Flowers

This field of flowers
that I call my home
is a disgrace.
Everyday, a flower
is plucked and erased
from its proper place
in the ground,
and people stomp
their feet around
never thinking of
our roots
which hold us sound,
or our stems
that grow up
towards the sky.

But today,
you carefully
wandered through
the flowers that grew
near me,
and you stopped
to smell them, too.
And just when
I feared maybe
you would pluck me
from the earth,
you turned and
walked away,
satisfied
with
our worth.

So this is what heart ache feels like? Never would I have thought pain could be felt so deeply, so wholly, yet almost ghost-like. It’s as if an abstract force is raping my heart, disintegrating it into a million pieces
—  Valeria Renée ll April 24th, 2017 
That was all it took;
A blink, a breath,
And the world collapsed,
Spiraling,
Endless and lethal.
  
I had always known
That monsters
Walked among us,
I just never thought
They’d look like him.
—  poeticallyordinary

Your hand pressed into my spine.
Gripped with intention - 
you held me like you could somehow save me from drowning in the water we both already found ourselves in.

Every breath of air that escaped me
slid into the corners of your mouth,
and that’s when I saw you learn that pain,
was the only door that offered the opportunity of saving.

With promise, you latched onto the frame of my vision
and peered into gates of my soul.
You kept me focused,
steady, on you, so like a mirror, you could see yourself, but only the way that I saw you.

You were high,
on a different altitude than either of us knew existed,
but there, somehow the air breathes easier -
though that seemed impossible.

Our muscle memory turned natural and we started to find hope in our misery,
the way release brought refuge and made my skin quiver pink in redemption.

Your arms were bigger than mine
and had a strength dedicated to holding me
once, with comfort.
The next time, with love.
A third, when we were drunk
and I melted into the palm of your hands for you to consume.

Wet with power, I was a river whose current filled you in,
and as calm as leaves falling you curled into my lap broken - but ready for all your fibers to break down further and bind with mine.

We pressed our hands together so tight that any of the space between us could seep out through the tunnels our finger prints made.
And when that wasn’t enough,
you took the time to carve your name in the palm of my hand.

Somehow, you never even hurt me.
No, you blessed me in poetry.
Your hands carried weight that now colored my skin with holy water.
You were my excuse from reason,
and I begged you to cut me open.
I knew that bleeding would prove that there was still a life inside me.

So I am now salvation, quivering pink
and weak in the palm of your hands.
I’m a place for you to rest your knees to confess
and together we will ring in hymns of rebellion to water pride on the roots of dead flowers.
We will bring hope to a future and let our ripple of tides give enough reason to justify a once drowning past.

—  Salvation. ( whenthefuturearrives )

Every time you stand behind me I wish you would kiss my neck,

Every time you sit beside me I wish you would take my hand,

Every time you look me in the eye I wish you would see how hard it is to hold myself together!

I’ve fallen as hard for you as anyone ever could,

And every thought of you makes my eyes light up,

Every look of you makes me melt,

Every touch of you starts a fire in my heart!

—  Alias
'What lies at the edge of your forest'

Once upon a time there was a forest library
With columns of rustling literature trees
In a written wind, the ripped out flyleafs
Cover a path of golden pages underneath

Follow their faded ink winding through the woods
Chase the enchanted chapters perfectly cooked
Hungrily read the most magical hook
And run to the forest’s edge, the end of a book

Wild flower

Pretty wild flower,
you’ve grown roots in my heart.
I water you with dreams,
you feed my soul with smiles.

(excerpt)

Surreal

It was the night,
That your name found a home in the
Drum beat of my chest.

The first night,
In a long list of nights that I found pleasure in the conversation,
Instead of in a position.
Found a smile amongst the dust of things I hadn’t worn in forever,
And that I’m not as smooth as I think
When I am stutter stepping
My way through melting,
At how beautiful you were.

That night,
You were gorgeous.

You were endless lifetimes
Wrapped in a moment of everything
On my hearts playlist.
Putting my soul on shuffle,
And the way you steal my breath on repeat.
As if every night,
Is your way of reminding me how many
Ways you have loved me.

I love you too.

From your insecurities
To your imperfections.
The way you laugh
To the ways you make me smile.
Your anxiety,
That opens doors
You’ve never wanted unlocked.
To your brightness,
Your warmth,
Your everything;
That takes my nightmares,
My scars,
My walls,
My every last bit of my darkest parts of me.

And loves them.

That night,
You were beautiful;
Finding comfort in a monster.

To a shipwrecked soul,
You were my lighthouse.

My strongest sail,
And I just want to give you
The most reliable vessel to carry you
Anywhere you want to go.
Your heart,
My destination.
We can discover places that
Young love couldn’t find.
Sail across stars on seas of your dreams,
My dreams,
And the rhythm of heartbeat waves.
Love is in the air,
And it’s direction is endless.

Call it impossible,
But even this sinking ship found its way
To the safety of your shore.

And tonight,
I’m watching the sun set behind your eyes
Long after the days gone.
Waiting for us to drift away together.
Today’s adventure is over,
Wonderful as always.

But tonight,
You are beautiful.
Endless.
Loved.

easter sundays i spent making you necklaces out of junonia shells
i gave them to you with promises of forever and sips of my peach tea
you giggled and said you could taste my chapstick on the glass

girls are the moon we worship
and the waves of saltwater we dip our heads under


i look at you and see roses, flowers of gold and silver
you are everything


if cocoa butter on skin was protective circle around feet
if twists in hair were wreaths upon head
if spring mornings lasted a lifetime
and conch shells carried the songs you wrote me


i would try to make it holy for you

—  it is sunday, and i love you
You city of lights,
what eyes believe your stars tonight?
Scratch away the shimmering gleam
and the depthless void is revealed beneath -
spotless tramlines always on time
for transporting all those lonely ghosts.
You city of lights…
so sad, so fleeting,
your desperate upwards bolt
of lightning.
—  notebook in dubai, b-side
i’m running out of steam
balloon puffing out the air
with an exasperated sigh
don’t call me, don’t call me
because i will go
forget myself again
on open arms
or closed caskets
i will forget

i’m not here, i’m not here
half the time
i wonder if you notice
the other half
is buried under the debris
chanting to the void
whispering words of hope
can you see me
can you see me now

oh i’ve said too much
maybe
but this rusting heart
can’t take this corrosion anymore
it’s always the wanting
it’s always the fear
it’s the waiting for change
it’s the daydreaming with oblivion
there is no scientific method
to this madness

paint me with different colours
can you see that
this palette is missing something
help me figure it out
i’m colourblind
when it comes to my life
trick me into believing
in those forgotten hues again
trick me into believing
in a bright future

please
just give me a hill to die on
I need the rest
—  i hugged myself and this leaked out // julia m.