new yorkers

The thing you have to know about the Mercers was that what was animating their involvement in this 2016 cycle as much as anything else, according to people that know them, was their hatred of Hillary Clinton. It goes back to this idea that Bob Mercer believes the Clintons literally were murderers. He reads pretty far-right journals and had become convinced that they were crooks and worse.
—  Jane Mayer, New Yorker staff writer, on the Mercer family’s influence on the Trump presidency
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NYC launches campaign to fight anti-Muslim violence.

On Monday, New York City Mayor Bill De Blasio’s Commission on Human Rights launched an expansive social media campaign aimed at stopping instances of Islamophobia. The campaign consists of five banner ads featuring Muslim New Yorkers.

Cumulatively, the ads seek to remind New Yorkers that religious-based harassment and discrimination is illegal in the city. As well as the fact that, “Muslims are hardworking New Yorkers … They are our police, our teachers, our small business owners and our neighbors and they deserve the same respect as everyone else.”

The digital campaign will be paired with a promising series of real-world events as well.

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You know you’ve lived in New York too long when…

The second you walk into someone’s apartment, you ask them what their monthly rent is.

You know that your city has the best tap water in the country… for those people in buildings with new pipes!

You are not afraid of being hit by a car, but very afraid of being hit by a cyclist.

You have three worst cab driver, three worst first date and three huge rat stories.

You fuck like most people shake hands. Frequently and with strangers.

You’ve considered moving to Hoboken, but then realized that you’d have a New Jersey mailing address.

You are respectful of people of all races, colors, creeds and nationalities, but you have a special set of offensive expletives for your landlord.

Those bands you saw at small clubs and thought made you indie and cool are now playing at huge arenas. You recount to people how you paid $10 to see the band “before they were cool”.

You know there are special circles of hell for apartment brokers.

You think it’s totally acceptable to have 4-5 glasses of wine with dinner.

You have thrown a cup of coffee at a cab who has driver disrespected pedestrians.

You know its better to have a friend with a house in the Hamptons than to have one yourself.

You laugh when people call pot a drug.

You hate investment bankers, but have considered marrying one for the money.

You have one rent controlled tenant in your building who is lovably annoying.

You roll your eyes when people get on the subway and ask for money. You roll your eyes even more when people give them money.

You don’t think twice about paying $15 for a cocktail, $35 for a spin class or $50 for a bag of groceries, but get pissed paying more than $1 for pizza.

You have heard your neighbors having sex and your across the street neighbor has seen you changing. You just don’t care anymore.

You love seeing straight people at gay bars. It’s deliciously awkward.

You wish you had bought an apartment in Williamsburg 20 years ago.

You hate midtown with a burning passion.

You saw a million Broadway shows your first year here, but never go anymore.

You laugh when people in movies who come to NYC with $20 in their pocket take a taxi. You’d never take a taxi… they are SO DAMN expensive.

You know which door to exit the subway car from to minimize your time walking in the station.

You hate D.C., but do wish NYC had air-conditioned subway platforms.

You laugh when people call Boston a city, we all know it’s an oversized town.

You know why Jay-Z is called Jay-Z and you’d rather not take the subway lines that he named himself after.

Your friends who get excited because they saw a celebrity in public embarrass you. (Tina Fey is an exception, you love Tina Fey)

You hate people who have rent stabilized apartments. People with rent-stabilized apartments hate people with rent-controlled apartments. People with rent-controlled apartments are too old to hate anyone besides the damn kids who moved in to the apartment below them.

Your friends with roof access get mad brownie points.

You’ve played the Trader Joe’s Check Out Line Tag Team Game!

You’ve been hit on by a Trader Joes employee.

You wonder when the L Train is not fucked?

You get pissed when you walk by the John Varvatos store on the Bowery and the Blind Barber on Tompkins Sq Park, because you miss the glorious places that they replaced.

You hang out with people who have rent stabilized apartments, in hopes that their luck rubs off on you.

You go to San Francisco and get upset when you realize that BART has full cell and 3G services.

You know that New Yorkers are genuinely nice people; it’s the BNT crowd that is rude.

You have three dive bars that you are fiercely loyal to.

You shop at Whole Foods, but feel guilty about it.

Four Words: ICED COFFEE IN SUMMER.

Some of your furniture was taken in off the Street.

You have heard your friends back home say “Its better to know someone with a boat than to own a boat.” Since you’ve moved to NYC, you replace the word Boat with Car.

“Tourist” is a dirty word.

You know a restaurant can’t make it unless it was a food truck first.

You have come to terms with the fact that UPS misses half of your deliveries.

You secretly love Costco, but talk up your “local, neighborhood” store

You never go to a Starbucks.

Ethnic Food is your fuel.

You swear like a sailor and its fine, no one has kids in your neighborhood or friend circle.

(Lastly,) Nothing surprises you anymore. You’re a New Yorker; You’ve seen it all.

Signs You are Definitely NOT a New Yorker
  • You walk in the middle of the sidewalk with a giant umbrella, ass-tard
  • You stop to stare at a building…any random building
  • You accept flyers when they are shoved in your way
  • You meander, glide, saunter, amble or ramble, but you don’t actually WALK.  Unless injured, New Yorkers walk fast.  I’ve seen bitches in foot casts walking fast.  Those ladies are definitely New Yorkers
  • You say “Isn’t the subway neat?” “Oh, look at that performer!”
  • You don’t know what “It’s Showtime!” means
  • You don't wear headphones or ear buds while walking
  • You wear heels while walking around the city. Only trannies can wear heels everywhere. Unless you have a chauffer or are planning on taxis everywhere, a good NYC lady carries her heels and wears flats. 

You often see models changing into their heels before going into buildings to meet designers

  • You take taxis everywhere. Taxis are expensive and often take longer than the train in traffic. New Yorkers learn to love (ok, deal with) the subway
  • Back to shoes. You don’t have a cobbler. Shoes wear out here. We know a good shoe guy.
  • You enjoy dating. It sucks in NYC.
  • You’re not really a big “foodie”. All New Yorkers are “foodies” or vegans, or locavores…pick a diet.  On that note…
  • You are fat. You cannot be fat in NYC. You can be plump, slightly overweight, but not obese. You have to walk places and go up many stairs. Besides, you will take up the sidewalk, annoying your fellow New Yorkers.
  • You enjoy a good trip to Times Square
  • You have never cried or yelled in public.  Everywhere is “public” in NYC. Shit happens
  • Speaking of, you have never stepped in dog shit. You will, at some point, step in at least a leftover smear of dog crap. 
  • You feel sad for bums and always give them money. You would be broke if you did that in NYC

  • You have a great tan. You are not tan unless you just got back from vacay, are African-American, or you fake bake (beds and/or lotion). The few of you not fitting in that category are just lucky jerks
  • You live alone in an apartment with actual rooms (plural)
  • Your car is your status symbol, not your purse or watch. 
  • You carry a small purse.