newbies are always better than me

I have so many conflicting thoughts about Harry’s promo and the performance of SOTT, all of which have been much better expressed by other bloggers this morning so I won’t repeat them, but one thing that is really niggling at me is this:

These are not bush league teams handling his rollout. The Azoffs, Sony — they are not newbies. They know what they’re doing. They’ve been down this road many, many times before. Surely they are monitoring sales and the fandom, so why are they not adjusting their strategy? I’ve been part of many marketing campaigns for much less valuable brands than Harry Styles and we always had contingency plans ready for different market reactions, and we monitored the performance of our campaigns closely and adjusted where we needed to when they didn’t perform as we expected (and took the hits when we didn’t/weren’t able to).

I also know that you can’t turn an aircraft carrier around on a dime, so maybe they’re hard at work on it behind the scenes and we’ll see the results of their work in the coming days and weeks, but hoo boy. I’d think a little fan engagement in the form of a thank you tweet for getting Harry to number one in the UK would have been a really easy place to start, so I’m not holding my breath…but I hope they figure this out soon to do better by Harry for the album rollout.

anonymous asked:

I've never used an rpg maker program before and there are so many, so do you have any recommendations for a beginner/newbie like me? Also do you think having a robot friend/helper in a mystery or slightly horror game, sounds like a lame idea? I just wanted to get an opinion, since I've always thought it would be neat to have a robot friend character in rpg maker games.

1) I’m not sure, but I like XP’s mapping options a lot better than VX Ace’s, although for XP a lot of out of the basic features (like facepics) wont be out of box

2) robots are awesome and belong everywhere ever

anonymous asked:

um, hi! First, I'd like to say that your art is amazing, really. And I'd like to thank you for being so nice and helping us poor newbies with the tutorials and all, most artists have no patience for such things. Could you make a tutorial or link me to something about sketch-to-lineart process? My sketch always looks better than when I clean the lines up, quite inconvenient. Any tips on why the heck it happens? I also tried to go directly to painting instead of lineart, it didn't work. thanks! xx

thanks so much for the kind words! heres a quick explanation of how I line from a sketch.

After every step, I turn down the opacity and draw over it (for example I turn down the opacity of the skeleton sketch and draw a rough sketch over, then I delete the skeleton layer and turn down opacity of the rough sketch, this way its more clean and easier to see my lines)

I find lining quite tedious when you copy every exact line from your sketch so instead I do a very rough sketch. It doesn’t have to be perfect and it shouldn’t be a sketch that takes a lot of time, but enough for you to know where to draw. When I do line, I sort of experiment with how the line/feature should look.

Command/Ctrl + Z will become your best friend

(so will the eraser tool)

When you draw long strokes, flick with your wrist a little bit. Move with your whole arm if you need to (usually when youre zoomed in). (I don’t like to line when I’m zoomed in to my sketch because then I’d need to make even longer strokes which is a bigger risk of a shaky line)

I tried making a video on how I line but my laptop couldn’t take it, sorry :(

Try this youtube video: it’s pretty much how I do it except I skip the second step, once I have the ‘basic’ sketch I just go straight into lining. Unlike this video, I recommend turning down opacity before you start lining because it makes it so much easier for you to see what your line art looks like.

Secrets Part IV

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Pairing: Stiles x Reader

Warning: N/A

Writer: hachievans

Summary/Request: Part One (X) Part two (X) Part three (X). Based off (X) (X) (X): You’re new to Beacon Hills…everything is mighty strange…

Keep reading

It's been a while since I ranted like this, but the newbies are worth it

So first of all, I haven’t bothered to comment on how stupid Glee is lately because it’s just so obvious. These stupid graduates knew in 5x12 and 5x13 that the glee club was disbanding and that Sue had finally won, yet none of them gave even half a shit about maybe saving the club. Those stupid episodes were all full of fluff and fan pandering and had no real sincere attachment to the idea of glee club. They didn’t honor their roots or make any effort to preserve their legacy, they just let it all fall to the wayside.
External image
Flash forward a year later, and suddenly they care? I’ve had issues with this for ages. Everyone coming back to McKinley? It’s cray cray. I thought they actually set up something really good in the Season 5 finale, showing SAM looking back through the windows of the old choir room and singing the part of Pompeii that makes me bawl my eyes out - “If you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all? And if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like you’ve been here before?”

Yes, Sam, it felt like we’ve been there before. And it felt like we missed the club existing,  but I don’t think anyone wanted the club to return like this. Sam taking over the club? It made sense. He’d come up with a filler dream to find a way to follow his friends to New York and to pretend that he wasn’t completely lost after he bombed his SATs and his college applications, but he was the one who seemed out of place in New York. He was the one who didn’t seem like he liked it, and actually bothered to reminisce back to glee club and everything that had mattered to him in high school.

As a newbies fan, that was what I wanted to see. Sam back at McKinley, reviving the glee club, giving those kids back their home, and making their senior year the best it could possibly be. I’m sure there are plenty of other people whodidn’t want that, since the newbies get shit on so much by this fandom, but now they’ve been cast aside for the most part only to be replaced with new newbies. I’m pretty sure most of the original newbie haters are wishing they could have Blake, Becca, Jacob, Alex, Melissa, and even Erinn back now, but for some stupid reason, Glee burned that bridge. When they went back to McKinley in the Opening Night episode of Season 5? It was like those characters had never existed. But still, I held out hope that maybe we’d at least get one episode of them, see Sam give them the happy ending they deserved in their high school careers, and then time would jump forward like the rumors said.
External image
Sam back at McKinley made sense to me. Sam wanting to follow Finn’s dream since Finn couldn’t follow it anymore, Sam wanting to lead those kids he’d been friends with to the victory that they deserved when the chance to have a safe haven at school was ripped away from them, Sam back in a small town where life moved a little slower? It made sense. I should have known it made way too much sense for Glee to actually pursue that story line. Instead, what do we get? Kurt and Rachel and Blaine and goodness knows who else crawling back to Ohio with their tails between their legs after what? A year or two of trying to follow their big dreams out into the real world?
External image
It’s stupid. I know why Glee will never give up those characters, and I understand it, but this isn’t what anyone wanted to see for them. I don’t even care about any of the originals anymore, and I don’t want to see this for them. For a while there was speculation that the time jump was a little bit bigger, that people would have gone out and gotten their dreams to come true before they came home, but we found out that’s not the case, and the time jump is only six months. I know pretty much every part of the fandom has complaints about that for some reason or another, but my biggest one? Why the hell were reports saying the newbies hadn’t been invited back when, given the now confirmed timeline, THEY SHOULD STILL BE SENIORS?

I had a lot of questions. Would Glee ignore the fact that they existed at all? Would we just have to believe that they were roaming the halls of McKinley and wouldn’t want Glee club back when Rachel started it back up again? How the hell were they just going to explain away five series regulars who actually had a reason to still be a part of the story, but instead manage to bring back characters who should be out in the world moving on with their lives? 

I still don’t really get why the hell the originals are all back and loitering around in their hometown when so many of them wanted nothing more than to get out and make something of themselves, but this morning I did wake up to some news that pissed me off greatly. Surprise, surprise: Glee finally acknowledges what the rest of us have known for months, which is the fact that in their messed up timeline, the newbies would still be seniors. And how did they handle it? BY SAYING SUE FORCED ALL OF THEM TO TRANSFER AWAY EXCEPT KITTY.

Excuse you? Is this really the lame excuse you’re trying to make? The newbies have gotten the absolute shittiest treatment of any of the cast/characters, with the exception of maybe Quinn/Dianna and Tina/Jenna. What happened to their moment in Feud when they talked about how they just wanted to preserve the legacy of the club because it was special? Because it wasn’t just about the music, but it was about the fact that they had a home and a safe place and that no other school had that? And what happened to their moment in New Directions, when they got the briefest of scenes talking about how they were part of something incredible and no one could ever take that away from them? About how they’d still stay friends even once the club was over, and they’d say hi to each other in the halls?

Glee’s just ripped away every headcanon newbie fans have ever had, and it’s the dumbest of all the bullshit. I highly doubt even people who hate the newbies think that this was the fate they deserved. They were all loners who finally found a place, especially the four that got forced to transfer, and they didn’t get the happy ending they deserved. Instead, they got separated, sent off to start over and be lost and lonely somewhere new when they should have been staying put and bonding together to face the halls of McKinley. 

No wonder the spoilers say Kitty’s back to being head bitch in charge. The only real friends she had? The ones that got her to let her walls down, and the ones who made her feel like she finally had a place she could be herself? They got shipped away, forced to leave her behind to face McKinley alone. Of course she’s going to be angry and upset. The older members of the glee club came back and didn’t do shit to try to save their club. They only cared about themselves when they returned in Season 5. As long as they had the club when they were in school, who cared if it lived on for those left behind.

I’m so upset. Glee’s supposed to be about all these outcasts being a family, but it’s like part of the family just got shipped off to Timbuktu or something because no one even cared about them. Will we get to find out what happened to Ryder and Marley and Jake and Unique? I know that last we checked, there was talk of them at least showing up for an episode or two at the end of the season, but that’s not what they deserved. The glee club’s coming back and they don’t get to be there to see it? The glee club’s returning, the one thing they cared so much about is going to be restarted, and they don’t get to be there? We get to see one of the dumb new newbies transferring from Dalton, but we don’t get to see the old characters coming back? The only word I can think of to describe it is unfair. Unfair to the actors, unfair to the fans, just plain unfair.

I’ve gone over all the scenarios in my head in which they might actually return, since that’s still supposedly a possibility. Maybe Unique’s back at Vocal Adrenaline, or Ryder’s a Warbler, or Marley’s at some new high school we’ve never seen before, and they’ll pop up as the opposing team in a competition episode. Maybe Rachel will realize the fact that everyone seems to forget, which is that a glee club needs TWELVE MEMBERS, and they’ll suddenly all transfer back because of a loophole in Sue’s plot to get rid of them, and they’ll show up and save the day for Sectionals in the series finale. Maybe we’ll just see them make a cameo in the audience, cheering for Kitty if she ends up back in the New Directions. Maybe, maybe, maybe. All these possibilities, but none of them make me very happy. Why?

Because they shouldn’t have to be returning. The bottom line is, they should just BE there. They should be a part of this, but they’re not, and I have so much anger and sadness towards this. I’m way more upset about this than any of the spoilers yet, and maybe that’s just me being stupidly attached to a TV show and to fictional characters, but at the end of the day, the newbies are the characters that changed my life, more than the old characters, and they didn’t deserve this level of disrespect.

We always knew that there was a big chance the newbies were gone for good, and maybe I should just be grateful that they might get an episode at all. Maybe I should just be happy that we’ll see Kitty make an appearance, because that’s better than what we were told we’d get over the summer. But I can’t be happy. I can’t be happy, because they’ve made them disappear in the worst possible way. They’ve made them disappear at a time when they should have been the ones carrying the team, and they should have been the ones shining. We got to see great closure for the season 3 seniors, we got to see decent closure for the seasons 4 and 5 seniors, but what do we get for the characters that are seniors in season 6? We’ll be lucky if we ever even see their faces.

I’m just done. I’m so done, and I want to not care, but I know I’m going to end up seeing this trainwreck of a show through to the very end. But now, more than ever, every episode is going to make me want to throw stuff at my television. Every episode I’m just going to wonder if Marley’s okay, or if her eating disorder flared up again once she was lost and alone and a wallflower trying to make her way in a new place. Every episode I’m going to wonder if Ryder finally found someone to love him back, or if he ever found someone else he could trust with his secret, or if he was going to make it into college now that he got help for his dyslexia and turned things around. Did Jake keep dancing? Did he keep sleeping around? Without his safe space and his friends, did his anger issues pop back up?

These are the stories the newbies deserved. They deserved a chance to finish what they started, but instead we’re going to see contrived reasons for people who should have moved on to keep floating back through Lima. We’re going to see new newbies that’ll barely have time to get any foundation as characters. We’re going to see the same stupid bickering between the old characters because the writers can never seem to take a step forward in their friendships and relationships without then taking two steps back and recycling the storylines. We’re going to see so much stuff that we don’t want to see, and I just can’t understand how the writers of a show could get everything so completely wrong. 

Now excuse me while I go try not to cry over how badly Blake/Ryder, Jacob/Jake, Melissa/Marley, Alex/Unique, and to a lesser extent Becca/Kitty have been treated. Because even if you hate them and wanted them off the show, I have a hard time believing that anyone wanted to see them go out with these circumstances.

Everything about Glee is awful.
How the Hermit Became Human

Summary: Takuto didn’t really have a reason to wake up every day until he met her. He comes to realize a few things about himself, some more surprising than others.

Genre:  Angst, Romance

Pairing: MC/Takuto

a/n: Happy Birthday Takuto! He’s been my bias for a while, and I hope this little fic lives up to his name somewhat. I haven’t really seen much angst fics with our dear tsundere hacker, so I tried coming up with one ^^! Enjoy :D!


Waking up every day was a pain.

After all, there wasn’t much to look forward to past the rise and shine. All he ever had waiting for him were codes to crack and time to kill—like I’ve ever had anything else.

People were an even bigger pain. They’d harp on and on about every damn thing, and they just wouldn’t leave him be.  At least computers didn’t complain.

Having to deal with breathing organisms was—no—is a pain in the ass.

“You won’t get girlfriend if you keep that up, you know.” Riki would smugly say. “Try being less of a hermit, and more of a—you know—human being. You can’t always be a loner.”

Well, the joke’s on you, ‘cause in order for me to feel insulted, I’d have to value your opinion.

The companionship of a computer screen was more than enough, anyway.


God, how irritating.

Somehow, Takuto always seemed to have the worst of luck when it came to anything random. He—of all the guys in this friggin’ room—was now stuck babysitting the newbie chick.

“I-I’ll try my best not to get in your way.” She says, too afraid to look him in the eye.

He glares back at her. “You’d better not. Like I’d wanna deal with an annoying girl—“

Who won’t even look at me, no less.

“Haha, have fun, you two!”

“Takkun, go easy on her, okay~?”

With the inclusion of the newest Black Fox, Takuto’s night was now a growing migraine. Another one to add to the list of headaches. The guys’ jeering didn’t help, either. Just what I needed to end my day.

Before calling it a night, he steals a glance at her. She was still tense from their earlier exchange, but her guard was somewhat lowered after all the alcohol. It takes a while before their eyes meet, and she quickly looks away, head down and all.

He didn’t know why that bothered him.

Tch. What a pain.


Their first mission with her went by without a hitch. The painting was secured, no one got hurt, no one got caught, and all was well.

But it would’ve been better if someone didn’t ask so many questions. Ugh, now I’m tired as hell.

While the others were out retrieving the painting, she stayed in the van with him, thanks to “babysitting” duties. She was curious about every little thing, and the questions kept on coming, much to his dismay.

“Well, my job’s pretty much like this.” He gestures to his laptop. “Aside from being mission control, I just hack into security systems to make sure the coast is clear. The job gets done faster, and I get to go home faster. Win-win.”

“That’s pretty impressive! I don’t really understand the numbers on the screen, but I guess you’re really good at whatever you’re doing.” She says with a look of admiration.

“…Yeah, well, it’s not that hard, really.” Anyone can hack into paper bag if they tried—

“That’s probably why everyone else calls you the smartest one here! I can see why.” She’s still beaming at him.

—but I guess it’s not so bad if someone compliments it.

He doesn’t realize the sudden tinge of red on his cheeks.


He somehow ends up stuck with her a lot lately. Whether it be just a mission, or lunch at some restaurant, he finds himself with her.

Just a coincidence, that’s all. He’d remind himself while his footsteps are already on the way to the museum.

Though what bothers him most about the whole thing is how he isn’t bothered at all. He tries to push that thought to the deepest recesses of his mind, saying he’ll get over it soon.



She’s a lot more comfortable around him now, even engaging in snark-to-snark combat with him. Although he’d never admit it, he preferred her this way as compared to the nervous person she was when she first joined.

The guys’ teasing, however, irritated him to no end. Can’t they just mind their own damn business?!

“Oh-hoh! It’s the husband and wife comedy team! You two are freakin’ hilarious!”

“Yeah, I’ve never seen Takkun so hyped up before!”

“Ugh, grow bald and turn into pigs, you idiots.” He tries to cover up his now-red face.

“Oooh, somebody’s embarrassed. Heh. Didn’t know you liked her that mu—“

“Shut up, Riki! Why would I like someone as nasty as her?!” Takuto interjects with a growing blush.

She’s a clumsy airhead who steals my precious pork noodles—

“If that’s the case, then I’m sure you won’t mind if I ask her out.”


 …Are you kidding me?

“No, she’s too busy for egos as big as yours.” And with that, Takuto storms out of Le Renard Noir, with a scowl chilling enough to frighten children.

Why the hell am I getting so worked up about this?


Takuto was never really an empath. He didn’t really pride himself in sensing the emotions of others, nor did he want to engage in heart-to-heart talks with anyone. It was too much effort.

In spite of that, he did notice that she wore different kinds of smiles all the time. There was the excited smile for missions, the amused smile for everyone’s antics, the holy-crap-I-didn’t-know-you-could-do-that smile for when he showed her something new, the satisfied smile for finishing a bowl of pork noodles—

Too many to name them all.

But there was one smile he absolutely detested seeing, and he’d been seeing it a lot lately.

It was the self-deprecating smile.

He didn’t understand why he didn’t like it. All he knew was that there was no reason for her to apologize for everything and criticize herself so often. Every time she’d put herself down, he’d feel twinge of anger somewhere inside him, and he couldn’t explain why.

You’re not as shitty as I am, so please don’t hate yourself.


He felt pretty empty without her around. Parting ways after a mission secretly saddened him, since he’d have to go home—alone and not with her.


Do I… need her with me?


Sometimes, he’d have to suppress the urge to pull her by the hand and run outside Le Renard Noir. For some reason, he hated seeing the guys go within three feet of her. Beardy’s fortune-telling antics, Hiro’s excessive glomping, Kenshi’s hair-ruffling—

Not to mention Riki’s shameless flirting.

“Tch! You idiots better stop pulling the moves on her—“

—because she’s mine.


Just looking at her made his emotional spectrum go berserk. He was sure he never experienced feeling so many things welling up inside him at once. Admiration, jealousy, infatuation, amusement, melancholy—they were alien to him up until now.

There was also this other new feeling. He could only describe it as a weird combination of all the others, yet it was somehow different altogether—


And that was the moment he realized he evolved from hermit to human.


Look, I’m not gonna say this out loud or anything, but yeah.

I’m lonely when you’re not with me.

I’m pissed when you’re with someone else.

I can’t think of anything else except you, and I’m trying to do something about it, I swear to god—

I just—

…love you, okay?

So please don’t ever leave me.



This is why he hated everything.  The only time he realized his emotions, the only time he acknowledged his flaws, the only time he stopped being his usual apathetic, asshole self and became a better person—

“S-she died trying to push you out of the way… I’m sorry, Takuto…”

The anger eventually subsided and turned into weariness. Suddenly, he just wanted to go home, to lie down, close his eyes, and never wake up again. Maybe he’d see her again.

After all, anything without her in it—

—was just a pain.

@astrotxt love u

Castiel’s favorite part about his job is the newbies. They’re easy to spot, under the flashing lights of the bar, usually in button-downs with too-straight backs and nervous eyes. When he approaches them, they squirm and timidly hold out singles, looking anywhere but at him when he settles in their lap and whispers his thanks in their ear.

He’s putting on his second layer of fake eyelashes when Alfie bursts into the dressing room in nothing but a sweatshirt and some fishnets, his makeup immaculate despite the grin taking over his face.

“We’ve got a full house,” he announces to everyone. Castiel whoops, careful not to move his lips too much, trying not to crack his foundation. Next to him, Luke grins obscenely. He’s just gotten in, and is shaving a few days worth of stubble, but Castiel knows he’ll be ready long before he needs to be. 

“Well, you’re first up. Tell me how they tip.” Alfie grins lecherously, grabbing his pitiful excuse for a dress from the back of his chair. 

“There’s a party of twelve out there, looks like some college kids. Newbies.” Castiel feels momentarily disappointed—Alfie’s going out first, he’ll break them in—but his spirits are lifted when he remembers that the newbies always tip better than they’re supposed to. He shakes his head when Alfie swears, bumping into chairs as he grows accustomed to his heels, and starts with the mascara.

Keep reading

Fic: Us Against the World

Summary: As they pack for New York, Blaine finds a letter that Kurt isn’t sure he’s ready to share.

WC: 1.3K

Notes: This fic features some angsty memories, some shmoopy husbands, and a whole bunch of thoughts about what it means to lose a kind of home. Thanks for reading, and let’s hear it for all the joy still to come! I love y’all something fierce.

Read on AO3

Special thanks to nadiacreek for the late-night beta!


Blaine found the letter as they were packing for their move back to New York. It was buried deep under a mishmash of junk Kurt had grabbed in his mad rush to come back to Lima. Kurt would have recognized it anywhere, even if he hadn’t been sitting close enough to read over Blaine’s shoulder. He’d started using yellow legal pads for a while, as a sort-of temporary journal. They only lasted a week, one of the many new innovations to come and go during the Blaine-less lull after they had …  well, after everything. He’d also tried khaki and a George Foreman grill, but nothing stuck.

As Blaine read, silently, Kurt pretended to rearrange his socks, first with the blue on top and then on the bottom. He itched to explain himself. That letter read like an open wound, all raw confusion and anger that Kurt could hardly recognize. In retrospect, his therapist had been right. The words needed to come out somehow, and if anyone could understand that, it would be the man sitting next to him on his childhood bed.

If Blaine could tell that he was being watched, he didn’t say anything. He just leaned back and read.

Keep reading


Fandom: OPM

Pairing: Saigenos (more like pre-saigenos)

Summary: Mumen gestures for Genos to voice out his dialogue and Genos squeezes his eyes shut, breath quickening just the slightest bit before he rips his eyes open, golden orbs completely focused on the task ahead. His lips part to form an O and he finally says it, his first dialogue of the show.


A/N: most definitely inspired by @cinensis‘s post ! In honour of the new English dubs :3 pointless fluff and crack, please enjoy! (set in AU)

Keep reading

hannahloveowls  asked:

If you're still writing the AUs could you do Gajevy + 37, please admin Darrick?

I am an AU whore, so I’m always up for them! XD

37: meeting in prison au 

“Behind Bars”


“This is just great,” I grumbled to myself as I was led into the prison yard for the lineup of new inmates. I had been sentenced to six months, and would begin serving that sentence today. Of course, I had prayed they’d send me anywhere but here. Even the women’s prison with the terrible reputation would have been better than this.

The co-ed state prison.

“This way, McGarden,” a guard said, pulling on my arm to make me move forward. I hadn’t even heard the “newbie speech” because I had been so wrapped up in my own thoughts. It doesn’t really matter. I’m only going to be in here a max of six months, and I’ll likely be let out early for good behavior or something.

“Considering I don’t belong in here,” I muttered, following the line of orange-clad inmates in front of me.

“Dinner is served at 5 pm,” a scarlet-haired guard announced as we were put into our cells. “You will line up for release at 4:55 sharp to go to the cafeteria. Tardiness will not be tolerated, and neither will any disturbances. Play nice and follow the rules, and this might not be such a bad experience.”

“Only about twenty minutes until dinner then,” my cellmate grinned, sitting down on one of the cots.

“Yeah,” I nodded. The cot wasn’t so bad, I noted as I sat down on mine. Only six months, Levy.

“I’m Cana,” the brunette smiled, folding down the top of her jumper and tying the sleeves around her waist. “What’s yours?”

Keep reading

vocaloidlesbian  asked:

hey so i was wondering if you mind explaining (in as much glorious and gratuitous detail as you would like/can be bothered to do) why you love sam winchester so much? you've probably already answered this but if you wouldn't mind??? indulging me??? (you're hecka articulate is what i'm saying, but no pressure)

FRIEND. Nobody asks me why I love Sam Winchester so much. Graciously, they just seem to accept it and pat my head and… like… move quietly… to the left.

You have just stepped into the firing range.

I am trying to decide whether to start by quality or season or go on a timeline…. hmmmmm…

I’m going to start here.

Sam Winchester saved the planet.

Sam Winchester jumped in a hole with Satan and Satan’s equally inflexible and unrealistic brother, to save us and our planet from their temper tantrums and their worthless orders and from a destiny we did not choose.

Dean Winchester saved the world, too. He went to the battlefield as a human and stood between literal heaven and literal hell to represent us and tell them to back down. He went because he knew his brother and loved his brother and, if nothing else, it would be worth loving Sam Winchester simply because Dean is a good man and thinks Sam is worth loving with his whole heart.

If you love Dean, by default, you love Sam this much, too.

Dean isn’t who he is without his all-encompassing love of his brother.

They are nearer than that, too. I will always believe that. Dean had to spend his youth acting as Sam’s Mother-Father-Protector because John simply wasn’t around. No matter what resolution they came to at the end of John’s life, it does not excuse the fact that he spent most his time as a parent making Sam think he was lacking in essentials simply because he didn’t follow orders. Dean was “a good son” by virtue of the fact that he followed orders, after all. And the assumed opposite of a good son, Sam thinks, is just a bad one.

But Sam also didn’t let someone so destructive define him in his entirety. He didn’t sit back and take that. This is just the start of where I see parallels in our lives and also the point at which Sam starts becoming the type of person I want to be.

Sam and I, we both have crappy fathers. Different kinds, granted, but pain and hurt aren’t contests. Everyone who has had something destructive run through or slowly grow inside their family is entitled to their pain and must find their own way above it.

Sam spent his youth roaming around wishing he could run away to one solid spot. Done with elephants and clowns, he wanted to run away and join the office. I had more than the usual runaway experiences, too. I wanted to grow up and go to law school, too. But every time someone tells me what I am, my automatic impulse is to show them they have no fucking idea who I am.

Sam may have wanted a solid and stable life, but he has never actually wanted a predictable one. I think the moment someone came around and told him that, in five years, he’d have his JD, be an overworked newbie in a public defender’s office, he’d have a house yellow like his wife’s hair, and he would spend the next five trying to afford to give her the life she deserved— I think in that moment, Sam would have resolved to be something more simply to spite them. Not even particularly to provide Jess and himself with a blissful picket-fence life. But to be better than some asshole predicted.

That is where the differences grow between us again. I change just to spite others opinions of me. But I don’t always change for the better. Sam would change for the better and I should want to always be Sam.

In his professional life, in this job that he’s turned back to and chosen and excelled at, Sam is a fucking scholar. And I don’t think he wants to let go of the job as much as he thinks he wants to. I think he wants to keep the job and make it safer, make it easier to execute. He wants hunters in the future to have the ability to come back home at the end of the day. I think Sam would do well becoming some kind of teacher or even just a full-on scholar. Not just keeping his own journal like the old hunters did, but recounting all these hundreds of hunts as an academic exercise and as a record for the future. To make the lives of others easier.

Because he spends the rest of his time hunting just throwing himself into danger and dragging people out of the fire.

Grant him his mistakes like Ruby, because Ruby was a master at what she did and her whole goal in life was to manipulate Sam into letting Lucifer loose.

He knew the demon blood was wrong and never sought to excuse it. Remember how he spoke about it to Chuck? It was a dull and dirty blade, just another weapon and he thought only he had true access to it to cut down those who would harm. He thought it would be more detrimental to the fight if his demon blood trick wasn’t in play at all. He thought the only consequences of its use would be to the demons and to himself.

Sam’s use of demon blood is no different than Dean’s use of the First Blade.

The intention was never to harm. It was to fight closer to the enemy and take them out before they could hurt other humans.

It was to keep the fight in the dark corners and save. more. people.

But absolutely, the rest of the time, Sam throws himself into the fight to put his body in front of the bullets aimed at the innocent. Even his mistakes have been about that. About feeling something unclean under his skin and wondering if more clean things, or the heavier application of dirt, would actually ever serve to wash it out.

We didn’t see the first time Sam drank Ruby’s blood. But that must have been a long, agonizing decision.

It must have been Sam feeling like shit. Thinking this was how he was to fight fire with fire inside himself. He always felt unclean, saw evil within and applied what he knew to be evil to it. Knowing that, the closer Dean got to finding out, the more Dean would challenge him, it would only drive him to turn the assumed evil into good works. That same personality quirk that never lets you predict his next move.

Sam is our human shield against harm. Sam saved us. He saved our planet. He threw himself down a hole once, and tried to again. Tried to waste himself to close hell. Sam would do this as many times as we ask and we never do ask him. We don’t know to ask him — he only does what he knows to be right. He fights for us to play out our own futures, like he wanted when he was worming his way out from under John’s thumb.

I apply random errors in Sam’s character to bad writing. I am allowed to do this. For example, Edlund gave us that profound moment when Sam said he was starting to recall his childhood, starting to recall always feeling unclean. But Edlund also apologized for the Grand Canyon canon cock-up. He admitted to his own error in writing on Twitter, claimed responsibility for what it did to canon, and apologized for it.

So bad writing does happen. Clearly it takes the best of writers to come around and admit that.

I also might be transcribing my own personality and thought processes onto Sam sometimes, I admit. I think of Sam as childfree since he’s expressed no interest in children and family life until that weird end-of-life nostalgia bullshit thing they forced down his throat in S08. Not even he and Amelia seemed to be inclined to be planning a family together. Compare, for example, his experience and attitude and the resolution in Swap Meat to his washed out and wimpy sudden nostalgia in Freaks and Geeks.

But I do admit that I don’t know that for sure about Sam. We do differ in major ways. Sam used to pray, we don’t know if he still does, other than to Cas when necessary, He holds a belief system and I do not. He sees humanity in really monstrous places where I find myself siding with Dean against him on occasion. Dean has an instinctive recognition for evil and a sense of doubt that I think he doesn’t even quite understand the ultimate clarity of. But due to that, I will side with Dean a lot when he automatically assumes someone isn’t being genuine. I trust Dean’s sense in that when both of us maybe ought to give the benefit of the doubt a little more like Sam does. Because Sam sees humanity everywhere. And it’s beautiful.

Sam is also tall and lovable. He wants to be Cas’s best friend (you can fight me, this is fact not headcanon) wants to see him become human and comfortable and learn how to hug and maybe slap Dean around a little bit because they are both really big Dean fans. They both want to see Dean think more of himself.

I love Sam because Dean and Cas love him. I love Sam because he doesn’t ask to be loved and saved. He wants to do the loving and saving. That makes him worth it over and over.

Sam is funny and smart. Sam has big, calming hands. Sam has lived long enough and hard enough to be wise.

Sam loves us and wants us to be happy.