we all have
a type of sadness
that’s deafening,
and so heavy
it swallows you whole.
It’s type of darkness forms
an eclipse so powerful
it drains you,
yet we find away
to keep going.
—  the resilience of the human spirit is astounding, we all have a faint yet powerful light that keeps fighting // A.H.
Miss Me?

E. Despard

Ah, where to begin, Hello again Jonathan and Emily. I’m sure you’ve both missed me. You’ve probably been wondering exactly where I’ve been for the past few months?

While the two of you were busy goofing off and having merry adventures I was working. Actually working. I’ve spent every waking hour learning your craft. It really is like any other skill. You simply have to set your mind to it. Code is essentially just incantations of a different nature.

So, with my new knowledge I thought it appropriate to stake a claim. Let’s start with this blog. Wasn’t very difficult to hack into, and locking you out was just a matter of getting past the password protocols.

So without further ado
Welcome to The Setup Wizard.
The real Setup Wizard, not some muggle wannabe. 

I made an amazon wish list I guess? I’ve never had one before but it’s mostly clothes I need, jewish stuff, lgbt literature, jewish literature, and things that I think are fun / really want but would rarely get to spend money on myself because I have more important things to buy that are immediate necessities.

I saw it in your eyes,
The forest I’d never come back from.

The moment you pierced me,
I was already lost in you.

I made you a home
Out of this fertile land.
I tamed my wilderness.

You never planted a seed.

And my tears they fell
To salt everything I stood for.

I didn’t even notice,
Because all I saw was green
Right before our Fall.
—  Green
she said goodbye
for the first time
tonight so i’m
gonna say mine -
alright, “bye”.
i never wanted an angry line
with you because the pen
quickly becomes a dagger when
i get upset
but i’ll forget
the promises i’ve made
to myself that i’ve obeyed
on your behalf
cause you’ve earned your paragraph -
i guess that promise
that you’d listen better cause i need to talk about this
wasn’t real the second, third, or fourth
time I’ve tried and you made me feel worth-
less when you’re short and blunt,
putting up a quick supportive front
before getting mad
i bring it up so i feel bad
and let it go,
telling me I know
better than to listen,
I should'a learned my lesson,
well i guess i am
now, fucking “goodbye”? Damn,
really? “K.”?
You got it, I’ll stay
Away since I’m not worth the time
Cause love like that
Doesn’t deserve a rhyme,
I’d rather relapse
Than ask
For another empty promise -
girls break hearts (day 114)

you think girls don’t break hearts? honey, that’s a laugh. all i ever hear about are the boys who cut our souls open and the boys who smell like cigarettes and then disappear like smoke and the boys who have perfectly messy hair and smirks on their faces – God knows i write about it enough, but boys aren’t the only animals on the prowl. don’t let them make you believe they are.
there are girls out there who are twice the wolves the boys will ever be: girls with snarling lipsticked mouths, girls wearing blood for nail polish, girls with closetfuls of the hearts they’ve stolen waiting at home to be laughed at. boys boast of silent power, of effortless cunning, but women win the game. there isn’t a man around who won’t beg on his knees for a woman to carve her name into his skin down deep where it hurts.
boy, you think you have the upper hand? boy, you think you can charm me with your fingers and your smile? boy, you think i am easily overtaken?
boy, you are mistaken.

Safe is not a word I would ever use to describe my life, and I guess that’s why I look for it in people. I look for people who I can trust, who make me at peace with myself and the world around me. Do you know what it’s like to grow up never feeling safe and then you meet someone who grants you that kind of peace just to end up leaving. After that you end up looking for it in things like guns and house alarms. And that’s the problem isn’t it? You can’t find safety in people or things you have to find it in yourself, and you can’t do that if you keep tearing yourself down. Be nice to yourself grant yourself peace.
—  //Alexandra

She asked me, “So how is it that you dwell so well in this madness?”, while silently rolling her intoxicated eyes around the unstable maneuver of the wine glass she held within her impatient fingers.
“Madness? What is it that you imply?”

I used to look towards her and wonder how she withheld herself with such composure. She always, always got past things saying, “Big deal, I’ll get through”. And surprisingly she always did. I probably started talking to her because of my strange fascination towards her indifferent demeanor, for it was always so annoyingly enticing. Partly my selfish instincts craved to know how life did let her get through.
So it began, days passed by, we talked, rather she did and I listened, for she always had something to say. Not about her woes and her foes, but about everything around her. She’d talk about the leaves, the people, homo sapiens, as she called them, for she was always so afraid to call them something that makes her feel closer to her inherent being, the parallel universes, the stars, oh my, she loved them like no other. She’d write about a busy street and make it sound so beautiful, she’d sketch a woman crying and the pain would seem so insignificant and it was a delight to be with her, she wasn’t like anything I’d known before.
Noone really knows anyone, I hardly know myself I believe, but she, oh my, she was all so varied. Because everytime she showed some emotion, the next moment she’d go all “Naah imma too cool for it”. It was frustrating at times, for she did cry, yes she did, for something stupid yes, but pain, she never talked about it. She’d laugh around, joke a little and be the joke, she was just a kid, yes she was, but her warm cold hearted radiance, that’s what noone seemed to see.
A weird weird creature, probably an alien invasion?
Moreover she did not believe in toxic environments, toxic in terms of the materials and the humans. She’d always stay away saying “Temporary pleasures are only temporary”. And my my, I loved her resolve, and envied her being.

But today, today was something vividly different. She used to love collecting wine bottles, she found them annoyingly attractive, she was weird at times, no denial, but today she started loving the emptiness of wine bottles, if she was the one finishing it and she loved the buzz. Of not having complete control over her feelings and spinning round the world in her tiny little head.
And that’s when she interrogated me about dwelling in this madness. And I lost all the words of my ingenuity.
“What are you talking about? Your words tend to entangle me into thoughts I am not comfortable with.”, she looked confused as she tried to compose herself for channelling her energy towards my statements.
“Well it’s everything. Nothing is black or white. Everything seems to distress me and I don’t know why, why is my head so heavy, my heart so naive, and why do people depend on me when ironically I’m searching for some space to breathe. Nothing is simple, I am neither, but why doesn’t anyone try to decipher me like every other problem in the world, for I am a problem indeed. I want to fix myself, feel adequate in a world which will always be adequate with or without me. Tell me, tell me why I want to scream.”
“I’m not wise enough to know if, what I’m about to say is delusional or not but I do believe that you should try stopping.”
“Stopping? where and when and how?”
“I don’t know how and I don’t know when, but I do know where, you should stop at who you are, and not who you want to be.”

sorry. this won’t be long. i meant to tell you everything but i forgot everything i was going to say.

she made me forget what to say. she lives in my head, you know. she tells me you don’t care. i haven’t told you yet, because she’s got me half-convinced she’s right. she’s holding me captive: i mention it to you and prove her right, or i suffer in silence and never prove her wrong. i always opt for the second option. it’s safer.

tell me, what would you say if she took her hand off my mouth and every question i never wanted the answer to came flooding out of my mouth like stale air? that’s the question of the day, isn’t it: what would you say? ‘she’s a bitch’ or ‘she’s right’?

i want you to calm me down. i’m like tree branches in a hurricane, out of control, and you’re my tether to the ground. i’m the hands yanking my hair out by roots, and you’re the hands pulling my fingers away.

i want you to calm me down.

i want you to prove her wrong.

—  the bitch in my head // abby, day 113
Nick on Jess & Gavin Kissing

I don’t think Nick realises why he mentions it. I think he believes he’s filling in the silence, or perhaps even, is demonstrating his mistrust and resentment towards Gavin. Nick’s always had to pick up the pieces whenever he left Schmidt, and now there’s more grounds for animosity.

I do like the dynamic between Nick and Gavin; it makes for some fun exchanges that I’m sure I’ll explore in more gifsets and hopefully, that we see in more episodes.

Also, there’s his facial expression when he finds out Gavin made a move on Jess:

I can’t quite read it, but I think it’s rather telling that Schmidt’s reaction is to frustratedly question his father’s sexuality, Winston’s is to focus on the former, and Nick’s is to just stare at Gavin.

Winston asks why Schmidt is questioning Chicago; Nick briefly turns to him to give a curt response, and then reverts back to staring at the man who kissed his ex-girlfriend, not quite understanding why he feels this way.

You can see my gifset of this here.

@phantomunmasked saw your comment on mechanic au and DUDE I hardcore ship me some Serena/Caroline. Like I way overthought the stepney scenario and I think it would have been in such a pivotal place in Caroline’s life too?? And she would be coming to terms with everything and that one night would be so helpful??
Imagine Serena looking her up after all these years and they go for coffee and talk about their lives and now they’re both out and can like reminisce on what an amazing night they had and then them just being badass bffs?

warmup doodle of a pretty old oc. she’s a demon who scams people by pretending to be their dead loved ones through talking boards

4 Your Eyez Only

Its 1:39am and Cole’s album dropped a couple hours ago. I’ve listened to it a few times now back to back.

Let me tell you now that I predict most of this generation probably won’t like it as much as 2014 FHD simply because there’s no real “turn up music” on it. Equally, the hard core hip hop fans that live for the wordplay, metaphors, flow fluctuations etc will probably also be dissatisfied. (Although they may be somewhat appeased by False Prophets and Everybody Gotta Die which didn’t actually make the album.) This album is strictly Cole speaking from the heart being purely reflective. Some consistent theme’s I noticed were him reflecting on his life moving forward specifically as it relates to being a husband and father. He also touches on how his father or the lack thereof will impact this new chapter. He briefly touched on his current success and the difficulty of navigating this as a black man in 2016/2017 white Amerikkka. All these themes weave throughout the album while still including a couple somewhat unrelated tracks that my generation will still be able to appreciate.

Overall I am very pleased with the album and the place it comes from even if nobody else fucks with it. Granted, I have honestly been a Cole fan for several years and we both have that NC connection so my opinions are likely very biased. 😂😂😂 Still I recommend y'all check it out with a clear heart and open mind. Try to really reflect on what he’s saying if possible. I’d give it a 4.3 out of 5 stars.

artifactious  asked:


* “Howdy! I’m Flowey! Flowey the Flower! “

* “ Boy, it feels great to be out of my stupid icon folder again. “

* “ The mun traded me for a Lurantis. “

* “Me! A flower! For a lousy bug-type! “

I’m not a damned bug-type!! “