know what it is but I know it’s the same thing and that I wanna hit him.

DM: Again, I CAN’T believe I let this happen but okay. Both of you roll a D4.

L: Uuuh I rolled a 4

R: I got a 4 too! Oh my god we rolled max damage with two dildos

We both high five and laugh uncontrollably for a few minutes while our DM questions his life choices.

We spent a good chunk of this afternoon prepping these new goodies in the basement (SO MANY PONIES…and necklaces and new-old photos, and and and…). We’ll be putting these collections out next week – but FIRST, we need your help to make room for even *more* new-to-you collections (and besides, it’s time), so we’re throwing another Bonus Weekend Sale!
Bargains and discounts start Friday (3/31) at 11AM and will continue through the weekend (minimum 20% off storewide, no exceptions – with abundant 50% savings, too). #sale #minneapolis #mpls #spreadtheword (!)

To accept one’s past – one’s history – is not the same thing as drowning in it; it is learning how to use it. An invented past can never be used; it cracks and crumbles under the pressures of life like clay in a season of drought.
—  James Baldwin, from “Down at the Cross: Letter from a Region in My Mind,” The Fire Next Time
4

Ketchup

by  waytoomanypeopleintheaddisonlee

Chapters: 1/1 (2206 words)
Fandom: One Direction (Band)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Characters: Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson
Additional Tags: Train AU, next to you, No Smut, chance encounter
Series: Part 5 of Next To You


Summary:

“Harry! My name is Harry.”
“You ruined the game!!!”
“How could you come up with so many names beginning with H without getting Harry?”
Louis shrugged, inspecting his nails. “Your name is on your shirt, you absolute wanker.”


The train journey back to London from Newcastle wasn’t as dull as Harry had anticipated, thanks to his seatmate.


This is part of a prompt challenge that a group of us are participating in for the prompt “Bloodsucker”. To read the other amazing fics that were written by the others on this prompt, you can click here and to see all fics written as part of the challenge, you can click here.

Gemma | Minimalist character poster

 This took me so long. Not the poster itself because the drawing was easy and fast to do. But the idea behind it. I’ve been thinking about Gemma for so long, but how to portrait a character like her? I knew I wanted to highlight her love for Mathematics but it was more challenging then I thought. Until Solve for i.

Bear in mind, this poster is pre Solve for i, so that’s why the half heart.

Book : Under My Skin | Author : A.E. Dooland (asynca)

Min & Bree | Henry | Sarah 

A thing about Teddy Lupin...

Okay so I’ve always loved the idea about Harry giving Teddy a photo album with pictures of his parents like how Hagrid did that for Harry, but what if Harry kept a pensive in his house and he put together a whole cabinet of memories. Of course Harry would have shelves that were his own memories he wanted to keep there but what if when he decided Teddy was old enough, he took Teddy into his room and showed him how to work the pensive and then explained that this one whole shelf was purely for Teddy. He doesn’t explain what they are but they’re labeled with different dates and different times and different names.

So Teddy starts exploring it and going through the memories and he realizes that it’s a whole collection of memories about his parents that Harry has put together – but not just from Harry’s memories. Through Andromeda’s memories, Teddy is able to watch his mom grow up and see happy moments of her childhood and school years. Teddy can watch his dad in his school years through the memories of McGonagall and other professors from Hogwarts. And then, he gets to watch Harry and Ron and Hermione’s memories of having Remus as a professor and then when Remus and Tonks were in the Order together. He gets to see Andromeda’s memories of when Remus came to her & Ted Tonks and asked if he could marry their daughter. Teddy gets to see when Remus comes in at Shell Cottage and announces that their son has been born and he’s “just like his mom and would Harry please like to be the Godfather?”

And Teddy doesn’t ever watch the last memory because he knows what it is and he knows that his parents lives and legacy are more important to him then why they’re not here with him now. And Teddy knows that Harry and Ginny love him as if he was their own son but they show how much they care about him and respect him by not trying to ever replace his parents and by trying to (literally) pass down their stories to their son.

7

I stalk this trend too much not to join in

Thank you for 3k followers ahhh~! Like, how? I’m so lame like let’s be real. Anyway, next collection of text posts will come at 3.5k *wink wink* *nudge nudge*

Remember you can request stuff like headcanons, aesthetics, moodboards, etc.

Harry Potter Text Posts: Part One

Please do not repost, just reblog. Thank you :)
Damn, he smells good

Regina: Emma, will you tell your pirate to stop leaving his stuff next to my Heart Collection ™?

Regina: *throws jacket to Emma*

Emma: yea, sure.

Emma: *holds jacket to her face and breathes deeply*

Regina: Tell me you didn’t just sniff that. You guys are pathetic.

Emma: What? He smells really good.

David, wistfully: Yes, like leather and the sea and Something Uniquely Killian. *sigh*

Emma:

Regina:

David: *looks down and shuffles his feet* Well….we, uh, hugged…for just a second… in a manly fashion. Very, very masculine hug… couldn’t help but notice…*cough*…

David: Please don’t tell Snow.