↳"It sure used to be. We stood up for what was right. We fought for moral reasons. We passed laws, struck down laws for moral reasons. We waged war on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors. We put our money where our mouths were, and we never beat our chest. We built great, big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases, and we cultivated the world’s greatest artists and the world’s greatest economy. We reached for the stars, acted like men. We aspired to intelligence, we didn’t belittle it, it didn’t make us feel inferior. We didn’t identify ourselves by who we voted for in the last election. And we didn’t… we didn’t scare so easy. We were able to be all these things and do all these things because we were informed. By great men, men who were revered. First step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world anymore."
↳"Good evening. From New York City, I’m Will McAvoy. ACN is now able to report and confirm that for the first time in almost three decades, the world has no reason to fear Osama Bin Laden. In just a moment, in a live address to the nation, the President will announce that in a coordinated operation under the cover of darkness, U.S. Special Forces tonight killed the leader of Al-Qaeda and the mastermind behind the deadly attack of September 11, 2001. It’s been nine years, seven months, and 20 days since America’s most wanted criminal took from us 2,977 American sons and daughters, fathers and mothers, friends, and colleagues. We were transformed that morning into a different nation - more fearful and so of course, more hostile. And while nothing, not even this victory our country has waited for for such a long time can bring back the souls lost on that terrible morning in New York City, in Virginia, a field in Pennsylvania, and all across America and the world, let tonight serve as a welcome reminder that throughout our history, America’s darkest days have always been followed by its finest hours. Here now from the East Room of the White House, the President of the United States…"
Moses and Jesus are playing golf. Moses steps up to the tee and hits a beautiful shot 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway. Jesus steps up to the tee and hooks the ball into the trees. Jesus looks up into the heavens, raises his arms, and suddenly the sky darkens. A thunder clap rings out, rain pours down, and a stream rises among the trees. The golf ball floating on top finds its way into the mouth of a fish. Then a bird flies down and takes the fish and the ball out over the green, drops it in the cup for a hole-in-one. Jesus turns to Moses with a satisfied grin, and Moses says, ‘Look. You wanna play golf or you wanna fuck around?’