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Hockey Penalties and other phrases

  • Too many men = too much man.
  • Icing = skate too slow, team too tired
  • “Play is under review” = 4 blind men didn’t see the play and now will spend 15 minutes trying to revive their eyesight.
  • Off-sides = skate too fast, no goal for you, dumb af
  • High sticking = stick to yourself, no one wants your stick in their face.
  • Goaltender Interference = no idea, such bullshit.
  • Roughing = too touch, much bad touch
  • Game Misconduct = very bad touch
  • Fighting = slight scuffle, mostly hugs.

playoff hockey? did you mean:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!??!!!!!!!?!!!!!!!!!??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!

The benches in hockey dressing rooms are built so that your feet rest on the floor with your skates on which means that there are pictures of Large Professional Athletes with sock feet dangling off of the bench and I think that is a beautiful thing.

THOUGHTS OF A HOCKEY FAN

1.) “Why’d they blow the play dead?”

2.) “How is that even a penalty?”

3.) “What is ‘goaltender interference’?”

4.) “How the shit is that goaltender interference?”

5.) “That was the weakest penalty call I’ve ever seen.”

6.) “What the fuck are you even doing ref?”

7.) “ThAt’S nOt A pEnAlTy YoU bLiNd FuCk.”

8.) “Shut up Pierre.”

9.) “I hate every single one of these players, why are you even in the NHL.”

10.) “I can’t actually believe I’m watching beer league players.”

11.) “Wait…. When did he get traded? Who even are these people.”

12.) “I hate hockey and the players hate me.”

13.) “Oh there’s gonna be a figh–false alarm, they just hugged.”

14.) “Our goalie is going to kill every single one of his teammates and I might actually help.”

15.) “What the actual hell is our coach even doing? Can he be fired pls.”

Bonus: “I miss hockey.”

8

stanley cup playoffs + @ao3tagoftheday / @ao3tags

[1/?]

Thoughts of a Hockey Penalty Box Attendant

  • ‘Get a job in the NHL they said, it’ll be fun they said, fuckin’ lied though didn’t they.’
  • 'Here comes our first prisone–I mean player.’
  • 'Why do you guys have to hit the glass with your sticks? Why? You could poke an eye out.’
  • 'Oh no, no no no, not the camera– damnit, we just got a new one.’
  • 'How many times is this guy gonna get a penalty.’
  • 'Oh great, here comes another one. Joy.’
  • 'Okay guys, I’m running out of roo- okay honestly, I have no where to sit now.’
  • 'Ew, I just stepped in some sort of bodily fluid.’
  • 'Just once I’d like to see a fan come in the box circa Tie Domi. Just once.’
  • 'It’s a good thing there’s no hot mics in here. A sailor would blush after hearing some of this shit.’
  • 'Can–can you not try to continue the fight while in the pout palace? You’re basically in a glass case of emotion and no one can hear you but me.’
  • 'I will either go deaf from players yelling or fans. Probs both.’
  • 'I am the keeper of the bad children and I alone can release them from their prison.’

*takes off hockey jersey to reveal hockey shirsey*

When your favorite player isn't protected

Originally posted by somenerdthing

If only there was an international event that NHL players wanted to go to.

Originally posted by nansgifs

Hockey Returns vol. 100.  Excited!